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When I think of vanilla sex... - 6/21/2013 9:35:05 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Yeh, I am a freak. I know it now.
I am watching an episode of dateline
(http://insidedateline.nbcnews.com/_news/2013/04/19/17829467-update-secrets-in-the-suburbs?lite) about a man accused of killing his wife. The twist that the newcaster focuses on is "Master Bob" and BDSM. They talked about a dungeon and a spiderweb contraption and honesly the reporter looked a bit flumoxed by the idea.
Having engaged in BDSM forever, I am shocked by the idea of vanilla sex. For me vanilla sex is being awoken at 4 AM and being taken when my brain has not yet engaged. Vanilla sex is being felt up and shoved onto the bed or floor.
What the is vanilla sex to you? Clearly I missed out on the romance.

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pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

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RE: When I think of vanilla sex... - 6/21/2013 9:42:27 PM   
SeekingTrinity


Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline 		I'm watching the same show right now

Vanilla sex to me is extremely boring for some reason

(in reply to Missokyst)
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RE: When I think of vanilla sex... - 6/21/2013 9:52:33 PM   
Charles6682


Posts: 1820
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: offline 		Vanilla sex doesn't do anything for me,period.

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RE: When I think of vanilla sex... - 6/21/2013 10:13:29 PM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline
quote:

For me vanilla sex is being awoken at 4 AM and being taken when my brain has not yet engaged. Vanilla sex is being felt up and shoved onto the bed or floor.

Lol, I don't know if that is vanilla to me. But that seem very "dominating" to me. I love being taken at 4am when my brain is not yet engaged. Just grabbed and fucked. And after he cums, he'll just go back to sleep with a smile, and I'll have a smile too and snuggle back to him. My x-dom used to do that. In a 24/7 live in, he takes me whenever he wants when he feels like it.

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RE: When I think of vanilla sex... - 6/21/2013 10:15:01 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		sex is sex.... its vanilla or kinky based upon your own past experiences.

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RE: When I think of vanilla sex... - 6/21/2013 10:21:28 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I plan to keep up on the outcome in the years to come.

I think the bodice rippers got me thinking about passionate sex. That is what I grew up believing over time, along with the idea of slow kisses, soft caresses, sex and cuddling. Eventually the books always ended up what I percieved to be regular sex, loving, gentle sex. I am not sure how it happened but for me the majority of my sex life has been ... well, almost desperate seduction and the cuddling only came because we were too exhausted to move much after.

The idea of vanilla sex for me comes solely from those bodice rippers. Of course the passionte, desperate ravishment also came from those same books, until it became a real life pattern. Somehow I missed out on the gentle sex. I feel a bit deprived.


quote:

ORIGINAL: SeekingTrinity

I'm watching the same show right now

Vanilla sex to me is extremely boring for some reason



_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


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RE: When I think of vanilla sex... - 6/21/2013 10:40:58 PM   
SatinWhip


Posts: 43
Joined: 6/1/2013
From: The Dark Side
Status: offline 		If you don't enjoy vanilla sex then you are not doing it correctly. If you only enjoy sex when kink is involved then the sex still sucks - you're just getting off on the kink part. This is how you tell if you really have a connection. You strip away all of the fetish pomp and circumstance. If the magic is still there, then you have something. You can't build a physical relationship on kink alone. Well, I suppose you can if great sex isn't important to you. Our vanilla sex is so incendiary that I could dump all of the toys tomorrow and live without them quite nicely if I had to.

Just my two cents.



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RE: When I think of vanilla sex... - 6/21/2013 11:00:13 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I actually rarely use toys. But I am confused as to what constitutes vanilla sex. I can't say I have done it wrong if I don't know what it is.

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pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


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RE: When I think of vanilla sex... - 6/21/2013 11:07:10 PM   
Charles6682


Posts: 1820
Joined: 10/1/2007
From: Saint Pete,FL
Status: offline 		That's the thing. How does someone define what "vanilla" sex means for them? I know in my vanilla relationships, I have enjoyed kissing and cuddling,stuff like that. What if someone can have a perfectly normal "vanilla" relationship with someone but get's off on "kinky" sex? Does that mean that person is incapable of holding a relationship unless they can produce great "vanilla" sex? No, I don't think its that black and white. Theres a lot of gray in there.
quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

I actually rarely use toys. But I am confused as to what constitutes vanilla sex. I can't say I have done it wrong if I don't know what it is.



< Message edited by Charles6682 -- 6/21/2013 11:08:38 PM >

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RE: When I think of vanilla sex... - 6/22/2013 12:23:17 AM   
FrostedFlake


Posts: 3084
Joined: 3/4/2009
From: Centralia, Washington
Status: offline 		Vanilla can be great. And it can be boring. I think most of us have been both places. What it isn't is what kinky is. But, the tricky part is, for some folks kinky is leaving the light on.

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RE: When I think of vanilla sex... - 6/22/2013 12:24:49 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst
Yeh, I am a freak. I know it now.
I am watching an episode of dateline
(http://insidedateline.nbcnews.com/_news/2013/04/19/17829467-update-secrets-in-the-suburbs?lite) about a man accused of killing his wife. The twist that the newcaster focuses on is "Master Bob" and BDSM. They talked about a dungeon and a spiderweb contraption and honesly the reporter looked a bit flumoxed by the idea.
Having engaged in BDSM forever, I am shocked by the idea of vanilla sex. For me vanilla sex is being awoken at 4 AM and being taken when my brain has not yet engaged. Vanilla sex is being felt up and shoved onto the bed or floor.
What the is vanilla sex to you? Clearly I missed out on the romance.

First of all, ty for the link to the story. When you mentioned the spider web thing, I had to look to make sure it wasn't in another location. I was kind of worried there for a second.

Also, thank you for the definition of vanilla sex. I do consider what MP and I do to be vanilla sex and your example has been known to happen in our house. I'm the insomniac though, so it's usually Me waking him. Works well.

I do agree with another poster, though. I'm actually very satisfied with vanilla sex. I think part of that does have to do with how much we love each other.


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RE: When I think of vanilla sex... - 6/22/2013 12:52:09 AM   
jlf1961


Posts: 14840
Joined: 6/10/2008
From: Somewhere Texas
Status: offline 		Due to the medicinal cocktail I am taking, sex is just not a desire for me right now. There are a number of other medications that I could take that would remedy that problem, but at this point in my life, I am happy taking care of getting some personal luggage being taken care of. (yes, I am finally doing what my shrink has been trying to get me to do for a couple of years.)

As far as vanilla sex, i consider it a straight missionary fuck with no frills. Not very satisfying, so it is something to be avoided.

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RE: When I think of vanilla sex... - 6/22/2013 1:41:25 AM   
freedomdwarf1


Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
I think part of that does have to do with how much we love each other.

Very good point LP!

And I think this is the part that an awful lot of people seem to skimp on and overlook.

Our sex life isn't rampant rabbit due to various meds and other reasons.
But when we do, it isn't swinging from the ceiling fans or leaping off the wardrobe. lol.
It's very much 'vanilla' as opposed to anything kink but we both really enjoy it immensely.
Love does some strange things to the human brain and I feel that SatinWhip made a very good point - you can't build a physical relationship on kink alone; there has to be something else otherwise it's nothing more than just play.

My definition of 'vanilla' sex is anything you deem as 'ordinary' and it's a very personal thing.
But that in itself doesn't necessarily mean it's boring or unsatisfying.
Short of jlf's definition of straight missionary with the lights off, anything could be classed as kink if it's not your usual thing.

just my

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RE: When I think of vanilla sex... - 6/22/2013 9:39:24 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I have no idea what the difference is between "bdsm" and "vanilla". For me it all blurs together. I don't get the whole "it's boring" thing. Then again, I happen to adore missionary sex and even gentle, love making. If that is "vanilla" sex then I guess I'm ok with that. What the op described is what I would consider a blurred line. I wouldn't consider that vanilla in any way whatsoever. I wouldn't really consider it bdsm either.

To me it's all the same.


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RE: When I think of vanilla sex... - 6/22/2013 10:43:08 AM   
chemeli


Posts: 335
Joined: 7/30/2012
Status: offline 		it's not about the sex, it's about the person you're having sex with. if it means you cant think of the other person as being another thing other then dominant or submissive, that's maybe when it's hard for you to understand the concept of vanilla, when neither of the persons are thinking like that. it's a mindset, you have it or you dont.

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RE: When I think of vanilla sex... - 6/22/2013 10:03:29 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		Fr

Good sex is good sex, whether it's fucking her like animal, or bathing each other, or spending a few hours touching and caressing one another, ending in an orgasm.

Vanilla, to me, is just an absence of kink.

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Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
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