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njlauren -> RE: R-E-S-P-E-C-T (6/17/2013 3:19:46 PM)
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I think there are multiple issues here, that may or may not reflect upon outside society.
"Bratting" if I understand it correctly is what we used to call SAM's (Smart Assed Masochists), subs and bottoms who would deliberately do 'bad' things to get punished. Most doms and tops would deal with that by truly punishing them and not playing with them, giving them what they want. On the other hand, if being bratty is part of the dynamic the Dominant and sub have, what the hell, go for it...as long as that doesn't extend to other people, that is, your dominant may like you be bratty, being bratty to other people is simply being rude.
In terms of rude dominants and subs, I am not so certain that is a new phenomenon. From personal experience, as a sub, there were those people in 'the community' who had ridiculous notions, that for example if I am sub, that means I am sub to everyone, that if I am there and they want to use me, well, that is their right....it is boorish behavior, as is the notion that I should be kneeling when presenting myself to a master or mistress or be in the sub role with them automatically, like not saying hello to them, talking to them, that is bullshit (for the very simply reason that may be their rules, but it applies only to their own subs). I used to think rude dominants were all members of the 'old guard' leather community or old guard in general, but I realized that what they were was people who thought they were were old guard, that they 'knew the right way' and so forth. I was talking to someone who was part of the old (and new) guard of the leather community, those into the protocol and such, and she said that people like that probably never were in a leather community or they would realize those rules apply only to members of the community, if they have them (what she meant was that if I was a sub in a leather family/community, that the protocol could well be as a sub I was expected to great dominants in a certain way and so forth, least that was my take on what she said) that the rules don't extend to non members unless there is some sort of agreement, like if a sub was at an event put on by the group and was asked to follow that and they agreed......and yeah, I have met plenty of 'Sir" thises and "lady thats" who acted as if they had the right to treat me as a non entity or whatever, but I realized pretty quickly they simply were assholes.
As far as respect goes, I think it simply is the respect and courtesy we would show anyone we don't know, not as leather people, but simply people you don't know *shrug*. There is a deeper issue with respect, which some of the jackasses don't realize, and that is everyone in the community deserves the respect and dignity any person should be afforded simply for being a person. If someone is a slave, that doesn't mean they are less of a person and no one has the right to show them disrespect for being that, and so forth (I am not talking about interfering with the M/s relationship either, I can understand if a master or mistress has rules about approaching their slaves, talking to them, it isn't that I don't respect the slave, it is that I respect their relationship and don't assume things;).
Has this changed? I saw problems years ago, so I am not so certain it is totally a new phenomenon. Yeah, social mores have changed, we are a lot more informal these days, but for example, the idea of never calling an older person by their first name was from a different era (and BTW, I am of that era, it is how I was taught and I still do), and I think we should realize that in eras prior to hours, that for example, a young person, no matter how respectful, was supposed to wait until being spoken to by the older person before talking to them......Actually, I find it disconcerting when people use a formal title with me, I am like "wait a minute, that was my parents, I am not sir/ma'am ,that was my parents, I am not that old"..until I look in the mirror:). I don't think using Mr/Mrs/Miss/Sir/Ma'am is a bad idea, I think formalism establishes a certain level of respect to the other person, and allows them to decide how formal to be, but I also realize that times change and to this generation there is no disrespect intended in using first names.
What I find kind of interesting is that to me it kind of comes down to something simple, which is to treat others as I would hope others would treat me, with dignity and politeness, and also to understand that if someone treats me in a way I might take offense at, it could be there was no ill feelings there or intended disrespect, in some ways in the past 30 years we sometimes forget that when people slip, their heart was in the right place and they simply said something wrong because they didn't know any better, like someone I know who got offended because someone asked them if they were a Jew, and felt it was a putdown (the person in question was asking an honest question, and didn't realize that the way they said it might have come off as a perjorative, they had a question about Jewish belief).
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