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ADHD sub - 5/28/2013 9:07:54 AM

GreyJ

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I need some advice on how to structure discipline for a new sub with ADHD

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RE: ADHD sub - 5/28/2013 9:13:15 AM

OsideGirl

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Talk about vague.

Rather than asking a bunch of strangers how to deal with D/s with someone that is ADHD, you should find a book that talks about how to deal with a relationship with someone that is ADHD.

I will add: Corporal punishment is not going to help the ADHD, studies have actually shown that it makes the situation worse.

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RE: ADHD sub - 5/28/2013 9:13:22 AM

angelikaJ

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Is s/he on medication?

What structures do they already have in place in their life?

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RE: ADHD sub - 5/28/2013 9:14:08 AM

deliriuminabox

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http://dcclothesline.com/2013/05/25/father-of-adhd-admitted-in-final-interview-that-disease-was-fictitious/

Dunno how true this is but I thought it was worth sharing.

As someone who has been told she has ADHD, I find that I need no more or less discipline now than I did before I was "diagnosed" ... I'm not on medication, btw.

Structure makes me feel secure but the motivation to follow the parameters set before me come from myself, not from anyone else. It doesn't matter how much someone disciplines me, or how ... If *I* don't wanna follow through, *I* won't. (Which is not to say that I don't follow through, because usually I do. I may need to be reminded occasionally, especially if I'm overwhelmed with information and forget a few details but ultimately the decision to obey is mine.) I'd say thats probably true for most adults. At some point you make a conscious decision to obey. Or not.

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RE: ADHD sub - 5/28/2013 9:49:11 AM

DesFIP

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Coping skills include medication, lists, setting multiple alarms (cell phones are a godsend for this), and dry erase boards. Oh and cruise control in the car which prevents them from speeding.

Back when we were ldr he would frequently tell me something on the phone or during chat and expect me to remember it. Never happened. I explained that I needed him to send me it as an email so I could refer to it.

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RE: ADHD sub - 5/28/2013 3:07:52 PM

HappilyMiserable

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ADHD Dominant here. I am not precisely sure what you're asking. What do you mean exactly by "structure discipline"?

http://www.amazon.com/ADD-Friendly-Ways-Organize-Your-ebook/dp/B006G7H6TO

not

Before I was on medication I could overcome a lot of the problems associated with ADHD, but not consistently and only with constant, unending, exhausting struggle. With the benefit of medication, I still have to put in the work to stay focused and organized, but it does not take my entire reserve of psychic energy to do so.

The bottom line: If it hasn't been done already, the place for your sub is at the doctor for evaluation and probably a prescription. The place for you is at the library to educate yourself on the workings of the ADHD brain. Good luck.

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RE: ADHD sub - 5/28/2013 3:17:49 PM

theshytype

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Coping skills include medication, lists, setting multiple alarms (cell phones are a godsend for this), and dry erase boards. Oh and cruise control in the car which prevents them from speeding.

Back when we were ldr he would frequently tell me something on the phone or during chat and expect me to remember it. Never happened. I explained that I needed him to send me it as an email so I could refer to it.

(I didn't even think of speeding being caused by ADHD. At least when I tell an officer I honestly have no idea how fast I was going, I'm not lying!)

My phone IS a godsend. I never go anywhere without it. And sometimes my husband still has to remind me to write something down in it.

My biggest piece of advice is patience. It's frustrating when someone gets angry with me over something missed, forgotten, or set aside. I beat myself up enough over it, it does not help having someone else do it too.

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RE: ADHD sub - 5/28/2013 3:48:04 PM

TieMeInKnottss

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As an ADHD sub...I kind of understand what you are asking. It is difficult to prioritize, to remember things, I get into my head & "forget" that anyone or anything else exists (hyperfocus), I have a hard time shifting gears & I procrastinate...all of which can drive the most understanding of masters to want to throw in the towel & give in to me. Honestly...I think it takes a special type of Dom for an ADHD sub..

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RE: ADHD sub - 5/28/2013 7:30:59 PM

littlewonder

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GreyJ

I need some advice on how to structure discipline for a new sub with ADHD

Make sure they are seeing their doctor regularly, taking their meds and staying healthy.

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RE: ADHD sub - 5/28/2013 7:39:11 PM

fucktoyprincess

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ADHD is a really broad diagnosis that can mean a really wide range of things. I honestly think you need to ask your submissive this question (I don't see why BDSM would be any different from other things in his/her life - i.e., I'm sure he/she has some thoughts on this that are pertinent to the specific issues that he/she faces.) ADHD does not manifest itself in the same way and the same level in everyone. And as a result, ADHD is managed in many, many different ways (as one small example, not everyone with ADHD needs to be on medication). I'm not sure how any of us can answer this for you in a way that will be meaningful to the specific individual you are involved with. I really think you should ask them.....

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RE: ADHD sub - 5/28/2013 7:44:34 PM

ThundersCry54

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Does she/he *really* need disciplined right outta the *shoot*...

Oh well it`s your *new*...submissive...

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RE: ADHD sub - 5/28/2013 9:13:16 PM

RemoteUser

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I find discipline fails unilaterally unless you understand the person you're delivering it to. If you're asking how to discipline, get to know them better, ADHD and all.

If you're asking how to provide them with structure, learn what coping mechanisms they have in place - family, medicine, personal habits - and if they need more structure from you, you'll have a clearer idea of what already works (or doesn't).

This comes down to communication. Let me give you some cheap two-bit Domly-Dom advice:

Let your sub teach you, she's the best authority on herself to do so.

Good luck.

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RE: ADHD sub - 5/29/2013 9:33:19 AM

SwitchNSpanky

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Please pretend there is a like button I hit for all the replies above. Bravo.. I can think of nothing more to add.

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RE: ADHD sub - 5/29/2013 6:08:57 PM

littlewonder

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One more thing to add....

And this advice is for you, not her.

Go with her when/if she sees a doctor and/or therapist. Learn what ADHD is, how it is handled, what causes it, what she is supposed to be doing for it, what can be triggers for her, etc....learn to understand her and her disorder. This to me is a major factor in a relationship with someone with such disorders or any kind of medical disorder. You want to know everything you can about your partner and how to help her right? Right??

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RE: ADHD sub - 5/30/2013 10:07:06 AM

MstSebastian

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My (vanilla) partner has ADHD, and it has been a struggle for us sometimes. (Namely when he will promise to do something, then get distracted and forget). My best advice is to be patient, take time, and learn what does or does not work for your sub. For my partner, lists and gentle daily reminders work wonders. The use of lists is just the latest in a long laundry-list of things we tried to help him. Some worked for a short period of time, others failed miserably. For my partner, medication didn't work. He had horrible side effects to some meds, and others just flat out didn't do anything. So, we spent the time working together to find a workable solution. It turned out, lists and reminders work the best for him. For others, that may not work at all. You can't expect an overnight solution or fix when dealing with a mental or behavioral disorder. It takes time, patience, and kindness. Be gentle. Trying to "punish the ADHD out of the" (not that you are suggesting it), will only serve to further isolate them and cause more problems.

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RE: ADHD sub - 6/1/2013 9:55:13 PM

littleclip

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as a slave with adhd i can say that structure and rituals help alot. also not overloading them no more than about 3 things at a time or have a list to refer to. calming things like belly breathing having a quiet place to focus.

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