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Some Advice (RANT) - 1/18/2004 1:04:33 PM

masokissed

Posts: 21
Joined: 1/16/2004
From: Magick and then some
Status: offline

Here is a heads up to some who need to really pay attention... i detest people who play online while their submissive or even Dominant is right there with them r/l. When i say that i mean who move to be with them, while they are online from work or when the other is away from the house or asleep, chatting away hunting some strange.
Be a Man or woman and just tell your partner that you need more, that you are unhappy and are looking for someone new. grow the f*ck up and (i can't say this enough) take some responsibility!
Ok, repeat after me.. CLEAR EXPECTATIONS... set them, know them, live by them.... Use it to communicate.. never assume the other person knows what you want or need, so You must express it. And if it just isn't going to work.. Accept it, be honest about it and move on. But don't betray Your word, your honor, or who you are as a person because you don't have the guts to speak up.
Call me a bitch.. * it flatters me* but KNOW that i will not facilitate deceptions of any kind

Lanette
P.S.
i'm angry to please forgive my typing...

_____________________________

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BDSMTraditionalist
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/positivechoices

"All men desire a woman true to her devotion,
strong in her beliefs and grounded in her honor,
but few are worthy of her.-"

Post #: 1

RE: Some Advice (RANT) - 1/18/2004 1:23:30 PM

EStrict

Posts: 729
Joined: 1/11/2004
Status: offline

I agree with you fully Lanette. I am very clear that I am here to TALK and nothing else. Yet, even with that, there is nothing I do or say that I don't/won't tell Master. Yes, I am online when he is at work (and even sometimes when he is home), but HE is always my main priority, and I make that clear to everyone I chat with.

That doesn't stop people suggesting other things, it just ends talking when they don't take no for an easy answer.

Sandy

(in reply to masokissed)

Post #: 2

RE: Some Advice (RANT) - 1/18/2004 3:05:04 PM

masokissed

Posts: 21
Joined: 1/16/2004
From: Magick and then some
Status: offline

see, and it isn't hard.. but there are those who want to live online and not r/l, because it is easy to be a "Master" for twenty minutes a day online, or on the phone.. even being a "slave" anyone can learn the right words and "behave" for a little while. Then they find themselves in r/l ( caseof the aligator overloading the tweetybird) and find out it ain't so pretty or easy. THEN they are back to the net where it is easy... when at work or when the other is asleep or gone.. then they infect someone elses life...

Quite pathetic...

Honesty is the only way to go...

< Message edited by masokissed -- 1/18/2004 6:06:14 PM >

_____________________________

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BDSMTraditionalist
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/positivechoices

"All men desire a woman true to her devotion,
strong in her beliefs and grounded in her honor,
but few are worthy of her.-"

(in reply to EStrict)

Post #: 3

RE: Some Advice (RANT) - 1/18/2004 3:37:51 PM

druidic

Posts: 6
Joined: 1/18/2004
Status: offline

I have no idea of why people play these games.

I prefer real life and some stability in a relationship,and if either of us are off chasing on new thrills with *others*, rather than focusing on each other what we have is going rapidly to hell in a handbasket.

But I see many in the lifestyle now who seem to think polyamory is an excuse to be all over the place playing with whatever will hold still for it long enough.

So you have to decide what you really NEED and stick to it.

Easier said than done.

Regards Terry

(in reply to masokissed)

Post #: 4

RE: Some Advice (RANT) - 1/18/2004 3:52:14 PM

masokissed

Posts: 21
Joined: 1/16/2004
From: Magick and then some
Status: offline

That is SO true, and part of why "poly" gets such a bad rap. Peopel use it as a free chit to act a fool and disregard all honor or integrity.
maso`

_____________________________

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BDSMTraditionalist
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/positivechoices

"All men desire a woman true to her devotion,
strong in her beliefs and grounded in her honor,
but few are worthy of her.-"

(in reply to druidic)

Post #: 5

RE: Some Advice (RANT) - 1/18/2004 11:39:13 PM

Voltare

Posts: 841
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Santiago, Chile
Status: offline

In High School, I learned a very valuable lesson.

I had been talking to a girl for several months, who had a boyfriend the whole time I'd known her. We were just friends, of course. One day, she tells me she wants to date me, not her boyfriend, and I asked about her current boyfriend. She said they weren't happy, and she wanted to be with me instead. That day, she dumped him, and we started 'going out.' A month later, she pulled this same trick and left me for a good friend of mine (so I thought.) She did this about five times, and went back to her first boyfriend.

Moral learned, was that if the person is willing to leave their current, for you, regardless of the situation, what do you think will keep them from leaving YOU when a better ticket comes along?

If it's right, let it be right when the previous relationships have been dealt with first. Expect, and give, honesty in return.

Stephan

_____________________________

http://www.vv3b.com/

"There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness." - F. Nietzsche

(in reply to masokissed)

Post #: 6

RE: Some Advice (RANT) - 1/19/2004 12:40:00 AM

masokissed

Posts: 21
Joined: 1/16/2004
From: Magick and then some
Status: offline

well said Sir, well said!
L.

_____________________________

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BDSMTraditionalist
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/positivechoices

"All men desire a woman true to her devotion,
strong in her beliefs and grounded in her honor,
but few are worthy of her.-"

(in reply to Voltare)

Post #: 7

RE: Some Advice (RANT) - 1/19/2004 5:51:45 AM

MizSuz

Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Bravo, Stephan.

quote:

Moral learned, was that if the person is willing to leave their current, for you, regardless of the situation, what do you think will keep them from leaving YOU when a better ticket comes along?

It goes to both integrity and emotional maturity, in my mind anyway. Nothing in the world will always make you happy and often it is the lows that enable us to truly appreciate the highs. ALL relationships are eventually work and people who allow their feelings of the moment to take precedence over the right-action of their commitments (that doesn't necessarily mean staying but it does mean being honest about where your head is to your partner) are, in my estimation, foundationally flawed.

No relationship will work with someone who is foundationally flawed. There is not enough self esteem or integrity in one human to cover two. It ends up being a black hole (reads TOTAL VACCUUM).

To the original rant I would say many people have suggested that it is not prudent to invest yourself over munch in a relationship that has not yet transitioned to real time. I usually take it a step farther - I will not believe in your ability to manifest your commitments until I have seen your behavior, consistently, during times of conflict. THAT will tell me whether or not I will respect you; and I know that I will not stay in a relationship with someone I can not respect.

So what I'm trying to say is it's just not prudent to invest emotionally, physicially or otherwise to someone you have not seen both good and 'bad' from. Until you see both ends of the spectrum you are not submitting or dominating to that person, you are submitting or dominating to your perceptions of that person. This will ALWAYS disappoint.

I always tell people who are moving to be with someone that I strongly advise against moving in with them right off. Move close to them, keep your own place, and then let the relationship grow from there - where you can get a sense of who they are in the day to day without having made yourself completely dependent on someone who, in the final analysis you realize you don't even know.

Suz

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to Voltare)

Post #: 8

RE: Some Advice (RANT) - 1/19/2004 6:49:10 AM

masokissed

Posts: 21
Joined: 1/16/2004
From: Magick and then some
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MizSuz

I always tell people who are moving to be with someone that I strongly advise against moving in with them right off. Move close to them, keep your own place, and then let the relationship grow from there - where you can get a sense of who they are in the day to day without having made yourself completely dependent on someone who, in the final analysis you realize you don't even know.

Suz

Well said Ma'am!, i did that whole get carried away and moved across country and ended up in a situation where the "Dominant" didn't really want to live that way and several points of issue were somehow different that they were before.. so lesson learned... never again...

Lanette

< Message edited by masokissed -- 1/19/2004 9:52:49 AM >

_____________________________

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BDSMTraditionalist
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/positivechoices

"All men desire a woman true to her devotion,
strong in her beliefs and grounded in her honor,
but few are worthy of her.-"

(in reply to MizSuz)

Post #: 9

RE: Some Advice (RANT) - 1/19/2004 7:31:22 AM

Voltare

Posts: 841
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Santiago, Chile
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MizSuz

I always tell people who are moving to be with someone that I strongly advise against moving in with them right off. Move close to them, keep your own place, and then let the relationship grow from there - where you can get a sense of who they are in the day to day without having made yourself completely dependent on someone who, in the final analysis you realize you don't even know.

Suz

Suz,

Excellent advice that I do often give, though I do have one thought to offer in addition. There are guidelines, and generally accepted 'good ideas' to follow in this lifestyle, and in online-to-offline relationships as well. Sometimes you really do have to follow your heart, wherever it may lead. Just be certain you have a plane (or train or bus) ticket home.

A bit off topic, but something close to my heart today.

Stephan

_____________________________

http://www.vv3b.com/

"There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness." - F. Nietzsche

(in reply to MizSuz)

Post #: 10

RE: Some Advice (RANT) - 1/19/2004 9:06:33 PM

DocHolliday

Posts: 25
Joined: 1/10/2004
Status: offline

I agree that poly gets a bad rap because of crap like this, Masokissed. However there are some poly couples out here like midnightrose and I who are totally open and honest. I hide NOTHING from her, and she nothing from Me. If I cannot share a girl with her, I would rather not have the girl.
Basicly it comes to this: Honesty and truthfullness are the bases of this lifestyle; if those things are missing, I wouldnt give a bootful of piss for any relationship without them.
Just My opinion, I could be wrong.

quote:

ORIGINAL: masokissed

That is SO true, and part of why "poly" gets such a bad rap. Peopel use it as a free chit to act a fool and disregard all honor or integrity.
maso`

(in reply to masokissed)

Post #: 11

RE: Some Advice (RANT) - 1/20/2004 1:05:27 AM

masokissed

Posts: 21
Joined: 1/16/2004
From: Magick and then some
Status: offline

Exactly Sir

_____________________________

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/BDSMTraditionalist
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/positivechoices

"All men desire a woman true to her devotion,
strong in her beliefs and grounded in her honor,
but few are worthy of her.-"

(in reply to DocHolliday)

Post #: 12

RE: Some Advice (RANT) - 1/21/2004 7:44:11 AM

trnmastr

Posts: 24
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I agree completely. There are so many out there, in fact I would say most, that are just using the lfestyle as a fantasy when they need to get off. This is all male, female, sub, dom.
I cant tell you how many we have talked to that say they are looking for a 24/7 slave position and when we wont talk about sex or play, or do a detailed "story" about when they are here, they disappear.
There are a huge amount of people out there now who say they are in the life and have been for 20 or more years. Let me tell you that 20 years ago there werent that many in the lifestyle and it wasnt something that was out there in the general population.
Why? No interent is the mainthing.
People here can be what they want for as long as they want to be it. Once they tire of it they change thier screen name and take on another role.
I see how people post and talk and its mostly hearts and flowers it reminds me of a romance novel.
So I agree it is frustrating and also a concern of mine. I am concerned because I have heard of more the one person who has moved across country only to find out that the other person isnt anything like they thought.
To life this life 24/7 is very much like vanilla life. You have bills, you have to work, you may have kids. There is a ton of interaction on a normal one on one basis.
Most dont get that

William

(in reply to masokissed)

Post #: 13

RE: Some Advice (RANT) - 1/21/2004 3:07:37 PM

SubmissiveOphelia

Posts: 80
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: NYC
Status: offline

if i might say....i agree...... i receive emails that are just maybe one in duration- kind of going on and on about fantasy...when its time to actually DO it, they flake out or clam up and are silent.

i agree....

:::runs back to her corner:::::

Attachment (1)

(in reply to trnmastr)

Post #: 14

RE: Some Advice (RANT) - 2/6/2005 12:57:26 PM

RealityFix

Posts: 156
Joined: 8/12/2004
Status: offline

I have to agree that the emotional immaturity I see with a lot of men constantly hunting "fresh meat" is very annoying. It's the old "kid in the candy store" syndrome.

The probelem being, no one ever takes these guys out and slaps them around for doing it. I think that the only real solution is to make them pay the price for being unfaithful. If more of them suffered being outed for doing this garbage,a lot less would be trying it.

What goes around,comes around.

< Message edited by RealityFix -- 2/6/2005 12:59:14 PM >

Post #: 15

RE: Some Advice (RANT) - 2/6/2005 1:47:56 PM

pandoravampire

Posts: 374
Joined: 12/6/2004
Status: offline

I am sure that there are plenty of people on here, that get their kicks from screwing peoples lives. And there is sod all you can do about it. Its a free sight, they will be here in the plentifold.

But i am also sure from my own experience, that plenty, desire this lifestyle, hunger for it, become obsessed with achieving this goal and go from on line to real life. STatistically, only some of these will make the transition successfully. Its not anyones fault, its just a very different (and delightfully so) ball game in real life.

For those of us who have done just that. Remember how difficult it was? How once the initial play sessions were over, your tired from a days work, and he calls for you to come serve him again? All you want to do is say, "get lost, i need to sleep". Or the power exchange is not only on line, but 24/7. Thats some bloody difference. Just like leaving parental homes for the first time, its completely new.

ITS HARD PUTTING THIS LIFESTYLE TO PRACTICE. Sure on line helps you learn what to expect, but it doesnt really prepare you for real life. And you DONT really know someone till youve moved in with them 24/7 with or without bdsm in the mix.

Its not just Dom/mes that are guilty, what about the subs? It can and does happen the other way round too!
I believe its equal responsibility all the way down the road you travel together. If youve made a decision that proves to be unsound. Then accept that and change your future behaviour accordingly. People who move home, to set up house with a stranger are taking a huge bloody risk! Now if it fails, accept your part in the responsibility and do something about it - quick. Dont just blame the Dom or the Sub. Its two people that were not compatible.

So having decided that real life is not for you, its only human nature to seek nice reasons why it failed, and the nicest lie to tell yourself is 'that person was not compatible'. or 'ill just stick to on line'.

Honesty is a must in all relationships, bdsm is just a relationship. There are real gems, there are wankers, there are foolish Dom/mes and there are foolish subs.

Sifting through a pile of shit to find a mushroom is a hard task, whatever lifestyle you have. Live it, learn from it and move on.

THE PRICE FOR BEING UNFAITHFUL IS AND ALWAYS WILL BE - LOSS.

(in reply to RealityFix)

Post #: 16

RE: Some Advice (RANT) - 2/6/2005 6:15:11 PM

RealityFix

Posts: 156
Joined: 8/12/2004
Status: offline

I might also add for those who seem to constantly be faced with failures in relationships......

"The one common factor in all of your dysfunctional relationships is YOU"

Perhaps it's time to quit blaming everyone else, and look to the REAL cause?

(in reply to pandoravampire)

Post #: 17

RE: Some Advice (RANT) - 2/6/2005 6:47:53 PM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Voltare

Moral learned, was that if the person is willing to leave their current, for you, regardless of the situation, what do you think will keep them from leaving YOU when a better ticket comes along?

Stephan

YES, this has always been my stance. Anyone who is willing to betray someone for you, will betray you for someone else.

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to Voltare)

Post #: 18

RE: Some Advice (RANT) - 2/7/2005 8:23:07 AM

Darthbetta

Posts: 314
Joined: 12/16/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SubmissiveOphelia

if i might say....i agree...... i receive emails that are just maybe one in duration- kind of going on and on about fantasy...when its time to actually DO it, they flake out or clam up and are silent.

i agree....

CONGRATS ! you garrrrrraduate from HNG 101 !

and yeah.... SHOWING UP is the final battle.

(in reply to SubmissiveOphelia)

Post #: 19

RE: Some Advice (RANT) - 2/7/2005 9:12:06 AM

DameDarkness

Posts: 341
Joined: 10/1/2004
Status: offline

I agree fully as well........... however there are some that no matter how much you spell it out straight for them still have no comprehension of what it is you are exactly seeking/talking about. I have noted this even from all the emails i recieve daily. I spell it straight out in my profile exactly what im about and what i am seeking. I am a professional Domina and I am seeking clients only. Guess what no matter how much those things say exactly what im seeking. I still get tons of emails asking if they can be my submissive and i tell them straight out again I am looking for clients only and still its not comprehended. So i guess this is one of those double edged sword type things.

Dame Darkness

_____________________________

Into the night sky I fly through distant lands and darkened streets... Up into the clouds to play and dance with the moon.....To the hearts of all and I say to you be true to they own heart.

(in reply to masokissed)

Post #: 20

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