njlauren
Posts: 1577
Joined: 10/1/2011
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
quote:
ORIGINAL: LadyPact
Sort of a fast reply.......
With no offense meant to LL for her opinion on certain matters, it's time that people stopped trying to determine what is abusive to other people.
I didn't say what was abusive. Michael asked for something that is never sane or consensual and I gave an example. I will go so far as to say the nutcases wanting a domme to cut off their penis, roast it over an open fire and feed it to them are also looking to engage in something that is never sane or consensual.
I don't believe that just because two people are foolish enough to consent to something it automatically makes it ok. That attitude is plainly put, fucked up.
There are plenty of things I have no interest in getting involved in and think are "strange." I don't, however, say they are abusive and yes, in those instances, it is because everyone has consented and have done their homework. Toilet slaves and tit nailing come to mind. I think the former is disgusting, but have never said it is "abusive." The latter I can't figure out why anyone would want to do, but hey, if they have research on how to reduce the risks of damaging something, and preventing infection, have at it. I have no interest in doing it or even seeing it.
However, refusing to draw a line in the sand and say something is absolutely wrong, and that all that matters is consent is some PC bullshit version of your kink is not my kink.... Some things people shouldn't do. I hold by the two examples I gave as NEVER being a reasonable activity that anyone should partake in, and if the two parties consent, they should seek the help of a mental health professional.
So no offense to you, but it is time people stopped refusing to have enough backbone to draw a line in the sand when two people are choosing to cross the line from a kink activity into something that shouldn't be done.
In many ways I am in agreement with this post, at least where it comes to issues of consent, that if it goes beyond consent, it is abuse. Obviously, there is a difference between an accident, or someone inadvertently going past a limit, but there are also people in play who are known for doing that IME, and that to me is abuse.
And it isn't so black and white what constitutes abuse, when you are doing heavy play the line can be thin, and the other point that has bothered me is the idea of consent to total non consent, where basically the sub says the M/D can do anything, they can't object....but can someone consent to being killed or seriously injured? And is something like that in a D or M's rights? I realize there are people who are into that kind of lifestyle, but it does bother me because when someone is seriously hurt, I have a hard time as seeing that as your kink is your kink.....but I also tend to think people have the right to make their own decisions as well, so it isn't an easy one. IRL I spent time on a rescue squad patching people back together after auto wrecks and the like, so it is hard for me to sit back and watch someone allow themselves to be truly harmed (I am talking to the level of broken bones or worse), when the victims of the accidents and such I saw didn't have that choice......and yeah, I own it, but I also respect others people's right to live their lives as they wish, as long as it doesn't involve children being hurt, I will wrestle with it.
I think one of the misconceptions here is the whole concept of authenticity, and how it is being thrown around that if you comment on something like kink.com and its practices it is saying that is fake, and that is missing the point that I think others and I know I was trying to make. In the original vein, it was about reports of scenes going too far with kink.com events , and the point was that in the drive to make them more saleable, there is going to be a lot more pressure to make the scenes more extreme, to make them more bankable, and it doesn't take someone with a Phd to realize that with that kind of pressure, it is a lot more likely that those doing the scene can go to far, for the fact that there is that pressure. Does it mean what goes on in those films is fake, or the people fakes? No, it is more like when you are doing a scene for a porn film, that the filming changes the dynamics and puts pressures on that don't exist in play between people not in that context, that is all. It is sad that people immediately assume it is attacking what goes on there as 'inauthentic' or 'non real scene' or whatever, because I didn't see any intention of that, it certainly wasn't my point. And if the people associated with kink.com or whatever want to assume that they are the true players, be my guest, cause in the end, it doesn't matter, what is real or true is up to the people doing it, the people who like a little light kink or the people who do edge stuff are just as real to me, the whole hierarchy of stupidity that i have seen simply doesn't matter; I respect those who live with hierarchy, in the leather community, I don't respect those who wish to claim they are more real than others; and as such, I make no claims on realness per se (well, okay, the Madonna wanna bes in the 80's were not real IMO, there I'll make an exception) because I would be guilty of the same thing.
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RE: Safe,Sane and Consensual - 
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