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Bringing the posters profile into her question was for ... - 6/12/2013 12:17:08 PM   
Rasciallymisty


Posts: 5749
Joined: 4/16/2012
Status: offline 		I see no more good coming out of the thread I took that from, but a thought kept coming to my mind every time I return there to read that thread. I have now seen the same thing happen on a few different threads and wonder why! I noticed that others get bent out of shape when some brings someone profile into the mix of things if they feel someone is being attract. Yet when the thread is up beat and the profile is brought up...that's just hunky dory. In both cases though the profiles seem to become the topic and not the Op's question. What is about someone profile that throws so many in a tether here? I also figure you all can discuss it here till the cows come home and no one will be off topic.



~misty~
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RE: Bringing the posters profile into her question was ... - 6/12/2013 12:24:58 PM   
Rawni


Posts: 1175
Status: offline 		Last night there was a poster that posted two threads. What he posted was very different than what he had in his profile and journal. Each suggested he was one way, when he was clearly sending two messages. On the message board he was presenting as a possible racist, domly dog and in his journal, he was presenting as an all knowing, respectful dominant that claimed to be a slaver... whatever that meant to him or us.

Sometimes you get a clearer picture by looking at it all, even if that picture is a jumbled up mess. When there are 'debates' one may need to look further to see what might really being going on and if there is some sort of game or motivation that would influence one thing or another.

In the case you are talking about... lol... it was simply that someone complaining about a dom, was then fingering herself telling her dom what she wanted to do with him. It all played into what was happening across the board so to speak.

(in reply to Rasciallymisty)
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RE: Bringing the posters profile into her question was ... - 6/12/2013 12:36:59 PM   
Rasciallymisty


Posts: 5749
Joined: 4/16/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rawni
quote:

Sometimes you get a clearer picture by looking at it all, even if that picture is a jumbled up mess. When there are 'debates' one may need to look further to see what might really being going on and if there is some sort of game or motivation that would influence one thing or another.


I totally agree but thought maybe having this as a topic more might understand why so many of us do so. I myself will look at someones profile that has posted and compare them to their post here to get a better insight on who they maybe. Thanks for sharing Rawni.

~misty~

(in reply to Rawni)
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RE: Bringing the posters profile into her question was ... - 6/12/2013 12:44:25 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Just so we're not talking about one particular case.

I will go to a person's profile for certain things. One of those being if they are saying that there are no local munch groups near them. That's usually not the case. Age can sometimes factor into a person's question, particularly if they have relationship questions. Gender and/or orientation can matter in some cases. For example, if a person is asking about what kind of pics their target demographic is going to like, it's honestly going to matter if we're talking about a straight male submissive, rather than a gay male Dom.


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(in reply to Rasciallymisty)
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RE: Bringing the posters profile into her question was ... - 6/12/2013 12:51:19 PM   
Rasciallymisty


Posts: 5749
Joined: 4/16/2012
Status: offline 		Thanks LP for answering also, I feel they are all vaild reasons also.

I did not mean this post to be about anyone, its just something I have seen happen more than once, the last thread just happen to be the newest time.

~misty~

(in reply to LadyPact)
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RE: Bringing the posters profile into her question was ... - 6/12/2013 12:57:57 PM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		FR

Because communicating via a message board takes away so many of the clues and cues which make up ordinary face to face conversation. I can't see your facial expressions, or body language. I don't hear from your tone whether you are being sarcastic, or arrogant, or uncertain. I don't get any clues from our surroundings, or the way you are dressed, and in the vast majority of cases, I don't have any background information on you as a person.

The same question coming from three different people might have different answers and need different styles of communication.

Someone skillful with words might do a pretty good job of filling in some of those gaps but nevertheless the words are a small fraction of the context we usually have in a conversation, so it's natural to look for more information to help us out. A profile is a summary of who a person is and why they are here, in their own words. It can tell us a tremendous amount. I don't see the harm in it - people put their profiles up willingly and get to choose how they portray themselves. When people get all upset about it, it's usually because they don't like the assumptions people have made. I understand that. But it's also kinda tough luck - people would be making assumptions about you if you met in a bar or a dinner party. They have to in order to make any sense of things, it's how human brains work.

Often if we don't look at profiles there isn't enough to give a sensible answer and if we stick rigidly to the question there might not be much of an evolving discussion. The result would be lots of short, dull threads.

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Upon the hours and times of your desire?

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RE: Bringing the posters profile into her question was ... - 6/12/2013 1:13:42 PM   
nephandi


Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline 		Greetings

I often will visit the profile of the people I meet on the message boards just to see who they are, I mean see what their interests are and the like. In many way the profiles we create are our image on the forum, they are how we want to portray ourselves to others here, and that can be useful to have a look at.

I wish you all well

_____________________________

Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it. Action has magic, grace and power in it.--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Futon torpedoes, make love not war!--Aswad


(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
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RE: Bringing the posters profile into her question was ... - 6/12/2013 1:19:55 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		"Why cant I find a dom"?

"Could be that you have been here only 2 days.... or the 6 kids you mention on your profile ranging from ages 2 - 9, or the photos you have of yourself that reflect the trash heaped up in the corners of the room"

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Why doesnt she trust me?"

"Have you talked to her about her trust issues? Have you discussed what her problem is? Or did you just lay into her on your profile, calling her 20 thousands names, none of which are pleasant, and expect her not to care? Could that be it?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Why havent I heard from him? The ungrateful brute just stopped communicating with me!"

"Could it be that he isnt that into you? Or maybe, just maybe, it has something to do with the fact that your profile mentions he was deployed 3 days ago?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Her attention is wandering.. help?"

"You mention her name in your profile, so I took at peek at hers. Interesting... she is in the middle of finals. And you want her sole attention on YOU?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Often there is a wealth of information on profiles that others "forget" or "fail to mention" in their moments of grief stricken panic.



_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

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RE: Bringing the posters profile into her question was ... - 6/12/2013 1:36:33 PM   
Dyfrynt


Posts: 202
Joined: 4/19/2011
Status: offline 		The profile is a useful tool in attempting to put the OP's question into some kind of perspective. It gives one at least a little bit of extra information about what that person is like, and perhaps the "why" of their question. When the OP's profile becomes the topic instead of the their question, the thread usually goes south.

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RE: Bringing the posters profile into her question was ... - 6/12/2013 1:52:43 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Most people panic at the thought of becoming self aware. They are freaked out when those of,us who are perceptice cut through their or anothers emotional walls or lies.

(in reply to Dyfrynt)
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RE: Bringing the posters profile into her question was ... - 6/12/2013 2:10:21 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dyfrynt

The profile is a useful tool in attempting to put the OP's question into some kind of perspective. It gives one at least a little bit of extra information about what that person is like, and perhaps the "why" of their question. When the OP's profile becomes the topic instead of the their question, the thread usually goes south.


I have seen all those situations I described. The profile's were all used. The profile was not the topic, the profile proved the reason why the question was asinine.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to Dyfrynt)
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RE: Bringing the posters profile into her question was ... - 6/12/2013 2:14:49 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rasciallymisty
I see no more good coming out of the thread I took that from, but a thought kept coming to my mind every time I return there to read that thread. I have now seen the same thing happen on a few different threads and wonder why! I noticed that others get bent out of shape when some brings someone profile into the mix of things if they feel someone is being attract. Yet when the thread is up beat and the profile is brought up...that's just hunky dory. In both cases though the profiles seem to become the topic and not the Op's question. What is about someone profile that throws so many in a tether here? I also figure you all can discuss it here till the cows come home and no one will be off topic.
~misty~

I almost never view a profile before commenting on a thread. This is primarily because I don't trust profiles: people can put anything in them, and lie their asses off even if they think they are telling the truth, because they lack self-understanding. So I try to respond to the OP, or to support or refute a key point brought up by another poster.

However, if someone else brings up the OP's profile, and the OP verifies that, yes, the statement is factual (I have three kids, I've been struggling all my life to lose weight, whatever it may be) then I consider that to be a fact in play for the rest of the thread.

This isn't really an answer to any of your questions, I know, but I thought you might be interested in how I approach the situation.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Rasciallymisty)
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RE: Bringing the posters profile into her question was ... - 6/12/2013 3:17:19 PM   
SwitchNSpanky


Posts: 418
Joined: 5/28/2013
Status: offline 		Hmm. Not to divert the topic. But I did not fill out my profile because I figured that would be the best way to discourage folks from hitting on me here. Wife and I are monogamous. And I just want to talk to yall. But now I'm wondering if that makes me look like a Troll. I obviously don't want that either. Do y'all think I should fill out the profile and just clearly state "I don't want none!". Or am I ok leaving it alone?

(in reply to RedMagic1)
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RE: Bringing the posters profile into her question was ... - 6/12/2013 3:24:32 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SwitchNSpanky

Hmm. Not to divert the topic. But I did not fill out my profile because I figured that would be the best way to discourage folks from hitting on me here. Wife and I are monogamous. And I just want to talk to yall. But now I'm wondering if that makes me look like a Troll. I obviously don't want that either. Do y'all think I should fill out the profile and just clearly state "I don't want none!". Or am I ok leaving it alone?

If you really care, but don't want a "dating profile," you could fill out your collarchat profile somewhat, which is different from your collarme profile. You can see it by clicking "My Profile" in the top right of this page. It lets you set your avatar here, your signature, and provide a little info about yourself.

You might have guessed from my previous answer in this thread that I would only think you are a troll if your posts appeared to be troll posts.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to SwitchNSpanky)
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RE: Bringing the posters profile into her question was ... - 6/12/2013 4:55:58 PM   
BambiBoi


Posts: 461
Joined: 8/10/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rasciallymisty

I see no more good coming out of the thread I took that from, but a thought kept coming to my mind every time I return there to read that thread. I have now seen the same thing happen on a few different threads and wonder why! I noticed that others get bent out of shape when some brings someone profile into the mix of things if they feel someone is being attract. Yet when the thread is up beat and the profile is brought up...that's just hunky dory. In both cases though the profiles seem to become the topic and not the Op's question. What is about someone profile that throws so many in a tether here? I also figure you all can discuss it here till the cows come home and no one will be off topic.



~misty~


At the time of this writing, I feel like I'm the most recent person to do exactly this. So I will explain what goes on in my little view of the world.

Someone comes to the forums and shares a thought/asks a question. Their comment is usually about themselves, made general.

"Why don't women like short guys?" Guy is 5'3''.
"What is the difference between being a dom and a master?" Guy vehemently asserts his being a "master."
"What is the best way to attract a unicorn?" Dom/sub couple looking for single bisexual female switch.

Part of me feels that the question implies an invitation to bring extrinsic parts of their profile into the question. Another part of me is trying to "solve" the mystery for the poster personally, even if the question is asked in the abstract. For that, I apologize. I struggle with trying to fix things I perceive as problems.

Sometimes, on rare occasion, the question is asked by someone whose profile makes it obvious that they are so steeped in fantasy that a realistic discussion of BDSM is not feasible. To make matters worse, the person does not recognize that BDSM exists outside of kink.com. If one wants to have a highbrow discussion, an open mind is required.

Lastly, I don't want to bargain with myself. When I exchange points with someone, I am not satisfied with being told "Yeah, well, you know, that's just, like, your opinion, man."

I go to the profile because it gives me leverage to say "you purport to say X. X does not square with what is being said here. Please elaborate."

Edit: Grammar, syntax, and taking out the line "you don't step into the ring with Ali just because you want to try boxing."

< Message edited by BambiBoi -- 6/12/2013 4:58:45 PM >

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<3

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RE: Bringing the posters profile into her question was ... - 6/12/2013 5:22:28 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		If a woman comes on to ask the question, "Why am I being treated like a booty call?" I will look at her profile to see if it sends the message, "Treat me like a booty call."

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(in reply to Rasciallymisty)
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RE: Bringing the posters profile into her question was ... - 6/12/2013 5:25:05 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BambiBoi
When I exchange points with someone, I am not satisfied with being told "Yeah, well, you know, that's just, like, your opinion, man."

...in order to win the Grand Prize: "You're not wrong, you're just an asshole."

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to BambiBoi)
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RE: Bringing the posters profile into her question was ... - 6/12/2013 5:32:02 PM   
VideoAdminRho


Posts: 2055
Joined: 3/24/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SwitchNSpanky

Hmm. Not to divert the topic. But I did not fill out my profile because I figured that would be the best way to discourage folks from hitting on me here. Wife and I are monogamous. And I just want to talk to yall. But now I'm wondering if that makes me look like a Troll. I obviously don't want that either. Do y'all think I should fill out the profile and just clearly state "I don't want none!". Or am I ok leaving it alone?


At the very least, it would help you know when you have mail.

(in reply to SwitchNSpanky)
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RE: Bringing the posters profile into her question was ... - 6/12/2013 5:46:02 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I always look at profiles of posters; even if they are not the OP. I like to see what is going on with people.

When someone comes on the message boards and posts, they are open to people checking them out.

99.9% of the time when a stupid or annoying thread is started, the profile is similar. Sorry, but it is true.

I also think that many people lack the self awareness to realize that people here, at least, are not content to take a question at face value; they like to analyze things deeper and that includes, checking out someone's profile.

(in reply to VideoAdminRho)
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RE: Bringing the posters profile into her question was ... - 6/12/2013 5:54:58 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Their profile is a reflection of the op. My experience is that you can't separate the profile from the question they ask. By looking at the profile, it gets straight to the heart of the question.

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Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

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