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skills that are valuable - 6/20/2013 10:52:57 PM   
cutiewithabootie


Posts: 88
Joined: 6/16/2013
Status: offline 		Hello Ladies!

Thank you for taking the time to read my post and then answer it. A very good friend and mentor of mine once advised writing a "submissive resume" as a sort of idea in what I can offer a Mistress. I was curious what skills a submissive can offer that you find valuable? Eventually I would like to further my skill set. So thank you for your time and for your advice.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: skills that are valuable - 6/20/2013 11:46:13 PM   
MistressDarkArt


Posts: 5178
Status: offline 		We just had a thread about that recently: http://www.collarchat.com/m_4419646/tm.htm

It is not the only thread. Try the search feature for more discussion of this topic.

(in reply to cutiewithabootie)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: skills that are valuable - 6/20/2013 11:55:58 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		I would like to point out that if you search for the word "skill" that thread does not come up.

cutie... this may help as well...

http://www.collarchat.com/m_2694614/mpage_4/tm.htm

http://www.collarchat.com/m_2525818/mpage_1/tm.htm

http://www.collarchat.com/m_2376934/mpage_1/key_skill/tm.htm#2377427

http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=2321183

http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=2148113

Our search feature doesnt always reveal the results we desire. Since you are a male asking females, I would search in the Ask a Mistress section on the search feature for key words you think may contain your topic.

Good luck

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to MistressDarkArt)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: skills that are valuable - 6/21/2013 8:07:33 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl
Since you are a male asking females,

???????????????

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to tazzygirl)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: skills that are valuable - 6/21/2013 9:04:16 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		Skills?

Proper meal service, bartending, general handy man, drawing the perfect bath, foot massages.

Really just figure out how to be of service.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: skills that are valuable - 6/21/2013 11:15:23 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cutiewithabootie

Hello Ladies!

Thank you for taking the time to read my post and then answer it. A very good friend and mentor of mine once advised writing a "submissive resume" as a sort of idea in what I can offer a Mistress. I was curious what skills a submissive can offer that you find valuable? Eventually I would like to further my skill set. So thank you for your time and for your advice.


::partial repost::

You probably know a whole lot more than you think you do and you know stuff which no one else does. You know the life you've lived thus far. No one else has the knowledge of your experiences to draw upon, your feelings and reactions, your way of being or your way of thinking. They are yours alone which makes you rather unique! You bring with you all the skill sets you learned through your school years, your career, dealing with friends, family, professionals and co-workers. Every Top I've ever met who loves Shibari all started in the exact same way. They learned to tie their shoes. All you really have to do is recognize your many skill sets in order to tap their value. Everything you know has the potential to be of value to someone, so keep that in mind when you start to engage in conversations with those who are of interest to you.


~~~



_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to cutiewithabootie)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: skills that are valuable - 6/21/2013 12:41:13 PM   
MAINEiacMISTRESS


Posts: 1180
Joined: 9/12/2012
Status: offline 		Well, I think this is a wonderful idea, and I actually prefer the "resume" approach from prospective subs. If you are seeking a Service position with a Domme, it's almost essential you do this if you want to get an edge on all the competition for Her attention. It sure beats the "Hey, how are You?" approach because it means you have put serious thought into what Her needs might be.

Personally, I like a well-rounded sub, one with a wide range of skills from carpentry to mechanics to gardening...and yes, domestic skills are nice (windows, dishes, floors, laundry, ironing, cleaning house) and so are pedicures, but if he's ONLY interested in these I'll still need someone to weed the gardens, repair things, and paint the fences.

Bottom line, give your "resume" of skills, but also be willing to learn NEW skills to suit Her needs. Every Domme has Her own specific preferences.

--MM


quote:

ORIGINAL: cutiewithabootie

Hello Ladies!

Thank you for taking the time to read my post and then answer it. A very good friend and mentor of mine once advised writing a "submissive resume" as a sort of idea in what I can offer a Mistress. I was curious what skills a submissive can offer that you find valuable? Eventually I would like to further my skill set. So thank you for your time and for your advice.



< Message edited by MAINEiacMISTRESS -- 6/21/2013 12:43:15 PM >

(in reply to cutiewithabootie)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: skills that are valuable - 6/21/2013 3:56:23 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble


You probably know a whole lot more than you think you do.



That's true. I have a friend who took a day off work and paid a plumber £150 to come round and fix a dribbling pipe. I'd have done it in thirty minutes and in out-of-work hours. (Mind you, I wouldn't have wanted him to domme me. I don't find him alluring.)

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com


(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: skills that are valuable - 6/21/2013 9:02:22 PM   
cutiewithabootie


Posts: 88
Joined: 6/16/2013
Status: offline 		Thank you everyone for their helpful advice. I would like to point out that some women like Mistresses too! I'm a female. NOT a male. Thank you so much though

(in reply to PeonForHer)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: skills that are valuable - 6/21/2013 9:11:29 PM   
MAINEiacMISTRESS


Posts: 1180
Joined: 9/12/2012
Status: offline 		You don't need a penis to paint, do landscaping, or repair computers (or anything else for that matter, aside from siring a child).

A resume is still a good idea, regardless of the "equipment".

Good luck in your search.

--MM


quote:

ORIGINAL: cutiewithabootie

Thank you everyone for their helpful advice. I would like to point out that some women like Mistresses too! I'm a female. NOT a male. Thank you so much though


(in reply to cutiewithabootie)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: skills that are valuable - 6/21/2013 9:40:30 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

I'm a female. NOT a male.


Opps... my bad.. must have been looking at another profile.. my apologies... other than that, my post still stands.



_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to cutiewithabootie)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: skills that are valuable - 6/22/2013 4:15:21 AM   
TNDommeK


Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		Massages, doing my hair, driving (trust me, this is a skill. I've had slaves drive me and I was prayin the whole time), doing what is told would be my number one thing.

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell


(in reply to tazzygirl)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: skills that are valuable - 6/22/2013 5:53:49 AM   
BambiBoi


Posts: 461
Joined: 8/10/2010
Status: offline 		I've read a domme's profile or two in my day... The only service they ever seem to actively seek is mani-pedis. I secretly suspect every domme who likes "handy man skills" is motivated by some tiles that need new grout and clogged gutters.

I disagree with the idea of creating a literal resume for service. Unless job hunting is your kink, it detracts from building chemistry by forcing conversation into job-interview format. Besides, either a) you meet online and your profile is your resume, or b) you meet in person and you're not going to have a printed copy. If you do, try to keep it on one page. No one wants a kinky Curriculum Vitae.

In all my years I've never seen skills hold a relationship together for more than a few hours. Chemistry is far more important and harder to create. Skills can be taught/mastered in time. Far more impressive/effective has been a Holmesian attention to details. Maybe its the switch in me, maybe its a gender thing, but when I am seeking a dominant I still consider myself the hunter, not the prey. I see something >>I<< like and I chase it down. I submit that there is a respectful but affirmative way to find a dominant... Just because we kneel doesn't mean we need to be flowers.

As a closing thought, I am wary of any dominant (male or female) that attacks the dynamic as "what can you offer me?" Starting from that point suggests to me that the relationship will be short lived.



_____________________________

<3

(in reply to TNDommeK)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: skills that are valuable - 6/22/2013 10:12:12 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BambiBoi
As a closing thought, I am wary of any dominant (male or female) that attacks the dynamic as "what can you offer me?" Starting from that point suggests to me that the relationship will be short lived.

I used to think like this, but I changed perspective and liked my results better, so here's my two cents in case you might find it useful.

I now translate all profile requests for tribute or "tell me how you can serve me in your first email to me" as: "Holy fuck these CollarMe emails are driving me out of my mind. Every guy wants a piece of me, and just reading my inbox makes me feel as though I'm being bled dry. Maybe if I insist that all the emails talk about stuff for me these men will pull their heads out long enough to see that I am a human being with needs."

Once I started treating that insistence on material things as a defense mechanism against objectification, I began to have conversations and meetings with women whom, before, I would never have even bothered to approach.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to BambiBoi)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: skills that are valuable - 6/22/2013 10:28:20 AM   
Dyfrynt


Posts: 202
Joined: 4/19/2011
Status: offline 		Hi, hope you will consider some thoughts from a Dom, as the expectations of service are just as relevant. Unless you have services you can perform that would not be considered under the basics; and by that I mean some kind of skill for which you are trained, it really isn't important to list a skill set. Each Mistress or Master will have their own prerequisites that they will expect.

My slave, for example, has nursing background, and she is also a licensed massage therapist. My slave being a professional massage therapist was never in my list of requirements, but I am not above enjoying those abilities since she does have them!

It would be of more use to be aware of what services you would not be willing to perform. I.E. what are your hard limits. Not that you would post them necessarily (though you could), just that you know what they are. Otherwise, you would perform the services of the individual Mistress as She requires.



_____________________________

Equal in Worth, just Not in Power.

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: skills that are valuable - 6/22/2013 10:56:21 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		Fast Reply

I know you are thinking of practical skills, but honestly I think by far the most important skills are general relationship skills.

Clear communication. The ability to empathise with your partner. Willingness to compromise. The ability to express your emotions in a controlled way. The ability to really listen and to reflect on your own behaviour. Handling conflict in a fair way (without making it personal or bring up old transgressions).

This might all seem obvious, but a lot of people lack those skills and they are much harder to learn because they require a lot of serious soul-searching and self improvement.

If you can do all of that, and find someone else who can do the same you are 70% of the way to a successful relationship, d/s or not. The rest is attraction, similar morals/values and having enough shared interests to have something to talk about (kink comes in this last category).

Anyone of average intelligence can take a course and learn massage, bookkeeping, cleaning skills and cake decorating. You can always add these skills later if they are important to your partner.

Writing a resume wouldn't be my choice for getting to know people but I can see it being a valuable introspective tool to asses what you have to offer.

Though, talking of practical skills - a well rounded cook will always be appreciated. Everybody eats.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to Dyfrynt)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: skills that are valuable - 6/23/2013 5:05:57 PM   
NiceButMeanGirl


Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tazzygirl
Since you are a male asking females

Actually, cutiewithabootie is female lesbian sub.

quote:

ORIGINAL: cutiewithabootie
I was curious what skills a submissive can offer that you find valuable? Eventually I would like to further my skill set.

I would like things such as massage, fixing my hair, pedicures, foot worship, knowing how I like my coffee and bringing it to me fixed like that. You know, the personal service stuff. I enjoy doing housework and cooking, but it's nice to have someone else do it every so often and give me a break. Being a good cuddler and kisser is high on my list too. ;) Also, good communication skills are very very important. Too many people ignore them, but everything starts there.

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.


(in reply to tazzygirl)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: skills that are valuable - 6/24/2013 1:13:21 PM   
nephandi


Posts: 4470
Joined: 9/23/2005
From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
Status: offline 		Greetings

I would say that the skills that are useful for a submissive would vary allot from Dominant to Dominant but in my experience basic housekeeper skills are very useful, decent cooking skills, perhaps looking into learning some sort of massage, being able to be handy around the house with fixing things seams wise as well, other than that you have to ask the person you will eventually serve, perhaps they want a good chess player, or someone who they can go horseback riding with, or someone who can watch their kids while they are at work, you have to adjust your skills and learn after what your Dom will need, but some basic things like cooking, cleaning, massage and other things anyone can enjoy might be nice. Other than that just strive to be the best you can at anything you do and try to be as knowledgeable as possible in the areas that interest you, all that will increase your value to a Dominant later.

I wish you well

_____________________________

Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it. Action has magic, grace and power in it.--Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Futon torpedoes, make love not war!--Aswad


(in reply to cutiewithabootie)
Profile   Post #: 18
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