Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Can a sub ever say no to something and run?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> RE: Can a sub ever say no to something and run? Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Can a sub ever say no to something and run? - 6/18/2013 3:11:41 PM   
Charles6682


Posts: 1820
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: offline 		Well, when you point it out like that, I would have refused too. Not that I see anything personally wrong with the fetish besides the obvious. You saying no doesn't make you less of a "sub" and her being into this fetish doesn't make her a bad person either. I'm sure she'll have no problem finding guys who are into that particular fetish.



quote:

ORIGINAL: shygtasub

It was just a vanilla chat. Wasn't really a first session. At least she was clear about her fantasy which I cannot help with. I'm sorry I might vomit writing this but having your partner crap in someone's mouth while restrained is sick in my opinion. I know hard limits are just a point of view though....



_____________________________

Charley aka Sub Guy

http://www.Facebook.com/SubGuy

https://Twitter.com/SubGuy6682

(in reply to shygtasub)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Can a sub ever say no to something and run? - 6/18/2013 3:18:29 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		It does not make you any less submissive to have personal limits and boundaries.

If they are not your dominant partner then saying no and then breaking contact without offering an explanation is okay.
People disappear all the time.
If you feel comfortable then a polite thanks but no thanks could be a way to put closure on it.

However, if you are in a relationship and have previously discussed and agreed upon limits and boundaries and this is a new limit that had not occurred to you, then I think a discussion is appropriate, even if only to say, that you think that you are no longer compatible.


Therefor, it is very good to try and define your personal limits, even if you are new.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to shygtasub)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Can a sub ever say no to something and run? - 6/18/2013 3:44:22 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

So in your opinion, can a sub say NO to something or does that make him/her less of a sub?


In my opinion, based upon your OP, it makes you smart.

It was your first chat. She showed interest in a kink you did not. Nothing wrong about that. Nothing wrong in saying its not something you want to explore.

Just because you are sub doesnt mean you are a doormat that has to agree with everything a dominant wants.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to shygtasub)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Can a sub ever say no to something and run? - 6/18/2013 4:07:26 PM   
shygtasub


Posts: 11
Joined: 6/15/2013
Status: offline 		Wow thank you all for the kind responses. I was expecting a series of bashings but I just had to share
.

(in reply to tazzygirl)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Can a sub ever say no to something and run? - 6/18/2013 4:14:08 PM   
MASTERLIX


Posts: 79
Joined: 7/4/2007
From: SIR LIX OF ATLANTA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt





quote:

BTW: I just got an angry message from someone b/c I deleted and blocked him, w/o responding to his message. Which of course shows I was right to do so, they seem to have an anger management issue.


So, if you blocked them, how were they still about to message you?

SL

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Can a sub ever say no to something and run? - 6/18/2013 4:16:18 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		Some 'femdoms' are loonies, shygtasub.

A lot of subs and dommes use a 'colour code'. You say 'Green' for "Good, I like this, give me more', ' 'Yellow' for "This is somewhat disturbing me, please go carefully' and 'Red' for "Please stop, I hate this'. Me, I also use 'black' - though I may not even say it - for situations in which a domme has said/done something so lunatic that I don't feel at all safe being with her anymore and want to get the hell out of there, pronto.

Your need for 'black' *could* happen. The vast majority of femdoms I've had anything to do with have balanced their dominant/sadistic desires with cautious and careful concern for their subs' well-being. But a few don't know what they're doing, or don't care.

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com


(in reply to shygtasub)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Can a sub ever say no to something and run? - 6/18/2013 5:03:00 PM   
shygtasub


Posts: 11
Joined: 6/15/2013
Status: offline 		There are "loonies" I'm sure just like in any other "interest groups". I'm not mad about it anymore, it just made me feel sick for a bit. Partially because being physically clean is my weakness. That was just the opposite. I made peace with the fact that normal is a point of view. To them it might just be same as being tied up to me is....

(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Can a sub ever say no to something and run? - 6/18/2013 5:26:18 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: shygtasub

There are "loonies" I'm sure just like in any other "interest groups". I'm not mad about it anymore, it just made me feel sick for a bit. Partially because being physically clean is my weakness. That was just the opposite. I made peace with the fact that normal is a point of view. To them it might just be same as being tied up to me is....


Believe me, there are some things people have brought up to me albeit in messages and not real life that have made me feel worse, consider yourself lucky really.

(in reply to shygtasub)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Can a sub ever say no to something and run? - 6/18/2013 5:41:35 PM   
searching4mysir


Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MASTERLIX


quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt





quote:

BTW: I just got an angry message from someone b/c I deleted and blocked him, w/o responding to his message. Which of course shows I was right to do so, they seem to have an anger management issue.


So, if you blocked them, how were they still about to message you?

SL



Probably from a sock account. It's happened to me too. They can't stand to not have the last word so they have a secondary account in order to berate you from when you've already blocked them.

_____________________________

No longer searching -- found my one and only right here on CM


(in reply to MASTERLIX)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Can a sub ever say no to something and run? - 6/18/2013 5:48:19 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: shygtasub
Partially because being physically clean is my weakness.


We're brought up to believe that woman are in general prim regarding hygiene-related matters, shygtasub, relative to men. However, I've come to realise that many women can be actually quite disgusting, really. And that's just women in general - not femdoms specifically. Femdoms can be quite alarmingly nasty, really, from what I've seen. Frankly, I think it's a sound policy to hose a femdom down thoroughly before consenting to share a bed with her.

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com


(in reply to shygtasub)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Can a sub ever say no to something and run? - 6/18/2013 5:54:47 PM   
bloomswell


Posts: 52
Status: offline 		Also some folks change radically from the well balanced image they present in the introductory meet. I've been in several situations where I've found myself tied up in a new playmate's 'dungeon' and the dominant has exposed themselves as being seriously nuts or dangerously clueless.

I've met a few crazy female dominants but it was invariably the (single) male dominants who could turn from nice to creepy in minutes. There are definitely some very bad people out there and it's important to consider every new person with a clear mind without allowing subspace or sexhead to color the vision.

And there's no shame in having an escape plan handy in case when things turn ugly.




(in reply to lizi)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Can a sub ever say no to something and run? - 6/18/2013 6:09:02 PM   
shygtasub


Posts: 11
Joined: 6/15/2013
Status: offline 		At least I was informed of the intention....

quote:

ORIGINAL: bloomswell

Also some folks change radically from the well balanced image they present in the introductory meet. I've been in several situations where I've found myself tied up in a new playmate's 'dungeon' and the dominant has exposed themselves as being seriously nuts or dangerously clueless.

I've met a few crazy female dominants but it was invariably the (single) male dominants who could turn from nice to creepy in minutes. There are definitely some very bad people out there and it's important to consider every new person with a clear mind without allowing subspace or sexhead to color the vision.

And there's no shame in having an escape plan handy in case when things turn ugly.






(in reply to bloomswell)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Can a sub ever say no to something and run? - 6/18/2013 6:11:09 PM   
Charles6682


Posts: 1820
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: offline 		What happen's if your tied up and can't run? These are thing's to consider too.

< Message edited by Charles6682 -- 6/18/2013 6:12:06 PM >

_____________________________

Charley aka Sub Guy

http://www.Facebook.com/SubGuy

https://Twitter.com/SubGuy6682

(in reply to shygtasub)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Can a sub ever say no to something and run? - 6/18/2013 6:14:59 PM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MASTERLIX


quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt





quote:

BTW: I just got an angry message from someone b/c I deleted and blocked him, w/o responding to his message. Which of course shows I was right to do so, they seem to have an anger management issue.


So, if you blocked them, how were they still about to message you?

SL


Because he messaged me under a different nick -- and told me he was pissed b/c I blocked him. Okay? Happy now?

This is why women on here don't respond to most messages, if you're nice, you get shit on. If you're not nice, you get shit on.

It's mostly just not worth the hassle.


_____________________________



(in reply to MASTERLIX)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Can a sub ever say no to something and run? - 6/18/2013 6:22:35 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: shygtasub

Well it definitely didn't change my feelings about being a sub and yes she will probably find someone for that kind of thing but it did make me wonder for a little bit whether I'm really a sub or just plain kinky.


Doesn't matter what you are. You have a right to say no always.

(in reply to shygtasub)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Can a sub ever say no to something and run? - 6/18/2013 6:58:58 PM   
BambiBoi


Posts: 461
Joined: 8/10/2010
Status: offline 		This might be the devil's advocate in me, but I understand where OP is coming from.

I once refused a Domme to take pictures that included me. I delightfully spent the night behind the camera, but didn't want kinky pictures of me beyond my control. She was excited to photograph her handiwork. I felt like I had deeply failed her. I felt less submissive, and it kind of ruined the mood for the night. I didn't run, and I made up for it the next day, but I did feel less submissive. I understand a sub's hesitation to use safewords and invoke limits.

Still, 10/10 I'd have done the same thing. I'm happy I stuck by the guns tat made me feel right... Even if it meant dinging the dynamic. The reality is that submission is consensual. Every single second I bend to authority is because I allow it to happen. So it's not that bad that I take a few seconds back for myself.

_____________________________

<3

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Can a sub ever say no to something and run? - 6/18/2013 8:38:24 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

I felt like I had deeply failed her. I felt less submissive, and it kind of ruined the mood for the night. I didn't run, and I made up for it the next day, but I did feel less submissive. I understand a sub's hesitation to use safewords and invoke limits.


I think we all get that feeling. However, being a smart submissive is one who also knows when to tamp those feelings down. Imagine if all submissives allowed those feelings to get in the way of common sense. And it is common sense to say no at times.

I see him as asking for affirmation that his reasoning was appropriate. Someone may come along and say... whats the big deal? There are subs who feel that they must submit immediately to any dominants demands. Some because they are just that kinky, and some because they have this grand idea that submission is what they do, regardless of with whom or about what. A dangerous position to take, in my opinion.

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to BambiBoi)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Can a sub ever say no to something and run? - 6/21/2013 2:22:13 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Think of it as speed dating. Just because you get up and move on without giving your number doesn't mean you aren't cut out to ever date anyone. Just that you aren't interested in dating that person.

There is no rule that says the sub must be miserable and unhappy all the time.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to tazzygirl)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Can a sub ever say no to something and run? - 6/21/2013 6:22:39 PM   
CynthiaWVirginia


Posts: 1915
Joined: 2/28/2010
From: West Virginia, USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: shygtasub

Or does it make you a "less real" sub.
I must say I'm a total noob with practically 0 experience, however I still think I'm allowed to form my opinion about what I'm into or not. What I thought was a first encounter had me escape and run. Thankfully I was told what was expected of me so I could bail. Without getting into details, it was really disgusting and I'm not even sure it could be considered "normal" if there is such thing.

So in your opinion, can a sub say NO to something or does that make him/her less of a sub?


My slave is petrified of caning (bad experience before he met me)...and...this doesn't make him any less of a slave. There are some things I'm into that would make him remove his collar and run if I pressed the issue, so I'm satisfied with corrupting him in baby steps. I've earned his trust, and seduced him into liking more things that I like, things he never thought he could enjoy. My boy is also allowed to say no, as long as he phrases it like this, "I would rather not do such and such because blah blah blah". I may or may not proceed anyway, after having a talk with him first, but usually it has to do with PTSD or physical limitations (sore knee, sprain, acid reflux, or just not feeling good that day) and it's his job to make me aware of his mental/emotional/physical condition.

Most people I've talked to here at CM are not into scat. If you knew in advance that she wanted to do this, and you tried to see if you could possibly...you're a brave man. When I topped newbies my first concern was not to scare them away from the lifestyle and make them think that they had made a big mistake and need to stick to reading BDSM porn.

Btw, lol, when guys approached me begging for me to take a dump on them...(with dignity) I ran like hell. I'm just not into that, and it has nothing to do with my Domliness.


(in reply to shygtasub)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Can a sub ever say no to something and run? - 6/21/2013 7:10:48 PM   
shiftyw


Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline 		I have PTSD and I struggle with my submissive side because of it (and in truth it takes a great deal to get me to feel submissive outside the bedroom so I just call myself a "bottom"). It takes a lot of trust on my part, and I have a lot of hard limits. Its taken me a long time to be ok with it and decide that it doesn't make me any less of a person, but with some people it makes me less compatible, and thats ok.

< Message edited by shiftyw -- 6/21/2013 7:13:55 PM >

(in reply to CynthiaWVirginia)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> RE: Can a sub ever say no to something and run? Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.109