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Change of viewpoint? - 6/13/2013 3:57:13 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		I know for me, the way I view most things in kink is oftentimes radically different than from when I started.

What are views that havent changed?

Have your views on something changed more than once?

What change would most shock your earlier self and why?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Change of viewpoint? - 6/13/2013 5:15:46 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Bahahahahahaha......

Seriously. How long have you got?

I'm going to say this in My own defense. I came in backwards compared to most people who will hit this thread. I didn't research stuff on the internet and didn't see some things that I would have *if* it would have been the other way around.

Views that haven't changed: Still a leather person at heart. Still believe in hands-on education. Still believe in the old fashioned way of handling group/event/club problems internally. Still believe that outting (either kink or sexual orientation) is pretty despicable and automatically nulls and voids a person's right to be a member of a kink organization. Still believe that organizations that have by-laws should be germane to that group's purpose and should reflect the majority vote.

Views that changed: My definition of a Master grew. I came to understand fin kink. (I didn't at all when I first got on the net.) We went from monogamy to poly.

The most shock: My former self would have never thought that I would acquire a taste for sadism.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Change of viewpoint? - 6/13/2013 5:19:30 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
Bahahahahahaha......
Seriously. How long have you got?

Yeah, that :)

I used to believe the stupidest shit I can imagine. here's one of my personal favorites. I thought it was important to protect Carol from me ... the guy who loves her ... by not actually internally enslaving her. Let's not even start with how rigid I was with my label usage back then. Oh, and you know this personally Michael... I thought all you kinksters were crazy sick fucks who couldn't hold a relationship together because your genitals got in the way. I thought Goreans were into kidnap, torture and rape... at least if they thought they could get away with it. Oh man I could go on and on with stupid shit I thought.

Here's one that did not change. I still think other doms are a danger to Carol. That, in fact, has been reinforced with practical experience.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Change of viewpoint? - 6/13/2013 5:28:18 PM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Bahahahahahaha......

Seriously. How long have you got?




Ditto.

- Didn't used to think switching was possible.
- Didn't used to think that I could be sexually attracted to women, or male subs for that matter.
- Didn't used to think I could be sadistic, or top from an other than service top perspective, or could genuinely desire to dominate somebody with or without kink involved.
- Didn't used to think that I would ever be into edge play, or that edge play was "normal" or acceptable.
- Didn't used to think that I could ever partake in bottoming for anything more harsh than a sued flogger.
- Didn't used to be able to tell the different between "fantasies I enjoy fantasizing about" and "fantasies I want to make reality one day".
- Didn't used to think that anything but TPE was a valid kinky relationship structure.

That's the first ones that pop to mind. I could keep going for about half an hour more, depending on how far I go back.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Change of viewpoint? - 6/13/2013 5:48:12 PM   
TNDommeK


Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		Hmmm, yea there's a few.
I used to think I could never attend a play party. I'm suuuuuuuper private.
I used to think switches were confused.
I used to think that Dom/Domme couples couldn't exist together. Even though hubby and I do.
I used to be very put off by others kinks that weren't my own. (Especially if they were more over the top than normal..like blood, needles, etc. and now I'm finding myself curious about it)

And this is embarrassing but I used to think that BDSM was cut and dry, meaning there's a right and wrong way. I never thought different ppl did their own thing. I'm soooooo glad I've learned different.
I have these forums to thank for some of those things mentioned.

The most shocking, I'd have to say would be my sadism. I always knew I loved being a sadist, but I've discovered that I'm more so a sadist that I thought at first. I think I scare Hubby sometimes,lol.

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell


(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Change of viewpoint? - 6/13/2013 6:50:23 PM   
SeekingTrinity


Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline 		~FRing it~

I used to be very anti-switch. I used to think switching with the same person was an impossibility.

I used to have a more unfavorable view of the whole pro and fin Dom genre. I now realize that Im in no position to judge anyone else.

I used to fear a loss of control. Seriously fear it. We're talking scared shitless

I used to abhor the thought of attending public events.

I used to think I knew it all. I realize now that there is always something new to learn and that bettering myself is always possible.

I used to think that I'd never be compatible with another identified dominant. Too many bosses, not enough subordinates. Now I realize its more about the person, not about the title/role

While I still can't imagine doing some of the more edgier activities, Im more interested in learning about things that are outside my scope of interests

I used to think that a title made me "the woman" (think the expression "the clothes make the man"). But it's the actions I take, the way I handle my business, the way I carry myself make me who I identify as.

I used to think it was all about me and what the submissive does for me. I now realize that it's 100-100 on both our parts



< Message edited by SeekingTrinity -- 6/13/2013 6:53:25 PM >

(in reply to TNDommeK)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Change of viewpoint? - 6/13/2013 7:47:43 PM   
BambiBoi


Posts: 461
Joined: 8/10/2010
Status: offline 		What are views that haven't changed?
I still have an innate distrust of dominant men. I always have a flickering thought that goes through my head: You're just in this for kinky sex and blow jobs on demand.

I still feel out of place at a play party if I don't have a woman or top by my side. Alone, I feel like a wolf sneaking into the hen house. Slightly less so at a munch, but not enough for me to seek them out when I'm unattached.

Have your views on something changed more than once?
I'm only a tyke, but I started out as a top mainly on account of gendertyping norms. As I developed an understanding of power exchange, I learned a more fluid "yin and yang" approach. I went from purely dominant, "master" of a pet to a bottom, including some gender bending. Now I'm more "whatever needs doing" which I guess is switching. (For that reason my posts mainly use top/bottom to describe the power roles instead of D/s or M/s). I suspect this will all change again.

I can't tell if I'm a selfish person who uses BDSM as a vessel to be giving because it pleases me, or if my interaction in BDSM is evidence that I am a giving person.

I waiver on which kinks I enjoy and which are important.

What change would most shock your earlier self and why?
My earlier self was a 100% hetero-dominant male. Now?

Like Ullrs, I came to understand TPE as a sustainable lifestyle. In fact, I don't think I would be fulfilled moving back to a purley vanilla relationship. When I first got into this, it was for the kinks, not it is part of my identity.



_____________________________

<3

(in reply to SeekingTrinity)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Change of viewpoint? - 6/13/2013 8:17:02 PM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline 		I learn alot of new shocking things from collarme forums.

I think the most shocking revelation is how many people do not believe in Sane Safe and Consensual, and consider that a limiting belief towards their own bdsm experience.

I still believe in SSC, but it's mind boggling that so many people aren't and don't advocate it.

(in reply to BambiBoi)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Change of viewpoint? - 6/13/2013 8:18:35 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		because we see it as a false sense of security instead of relying on constant communication and getting to know the person you are with and realize nothing is ever really safe.



_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Greta75)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Change of viewpoint? - 6/13/2013 8:18:42 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:


What are views that havent changed?


Gosh you know this might be the hardest one to come up with. I am not sure if anything has been a constant in my view of things. That is not to say that I been flip flopping. Just that my views and opinions on things have become more evolved and informed.



quote:


Have your views on something changed more than once?


Changed.... Mmmm. Everything has evolved. But I think the view on Leather is something that has been the most difficult to pin down for me. Actually very recently I came to a realization of sorts that has helped me to understand it. Soon I will be doing my own writing on the topic to put my view out there.


quote:


What change would most shock your earlier self and why?


That community would become important to me. I have to say that for the longest time.. I didn't have a lot of value for the community as a whole. That view is changing for me and I know years back that change would surprise my old self

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Change of viewpoint? - 6/13/2013 8:28:54 PM   
UllrsIshtar


Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

I think the most shocking revelation is how many people do not believe in Sane Safe and Consensual, and consider that a limiting belief towards their own bdsm experience.



That's funny, because I was shocked, after hearing the slogan for years, to find out that there where actually people who literally ascribed to it in a serious way.

I've always felt that SSC was like answering the question "what color are you painting the bedroom in?" with "blue". It gets a general jest of the idea across, but both parties still know that if they want to go in more detail, an answer like "azure" would be more appropriate.
I was shocked to find out that some people consider SSC as a description to be on par with answering "azure" to a more detailed question.

< Message edited by UllrsIshtar -- 6/13/2013 8:29:08 PM >

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to Greta75)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Change of viewpoint? - 6/13/2013 9:13:53 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I think, because I was near 50 when I started, that I knew myself quite well then. So the things I was uninterested in ten years ago still hold no attraction for me. I'm still interested in the things that I liked then.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to UllrsIshtar)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Change of viewpoint? - 6/13/2013 9:26:41 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

I learn alot of new shocking things from collarme forums.

I think the most shocking revelation is how many people do not believe in Sane Safe and Consensual, and consider that a limiting belief towards their own bdsm experience.

I still believe in SSC, but it's mind boggling that so many people aren't and don't advocate it.


I look at SSC as the beginner's level. First step in, SSC. Consent is paramount, be as safe as you can, and, please, make sure all parties are sober and no anger.

As you go deeper and you learn more, then I switch over to RACK. I want to know everything about what I enjoy. How far can I push the limits. Even canI slip over the edge and what are the risks.

I dont run my whole life by either. I just incorporate the "meaning" behind each into my decisions.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to Greta75)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Change of viewpoint? - 6/13/2013 9:30:32 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Can't really say I've changed my views on or in bdsm. My views on bdsm have always been pretty much what they are now. About the only thing that changed for me was that I went from always wanting to play and hard because of major emotional pains and grieving I was going through to escape to not really having a big desire for it anymore and not really being able to take pain. But I don't see that as having changed my views but more along that I fixed what was wrong with me.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to tazzygirl)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Change of viewpoint? - 6/13/2013 9:38:16 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		One thing that changed is that I am very seldom shocked by things I thought I should be shocked by.

I am surprised that some people are upset over their desires.

I am surprised that people view all of this as a community or lifestyle; to me it was always just how I operate in a relationship.

I am surprised that people think being into this makes us somehow more special or less special than anyone else.

I am surprised that I went pretty far in my last relationship, doing things I thought I would never do, and did them out of misplaced trust and love.

My view of what I prioritize in a relationship has changed.

(in reply to tazzygirl)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Change of viewpoint? - 6/13/2013 9:48:51 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

What are views that havent changed?


Havent changed?

That Im not a doormat, even when I want to be.
That some people are inherently good, and some are not, and we cant always tell one from the other.
That im still not a pain slut... lol

quote:

Have your views on something changed more than once?


Many of my views have changed as a result of interacting with some of the most delightfully kinky, if not infuriatingly stubborn, people I have met on these boards. And from me, thats not a put down. Even you have managed to change my views on a few things. Not going to tell you what, though. I dont want to handle your ego about them... lol
My views on FinDommes.... definitions of the many "roles".... have changed more than once.

quote:

What change would most shock your earlier self and why?


My ability to accept in others what I cannot accept in myself.
My views on certain lifestyles have done a complete 180. Something I would never have thought possible.
My desire to explore more than before.
My lack of desire to please everyone.
That I dont need an emotional roller coaster to feel anymore.
That I can actually demand what i need, instead of just quietly accepting what I have.
My lack of desire to judge other people's kinks. As long as everyone is happy, then its all good.
My views on kinks... blood letting, needles, rope, pain... none of those, and more, held no interest for me before.
Jealousy used to be a huge issue for me. I find I am able to watch someone flirt outrageously now, and laugh along with them as they are enjoying themselves instead of feeling hurt that they are enjoying that moment with someone else.
My views on what constitutes a "Master" had softened a bit. Imnot as rigid as I used to be. Thats something my old self would have been completely shocked by.


This list could go on and on.... lol

Good topic!


_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Change of viewpoint? - 6/13/2013 10:04:40 PM   
Itsthetruth


Posts: 28
Joined: 5/30/2013
Status: offline 		There are many in the kink community who do believe in and advocate SSC.Perhaps many here on collarchat do not believe in SSC but collarme is just one part of the bigger community.Too many people have taken this issue from one extreme to another.


quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

I learn alot of new shocking things from collarme forums.

I think the most shocking revelation is how many people do not believe in Sane Safe and Consensual, and consider that a limiting belief towards their own bdsm experience.

I still believe in SSC, but it's mind boggling that so many people aren't and don't advocate it.



< Message edited by Itsthetruth -- 6/13/2013 10:05:35 PM >

(in reply to Greta75)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Change of viewpoint? - 6/13/2013 10:53:55 PM   
MasterCaneman


Posts: 3842
Joined: 3/21/2013
Status: offline 		I have a simple rule when I scene: don't do anything that can haunt me later. I've been with raving pain freaks and women who only want theatrical performances. When I'm in the mode, I don't do anything I wouldn't want done to me that I would regret come the dawn's early light.

< Message edited by MasterCaneman -- 6/13/2013 10:54:13 PM >

_____________________________

Age and treachery will always overcome youth and ambition.

The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting. ~ Sun Tzu

Goddess Wrangler



(in reply to Itsthetruth)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Change of viewpoint? - 6/14/2013 3:41:39 AM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		my point of view hasn't changed at all - I still see bdsm as being essential to my wellbeing.

However, how I practice it, and need it has changed. I no longer need (NEED!) daily rules to make me feel submissive. I'm leading more of an internal life now than external. I don't require the ritual.

Its easier for me as a submissive to be in a relationship with someone who spells out exactly what he wants, but I don't have to have it that way.
I guess you could say that I've loosen up in my expectations of my dominant. Yes, I know, submissives aren't supposed to have expectations of their doms - but being human , expectations happen.

< Message edited by kiwisub12 -- 6/14/2013 3:42:45 AM >

(in reply to MasterCaneman)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Change of viewpoint? - 6/14/2013 3:51:02 AM   
FrostedFlake


Posts: 3084
Joined: 3/4/2009
From: Centralia, Washington
Status: offline 		Now that I think about it, I don't recall ever changing my mind. I've always been just the way I am right now. Annoying.

_____________________________

Frosted Flake
simul justus et peccator
Einen Liebhaber, und halten Sie die Schraube

"... evil (and hilarious) !!" Hlen5

(in reply to MasterCaneman)
Profile   Post #: 20
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