What to do when Master wishes you to switch for him?

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What to do when Master wishes you to switch for him? - 6/15/2013 10:24:52 AM

ayasia1

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Joined: 5/29/2012
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I am collared and engaged to my Master and for me life is wonderful except for one thing...my Master wished that I could be more aggressive and do things like bite his penis, hit his balls, stretch them and etc...the problem being is I have always been taught to be very gentle with a man's penis and testicles...so how do I do this...?????

Post #: 1

RE: What to do when Master wishes you to switch for him? - 6/15/2013 10:49:07 AM

stef

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How do you do it? You do it.

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RE: What to do when Master wishes you to switch for him? - 6/15/2013 11:16:01 AM

lizi

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Joined: 2/1/2009
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Trying to understand....is the rougher handling he's wanting just physical, or is he also asking you to take on more of a Dominant role when he requests this of you? Is this all the time that he wants it or within certain parameters?

I ask because I think I could overcome my own aversion to doing the physical things you mention if it were just physical, however if he wanted that treatment coupled with harsher emotional/mental treatment of him that was somehow what I consider to be Dominant, I don't think I could do that. I could maybe do the Dominance thing if it was not all the time, and just a role play scenario he requested.

(in reply to ayasia1)

Post #: 3

RE: What to do when Master wishes you to switch for him? - 6/15/2013 12:52:06 PM

MissToYouRedux

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Joined: 1/23/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ayasia1

...my Master wished that I could be more aggressive and do things like bite his penis, hit his balls, stretch them and etc...the problem being is I have always been taught to be very gentle with a man's penis and testicles...

What stef said. It's never about what you think you should do but what your dominant wants you to do.

At the risk of TMI, I like rough primal animalistic sex (among other things lol), and it's my submissive's job to give me what I want exactly the way I want it. He got over his reluctance at what he inaccurately perceived as role reversal and his worry about hurting me when he realized that fact. I'll never forget the wonder in his voice first time mid-act when he said, "You really like that!" No more confliction.

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(in reply to ayasia1)

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RE: What to do when Master wishes you to switch for him? - 6/16/2013 3:23:05 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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At the same time, if the op really dislikes hurting others, then that's who she is and she shouldn't agree to be someone she isn't. Because in the long term this can't last.

If you're okay doing what he wants, then ask him to teach you how much is too much. Hit him lightly and have him rate it on a scale of 1 - 10. You want to aim for about a 7.

Have him say harder or softer.

Have you discussed with him why he wasn't honest about this from the beginning? Because if he's been telling you that sex is wonderful and three years in he finally announces it isn't, that concerns me.

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RE: What to do when Master wishes you to switch for him? - 6/18/2013 4:10:42 AM

theRose4U

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Joined: 8/22/2005
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If you're marrying this guy, he must lay his cards on the table!
Asking a submissive to scratch, bite, pull etc not only is "doing what master commands" but also provides a lover some feed back on where your head is at. A sub "Laying there thinking of england" while we do things to them quickly can get boring. If I wanted something to "lay there & take it" might as well flog the sofa arm & find a dildo. The give & take energy is what's fun about kink for me.
Massaging his prostate during oral, pulling his balls, & nipping (notice didn't say biting) his penis may be not only a way to get you to be more agressive in bed but also a way to open discussion into edgier kink. That being said if he's looking for you to hit, tie, spank I can see where he's potentially crossing a comfort line. Again this is why talking it out is important. "Marrying master" to find out after the wedding he couldn't wait to be your sub is too big a risk to not having a potentially difficult conversation.
The answer may be as simple as "I want it done because I said so" or as complicated as "well I always thought you might eventually be more aggressive in bed, maybe take over sometimes". Without asking you will never know.

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(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 6

RE: What to do when Master wishes you to switch for him? - 6/18/2013 4:37:27 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
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You haven't given us much info to go on, but your title does say your master wants you to switch.

Are you okay with that?

B/c it's been my experience that some people can switch with the same person, and others can't. (I'm one who can't.)

It has nothing to do with not wanting to do what someone wants in bed, in has to do with me not being able to switch roles within a single relationship, and I have to be one of the most dual minded people on earth !

You two obviously need to sit down and have a frank and open discussion about this. Does he just want kinky sex games in bed? Or is he looking for more of a relationship shift?

Then you have to decide if you can deal with what he wants.

Best, CP

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RE: What to do when Master wishes you to switch for him? - 6/18/2013 5:23:58 AM

kalikshama

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I'll handle his penis any way he wants me to, but I will not switch.

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(in reply to ayasia1)

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RE: What to do when Master wishes you to switch for him? - 6/18/2013 5:31:22 AM

DarkSteven

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The two of you are treading into very unfamiliar territory. Go very slow.

If you'd feel better having another woman top him rather than you, propose trying that instead.

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Post #: 9

RE: What to do when Master wishes you to switch for him? - 6/18/2013 8:19:11 AM

SimplyMichael

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Why is that people can be SO quick to think a submissive can top from the bottom but cant grasp that a top ordering and controlling non tradition stuff is still very much in control?

I dont like to be bitten but there are times I want a woman to be very forward sexually. Taking and forcing is quite hot but if I ALWAYS have to take at some point it feels like I actually do have to use force for sex and that is a very negative place for me.

I love being scratched over my entire body and can lay their quite passively blissed out on endorphins. Takes a long while to train someone to do it just right though so I can relax and not have to direct constantly.

The guy likes his cock used roughly, that doesnt mean he is submitting. I agree it is a something he neds to be honest about how deep those desires go and are there other hidden desires.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 10

RE: What to do when Master wishes you to switch for him? - 6/18/2013 8:27:07 AM

SwitchNSpanky

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Joined: 5/28/2013
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Why not ask him command you to do it?

What if he was straddling you holding a cane and saying something like "you better whip that cock before I decide to stripe that ass!"

That way he's very much in control and your just obeying?

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(in reply to SimplyMichael)

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RE: What to do when Master wishes you to switch for him? - 6/18/2013 1:31:17 PM

Kana

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Joined: 10/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

I'll handle his penis any way he wants me to, but I will not switch.

This is the Mouse. She's done topping for exes on their command but hated every minute of it.
She's just not wired that way. Doing so is betraying who and what she is.
The idea squicks her out big time, to the point where I strongly suspect that if I demanded such an act, it would probably break our relationship. She would see it as a huge shift in me, to the point where I was no longer the man to whom she submitted.

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(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 12

RE: What to do when Master wishes you to switch for him? - 6/18/2013 6:40:21 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Why is that people can be SO quick to think a submissive can top from the bottom but cant grasp that a top ordering and controlling non tradition stuff is still very much in control?

It's not that we can't grasp it. It's that some of us can't do it.

Beyond that, there are a hell of a lot of guys out there who do lie about being dominant. Simply because they can't find a woman willing to top them. As a result, we're pretty cynical about these situations. Because all too often, it's all about doing him the way he wants to be done while not caring if she's unhappy.

_____________________________

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(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 13

RE: What to do when Master wishes you to switch for him? - 6/18/2013 7:22:12 PM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ayasia1

I am collared and engaged to my Master and for me life is wonderful except for one thing...my Master wished that I could be more aggressive and do things like bite his penis, hit his balls, stretch them and etc...the problem being is I have always been taught to be very gentle with a man's penis and testicles...so how do I do this...?????

I dont equate acts with being dominant or submissive. And nothing turns me on more than turning on the man in my life. if it was me, I would do my best to please him. Switching, to me, puts me in control. I see his commands of you as him still being in control of the action.

You can enjoy pain and still be a dominant.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to ayasia1)

Post #: 14

RE: What to do when Master wishes you to switch for him? - 6/18/2013 7:28:05 PM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
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~FR

It could be that this man is a kinky bastard... or he may have a medical issue causing a decreased sensitivity.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to tazzygirl)

Post #: 15

RE: What to do when Master wishes you to switch for him? - 6/18/2013 7:39:51 PM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

I view switching as something different than this.

When I first joined CM, I ran into a fair number of guys online who listed themselves as switches or even dominants, but in reality wanted a woman to dominate them.
They would switch because then some of the time their needs were met.

For me, domination is very much a head thing vs a body thing.

A comparable analogy (for me) is that there are a lot of women who believe that if a man likes anal play at all it must mean he is gay.
My opinion is that it just means they enjoy those particular sensations.

So, if [my] Master wanted me to give him more sensation via biting, stretching etc, I would do my very best to please Him that way.
If I was uncomfortable in handling Him non-gently then I would voice that so that He could train me how He wanted to be touched.

I don't see that as switching or even topping.

It may seem aggressive to you.
Aggressive implies a hostile, attack-like approach (which to you, it is.)
Assertive means a firmer one.
I read somewhere that it (assertive) is planned, controlled, and goal directed.
If you look at it that way, does it help at all?

Some people want gentle touches and some folks want a different type of sensation.

Now if the dominant partner in the relationship, suddenly wanted to yield control; in my mind, that would be switching.

edit: clarity

< Message edited by angelikaJ -- 6/18/2013 7:41:11 PM >

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RE: What to do when Master wishes you to switch for him? - 6/18/2013 8:53:12 PM

DarkSteven

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Joined: 5/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Why is that people can be SO quick to think a submissive can top from the bottom but cant grasp that a top ordering and controlling non tradition stuff is still very much in control?

This is different.

Sometimes a sub can top from the bottom in relationship dynamics. This sub is being asked to do something physical.

She's liable to have a hard enough time topping anyone. This is her Master she's topping. That could be huge.

It also might alter the two's perception of each other, and could throw a wrench in the relationship dynamics.

I'm not saying it's unworkable, but it better be done delicately, baby step by baby step.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 17

RE: What to do when Master wishes you to switch for him? - 6/18/2013 8:57:49 PM

SimplyMichael

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Joined: 1/7/2007
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Its funny how many here clearly bottom from the top, lol!

(in reply to DarkSteven)

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RE: What to do when Master wishes you to switch for him? - 6/18/2013 9:07:54 PM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

Its all about the head space, at least for me. He isnt asking her to take control. He is telling her to do something specific and how to do it.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 19

RE: What to do when Master wishes you to switch for him? - 6/18/2013 9:39:26 PM

sexyred1

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Joined: 8/9/2007
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I don't consider this request to be asking her to switch. As other said, some of us like more rough sex, so its all good if both parties are happy.

Now, if a guy asked me to really dominate him, I could do it, but it would be pure acting, not feeling any erotic feelings whatsoever.

(in reply to tazzygirl)

Post #: 20

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