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AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Need an opinion... (5/28/2013 2:16:07 AM)
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It sounds to me like he disclosed a fantasy to you, and when you were fairly accepting of it, he got overexcited and decided to swamp you with every fantasy he had.
So - you've been researching - what do you think? Could you be happy being the dominant partner in the relationship? Could you be happy being the sub? Would you prefer to do kinky things in the bedroom and just be equals outside of it? Would you like things to go back to how they were before? Would you like to be in control of the money and the household? You might not be sure exactly what you'd like yet, but for one moment forget about what he wants, and ask yourself what YOU would like.
If I were you, I'd be telling him he needs to calm the hell down and give you chance to get used to what's going on. It's unreasonable to expect you to go from nothing to a power exchange agreement within a month - you're being a good partner by reading up on it and seeing how you can accommodate. He's making it even harder on you by changing his mind and telling you one minute you're the boss, and the next minute he is.
My advice would be that if you want to explore this with him, pick one small aspect and try it out. For example, maybe you come home from work tonight and tie his hands while you have sex. Then, the next day, talk about it. What did you like, what did he like, what didn't work, what would you like to try next? Set some firm boundaries - if you're going to do this for him (and nothing in your post makes me think you're as excited about this as he is) you're doing it at your pace and there's to be no whining, no trying to push you into doing more, and no trying to dictate how you dominate him. That's the thing about being in charge, you see; you do it your way.
Does he want you to be in charge outside of the bedroom? If so, try giving him instructions on how he dresses, or what to make you for dinner, or when to get a hot bath ready for you. See how that goes. Talk about it. It sounds like he's been fantasising about this for a while and there's a chance that he won't like it quite so severe in reality.
If you agree to bottom to him, the same process needs to apply - he's the one that dropped this on you a year into the relationship, so he's the one that needs to be willing to slow right down to your pace. Perhaps the first time you only agree to a mild spanking and nothing else - his fantasy might involve something more elaborate but he needs to give you time to get there.
The most important thing is that this is fun. If he pushes you too fast, or you push yourself too far because you want to make him happy, it's likely to feel awkward or scary and you won't enjoy it. If the name calling makes you uncomfortable, tell him that's not going to happen just yet and you'll see how you feel down the line. Better to pick and choose what you think you might like - the more fun you both have, the more you will want to do it again. Make sure he knows this last part!! If he starts telling you that you're doing it wrong or you're not doing enough, remind him gently that you need to find a way to have fun with it, otherwise it won't last.
Of course, he might not be the pushy type at all, but he definitely sounds over-excited and you might benefit from a talk to calm him down before he scares you off.
Good luck and have fun with your journey.
Edited for typos and to add: don't forget to ask him to share in YOUR fantasies too, if they are different than his. Again, part of being the dominant is that you decide what goes on, and if that happens to NOT be him being tied up and called names, (but rather him dressing up as a fireman and rescuing you from a building) he needs to man up and make sure you're getting as much out of this as he is.
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