How will you know a mistress is safe

How will you know a mistress is safe (Full Version)

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kinkyswagger -> How will you know a mistress is safe (6/12/2013 7:15:41 AM)
So there is an ad for a slave and I am thinking of applying. My main worry is if I am successful and I take up that role, how will I know the mistress is not playing me and it is all a ruse. I don't want someone to tie me up and beat me senseless or something. Aren't people afraid of such possibilities?

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: How will you know a mistress is safe (6/12/2013 7:25:00 AM)
That's an excellent question and here is my answer: How do you know that any of the people you interact with are safe? Well, you don't know until you have had enough interactions to determine that they are safe. I'm not taking the piss, I'm telling you that you should get to know a 'mistress' as an actual human being before engaging in play or any sort of power dynamic. In other words, if you want an 'insta-domme' you have to pay for it. BTW: You profile says you weigh in at 55 pounds. I'm guessing you means kilos?

OttersSwim -> RE: How will you know a mistress is safe (6/12/2013 8:04:10 AM)
So you have spammed this question to multiple forums. Since Chatte has replied here, I will too. You will know she is safe because you will have used your brain and evaluated her before you ever engage in anything kinky. You will have met her in a vanilla setting first, you will have had multiple discussions about life, the universe, and what you both are considering doing with each other. She should be doing the same with you - and if you perceive she is not, then that is a sign in and of itself. Don't let your desire for kink lead you into an unsafe situation or think that suddenly you don't have to think.

kinkyswagger -> RE: How will you know a mistress is safe (6/12/2013 8:50:02 AM)
@ChatteParfaitt Haha yes it is but now it is 65 but it probably go down again as I am back in Uni. If we do regular meetups, is it safe to say there is a high probability everything is good? @OttersSwim Well I thought It was appropriate to get both the mistress and slave/sub opinions on it. I didn't think I was doing anything wrong but it seems I broke a rule. Why can you not cross post like this? @Both Can I request that there wont be any sort of tying up until we have developed a certain level of trust. I ask this be because there seems to be this perception that a male sub is a sub who has no say/limit.

SimplyMichael -> RE: How will you know a mistress is safe (6/12/2013 9:42:28 AM)
If she won't respect the human/vanilla side of you she is unlikely to respect the kinky side. Here is a trick few male submissives learn, the more self respect you show, the higher the quality of the mistress you will atrract. Actually, that goes for most dominants and masters too...

tazzygirl -> RE: How will you know a mistress is safe (6/12/2013 9:57:34 AM)
quote: Can I request that there wont be any sort of tying up until we have developed a certain level of trust. I ask this be because there seems to be this perception that a male sub is a sub who has no say/limit. Pst.... until you and she actually enter into a relationship, you can halt any play you want. There is no such thing as a "no limit" sub/slave. Only subs/slaves who are horny enough to buy into that myth. Until she gains your trust, you call the shots on anything physical done to you.

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: How will you know a mistress is safe (6/12/2013 10:04:35 AM)
Ah okay, since your profile says you are from the UK, I didn't realize English is not your first language. Have you ever dated in real time? The same rules apply. In other words, as long as you are enjoying each other, you hook up when you can and see where it leads. As for quote: Can I request that there wont be any sort of tying up until we have developed a certain level of trust. I ask this be because there seems to be this perception that a male sub is a sub who has no say/limit. Of course you can request that. And if someone does not respect your wishes, view it as a serious warning. BTW: There are those of us who think no limits slaves don't exist.

shiftyw -> RE: How will you know a mistress is safe (6/12/2013 1:05:28 PM)
Meet and get to know her. No one should earn your trust automatically, like others have said, you call the shots, you set your limits. Use common sense, and follow your instincts. As someone who's trust has been abused (although not in a BDSM setting), I struggle with this a lot. I've learned that even if I'm a bottom it doesn't mean I have to be stupid or put myself in dangerous situations or situations I don't want to be in. If someone doesn't respect my limits or abuses my trust from the get go, or has a general disregard for earning my submission, its probably best to just let it go and not get involved with a person like that.

kiwisub12 -> RE: How will you know a mistress is safe (6/12/2013 1:30:15 PM)
If your gut says "Don't trust her" - don't. and don't allow bondage that you can't get out of until you trust her - and have some time invested in the relationship. If she is a reasonable person, she will understand the issue.

SthrnCom4t -> RE: How will you know a mistress is safe (6/12/2013 3:58:20 PM)
Are either of you part of the public scene? Have you met other people who know or have played with this woman? Certainly you can make such a request; trust is earned and she should realize this. An alternative could be that if she wants to do a bondage scene, then you play at a club, private party, or you pick a third party (of your choosing) to observe and not participate. There are solutions/compromises to many situations, you just need to be open to the possibilities.

DarkSteven -> RE: How will you know a mistress is safe (6/12/2013 5:54:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tazzygirl Pst.... until you and she actually enter into a relationship, you can halt any play you want. There is no such thing as a "no limit" sub/slave. Only subs/slaves who are horny enough to buy into that myth. Until she gains your trust, you call the shots on anything physical done to you. Um. BEFORE you're in a relationship, you can halt any time. AFTER you're in the relationship, you can STILL halt any time. If that's what the two of you agreed upon.

tazzygirl -> RE: How will you know a mistress is safe (6/12/2013 6:03:03 PM)
Pst.... until you and she actually enter into a relationship, you can halt any play you want. ........ Until she gains your trust, you call the shots on anything physical done to you. Thats what I said.

littlewonder -> RE: How will you know a mistress is safe (6/12/2013 7:17:24 PM)
If you wouldn't do it with someone "vanilla" then you don't do it with someone "bdsm" . How do you know when someone is safe in the "vanilla" world?

stef -> RE: How will you know a mistress is safe (6/12/2013 10:52:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven Um. BEFORE you're in a relationship, you can halt any time. AFTER you're in the relationship, you can STILL halt any time. If that's what the two of you agreed upon. Even if it's not what you agreed upon, you can STILL halt any time.

poise -> RE: How will you know a mistress is safe (6/13/2013 10:41:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kinkyswagger So there is an ad for a slave and I am thinking of applying. My main worry is if I am successful and I take up that role, how will I know the mistress is not playing me and it is all a ruse. Was there something specific about this woman's profile that made you feel you were a good fit? I'm not a mistress, so the chances are good that I am incorrect in my assumption that the majority of profiles that advertise a slave application process are somewhat suspect.

LafayetteLady -> RE: How will you know a mistress is safe (6/13/2013 1:24:00 PM)
I don't think it is an incorrect assumption at all. The dominants, both male and female, who ask for people to "apply" always tend to come off as fantasy players.

MasterSadric -> RE: How will you know a mistress is safe (6/13/2013 3:09:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael If she won't respect the human/vanilla side of you she is unlikely to respect the kinky side. Here is a trick few male submissives learn, the more self respect you show, the higher the quality of the mistress you will atrract. Actually, that goes for most dominants and masters too... THAT should be framed and mounted.

MasterSadric -> RE: How will you know a mistress is safe (6/13/2013 3:11:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady I don't think it is an incorrect assumption at all. The dominants, both male and female, who ask for people to "apply" always tend to come off as fantasy players. Darn it, I was going to draw up a complete application with requests for professional references, to be filled out in triplicate and require two witnesses and a notary republic. *Sigh all that good work for nothing.

ThundersCry54 -> RE: How will you know a mistress is safe (6/13/2013 7:43:41 PM)
It`s been my experience you can get to know someone for a long time and...really not know them... I know I had a nigtmarish experience when I was new with someone I had just met at a munch, and believe me I wondered if I was going to get out of that house that night alive...LOL Your going to do what your going to do eventually, reguardless of what others say... Gooooooooddddd luck... Oh, I think I would use a safe call looking back, I knew of them, had been warned to use them... but I just threw caution into the wind...tsk tsk

Charles6682 -> RE: How will you know a mistress is safe (6/14/2013 2:04:24 AM)
I have to agree with this. If I wouldn't do something with someone in the "vanilla" realm, then chances are I certainly wouldn't trust that person to tie me up. I have certainly had this issue cross my mind many times over the years. The only safe place I would feel doing a scene like that with someone I didn't know would be at a "public play party" or "play club". Either way,those are probably the safest bet. But really,in the end, this is why I feel trust is too important. Best advice I can give is not to let your little "head", do the thinking for your bigger "head". Once I get into "subspace" though, its a different mindset for me. That's when I do need to know who I am dealing with. quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder If you wouldn't do it with someone "vanilla" then you don't do it with someone "bdsm" . How do you know when someone is safe in the "vanilla" world?

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