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LadyPact -> RE: Ambivalence ...? (6/13/2013 10:59:44 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MsSylverdawn
Do you ever just feel ambivalent toward your dominance? Lately I am so not motivated to engage in any sort of power exchange dynamic. The last relationship ended amicably with no great fanfare. It was nice but I was almost relieved when it ended. Now a fellow Ive spoken with but never met wants to meet and Im finding it hard to work up the enthusiasm even to meet for the standard cup of coffee... Has anyone ever suffered this ennui ? How did you handle it?
Yes, but it might be in a different way than what you are describing here. Where I think it may have been similar is the "relieved when it's over" part. I might be reading too much into the comment, but when that happens, it's like a weight that is coming off of you for one reason or another and it can make you hesitant to want to repeat that. While SeekingT has a possible answer that it's the new guy that is the reason for the ambivalence, I see it as also being possible that you are still in your "relieved" phase from the last guy who maybe wasn't making Dominance fun for you toward the end and it was more of a chore. Almost like a feeling that you don't want the burden again.
Relief when a dynamic ends is a lot different than grief. It's not a pain thing. It's more like a freedom. If we're talking the same language here, it might just be a case of you not chomping at the bit to loose that freedom again.
quote:
ORIGINAL: MsSylverdawn
Other areas of my life are good... Im engaged excited and busy making plans. I just don't feel energized by the idea of being mentally or even physically engaged in a power dynamic. I am infact a bit put off by the idea of wading through a pile of useme abuse me to find a person who sees me as more than a means to their end. Ive been around long enough to realize that that their are natural ebbs and flows however this has been about six months and the feeling is somewhat different. I feel a lack of desire ... which is new... before it just been a lack of opportunity, time, and energy. I have the energy just no desire..
This is the part where we are different. When the weight was taken off of Me, I literally got happier about everything. I'm a casual top whether I have a dynamic or not. All of a sudden, playing was fun again for Me. I couldn't wait to have the opportunity to play with people, socialize with friends, be in the community, and do all of the things that I didn't because of all of the reasons that fed into the "relief that it was over" part. I went back to enjoying things again because it was all about the positives again and not the negatives. The same types of play that were such a drag before were automatically fun again.
I hadn't even realized how negatively I had felt until I felt I got My freedom back. It was like My whole personality went back to the happy person that I was before the drudgery of dealing with the weight of burden that was happening during the end period of the dynamic. As soon as I recognized it, the best description I can give you is it was like a new lease on life.
Now, I can't speak for you and I have no idea if I'm on target or all of the way out in left field. I can tell you that, for Myself, "relief that it's over" does have an impact. For Me, I think part of it is teaching Myself that the negatives aren't necessary associated with the activities or the relationship structure and reinforcing that they were connected with one particular situation. From your posts, you may have to push yourself a bit in that direction, where I just couldn't wait to go back to doing them again and had a lot of friends who were happy to see Me enjoying life again.
For what it's worth, I don't think this is really a lifestyle issue. Vanilla women get out of relationships all of the time, look back at them to realize it was more of a burden than a joy, and find themselves not wanting a relationship for a while. I think it's a normal part of processing.
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