Anyone else feel like giving up sometimes?

Anyone else feel like giving up sometimes? (Full Version)

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HopelessDreamer0 -> Anyone else feel like giving up sometimes? (6/16/2013 9:50:32 PM)
If their is anything I've learned in my 3 years in the 'lifestyle' (mostly on the sidelines) it's that finding a compatible partner can be very difficult. Heck as a male submissive who is a bit overweight, with a little below average physical attractiveness, and a shy/quiet personality I have a hard time even getting someone I'm interested in to send a reply back to me at all which is really quite demoralizing. I know, I know. It's hard for everyone, it can take a lifetime to find the right partner and some people never do. So what I'm wondering is how people keep going? Specifically the ones who have it hard for whatever reason? Does anyone ever feel like just throwing in the towel and forgetting about the lifestyle? As for me, it's not just my physical flaws that gets me down. And I know I'm terribly shy and a quiet person which doesn't exactly help (going to one of those fabled 'munch' gatherings alone sends shivers up my spine). But I feel like all of that can actually be worked around, it's not a big deal. The thing that really puts the nail in my coffin is that I have chronic pain and I'm on the verge of being too disabled to work and earn an income. My condition comes with a whole range of mental baggage as well. I'm actually just in my early 20s, but when I look at other people my age they are so full of life and I can't even imagine. Most of the time I'm just exhausted, and feel alienated from the healthy 'muggles' and trapped inside of my body cage. Honestly I don't know what anyone can really say to that you know. My situation is a bit screwed up. I'm genuinely submissive, I'm honest and I'm not a total mental trainwreck (yet) though I do have my bad days. But when push comes to shove I feel like I have less to offer to a dominant partner than the majority of the submissive population. I am genuinely submissive, I want to love and be loved just as anyone else and I even want to get my kink on. But I don't know if I have 15 years to search for a partner because my condition will only get worst over time. To be clear though when I try to connect with people I don't talk like this. I try to be respectful, considerate and fun. I am honest about my condition but I try to stay positive and don't talk about it much. Basically what I'm saying is I'm not totally clueless on how to socialize, this is just me at my worst. Okay I'm not gonna pretend that I didn't just come in here to give a sob story. I'm not sure there is much to say in response to all of that specifically. Maybe my typing it will help collect my thoughts at least and vent frustrations. But I am genuinely interested in hearing what anyone else might have to say (if anything), maybe other people who have it hard or who took a long time to find a partner or who felt like giving up sometimes. Just whatever, post something or we can let this fall into the abyss with the rest of the rambling sob entries! [:(]

DarkSteven -> RE: Anyone else feel like giving up sometimes? (6/16/2013 10:10:17 PM)
I'm sorry, but if your profile's not visible, I tend to think that you're not using all available avenues. You told us about all your issues. Now, tell us about what positives you actually bring to the table.

evesgrden -> RE: Anyone else feel like giving up sometimes? (6/16/2013 10:27:50 PM)
Sounds to me like you want a caregiver, not a domme.

SeekingTrinity -> RE: Anyone else feel like giving up sometimes? (6/16/2013 10:41:54 PM)
~FRing it~ I have belonged to CM since 2006 (under an individual profile I haven't logged onto in quite awhile) and it took me until 2012 to finally find the person Im with now. Was it frustrating? Hell yes! Did I want to give up sometimes? Yeah, at times it seemed so hard. But I kept reminding myself of one little thing...to quit trying to get what it is I want in life guarantees I won't find it. You are a male submissive, so essentially what that means is you are a fish in an insanely overstocked pond. Now I do realize you are a human being and not a fish, but the analogy fits. The ratio of submissive males to dominant females is overwhelmingly unequal. DS pointed out your hidden profile and I've read the only info you have out there on you in your OP. You speak in terms of negatives about yourself. The guy Im currently with is shorter than I am and he outweighs me by 50lbs (and Im not exactly Barbie's anorexic sister here [:)]), but what attracts me to him is his personality, his intelligence, his sense of humor, and the way that he treats me. I'm willing to bet that if you look at yourself outside the box, you will see a lot there. That is what you use to market yourself. It's not about pointing out what you lack. It's about saying "hey ladies, I may not be Channing Tatum, George Clooney, or Vin Diesel, but Im one hell of a submissive guy because <fill in the blank with what's good about you>" If you yourself feel like you don't have as much to offer, will someone else be able to see in you what you don't see in yourself? It comes from you and it flows out to the world, sweetie. It doesn't come from the outside and flows into you.

CynthiaWVirginia -> RE: Anyone else feel like giving up sometimes? (6/17/2013 2:43:40 AM)
When I first came here, my 3rd and 4th rounds of chemos hadn't worked and I was on the "wait and see" list, which felt more like the "yer f*cked" list. :) Married friends had twisted my arm about dating and got me back into the trenches. I'm in remission but have a lot of health problems. Most people I know in r/t from our munch groups also have health problems. A friend of mine has MS and another has a breathing condition that will likely limit his time on earth to about another three years. Spit happens. Sorry that you didn't have a chance to get into your late thirties or forties before your health started going down the tubes...but...welcome to the club anyway. My slave also has several disabilities. I felt like giving up frequently during my first two years here. Made and closed out more than half a dozen profiles. Searching and having patience is...difficult, but you need to be as visible in the community as you can be. Munches aren't scary, lol, nobody is going to haze you or make you strip nekkid and turn you into a pinata. You've gone to restaurants, right? Sometimes, unexpectedly, have seen someone walk in that you know and you've said hello...? Maybe exchanged a few sentences before either going to your own tables or choosing to sit at the same table to catch up on news? This is how our munches have been. While my mate and I were leaving the restaurant, some of the people from the group came over for some small talk. Some people exchanged cell phone numbers so they could meet up for coffee some other time, and bo and I were invited to a private play party. Btw, nobody dressed in a way that would scare some little kid or someone's grandma. Some of my kinky friends need a walker or wheelchair. Life doesn't stop just because disabilities kick in...and yanno what? None of us knows for certain how many years we're going to get on this planet. I thought mine were all used up years ago...and yet I have lived long enough to outlive several friends and my father. That super healty person you see and maybe envy a little...might be in a terrible car accident tomorrow. When I collared bo, I counted each day we have together as a blessing...and after we were together for something like six months, I almost died from lots of blood clots in my lungs (from birth control pills, lol). My slave is 56, dyes his hair, is losing his hair, sometimes has a tummy on him if he doesn't get enough exercise (like right now, after he's had a surgery and has had to take it easy while he waits for a second one), and I hate his beard and mustache (but he loves it so I've been letting him keep it). His brain injury makes him physically ill sometimes, goofed up the temperature control of his body, and makes him...um...ditzy sometimes. You know what? I love my slave and all those things I just mentioned are endearing (and sometimes pain in the arse) quirks. Know how to be a great conversationalist? Being interested in what others have to say, leaving comments that let them know you were listening if they show any signs of slowing down, and...asking open ended questions (not ones that can be answered with a simple yes or no). Get other people talking and look/be interested. You don't have to dazzle them with your brilliance, just show interest in others...and have some hobbies of your own to talk about. If I were you, I'd find my munch groups (if you need help with this just drop me a note and I'll find a specific link), then hang out online with other members, making comments on what other people said. Let them get to know you...you may be surprised and make a few friends who will meet up with you for coffee or soda pop BEFORE y'all go together to the big bad scary munch at the Chinese food buffet, steak house, Mexican restaurant, whatever. [;)] There are TNG groups for younger kinksters. If you're a gamer, sometimes groups will form and game nights will be hosted. bo and I went to one this year and had a great time...though nobody else was into my favorite (Pokemon) games, I enjoyed playing theirs. We all chipped in $5 so we could order out for pizza...and we brought some 2 liter bottles of assorted soda pops and someone else brought cake and chips and stuff. Psst..."muggles" was a dead giveaway that you're an HP fan. If you lived nearby I'd try to make you green with envy by showing off the lovely, often jewelled, HP type wands my son and I made for ourselves. Someday I'm going to have to get back to that one I haven't finished...I need to finish that snake swirling around the handle, and the "rope" around the top and bottom of the handle. If I had known that turning the rings into "ropes" would be so boring and tedious I never would have followed through with that "brilliant" idea...and I would have finished it long ago. Am still clueless about how I'm going to finish it off, either with painting or just staining the wood...I dunno which. (See, I'm not afraid to be a geek about something, and it gives others something to talk about. Especially when I show up at a munch with my Pikachu hat or Harry Potter dress, lol.) Be seen. Be friendly. Be patient. Have hobbies to keep yourself busy and emotions in balance. Searching can trigger "sub frenzy" and talking with others who interest you (triggering your submissive feelings) can give you "sub drop"...so keep some chocolate in the house and be prepared to watch some comedies or shows that will make you laugh even when you're down in the dumps. We have a terribly shy guy that comes to some of our munches. He lurks in corners and needs to be (tries to find a nice word for dragged)...ah, encouraged to join conversations and games. I hope you make a friend or two that drags you along, making you do what you want to do anyway. [;)] Accentuate the positive, don't magnify the negative. While you are searching for her...why not check out some library books on giving massage and on cooking, and look on Amazon for a book on taking care of leather and latex, etc. bo and I had no chance of finding each other until both of us were at CM at the same time, and both of us were free. I had my epiphany about BDSM seven or eight years before bo had his. While waiting, I got better at swinging a flogger, etc., did gardening, knitted, bought more Pokemon games, did some sewing, watched a lot of DVDs, went fishing, camping, swimming, tried out several churches and generally kept busy.

AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Anyone else feel like giving up sometimes? (6/17/2013 3:13:07 AM)
Fast Reply However bleak things seem, why would you ever give up on finding love and happiness? Keep looking. Yes, that will mean taking risks, and facing some of your fears. It's worth it. Even if you don't find anyone, do you want to lie on your deathbed one day and know that you didn't try everything? To never know whether you could've found something amazing? To have to look yourself in the mirror and know that there might have been a whole other life for you, but you never took a chance of finding it? I'd rather regret mistakes I made than chances I missed. If you think this is what will make you happy, then keep looking for it. You may not ever find it - it's a harsh truth - but you owe it to yourself to try. And while you're looking and waiting, cultivate other things that make you happy. Make friends. Try out new hobbies. Travel. Taste new foods. Read. Study. Volunteer. Make your life as full as possible - don't think about what you can't do, think of what you can do. At the very least you can read and type, right? Well, that means you could probably get a degree by distance learning. Or write a novel. Or get work doing freelance reviews or running a blog. In working on all areas of your life you will make yourself a more attractive partner and meet new people. Kinky people are everywhere, not just at munches. Understanding girl/boyfriends can do a pretty good job of supporting your need for submission. Work hard, don't put yourself under pressure for results, just appreciate the experiences you're getting along the way. But give up? Never.

Charles6682 -> RE: Anyone else feel like giving up sometimes? (6/17/2013 4:22:51 AM)
Those are some powerful words Athena. I needed to hear that myself. To the OP, all in due time. Good things come to those who are patient. quote: ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders Fast Reply However bleak things seem, why would you ever give up on finding love and happiness? Keep looking. Yes, that will mean taking risks, and facing some of your fears. It's worth it. Even if you don't find anyone, do you want to lie on your deathbed one day and know that you didn't try everything? To never know whether you could've found something amazing? To have to look yourself in the mirror and know that there might have been a whole other life for you, but you never took a chance of finding it? I'd rather regret mistakes I made than chances I missed.

DarkSteven -> RE: Anyone else feel like giving up sometimes? (6/17/2013 4:56:46 AM)
Since CynthiaWVirginia started it: There's a local Master who is disabled. I have heard nothing but good about him and his former abilities. Even though he can no longer whip and flog, he has a strong reputation, both for his previous capabilities and his sense to give them up when he couldn't do them well. His personal characteristics are excellent. There's a local sub who has had numerous operations and has given talks on how to session with bottoms with disabilities. My memory of her was that when my ex-sub kat and I attended a play party as newbies, she went out of her way to make the two of us feel welcome, while the rest ignored us. Disabled people are part of the world at large, and of the community as well.

Rawni -> RE: Anyone else feel like giving up sometimes? (6/17/2013 7:14:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: evesgrden Sounds to me like you want a caregiver, not a domme. Could you point out what exactly caused you to say this, because I am missing it. This is something that is often said to persons with chronic illnesses, along with a few other things and it really triggers an old broad like me that has worked with many hundreds of people that have been subjected to ignorance about what our lives are like and how we are viewed. Because someone suffers the challenges of a body that fails to thrive, does not mean they are looking for a caregiver. In fact, try being a caregiver to most of us and see what our reaction is. We have enough to face in challenges that I would go so far as to say that many able bodied persons would fail to make the mark in my book. I have seen such courage, such determination and down right personal strength in those with challenges, that I have rarely seen in those that have never been through such challenges. It is comments such as this that will take us on a low or bad day... to dark places. Already the OP has a struggle. He is young. He has some pretty serious things to get through and from what I have seen and with my experience... you were absolutely cruel in your ignorant comment. You really owe the OP an apology. If not for luck... genetics... god... powers that be... what the fuck ever.... you could be facing something one day and I would hope that your words wouldn't ring in your ear as a reminder to you, how you treated someone that showed vulnerability but not a weakness, as you dealt with all that you would have to deal with.

Rawni -> RE: Anyone else feel like giving up sometimes? (6/17/2013 7:49:46 AM)
HopelessDreamer, In 2001, I believe it was, I got what I called a death sentence. According to what was known about a rare genetic illness, I was going to die within the next two years. Guess what? [:D] I started the symptoms before other family members and I had a few other things wrong with me that others in my family didn't have. They had medical care, I had very little. They had calmer lives... I was the single parent of too many. By this time I had built and gained a great deal in life and had lost it all. Some of my friends said; It is like you have this black cloud that follows you everywhere and you are the most unlucky person I have ever known. I should have been the first of my generation to go down and I am the only one still standing. I had every odd against me and yet, I kept working it, kept living and I laughed. I laughed even when tears rolled down my face from pain. I found the joys in MY life.. not in comparison to other people's lives and found strength in my joy. I cannot go into so many things here, but I recommend support sites for chronic illness/pain and whatever you may have. Kinky people are everywhere and support sites may suit your situation better at the moment. I have run into some amazing people, young people that gave me a thing or two to think about on support sites and actually one here on CM. It is very easy to become overwhelmed with it all and I can assume that at your age, to face as much as you do, things could look pretty dim. I encourage you to seek out resources, network and don't stay too long in your mind when negative. Find something that you can do, even if you are stuck in bed, that will bring you some joy. Connect with resources in your community. You gain a solid base in your life and you can build from there and love though it may be a challenge, you could be surprised at how quickly it can come for some. We cannot know how it will go, but hope and joy are mainstays to building and surviving and even when hope dims in your soul... all you need is one hope. Just one small thing you have hope in, to get you through to another day and more hope.

cutiewithabootie -> RE: Anyone else feel like giving up sometimes? (6/17/2013 8:05:55 AM)
I never feel like giving up. Ben Franklin said "I didn't fail 998 times inventing a light bulb. I learned 998 ways not to do it" The more I look for what I want the more I learn what I don't want. Or I learn something about myself that I didn't even know was imprtant to me in a relationship. I learned the hard way, that you have to LIKE yourself. Its imprtant to be right with you before you try to be right with others. I know confidence is hard. But some people are born with it, others LEARN to be confident. I was shy. I am not a size perfect. I have health limitations too. But I am worth it to the person who wants me. And you are too. And you are worthwhile. Self depreciating remarks can be a turn off as much as arrogance. Taking care of yourself is also important. Even if you don't want to get out of bed. Basic things like getting dressed can boost your morale. Maybe some help is best for you more then a partner. Anti depressents and therepy can help a lot with depression. And you sound very un happy. Surely you don't want to stay that way.

MasterCaneman -> RE: Anyone else feel like giving up sometimes? (6/17/2013 8:23:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cutiewithabootie I never feel like giving up. Ben Franklin said "I didn't fail 998 times inventing a light bulb. I learned 998 ways not to do it" The more I look for what I want the more I learn what I don't want. Or I learn something about myself that I didn't even know was imprtant to me in a relationship. I learned the hard way, that you have to LIKE yourself. Its imprtant to be right with you before you try to be right with others. I know confidence is hard. But some people are born with it, others LEARN to be confident. I was shy. I am not a size perfect. I have health limitations too. But I am worth it to the person who wants me. And you are too. And you are worthwhile. Self depreciating remarks can be a turn off as much as arrogance. Taking care of yourself is also important. Even if you don't want to get out of bed. Basic things like getting dressed can boost your morale. Maybe some help is best for you more then a partner. Anti depressents and therepy can help a lot with depression. And you sound very un happy. Surely you don't want to stay that way. I think you meant Edison there. [:)] Hey, I have some serious health problems as well. I broke my back in a bike wreck, on top of a lifetime of serious injuries from living life a little too fully. Couple that with the repercussions of years of drug abuse and what it's done to my endocrine system and I've got a lot stacked against my door. You just got to learn to play the hand that's dealt ya. There are days I can't get out of bed it hurts so bad, and the other issues just add to the misery. But life is pain, sometimes you just gotta say, "Fuck it, don't mean a thing, and drive on". Another little mantra I use is something one of my DIs said to us: Deal With It. He didn't mean it the way a lot of people use it now-he meant for use to figure out how to get around, over, or through whatever problem we were having. It wasn't meant as a brush-off, it was intended to be a constructive comment meant to make use our big brains to handle the issue at hand. And you know what? It worked and it still works for me today. Don't ever give up hope, sometimes it's all we have in this world.

evesgrden -> RE: Anyone else feel like giving up sometimes? (6/17/2013 9:35:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Rawni quote: ORIGINAL: evesgrden Sounds to me like you want a caregiver, not a domme. Could you point out what exactly caused you to say this, because I am missing it. This is something that is often said to persons with chronic illnesses, along with a few other things and it really triggers an old broad like me that has worked with many hundreds of people that have been subjected to ignorance about what our lives are like and how we are viewed. Because someone suffers the challenges of a body that fails to thrive, does not mean they are looking for a caregiver. In fact, try being a caregiver to most of us and see what our reaction is. We have enough to face in challenges that I would go so far as to say that many able bodied persons would fail to make the mark in my book. I have seen such courage, such determination and down right personal strength in those with challenges, that I have rarely seen in those that have never been through such challenges. It is comments such as this that will take us on a low or bad day... to dark places. Already the OP has a struggle. He is young. He has some pretty serious things to get through and from what I have seen and with my experience... you were absolutely cruel in your ignorant comment. You really owe the OP an apology. If not for luck... genetics... god... powers that be... what the fuck ever.... you could be facing something one day and I would hope that your words wouldn't ring in your ear as a reminder to you, how you treated someone that showed vulnerability but not a weakness, as you dealt with all that you would have to deal with. Sure. Specifically, the closest thing I heard to anything about what the OP brings to the table is "I try to be respectful, considerate and fun". Not even "I can be" these things on occasion. I don't see submission here, the closest thing I see is someone who would be happy if someone could just take over and take care of them. I'm more than familiar with disabiities and chronic disease. I have someone very close to me with the double whammy of two autoimmune diseases: UC and MS. Another who has autism, I myself have had major surgeries (hysterectomy and hemi-colectomy), I've been the major caregiver for my best friend who died of leukemia many years ago, I stopped work to be my father's caregiver for several years until he passed away. (I was also my mother's primary caregiver, and she died when I was 16). When the chips are down, I'm the one those close to me turn to. I'm the one who holds their hand if they've chosen to speed things up, I'm the one who's been there when the pain's been unbearable and the morphine is PRN, prescribed in pint sized (literally) bottles and boxes of patches. And this has been in my home, not in hospital or hospice. I know about service, I know about being a caregiver. When someone is in dire straights, to the point that they're in such pain they cannot even hold a sedentary job, their ability to serve is more than compromised. Job 1 is to get themselves into a functioning mode, as self-sufficient as possible. If things are as dire as he says, he doesn't have the wherewithal to be of service, other than to try to be respectful and considerate. And fun. I don't hear the slightest hint of someone who is aching to serve. I hear someone who is afraid of not being taken care of. Hope that answers your question.

Rawni -> RE: Anyone else feel like giving up sometimes? (6/17/2013 9:46:37 AM)
Evesgarden, Did the people you cared for never have bad days where they felt life was passing them by, that they could not function as other did and where they were discouraged, depressed, hard pressed, overwhelmed and confused? This is a young man that is clearly having a rough time and you chose to call him on not being of service and assuming he wanted someone to care for him? He said he wanted love just like everyone else. Are you in fact saying that he cannot be of service in any manner, thereby limiting him? Are you in fact saying that he won't have good days in which he could serve in actual service duties? Some of us dominant's don't require service. We require submission and that he has spoken about. I do believe you have assumed much in a negative format where in my opinion, helping someone see their potential is what a leader does. You would chose this time, where the young man has clearly found himself in a battle, to assume and then respond on that assumption based on your view of a submissives worth? Fail. At least in my opinion.

kalikshama -> RE: Anyone else feel like giving up sometimes? (6/17/2013 10:10:15 AM)
quote: Anyone else feel like giving up sometimes? Not me. I have two chronic illnesses which I don't even mention in my profile as I can mostly manage them myself and just need reasonable accommodations from people for one of them. If you need to mention it, just do it once and be positive. You sound depressed. Exercise is very effective (sometimes the MOST effective for mild to moderate depression) and has the added bonus of helping you lose weight, which should boost your self esteem as well. Last year my ability to exercise was limited due to a bad knee and I lost 30# using myfitnesspal.com, which is free. I have struggled with depression off and on for decades and eating a healthy diet is very important. I had a hard time finding my soulmate because I have a whole slew of requirements, but had faith that it would happen and it has. Best of luck to you. KK

MissToYouRedux -> RE: Anyone else feel like giving up sometimes? (6/17/2013 10:13:17 AM)
I didn't get an "I'm looking for a caretaker" vibe either, but then again I also didn't get the OP's post as a veiled personal ad, so that might be why the "selling himself" part is missing. I'm also not going to "inspirationally" discuss the wonderfully submissive though imperfect physically or medically subs who've been in my life. [;)] What I am going say is Athena has it right, OP. Re-read it. [:)]

tazzygirl -> RE: Anyone else feel like giving up sometimes? (6/17/2013 10:18:52 AM)
quote: I know about service, I know about being a caregiver. When someone is in dire straights, to the point that they're in such pain they cannot even hold a sedentary job, their ability to serve is more than compromised. Job 1 is to get themselves into a functioning mode, as self-sufficient as possible. If things are as dire as he says, he doesn't have the wherewithal to be of service, other than to try to be respectful and considerate. And fun. I recently went through an injury that had me unable to put any weight at all on my foot. I could not walk, I rode a scooter that really was too big for the apartment. Needless to say... I could not serve. Im glad the man didnt give up on me at that time. I was needy, I cried, I even whined that I was completely and utterly useless... this from a woman who was used to working 2 - 3 jobs at a time. From a dominant perspective, I can see how you would expect someone submissive to always be able to serve. From a submissive's perspective, the incentive to please, and be pleasing, can often make all the difference in the world. Its what drives us. It can definitely bring someone's attitude around from.... the OP... to someone... like me. What I got from your post is that this man is utterly useless as he is... and I could not disagree more. Everyone has a place, a use, a need and a purpose. Its extremely hard to "ache to serve" when someone is young and in distress. The fact that this man, as young as he is, with all his problems, still wants to serve shows me his desire, his passion, to serve someone. Getting through all he has to go through to still find that spot to want to do so, and simply feeling utterly defeated because of his disease process... is.. guess what? Normal.

LafayetteLady -> RE: Anyone else feel like giving up sometimes? (6/17/2013 3:33:28 PM)
If you aren't currently in therapy, you need to start. It will be very beneficial to you to have someone help you find the tools to deal with what you are going through. I have often recommended to people (with some of the issues you describe) that when they go see a therapist, they try to make a list, in order of importance to them, of the goals they have being in therapy. For instance, you say you are painfully shy. You might not be able to overcome being shy, but you could work on ways to be able to be more comfortable in social situations. I'm sure with your conditions, you are already on medications. Make sure you are aware of whether or not the meds can exacerbate any of your already existing psychological issues. People with chronic illnesses are often very depressed. We see what others are able to do that we can't. We know there are things we want to do that we simply can't. But you have already said you know the benefits of both anti-depressants and therapy. I hope you are utilizing both.

HopelessDreamer0 -> RE: Anyone else feel like giving up sometimes? (6/18/2013 2:54:07 PM)
Wow. To return here to such warm and thoughtful responses. I’m honestly touched. I’ll try to address what I can but just know I’ve read and reread each post in this thread and it has all been absorbed and appreciated. It’s nice to know I’m amongst people that understand, as well as people that care for others. I get the sense that these forums are a community. Perhaps a bit different from the local ‘hooking up’ section of collarme which seems more like a ‘dog eat dog’ crowd with a few genuinely nice people sprinkled in. Since I’m feeling more upbeat now you’ll probably notice the tone of my post will be different, hopefully for the better. quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven I'm sorry, but if your profile's not visible, I tend to think that you're not using all available avenues. Right. I have been using a profile at collarme as my main source of searching for partners and like-minded people in my local area. I recently decided that I would put everything on hold and take a little break. Currently I only have this profile which was created on the spot to post this thread. I plan to return soon and hopefully I’ll be a little more refreshed and more ready to put myself out there in a positive and healthy manner. I created this thread spontaneously as I was having an awful day both physically and mentally. A lot of my feelings came pouring forth and I used this thread as an outlet. I’m actually quite glad that I decided to do so because I’ve received some very good advice and I feel much more grounded and whole again. Thanks everyone! A few of you asked me to share a little more about myself. Well here’s something: I’d like to say that out of the few years I’ve been around I was indeed lucky enough to have a relationship of sorts for about 4-5 months. It was with a women who was remarkably accepting of me and was truly a nice person. We actually got along great and I learned a lot about myself from getting to know her and it is one positive thing that allows me to keep hoping that I might find the right person one day. It was quite a while ago however and since then I haven’t been able to connect with anyone. In moments of weakness my frustrations with about 100 different things seem to become enhanced which is what everyone can see clearly with my original post. I think about giving up sometimes because I do feel like I’m constantly running up a steep hill, and sometimes I even want to give up more than just searching for a partner. There are times when I think about giving up on myself and living through escapism and apathy. But of course deep down I don’t want to live like that. It would be very unhealthy and it’s difficult to bounce back once you go down that route. The thing I crave the most is to feel with my heart again and share it with another. I want to share my submissive feelings. I want to grow with my partner, accept and care for them, and receive the same love and acceptance in return. But I know most importantly I have to love myself and take care of myself or I don’t really deserve such a relationship. And that is something that I have struggled with as my body has started to fall apart on me and my mind along with it. I think that’s why I’m putting my search on hold just briefly, to give myself a chance to meditate on the situation and find a way to continue living my life in a way that I can be consistently happy and let the bad moments bounce off of me while I wait for my future partner to come into my life. quote: ORIGINAL: SeekingTrinity snip Thanks for sharing a bit of your experience and wisdom with me. Being a ‘fish in an overly stocked pond’ does seem to be an appropriate analogy haha. It’s one of the things that makes it difficult for a male sub, plus one must take into account that many female dominants seem to be more fixated on our wallets rather than a genuine relationship based on love, trust and commitment. Of course on the flip side I’ve heard that many male submissive are looking for a more casual ‘horndog’ type situation themselves. Not that there is anything immoral about it, however I’m more sure than ever now that most people on both sides who are looking for a relationship have it tough. I appreciate the advice, you’ve helped remind me about something important. And I touched on that in my above paragraph, I need to make sure I’m taking care of myself and loving myself. And methinks these are even things that people can pick up on when dating a person. quote: ORIGINAL: CynthiaWVirginia snip ‘The Voice of Reason’, it is. I’m glad that you are still with us and staying strong. As a young person who has mostly associated with other young people I’ve felt a bit isolated as if I were possibly the only one dealing with health issues. After reading your post as well as a few others here I think I feel a little less alone. Perhaps it should have been obvious that there are people in all sorts of lifestyles and walks of life dealing with tough issues, but I guess my experiences with people have just been a bit lopsided (I suppose I should start being more thankful that my most of my small circles of friends and family still have their health, instead of feeling lonely) I do sometimes want to get involved in part of the local community that attends munches. I feel it might be better to associate with a different crowd in the lifestyle that is more interested in friendship and community, in a more personable and welcoming environment. Instead of making excuses I’ll try to look into this when I’m feeling up to the task, right now I’ve got a lot to think about and do. Oh and I grew up with both Pokemon and Harry Potter as staples of my childhood entertainment! Have some very good memories of reading the first Harry Potter book, it almost single handledly sparked my long time love of reading. Also clearly remember how hooked I was on Pokemon Red after I got it for Christmas. Ah, the comfy embrace of nostalgia. [:D] quote: ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders snip Very well said, it’s even kind of a bit of a motivational speech even. Allow me to personally thank you for taking the time to post. I won’t add anything else and just let your post speak for itself. ^^ quote: ORIGINAL: Rawni snip You are such a strong person Rawni, keep hanging in there! And the fact that you’ve genuinely reached out to me despite having so much on your own plate is really quite inspiring and touching. Some of the things you've mentioned have really made me feel like you do understand where I am because you’ve been there yourself in your own way. I’m just very glad you’ve chosen to talk with me, I’ll try to take your advice and put it to use in attempt to better my own situation. You know in general I think that’s how we as humans make progress, by listening to those who have had experiences and benefiting from their wisdom. I’m honored that people in here have shared of a bit of themselves just to help reach out to little ‘ol me. [:)] quote: ORIGINAL: cutiewithabootie snip Edison or Franklin, it’s still a darn immortal quote! Harumph! [:-] As for the rest, I addressed this earlier in my post but it is indeed something that I struggle with but acknowledge that being able to love myself is perhaps the most important thing I can do before anything else. Thanks for your advice and taking time out of your day for me. quote: ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman snip Thanks buddy, I like your vibe. Sorry to hear about your own troubles but you seem to be pretty headstrong about it. “Deal with it” definitely sounds much better in that context! Thanks for sharing, I’ll try to “deal with it” as it comes. ;P quote: ORIGINAL: kalikshama snip Diet and exercise. It’s good that someone brought it up, because honestly the more inactive I become the harder it is to actually stay active at all. In my previous life (before the CP) I played years of soccer, basketball, football, ran miles and lifted weights. Nowadays I’m unable to do any of that however even with the way I am I can and should be going for more walks and just staying active in general. I do love nature, actually one of my hobbies is finding and identifying wild mushrooms so it gives me something to do and keep my mind busy when I decide to go out. As for diet, yep I hear ya! I’ve always been a bit of a binge and stress eater. I’ll keep trying but it’s not easy, my current situation is that junk food is always around the house so the temptation is there for whenever I get down. Alls I can really do about it is work on my willpower. But my diet isn’t atrocious or anything, I have good breakfasts and dinners. quote: ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady snip Thank you for posting. I’ve never tried therapy, this is something I’ll ask my doctor on my next visit. As for medications, indeed I've been around the block with many different pain medications. I’m a bit cautious about anti-depressants because my experience with medications so far is that many can cause you to become dependent on them and I’d like to avoid that until I truly can’t go without. I’ve been able to responsibly use cannabis as an anti-depressant of sorts. Only a little bit at night after a hard day, it really helps when I find myself breaking down mentally. I find it to be a very gentle and soothing medication. Other than that I am on opioid treatment. We've started slow and on the weaker end of it, however as someone with 40% of my body in wide-spread nerve pain I certainly have the right to use them. Thing about it is I’m awfully confused (or perhaps unsatisfied) with my experience using opiates. On one hand they are just about the only thing that has ever truly helped relieve my nerve pain. And without a doubt I’ll be needing them for most of my adult life. I’m not sure I can cope mentally in a healthy way without that relief on a long term basis. But on the other end of the spectrum opiates do have some pretty bad side effects. They effect my libido and sometimes even my mood in pretty drastic ways. The thing is I’ve tried to get off them to see if I could handle it, but it’s a very long and grueling process. My pain spikes hard during acute w/d and PAWS is really not a fun thing to go through mentally. So what it comes down to is, is the pain relief I receive from opiates more beneficial to me or are the negative side effects making my life more difficult than it could be? Which route would allow me to be more stable? Well these are questions that I'm not sure can be answered by anything other than my own personal experience. Perhaps all I can really do is learn to live with what I got and try to keep my lifestyle as healthy and active as possible. Okay so I think that turned out to be a pretty long post. It’s time to lie down, turn on some soothing ambient and let my mind and body melt a bit. But just wanted to say thanks once again everyone. You guys have all been very thoughtful and supportive and I feel like I’m seeing things a little more clearly now. I have a lot to think about and work on. But for now I can leave in a good mood and just relax. Please feel free to ask any questions if you want to continue the discussion. If not I’ve already benefited a great deal from what has transpired. And beyond all that, I wish everyone here the best. Because you guys are great for lending me your strength. I hope you're all doing well. Good night!

Rawni -> RE: Anyone else feel like giving up sometimes? (6/18/2013 3:06:25 PM)
Wow... dude you brought tears to my eyes. That was one hell of a post! You really do get it and were having a rough moment in time. With the way you are able to express yourself and communicate it, I do believe strongly, that you will meet these challenges and find your way through them! We all have days like that. It is part of processing all that is happening to us and digesting it so that we can make something out of it. I have great hope for you! Just a word of encouragement here. The beginning is the worst of it I think. As we get further along in things, even if we have bad days, they tend to be easier on us because we find tools along the way and sometimes just a friendly person supporting us, that gets it, can go a long way in seeing us through those moments. Cheers!

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