out of control sub

out of control sub (Full Version)

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shackledNspanked -> out of control sub (6/12/2013 8:22:04 AM)
I have been trying to train a wannabe sub now for almost four months, I cannot control her, she is never where she should be and I am constantly having to call her out on too many things. She knows shes out of control and yet when I get her back on track she strays again. What should I do? move on?

searching4mysir -> RE: out of control sub (6/12/2013 8:25:43 AM)
Sounds like you aren't inspiring submission in her nor does she respect you. Neither of those are things that you can beat into someone. That doesn't make her a "wannabe". It means you aren't compatible and she isn't YOUR sub.

angelikaJ -> RE: out of control sub (6/12/2013 8:34:36 AM)
"Out of control" can mean so many things. It would be helpful if you could give concrete examples. Are you expecting too many changes to happen all at once? It is often helpful to work on one thing at a time. Are your instructions to her clear to her? Being clear to you is not sufficient. You, of course, know what you mean. Does she like however you punish? Maybe she acts out to receive that. But perhaps you have just not inspired her to be obedient? I mention that (with no snark) because of the way you self-title yourself as "Your Sir" to people you do not know. I would personally find that to be something difficult to take seriously. On her end, she has to be willing to change and it helps if she agrees wholeheartedly to the changes you want her to embrace. If she is at all ambivalent about it, it won't happen. There are too many unknowns to give you a specifically helpful answer.

OsideGirl -> RE: out of control sub (6/12/2013 8:40:08 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: searching4mysir Sounds like you aren't inspiring submission in her nor does she respect you. Neither of those are things that you can beat into someone. This, precisely. quote: That doesn't make her a "wannabe". It means you aren't compatible and she isn't YOUR sub. I found it funny that you threw the "wannabe" thing out there....because if she's not listening to you, it really could mean that you're the "wannabe". A good Dominant sets their submissive up to succeed. If you are not clear about what you want and/or the directions, don't identify the cause of problems and come up with a resolution, you're not doing that. If you are doing that and she still won't come around, then it's time to cut bait.

chatterbox24 -> RE: out of control sub (6/12/2013 9:00:36 AM)
IF she sincerely wanted to be your submissive, she would develop the heart for it. She would want to please you. Her actions are speaking louder then her words. She may not agree with you on things as you develop your relationship, but if she is not having any positive response to your guidance, and is constantly defying you, it is not real. Either its your relationship ( lack of desire, respect, feelings, etc), or she is "just out of control" as a person and really isn't in a position to actually listen and learn.

Dyfrynt -> RE: out of control sub (6/12/2013 9:02:22 AM)
The best tool in your arsenal (as it is in any good relationship) is open and free communication. Step outside your "roles" and talk to each other. By that I mean allow both of you the freedom to speak their minds without fear of reprisal. You are having these problems with her. What is going on? Why is she constantly acting out against your wishes? Listen to her answers, what is spoken as well as what is underneath the words. It could be as simple as has been suggested that you are just not the Dom for her. Or it could be that there are underlying issues you know nothing about. It has been said a million times because it is so true. Communication honest and forthright is the key.

tazzygirl -> RE: out of control sub (6/12/2013 9:19:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: shackledNspanked I have been trying to train a wannabe sub now for almost four months, I cannot control her, she is never where she should be and I am constantly having to call her out on too many things. She knows shes out of control and yet when I get her back on track she strays again. What should I do? move on? She is never where she should be? Yet you say you get her back on track. Seems a tad bit... confusing. Are your expectations too high? Are hers too low? Is she a SAM, or a brat? Both of which are legitimate forms of submission. Is she pushing you into a punishment dynamic because its what she truly wants? Talk to her. Not as her Dom, but as a man, talking to a woman. Something isnt clicking.

OsideGirl -> RE: out of control sub (6/12/2013 9:25:49 AM)
And one important question: Have you actually met this submissive in real life?

lizi -> RE: out of control sub (6/12/2013 10:19:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tazzygirl She is never where she should be? Yet you say you get her back on track. Seems a tad bit... confusing. Are your expectations too high? Are hers too low? Is she a SAM, or a brat? Both of which are legitimate forms of submission. Is she pushing you into a punishment dynamic because its what she truly wants? Talk to her. Not as her Dom, but as a man, talking to a woman. Something isnt clicking. This is where my mind went in addition to the other things that were mentioned. I'm wondering if she doesn't like the attention (physical or mental) you give her when she's naughty. Maybe she just likes having your focus on her, and if she's "good" then she doesn't get the same intensity of your attention. Ask her for clarification.

Rawni -> RE: out of control sub (6/12/2013 11:51:05 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: shackledNspanked I have been trying to train a wannabe sub now for almost four months, I cannot control her, she is never where she should be and I am constantly having to call her out on too many things. She knows shes out of control and yet when I get her back on track she strays again. What should I do? move on? Maybe you are a wannabe dom to put up with that for four months and not know how to handle it. For the reasons you call her a wannabe, you could be called a wannabe. You clearly saw something you wanted and went for it and continue to do so despite what you see and experience. Rather than go to name calling in your attempt to get answers, you could have presented the situation without the entitlement and evaluation that also reflects upon you. You want to be respected? Then respect those you find worthy of attempting a relationship with. Go from there. If you find it doesn't work and you want to keep working it... ask yourself why and what you are getting out of it and if you are the right person to be involved with her. She could come here and post... I have a dom that doesn't understand that I have a life that I must take care of, children, work, health and he keeps demanding things of me that I cannot comply with, though I wish I could. Is it me or is he what you would call a wannabe dom because he doesn't get that though to me he is of major importance and I wish to please, I just have other things in life I must attend to. I feel forced to admit that I am wrong because I don't want to anger him and I just feel like I am insecure or faulty somehow, but when I look at it, I am doing what I must do and maybe he is being unreasonable. My personal opinion is that anyone that calls someone they are involved with to any degree... a wannabe or any other name... isn't the oh so domly one... worthy of respect. Seems you both may have some work to do.

Rasciallymisty -> RE: out of control sub (6/12/2013 12:31:14 PM)
If this was a vanilla relationship and she was just a girlfriend, what would you do? Would you stay and keep putting up with it? Would you sit and talk it out? Would you just walk away? I know you came and asked for advice but maybe you need to do what you feel is right for you and her and not what others think you should do. Just my two cents worth. [sm=2cents.gif] My one other thought is maybe she likes the chase, but is that what you want to keep doing? ~misty~

littlewonder -> RE: out of control sub (6/12/2013 7:12:25 PM)
If you have never met her in person then it's all just a fantasy dude and she's just playing along when she's bored. You're her online game.

TheLilSquaw -> RE: out of control sub (6/12/2013 7:26:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: shackledNspanked I have been trying to train a wannabe sub now for almost four months, I cannot control her, she is never where she should be and I am constantly having to call her out on too many things. She knows shes out of control and yet when I get her back on track she strays again. What should I do? move on? Wow. If you were my "dom" and calling me a wanna be sub on a forum I'd tell you to go play in the ocean with a cinder block tide around your neck. Perhaps she isn't the problem, perhaps the problem is that you are not inspiring her submission. Perhaps she can't trust you enough to submit or obey. Perhaps she senses that you truly don't have her back. Hopefully she wonders onto this thread. It would def. open my eyes.

DarkSteven -> RE: out of control sub (6/12/2013 8:16:08 PM)
Ask her what the issue is.

Greta75 -> RE: out of control sub (6/12/2013 10:37:45 PM)
[fast reply] A sub is a wannabe when a dom has difficulty inspiring obedience in her. Hmmm..... When is a dom a wannabe?

tazzygirl -> RE: out of control sub (6/12/2013 10:45:28 PM)
OOOooo how I could give you a name! But, TOS prevents me from doing so. [:D]

JeffBC -> RE: out of control sub (6/12/2013 11:06:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven Ask her what the issue is. And this is why I love you DS.

SimplyMichael -> RE: out of control sub (6/13/2013 11:35:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: shackledNspanked I have been trying to train a wannabe sub now for almost four months, I cannot control her, she is never where she should be and I am constantly having to call her out on too many things. She knows shes out of control and yet when I get her back on track she strays again. What should I do? move on? Communication won't work for people like these. In order for communication to be useful it requires self awareness, internal honesty, and personal responsibility. Otherwise, they are unaware of why they do things, why they have the reactions and emotional responses they do. Its like trying to "communicate" with a blind man about a sunset.

Endivius -> RE: out of control sub (6/13/2013 8:38:30 PM)
obviously you aren't beating her enough. Time to graduate to the big leagues and use a Louisville to motivate her. Swing for the fences. [8\|]

DesFIP -> RE: out of control sub (6/13/2013 9:18:49 PM)
Considering his profile says he's seeking wannabes, I'm curious as to why he is upset that he got just what he looked for.

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