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Brand New Submissive seeking advice/tips - 6/16/2013 6:42:18 PM

newsubfemme

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I recently started dating a guy that I really like and he has told me he is a Dom. I've never participated in BDSM before. I am curious, and find the ideas arousing. I think I'm ok with becoming a submissive. I'm already submissive in vanilla interaction for the most part. I'm mainly kind of nervous about pain. He is interested in flogging and I've never experienced that.

I should say that he seems very open about discussing everything and he says he wants to ease me into it.

Any experienced submissives have any advice or tips for a newbie?

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RE: Brand New Submissive seeking advice/tips - 6/16/2013 8:04:54 PM

goodgirlmary

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Dont overthink what he says he is going to do. It is the type of thing that appeals or it doesn't.
.

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RE: Brand New Submissive seeking advice/tips - 6/16/2013 11:45:40 PM

tazzygirl

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Communication is key. Talk talk talk talk talk...and then talk some more. Dont assume he knows you well enough to read your mind. he doesnt.

If something doesnt feel right, sound right, or worries you.... talk

If something upsets you... talk

If something hurts you... talk.

You can say no, its not against the rules. But talk about why the answer is no... again.... talk.

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RE: Brand New Submissive seeking advice/tips - 6/18/2013 4:29:33 AM

theRose4U

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I would also suggest he start with something much less threatening & work you up to flogging. Those that would dump you in the deep end "because its what they like" early on are to be avoided.
I personally really enjoy newbies because you can talk about what they think they would like & work them up to it. For example one was super keen on single tails, heavy floggers & extreme bondage he saw in porn...weeeeeell after starting with bare hand spankings we discovered a lightweight medium speed crop, a fluffy covered rope flogger & handcuffs were all he could handle. After watching a single tail demo where basically whip put out candles & broke balloons for entertainment he was too scared to even hold a target, let alone BE the target.
If you're keen on the idea start there. BDSM checklist is always a good read & discussion. Feeling comfortable with the person, that they won't push you farther than you're ready & will stop the instant you feel fear or legitimate (injury) pain are crucial before playing with someone new.
If they pressure you about "all the other subs they have waiting to do___" RUN! A good dominant in the beginning takes time to build trust before pulling out heavier impliments. Also don't be afraid to ask him to "show you" how he uses a flogger. He should be able to hit the same location on a pillow or sofa arm repeatedly...if not DO NOT let him practice on you!!

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RE: Brand New Submissive seeking advice/tips - 6/18/2013 5:13:23 AM

poise

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quote:

ORIGINAL: newsubfemme
he seems very open about discussing everything and he says he wants to ease me into it.

Make sure this doesn't change.

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RE: Brand New Submissive seeking advice/tips - 6/18/2013 5:39:47 AM

kalikshama

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quote:

I'm mainly kind of nervous about pain. He is interested in flogging and I've never experienced that.

When my (now ex) husband and I were new to BDSM, we started with a light suede flogger, then went back for a heavier one, and then back for yet a thuddier one. Flogging doesn't have to hurt. Deep tissue massages often leave me more sore the next day.

What can hurt is when the floggers are "stingy." The rubber floggers sold cheaply at sex toy stores are very stingy and I hate them.

Learn more about floggers on the various pages here: http://www.detailstoys.com/floggers.html

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RE: Brand New Submissive seeking advice/tips - 6/18/2013 5:58:34 AM

kiwisub12

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Flogging for the most part for me doesn't hurt. It's more of a thud than a hurt.
There is a lot we do that wouldn't be all that scary for a new sub - keep an open mind and give things a go.

Having said that, until you are comfortable with ANYTHING, you shouldn't put yourself in a position that you can't leave from - i.e. bondage. Until I was very comfortable with my first dom, I was never put into bondage that I couldn't get out of quickly by myself. So I was tied up, but if something happened or I freaked out, I could get out of it. It made me feel very secure!

Which is quite funny because the bondage wasn't.......

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RE: Brand New Submissive seeking advice/tips - 6/18/2013 6:06:43 AM

lizi

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I'll have to chime in here and say as well that flogging never really hurt me too much. I don't have a ton of experience with different people and tools, but i never really found it to be anything that made me wince. Ask to hold the flogger and try it yourself on your thigh or on a pillow. Talk about things with him. Anything you can do to make things a known quantity instead of unknown will ease your mind.

Good that he's open to walking you through things, so ask him questions, discuss. Watch that he's concerned with proceeding at a pace that makes you comfortable.

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RE: Brand New Submissive seeking advice/tips - 6/18/2013 7:30:04 AM

cutiewithabootie

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I would start with little non intimidating things first. Most dominants I know like the brain the best as a toy. They like control of a situation. Try that first. Can you handle following a set of rules/expectations/maybe a dress code for your partner for a predetermined length of time? Can you do this without feeling resentful, bratty, or taken for granted?

Another thing about floggers is they are like any other impact toy. They can be used in a gentle non painful way or they can be used in a harsher way that leaves marks and can light your world up.

How strongly the flog is applied is up to you too. I like sting sometimes and a heavier thump others. Some floggers literally are meant to tickle more then anything else.

Maybe ask the person in question to demonstrate skill.
He should know how to warm up the skin

He should know what areas a flog can cause injury and what areas to avoid

He should know if his flog will sting or thump more

He should be able to hit the same place consitanly at a fairly rapid pace

He should also be able to swing the flog in such a way that the tassels are long, together and straight until they hit their impact zone. This means a smooth stroke and it CAN be seen.

These are basic flog skills that can be learned in a reletively short amount of time with practice. Its not hard. I learned to swing a flog myself because I love being flogged and want to have the oppertunity with every partner. I figured if they don't know how, I will teach them.

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RE: Brand New Submissive seeking advice/tips - 6/18/2013 8:23:58 AM

SimplyMichael

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Most flogging is about pleasure and endorhins. Unless the,guy has a serious toy collection most floggers are prerty soft and fluffy.

Now if he pulls out a heavy rubber flogger, that is another story but most commin floggers are just pleasure toys.

Its actually why I spent years putting flogging down as something a submissive does to a dominant, lol.

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RE: Brand New Submissive seeking advice/tips - 6/18/2013 8:27:29 AM

ChatteParfaitt

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Himself loves to be flogged with my suede flogger - it's a great massage tool for someone with tiny wrists and limited upper body strength.

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RE: Brand New Submissive seeking advice/tips - 6/18/2013 1:32:35 PM

Kana

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Flogging is one of those things where, with a few exceptions, it looks and sounds nasty, but doesn't hurt much at all.

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