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Inner Struggle - 6/25/2006 8:07:51 PM   
eruditegirl1


Posts: 175
Joined: 5/9/2006
From: Nevada
Status: offline
I have a question I'd like to pose to anyone who may have had this inner struggle or might be going through it....as I learn more about my true sexual nature....the side of my sexual self I have kept restrained for all of my adult life....when I allow myself to explore this part of me and allow it to come to the surface...there is an inner voice that tells me..."good girls don't do such things"...and " a good girl wouldn't find that exciting"....I am worried that it may hold me back from reaching my true submissiveness...
I am concerned that in the long run...it won't be fair to my future partner or myself....
Any and all advice...stories....are welcomed....
 
Thanks 
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Inner Struggle - 6/25/2006 8:10:10 PM   
playfulotter


Posts: 2195
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		i think it will hold You back as it did me but the right man will always bring it out so just go along on the journey and if You allow yourself to keep an open mind all will be good!

(in reply to eruditegirl1)
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RE: Inner Struggle - 6/25/2006 8:28:33 PM   
swtmngirl


Posts: 2
Joined: 5/27/2006
Status: offline 		Whats so bad about being a naughty girl?  I think we all have a set of horns holding up our halo's anyway.

(in reply to playfulotter)
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RE: Inner Struggle - 6/25/2006 8:49:38 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Sometimes, overcoming programming that we have is hard. I still find myself struggling with some issues. Society, both at home and at large, dictates we couls behave in a certain fashion. What we have to decide is if the person they dictate we be who we really are. If who you really are is different that what you've been taught, then you have to choose if you will be who they say you are or who you know you are. It's not easy and sometimes; it affects your core identity. you can do it, though, and grow through the process.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to eruditegirl1)
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RE: Inner Struggle - 6/25/2006 9:00:35 PM   
hizgeorgiapeach


Posts: 1672
Status: offline 		Morals are a learned perversion, Ethics are a character flaw that forces us to back up words with deeds.
 
While it's not easy to overcome social programming, it can be done.  The question to ask yourself is whether you Want to overcome that programming, and be a unique individual who thinks for themself - or to stick with the program and be another of the mindless sheeple.

_____________________________

Rhi
Light travels faster than sound, which is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Essential Scentsations

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
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RE: Inner Struggle - 6/25/2006 9:19:14 PM   
Hercuckslave


Posts: 103
Joined: 5/21/2006
Status: offline 		i have to disagree that the "right man will bring it out".  YOU have to become comfortable with yourself before you can find comfort with another. 

i do know of the inner struggle though.  going against what society says you should be.  according to main stream society, i am certainly not what would be considered a "real man".  fuck'em i say.  i am happy being who i am.  i was born with the heart of a slave.  that is who i am.  it was up to me to come to terms with it, realize that it is not only ok, but in fact a beautiful thing, and live my life according to MY definition of who i am,  not based on the judgement of the "blunt monster with uncounted heads."

just one slave's opinion.

< Message edited by Hercuckslave -- 6/25/2006 9:20:45 PM >

(in reply to hizgeorgiapeach)
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RE: Inner Struggle - 6/25/2006 10:37:49 PM   
alovelypet


Posts: 35
Joined: 4/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hercuckslave

i have to disagree that the "right man will bring it out".  YOU have to become comfortable with yourself before you can find comfort with another. 


That is a very true statement.  However, i believe that the right person can help you overcome some of your issues.  Having someone to help you, guide you and listen to you when you need to let those "good girls don't do this" feelings out can be just the thing to help you work through the problem.

_____________________________

Do you understand the delicious mindfuck of being hurt while He's kissing me tenderly? He has control always, especially when He's making me feel loved while torturing me.

(in reply to Hercuckslave)
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RE: Inner Struggle - 6/25/2006 11:21:52 PM   
classykindasassy


Posts: 291
Joined: 12/13/2005
Status: offline 		I don't know how long you have been working with this...exploring your desires.

I can tell you that I embarked upon my quest with a dom who was not on the public scene, and i had no one to talk to about all this issues with self and image that you are experiencing. It took me about 18 months, and a 6-month break inside that time where I took a break from bdsm, to come to terms with it for myself and hold my kink desire in love - self-love. I had to take that break to find out for myself that it was not just a game i played to please anyone else.

Now I have a dom who is in the public scene, and have met a whole society who shares our desires. It would have made my adjustment time shorter had I had other subs to talk to. I love the public scene now that I am in it.

Whenever you do things that are off the beaten path, you can incur the opinions of others who don't understand your world.

All great people have had to come to terms with swimming upstream against the current of moral society. It's just a part of life most of us, especially women, have to go through. The way out, is the way through. Stay true to you, stay your course, take a break if you need, and keep your head held high.

You might fall victim  to the idea that a lot of people care what you do with your sex life. News flash  - they really don't unless YOU make it an issue - then it gets weird.

I used to swing the pendulum in life between trying to be a good church girl, and then I'd rebel and go buck-wild. Once I just embraced that my sexuality is what is is (and it did take 18 mos) , my life is sane now. I am on an even keel and I know myself, and embrace my inner slut. Slut is not a bad thing if responsibly held. You find a partner who respects your whole being and loves your freedom and self expression, inside the bedroom and out.

Good luck. Kink, BDSM and a randy sex drive are only bad if YOU think they are.

_____________________________

"The less I seek my source for some definitive, the closer I am to fine." -The Indigo Girls

(in reply to alovelypet)
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RE: Inner Struggle - 6/26/2006 1:05:28 AM   
brightspot


Posts: 3052
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: eruditegirl1

I have a question I'd like to pose to anyone who may have had this inner struggle or might be going through it....as I learn more about my true sexual nature....the side of my sexual self I have kept restrained for all of my adult life....when I allow myself to explore this part of me and allow it to come to the surface...there is an inner voice that tells me..."good girls don't do such things"...and " a good girl wouldn't find that exciting"....I am worried that it may hold me back from reaching my true submissiveness...
I am concerned that in the long run...it won't be fair to my future partner or myself....
Any and all advice...stories....are welcomed....
 
Thanks 


You could try to change the message. Each time you hear that little inner voice say "Good girls don't do those things" immediately replace it with something like "I love the chit out of kinky sex and that's okay" eventually it should override it because it is your truth not your mom and dad's old tape running.
 
*Brightspot

< Message edited by brightspot -- 6/26/2006 1:06:53 AM >

_____________________________

"Comedy is NOT Pretty!" ~Peter Nelson

But..."May at Least One person have a sense of Humor!" ~KML.

http://360.yahoo.com/my_profile-TD4TwEw8crWS3GHFDcs_DK1rHmW6Dq_E;_ylt=Av2PfG9gH0wkQrMPivuMCivGAOJ3

(in reply to eruditegirl1)
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RE: Inner Struggle - 6/26/2006 5:41:01 AM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline 		I hear a similar voice saying "Good boys don't do these nasty things" . . .  and then I hear another voice saying "yeah, and it is sooooo much fun being a bad boy. Those poor chumps don't know what they're missing."

(in reply to eruditegirl1)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Inner Struggle - 6/26/2006 5:52:51 AM   
CrappyDom


Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Personally to me, being the sick fuck that I am, I find that sort of twisted dichotomy to be hot as hell.  I love forcing a woman to do things she doesn't want to do but does them because when she hears my voice she no longer has a choice.  Seeing that look of "oh my god, what is he asking me to do" on her sweet innocent face is one of those rarest of treats second only to the one that replaces it when she realizes she really has no choice in the matter.

I have no doubt that with time you are likely to become rather a depraved little girl.

(in reply to happypervert)
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RE: Inner Struggle - 6/26/2006 6:35:29 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: eruditegirl1
I am worried that it may hold me back from reaching my true submissiveness...
I am concerned that in the long run...it won't be fair to my future partner or myself....
Any and all advice...stories....are welcomed....
 
Thanks 
It will be a problem if you allow it to be.  Just be open to yourself and your dom about it.  Most doms have problems being "good men who want to hurt good women" also.  They also enjoy the idea of making you face your conflict and come out loving it on the other side.
 
It's fine to have those THOUGHTS- just don't let them prevent you from DOING what you want.

Remember that this dichotomy you have been taught is completely flawed.  Remind yourself of this every time you have a thought about good vs bad.  You can be a wonderful person AND a huge slut at the same time. 
 
The more you remind yourself of this and the more you actually let yourself be who you are- the less conflicted you will be.
 
Plus, make friends with people who are happy as sluts, they can be good examples for you.


_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to eruditegirl1)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Inner Struggle - 6/26/2006 6:53:44 AM   
eruditegirl1


Posts: 175
Joined: 5/9/2006
From: Nevada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CrappyDom

Personally to me, being the sick fuck that I am, I find that sort of twisted dichotomy to be hot as hell.  I love forcing a woman to do things she doesn't want to do but does them because when she hears my voice she no longer has a choice.  Seeing that look of "oh my god, what is he asking me to do" on her sweet innocent face is one of those rarest of treats second only to the one that replaces it when she realizes she really has no choice in the matter.

I have no doubt that with time you are likely to become rather a depraved little girl.


hmmmm...made me think.....so what I may find as a flaw....my inner voice telling me to be a good girl...could actually be an asset and a turn on to a Dom....so instead of trying to mute the inner voice....I should just turn the volume down a bit....

(in reply to CrappyDom)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Inner Struggle - 6/26/2006 6:56:30 AM   
CrappyDom


Posts: 1883
Joined: 4/11/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Turn the volume down a bit and listen to LA, she is perhaps the sanest voice here.

(in reply to eruditegirl1)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Inner Struggle - 6/26/2006 7:15:15 AM   
eruditegirl1


Posts: 175
Joined: 5/9/2006
From: Nevada
Status: offline 		I do remind myself that enjoying the kinky things I am thinking about and to an extent trying...doesn't make me a bad person....they just make me more complete....it's a conflict I am just so unfamilar with...I am used to listening to the voice...which dictated most of my decisions in life...that now it's hard to turn it off....
hmmmm...maybe this is a self induced conflict.....your statement about ...it is only a problem if I allow it to be a problem.....is so true.... 

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Inner Struggle - 6/26/2006 7:21:08 AM   
eruditegirl1


Posts: 175
Joined: 5/9/2006
From: Nevada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: brightspot




You could try to change the message. Each time you hear that little inner voice say "Good girls don't do those things" immediately replace it with something like "I love the chit out of kinky sex and that's okay" eventually it should override it because it is your truth not your mom and dad's old tape running.
 
*Brightspot


Kind of the truth shall set you free....thanks for the advice

(in reply to brightspot)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Inner Struggle - 6/26/2006 7:28:37 AM   
eruditegirl1


Posts: 175
Joined: 5/9/2006
From: Nevada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CrappyDom

Turn the volume down a bit and listen to LA, she is perhaps the sanest voice here.


You know I have to agree....LA....I would say that without a doubt...I have learned more from your posts than any other....you have unique way of actually answering the question and adding in knowledge and a bit of your own real life experience....I really appreciate your posts....

(in reply to CrappyDom)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Inner Struggle - 6/26/2006 8:01:53 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: eruditegirl1
You know I have to agree....LA....I would say that without a doubt...I have learned more from your posts than any other....you have unique way of actually answering the question and adding in knowledge and a bit of your own real life experience....I really appreciate your posts....


Thanks Erudite.  I hope you can come to the point where you understand that you deserve the opportunity to experience everything you desire.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to eruditegirl1)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Inner Struggle - 6/26/2006 8:10:34 AM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: eruditegirl1

[align=center].."good girls don't do such things"...


That would be the LDS view, I'm sure.

(in reply to eruditegirl1)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Inner Struggle - 6/26/2006 12:31:21 PM   
lisa1978


Posts: 224
Joined: 5/19/2006
From: Kansas City
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: brightspot

You could try to change the message. Each time you hear that little inner voice say "Good girls don't do those things" immediately replace it with something like "I love the chit out of kinky sex and that's okay" eventually it should override it because it is your truth not your mom and dad's old tape running.
 
*Brightspot


I have had this problem when I became sexually active and even continues to this day on a lessor extent though. Funny thing is it has never bothered me in a M/s type relationship.

For me I do what brightspot wrote. Everytime I feel guilty or an inner party pooper voice enters into my head I just repeat to myself something like "I enjoyed it and it seemed so did he/she/them."

I have just over the years tried to use another voice to drown out the one causing me problems and have found over time that when I know nobody was hurt or going to be hurt by my actions then it became easier and easier to let go of the doubts society tried to install into me.



_____________________________

It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we'd know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Empty rooms, shuttered and dank. Without passion, we'd be truly dead.

(in reply to brightspot)
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