The important thing (Full Version)

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dmarc -> The important thing (6/27/2006 3:39:25 AM)

I have noticed something how many of us, Talk about D/s relationships, and BDSM, yet its not the BDSM that solely should keep the relationship going. For me love must be at the forefront of such a relationship. Yes I know there are other types of BDSM relationships. But when you want to take time away from BDSM or that you need to clear your head surely you want a Partner who understands and can love you because your just You.



cuddleheart50 -> RE: The important thing (6/27/2006 3:49:05 AM)

Of course, love tops my list anyway.



RavenMuse -> RE: The important thing (6/27/2006 3:54:09 AM)

For me the CAKE is the D/s relationship, BDSM is nothing more than the iceing



feastie -> RE: The important thing (6/27/2006 3:59:06 AM)

The relationship is first.  Anything beyond that is icing.



fullofgrace -> RE: The important thing (6/27/2006 5:17:27 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

For me the CAKE is the D/s relationship, BDSM is nothing more than the iceing


amen. i love your way with words, ravenmuse :)

and for me...the d/s relationship requires a great deal of love and trust. so yes, love and trust are two things at the very forefront of my relationship with Him.



Wildfleurs -> RE: The important thing (6/27/2006 5:24:01 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: dmarc

I have noticed something how many of us, Talk about D/s relationships, and BDSM, yet its not the BDSM that solely should keep the relationship going. For me love must be at the forefront of such a relationship. Yes I know there are other types of BDSM relationships. But when you want to take time away from BDSM or that you need to clear your head surely you want a Partner who understands and can love you because your just You.


The M/s structure is more important than the love (for us).  The love is great and is icing on the cake, and in many respects I don't think either me or my owner could be in that kind of dynamic if we didn't care for the other person.  But *love* isn't more important than the dynamic/structure for us.

C~



littleone35 -> RE: The important thing (6/27/2006 5:53:00 AM)

The relationship is first.  The love is necessary bdsm is like Raven said the icing.

Matt's littleone



Sirandlittle1 -> RE: The important thing (6/27/2006 6:26:47 AM)

Complicated. For me, the relationship and love would fail without the D/s, i know this about myself from my past.
But i didnt want to chose, i wanted the whole damn cake and the candles.
Vanilla me, is a self fulfilling prophecy of doom to a relationship. Ill take over, ill rule the house, the life, the car, ill end up controllng everything, and then moan about it. So D/s is vital for me. It prevents this occurring.
little1



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: The important thing (6/27/2006 7:14:07 AM)

I want it all.  Take away bdsm would be like taking away reading books for me or spending time with my nephews.

They are all parts of me.  Yes I'd survive without them if I had to...but I don't have to and choose not to.

Relationships need relating to work, whether you need love or not is your own choice.  Love certainly isn't what makes relationships work.



happypervert -> RE: The important thing (6/27/2006 7:26:59 AM)

quote:

For me love must be at the forefront of such a relationship.

That's easy to say. Do people really fall in love so easily that every relationship is all lovey dovey just like in a romance novel?

For me, love is elusive and that's what makes it special, but I can also have fulfilling and rewarding relationships without it. It starts with compatibliity at the most basic levels, respect and honesty, and that will lead to some degree of affection on top of that. I find it difficult enough just to find someone I can relate to just on those levels, and when it happens I can settle into a relationship even if it doesn't quite develop into love.

Sure, love is an ideal and I'll be thrilled the next time I stumble upon it. In the meantime I'll try to make the best out of other relationships I may discover. Perhaps the ones who find love more easily are luckier than I am, but I'm not sure I should envy them for it.



justheather -> RE: The important thing (6/27/2006 7:42:46 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Sirandlittle1

Vanilla me, is a self fulfilling prophecy of doom to a relationship. Ill take over, ill rule the house, the life, the car, ill end up controllng everything, and then moan about it.


Oh, this is SO familiar!
And here I thought I was the only one who ended up topping all my vanilla partners and then resenting them for it.

The Beatles got it wrong, cause love is not all I need. I need love and a Firm Controlling Hand.



Taylore -> RE: The important thing (6/27/2006 7:48:46 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: dmarc

I have noticed something how many of us, Talk about D/s relationships, and BDSM, yet its not the BDSM that solely should keep the relationship going. For me love must be at the forefront of such a relationship. Yes I know there are other types of BDSM relationships. But when you want to take time away from BDSM or that you need to clear your head surely you want a Partner who understands and can love you because your just You.

For Master and I, it is the M/s dynamic that is at the forefront of our relationship. We care for each other, but love does not enter into our relationship.



hizgeorgiapeach -> RE: The important thing (6/27/2006 7:50:30 AM)

Personally, I consider "love" to be both ephemeral and HIGHLY over rated.
 
In my own personal experience, it is to often the emotion assigned incorrectly when the terms "lust" or "Passion" or even simply "desire" would be much more fitting.  It's usually conditional - "I love you, but only if ... "
 
I would much rather be in a relationship with someone that I like a lot as a friend, yet feel no "love" for whatsoever - than someone that I love deeply, yet didn't LIKE as a person at the deepest subconscious levels.  Either condition in my life does NOT preclude disagreements or anger - it simply means that I'm going to be able to overlook disagreements, and work through anger, where I might not bother to do so if I don't particularly like them.



lisa1978 -> RE: The important thing (6/27/2006 7:50:38 AM)

All relationships are made up of components. Common interests, senses of humor, emotional compatibility, sexual, common goals and many others including D/s for us. Depending on the individuals, the components importance is different for everybody. Does love have to be there strongly to have a happy long term relationship? For most of us that would be a yes, but I have seen many marriages that love is not a major part. Do I feel sorry for them? Not really. They seem happy and satisfied in their lives. It works for them.

Personally for me I could only be in a long-term relationship where there is a strong level of love and respect from both people. I also truly believe from my past experiences that D/s is also something I need. I do not get the concept of first establish a relationship and love then introduce the D/s aspect. Do not get that concept at all.

The reason people do not talk about the love and regular relationship things on this site is because this site is for D/s, M/s and BDSM. Most of us can talk about love and other things in a relationship with people we see or talk with every day. We come here to talk about the stuff we normally cannot talk about and to share this information. I think love is extremely important but sometimes it gets lost in threads and postings does not mean that it is not there.



eruditegirl1 -> RE: The important thing (6/27/2006 10:18:30 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: dmarc

I have noticed something how many of us, Talk about D/s relationships, and BDSM, yet its not the BDSM that solely should keep the relationship going. For me love must be at the forefront of such a relationship. Yes I know there are other types of BDSM relationships. But when you want to take time away from BDSM or that you need to clear your head surely you want a Partner who understands and can love you because your just You.


Since I have yet to experience a D/s relationship....I can only answer from what I am expecting to find in the future....and throw in a little of my past experiences from other relationships.....I have a hard time defining love....as it is so broad and infinitive to me...to me it's a state of mind just as pain...happiness...or any other emotion....for me a relationship starts out with a lust...attraction....and then moves into the state of mind defined as love....and since D/s has so many cerebral dynamics....they seem to go hand in hand....and I agree with you dmarc that BDSM is not what solely keeps a relationship together but neither can just love....it is a whole spectrum of emotions...senses ..etc...so maybe BDSM and love are just particles of a larger mass we call a relationship.....   



TxBadMan -> RE: The important thing (6/28/2006 9:28:18 AM)

quote:

surely you want a Partner who understands and can love you because your just You.


Not particularly. Love does not figure into the equation at all. My current girl, I did not pick her because of her ability to love; I chose her for her ability to serve. The fact that we happen to get along great, and can both carry on a decent conversation helps, but LOVE figures no where in our relationship.



lanwolf -> RE: The important thing (6/28/2006 9:35:26 AM)

my personal feeling on this is simple there needs to be a mix of both D/s and love. without love trust and respect how can we truly submit?



Tikkiee -> RE: The important thing (6/28/2006 9:46:24 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: lanwolf

my personal feeling on this is simple there needs to be a mix of both D/s and love. without love trust and respect how can we truly submit?

You can trust another, and respect another without having to be 'in love' with them.



akisha -> RE: The important thing (6/28/2006 9:47:53 AM)

You should be just as comfortable sitting talking over coffee or dinner as you are kneeling at their feet and begging them to hit you just one more time *S*

Most important to me is freindship, trust and the ability to talk about everything and anything. Love is great if you have it. For some it's not a requirement. For me common intersts outside BDSM and liking the person i'm with on a personal level outside of sexual chemistry is a huge thing.[&:]




juliaoceania -> RE: The important thing (6/28/2006 10:36:12 AM)

Submission is an expression of romantic "love" for me. I can submit as I am falling for someone, but I do not fully submit until I love completely.. for me they are not separate.



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