Help me understand (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion



Message

ForgetToRemember -> Help me understand (6/20/2013 5:59:14 PM)

Hello, I am very curious to see what people think about the massive discrepancy in the population of Collarme in terms of men vs women. I couldn't find any statistics, but I estimate that men outnumber women by about 10-1 (that is, if you remove the fake women profiles and fin doms or real doms advertising).

So, what is up with this? Why are men so much more likely to be on this site? Are men more kinky than women? Is there a difference in the percent of men who act on their kinky fantasies vs women? And so on...

So, what is your reasoning for the discrepancy?



MistressDarkArt -> RE: Help me understand (6/20/2013 6:06:35 PM)

This has been talked about here before, very often. The search feature might bring up those threads.

My take is women are equally kinky as men, but they have less need to advertise to get their needs met.



tsatske -> RE: Help me understand (6/20/2013 6:21:07 PM)

I think that is true, MDA. It is also true that, where as in the pre-internet days, women outnumbered men at match making services (my father signed up for one and they sent him, instead of the 10 dates he paid for, 3 dates a week till he yelled Uncle, I signed up for the same one and got an introduction every 6 weeks), simply because women were more likely to pay a match maker than women -

Now, on dating sites, not just kinky ones, men greatly outnumber women. In general, men are more comfortable with gadgetry and the internet as a way of meeting.

Just mo, of course. YMMV.



BambiBoi -> RE: Help me understand (6/20/2013 6:37:57 PM)

I've answered a thread like this before. I even did some maths to back it up. My points were as follows:

1) Many men on the social side are looking for no strings attached kinky sex. If you "correct" the number of female profiles to account for scammers and women using the financial domination kink as a means to rake in easy money, then you should also cut out all the men who are wankers with no experience or goal of making a lasting D/s lifestyle.

2) Target rich environment. Men flock to the opportunity to have sex faster than women for some reason. The effect is that online sites have more men than women. So the women have their pick of the litter. The reality is that most guys based on a profile are interchangeable. So the bird swoops down, plucks a fish from the sea, and is back in the air where the fish can't get.

3) Women are more readily welcomed into the real time community. Women outnumber men at every munch I've ever attended. The culture embraces single women. Some are even called unicorns! Whereas single men are wolves. So why bother with all this online stuff when she could just get her needs (sexual/kink/interpersonal) met in real life so easily?



SimplyMichael -> RE: Help me understand (6/20/2013 6:38:09 PM)

Its 30 to one because 60% of the women profiles were created by men with fake pictures.



ForgetToRemember -> RE: Help me understand (6/20/2013 6:50:21 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt

This has been talked about here before, very often. The search feature might bring up those threads.

My take is women are equally kinky as men, but they have less need to advertise to get their needs met.


I'm not sure what I would search for, but I guess that is good to know. Regarding your statement that women are equally kinky, but have less 'need' to advertise it, that's kinda what I'm curious about. Where do all the kinky women get their needs filled (assuming there are an equal number of kinky woman and men)? One reason I may believe that women are not fulfilling their needs is the popularity of the Shades of Grey books, which are significantly more popular with woman than men. Although, there could be a different reason for that such as women may read more erotic literature than men. It's very hard to get facts or data on things I'm interested in.



lizi -> RE: Help me understand (6/20/2013 6:50:56 PM)

Men are more apt to want to get laid. They see what they perceive as the sexual nature of this site, and figure they'll find what they want here because they also perceive kinky women as being loose. Women (even kinky ones) generally don't want a one off, they are generally looking for a relationship so they tend to look for that in other places where they think they will find it.

Also, men seem to be more focused on specific acts of kink or fetishes, women seem to be more flexible in that what they enjoy depends somewhat on their partner. Therefore men come to a place where they think they will get their kinky wishes fulfilled with NSA encounters. They don't seem to understand that there aren't a plethora of women waiting here with the same desires, waiting for a random guy to do kinky things with.

Men tend to flock to anything that seems to promise them sex in some form. Women tend not to be as driven as driven by that. Hence your discrepancy.

Also as MDA suggested, if women want to get laid, it's just not that hard. They don't have to go to a web site.



tazzygirl -> RE: Help me understand (6/20/2013 6:54:04 PM)

http://dating-websites.findthebest.com/l/360/collarme

59% are men and 41% are women.

How do they know this? No clue. Does it matter?

According to them, Fetlife is 64% male.

http://social-networking.findthebest.com/l/80/Fetlife



ForgetToRemember -> RE: Help me understand (6/20/2013 6:55:17 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: BambiBoi

2) Target rich environment. Men flock to the opportunity to have sex faster than women for some reason. The effect is that online sites have more men than women. So the women have their pick of the litter. The reality is that most guys based on a profile are interchangeable. So the bird swoops down, plucks a fish from the sea, and is back in the air where the fish can't get.

Well, I don't know so much that men are looking for sex as they are for kink. Which, according to many people, should be equal for men and women. But it's not even close to the actual numbers for CollarMe at lest. Accounting for the men that only want 'sex' and not kinky sex or a kinky relationship, there is still a large discrepancy of men vs women, which I'm interested in. I would not be so surprised if it were maybe 2-1 or 3-1, but it is much larger (considering men to women ratio is effectively 1:1).



lizi -> RE: Help me understand (6/20/2013 7:01:51 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ForgetToRemember

I'm not sure what I would search for, but I guess that is good to know. Regarding your statement that women are equally kinky, but have less 'need' to advertise it, that's kinda what I'm curious about. Where do all the kinky women get their needs filled (assuming there are an equal number of kinky woman and men)? One reason I may believe that women are not fulfilling their needs is the popularity of the Shades of Grey books, which are significantly more popular with woman than men. Although, there could be a different reason for that such as women may read more erotic literature than men. It's very hard to get facts or data on things I'm interested in.


You kind of don't get it, many men that are here aren't necessarily kinky, they just want to get laid. There aren't that many more "kinky" men, there are a ton of guys on here because they think that kinky women are easy, and that the adult nature of the site is promising them sex in some form. It's sex that they want, not really kink. Or they hear the words slave and submissive, they envision what they've seen in porn about that, and they flock to this site and others like it to get a piece of that pie. They aren't necessarily being driven here by a need for kink, they want sex.

I don't think its the kink in the 50 Shades books that attracts women, it's the fact that women have always liked bodice rippers and romance novels no matter what flavor they are. They're into the 50 Shades books because they find them hot in general, not because they specifically want kink like a man does. I've talked to plenty of women who swooned over those books and who wouldn't be caught dead doing that stuff in their own bedroom. They like men being in charge and having their way with the heroine. If those women do try kink because of those books, it's not because they're kinky, it's because it's something cool to try. They aren't necessarily coming here to find a Dominant man, they'll push their bf's/husbands into spanking them instead.

You're trying to ascribe the same reasoning to both sexes for what they do and why they do it, it's not the same.



tazzygirl -> RE: Help me understand (6/20/2013 7:21:09 PM)

I dunno... I find the "50 Shades" being the cause of all the interest in BDSM sorta funny. Its akin to Twilight being the interest drawing people into becoming vampires.



Missokyst -> RE: Help me understand (6/20/2013 7:42:16 PM)

addressing your latter quotes first, women likely started out reading bodice rippers in their early teens. A bodice ripper is very much along the same flavor as shades. Males are still reading Xmen during those years. We are as accustomed to erotic literature as males are toward adventure.

And about your first statement, I started LONG before the shades book came out and found kink easily every where I went. It is remarkably easy to attract kinky partners if you give a look, drop a word or phrase, and swoon at the appropriate times. There was never a need to advertise for it.

I totally agree with the other ladies above who state that there are more men are here to get laid whereas women come for relationships. Pay for ladies are playing the odds.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ForgetToRemember
Regarding your statement that women are equally kinky, but have less 'need' to advertise it, that's kinda what I'm curious about. Where do all the kinky women get their needs filled (assuming there are an equal number of kinky woman and men)? One reason I may believe that women are not fulfilling their needs is the popularity of the Shades of Grey books, which are significantly more popular with woman than men. Although, there could be a different reason for that such as women may read more erotic literature than men. It's very hard to get facts or data on things I'm interested in.




lizi -> RE: Help me understand (6/20/2013 7:43:59 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

I dunno... I find the "50 Shades" being the cause of all the interest in BDSM sorta funny. Its akin to Twilight being the interest drawing people into becoming vampires.



Explain please? Not sure I'm catching your drift...



MistressDarkArt -> RE: Help me understand (6/20/2013 7:49:14 PM)

OP, what Lizi said ^^^^

I don't have a need to advertise for partners because they are abundantly present in my every day circles. I'm attracted to people, not kink activities in and of themselves. Those can always come later on in the friendship. Generally, men view it the other way around; thus the need for advertising to further their cause.




ForgetToRemember -> RE: Help me understand (6/20/2013 7:53:46 PM)

Thanks for the data Tazzygirl. It is certainly a starting point. As for Lizi's point that men are more interested in getting laid / quick sex, I would have to say that is what my conclusion is as well. If the ratio between people looking for a kinky relationship is equal (1:1), whereas the ratio of men looking for sex compared to women isn't (10:1 if you use craigslist comparisons, i'm sure other sites could yield similar data), where are the other woman looking, or what are they trying to do to find a kinky relationship?

Similar ratios can be seen between watching or subscribing to porn (though, usually at a much higher rate). There is even a book, "The Smart Girl's Guide to Porn", which I couldn't imagine coming out for men. Another interesting note: A researcher from the University of Montreal wanted to study whether pornography has an impact on guys' sex lives. There was just one teensy problem though: To form a control group, he searched for men in their twenties who'd never consumed porn...and he couldn't find a single one.

So...my point. I have always believed BDSM and kink to be special. I have been kinky for as long as I can remember (I don't want to tell you my life story), but for some reason the numbers are pointing more towards the idea that kinkyness may just be an extension of sex. And perhaps it is, for men at least given that we see the same large discrepancy as with porno.



MistressDarkArt -> RE: Help me understand (6/20/2013 7:55:59 PM)

Another way to put it is to consider this hackneyed old story:

A little boy and little girl compare genitals. The little boy says his is better because it sticks out from his body and is easy to see. The little girl bursts out crying and runs home to tell her mother. The next day the little girl sees the boy at the park and says, 'Nope, mine's better.' She points to her crotch. ' Mommy said with one of these, I can get as many of those as I want' (indicates boy's penis).

Such is life, amigo. [8D]



ForgetToRemember -> RE: Help me understand (6/20/2013 7:56:36 PM)

This may also explain why women complain they can't find 'a good guy'...the majority of men are looking for sex first and a relationship after.



SeekingTrinity -> RE: Help me understand (6/20/2013 8:04:12 PM)

If a relationship is even a possibility to begin with. There are many who just want to hit it and quit it.



tazzygirl -> RE: Help me understand (6/20/2013 8:07:57 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi


quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl

I dunno... I find the "50 Shades" being the cause of all the interest in BDSM sorta funny. Its akin to Twilight being the interest drawing people into becoming vampires.



Explain please? Not sure I'm catching your drift...


That was sorta a FR, but, sure I will explain.

How many books have we had about? Gor, the Market Place, Sleeping Beauty, Story of O. Some have been claiming that 50 Shades made it mainstream. Which means more acceptable. Im not so sure. I may pick up a bodice ripper, doesnt mean I want to emulate the damsel being dragged off by an evil overlord to be rescued by some medieval man in a loin cloth. its like expecting someone to become a vampire because they read Twilight and and got a twinge.

Just cus we read about it doesnt mean we want to do it.

In fact, I think the Sleeping Beauty Trilogy scarred me for spankings for life.



MasterCaneman -> RE: Help me understand (6/20/2013 8:26:39 PM)

I thought John Norman broke it with Gor? Or am I wrong in thinking that?



Page: [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
0.0625