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Training mentor - 6/25/2013 12:23:11 PM   
Tkman117


Posts: 1353
Joined: 5/21/2012
Status: offline 		Hi guys,

So I've been with my girl for almost a year, and about 5-6 months ago she agreed to become my slave with plenty of enthusiasm. While I call her my slave and all, I have never actually supplied her with any real training and I made it clear to her that as submissive as she is with me in bed, there is a lot for her to learn if she truly wants to be my slave (which she does).

I have told her I am researching slave training, and she seems excited. I'm trying to work around her schedule, as she has school and work (work right now because of summer), and also because we don't live together, but we do live a couple streets away from each other. Anyway, one such website that I'm using as a very informative guidepost is Trainherwell. That website seems to be the most accurate in terms of describing what I'd like out of my girl. The content isn't very extreme, but goes into explaining the training process. It does so fairly well, and I have a good idea on how to start going about it, but to truly understand how to train a slave I knew I needed to find a Mentor who can help me with the details of training, so I have someone's experience to draw on.

I'm hoping to find a mentor who has experience in slave training who will offer me tips and recommendations for various teaching situations, as the last thing I want to do is begin training my slave, do something obviously wrong, and inadvertently damage the relationship between us.

My slave and I are not extreme, so we are not into toilet related fetishes, fire, blades, medical play, etc. I will not starve my slave, or put her onto an unhealthy diet. I do not want to "break" her and rebuild her, as neither of us have the time or the desire to make her endure such hardships. I do not want to humiliate her in front of friends, family or strangers. We are monogamous and I do not want to share her with anyone, this training is meant to be strictly between me and her.

We are also in university together, and are around other students frequently. I have told her that her work and schooling will and should always come before me, and that if she is facing a problem in her classes, she has the ability to veto my orders in order to work on said classes. I have also ordered her that she should never give up her right to say NO, even as a slave. I know some might

I do have goals which I would like her to reach in the long run. Goals which are, in my opinion, attainable. They include the following:

- Obeying every sexual related order given
- Keeping on a daily schedule of exercise, study/work and sexual practice
- Address me as Master whenever we are in private
- Write a daily journal detailing the events, thoughts and emotions experienced during the day, to be reviewed by me
- Write a list of the tasks she needs to complete that day and inform me of them so I may make changes
- Obeying every order no matter how mundane
- Being able to recognize a potentially dangerous situation and when she should invoke her right to say NO.
- Perform certain rituals at specific times of the days (meditations, rituals, etc.)

I dont have any concrete plans written down just yet, but I do have general ideas of what I intend to do to train. So I'm not sure if any mentors, whether they're male or female, Dominant or Submissive even, I'd love to hear from you and learn more about slave training.

Although, the more I look at it, it's more along the lines of submissive training. I understand the difference, and it's a personal choice between me and my girl to call her slave instead of sub, even though our relationship is more of a Dom/sub relationship.

So, any and all help would be appreciated

- Ted
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Training mentor - 6/25/2013 12:40:17 PM   
SinFix


Posts: 866
Joined: 4/1/2011
Status: offline 		Holy moly... you want her to do all that plus work and school, seems to me a set-up for failure as I can't see her managing that for any length of time...

How about you think on how she can best serve you and both of you work on making your relationship stronger with you doling out the bottom line to progress your relationship in the direction you both sat down and discussed.

(in reply to Tkman117)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Training mentor - 6/25/2013 12:40:33 PM   
Dyfrynt


Posts: 202
Joined: 4/19/2011
Status: offline 		The topic of the proper use of the term "Master" can create a lot of trouble for beginners. You are to be her Dominant, and Master of her. All good and well. As long as you both understand that the other definition of Master is someone with longtime training and experience. In any field. Master Chef, Master Carpenter, etc. You are not a Master by the second definition. That may seem intuitively obvious, but you would not believe the grief you can avoid as long as you acknowledge your understanding of this.

Two other items. I see the list of your long term goals for her, but nothing about her long term goals in this relationship. Not that I expect you to publish them here. But I would like to know that she has them. Her goals should be as important to you as your own.

Thirdly, again not necessarily for here, but what are your long term goals for yourself? Do you have a vague idea? Do you know you don't know yet?

These three together make up the relationship, how it will be handled, how it will evolve, and so on.

_____________________________

Equal in Worth, just Not in Power.

(in reply to Tkman117)
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RE: Training mentor - 6/25/2013 12:45:29 PM   
TAFKAA


Posts: 382
Joined: 1/5/2013
Status: offline 		Dude, you really don't sound like you have it in you to do this.

Owning a slave is a reflection of who *you* are, not who she is. It's the necessary self-belief that you have the stones to be responsible for her in pretty much every way possible while doing pretty much as you wish with her. Including transforming her beliefs about herself and setting the frame

Understand. "Slave training" is mostly bullshit, especially when you're following someone else's guidelines. You have to understand the "why", not just the "what". And attitude is a necessary component of these processes. Try and "train" a slave without having the requisite attitude and she'll eventually laugh in your face.

If you don't have a fairly good grounding in human psychology with an understanding of trance states, operant conditioning and reinforcement schedules, you're pretty much pissing in the wind on this one. You also require overwhelming self-confidence (to the point of arrogance) and belief in your own ability to manage this.

Reading your post reveals you've given her far too many checks and balances. Which means:

A) You're more concerned about her than yourself.
B) You don't trust yourself to make the right decisions.

This indicates to me that you are manifestly ill-equipped to lead her on this journey. I suggest you start with yourself. The first step on the road to mastering another is self-mastery.



_____________________________

The asshole formerly known as Awareness

(in reply to Tkman117)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Training mentor - 6/25/2013 12:53:58 PM   
Tkman117


Posts: 1353
Joined: 5/21/2012
Status: offline 		@SinFix, thats where some of my issues kind of arise. Maybe I shouldnt start training her, thats something we need to discuss.

@Dyfrynt, I realize what the term master means. To us it just symbolizes our roles, she knows I'm no true master of BDSM, I'm a newb, so ya we both understand that I'm not a master by your 2nd definition.

You're right about the goals, and as of today I have not yet asked her. Until this weekend we are living in separate cities, and when she finishes work today I intend to have a discussion about that with her. See where she stands on it, her opinion and everything.

And to the third, long term goals for myself...I'm going to assume this means relationship goals. Well, my goal is to learn how to be a better Dom, learn how to inspire my girl to help her embrace her submissive tendencies. I also want to learn self mastery, as they say learning how to master one's self must be accomplished before truly mastering another person. I'm young, got a lot to learn, and a lot of living to do before I can really take my role as master. Outside of the relationship, I doubt you'd really care but it involves finishing school and getting a good job, and hopefully stay with my girl as long as possible until maybe I pop the question one day.

(in reply to Dyfrynt)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Training mentor - 6/25/2013 1:05:05 PM   
Tkman117


Posts: 1353
Joined: 5/21/2012
Status: offline 		...what do you think I'm posting this stuff about? To announce to the world that I'm going to train my girl and I know everything? While not actually knowing anything?

No

I'm looking to learn, thats all, I havent started training her yet and I havent given her a date and time as to when I will be. So please dont judge when it's clear I'm not an expert in this stuff and I'm asking for help.

(in reply to TAFKAA)
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RE: Training mentor - 6/25/2013 1:11:03 PM   
Rawni


Posts: 1175
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Tkman117

...what do you think I'm posting this stuff about? To announce to the world that I'm going to train my girl and I know everything? While not actually knowing anything?

No

I'm looking to learn, thats all, I havent started training her yet and I havent given her a date and time as to when I will be. So please dont judge when it's clear I'm not an expert in this stuff and I'm asking for help.


Most of us don't get mentors or have someone teach us how to be dominant people. We may go to learn to do some kinky thing, but as for training... leave it to the groups that require some sort of training. If you aren't focused on being a part of these groups... just learn about being all you can be, work on yourself and be a dominant to your submissive. It isn't rocket science and you don't have to have a degree. To top someone, you might need to learn some things, but to be a dominant... just be one strong, well rounded person that calls the shots. The rest is human experience and relationship skills.

(in reply to Tkman117)
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RE: Training mentor - 6/25/2013 1:16:19 PM   
Tkman117


Posts: 1353
Joined: 5/21/2012
Status: offline 		Lol, I dont need to learn how to be dominant to her. I'm normally fairly dominant with her. And what do you mean by groups?

(in reply to Rawni)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Training mentor - 6/25/2013 2:07:47 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Tkman117

Lol, I dont need to learn how to be dominant to her. I'm normally fairly dominant with her.

In your original post you asked for that very thing...someone to teach you what to do. Sadly most "mentors" use that as an excuse to fuck then take your sub.

Dominance isn't rocket science, there are a ton of protocol manuals, kinky idea books & the like. It all comes down to taking control of yourself then doing what amuses you within the confines of the relationship you negotiated. Have you even heard of a BDSM checklist? Let alone had her fill one out?
There is more to dominance than fucking a willing girl in the ass while telling her what a slut she is. "Because I said so" is the simplest form, it goes from there.

Putting a master/slave dynamic on the table this early on will lead to a great deal of disappointment. She's being set up to believe what she reads in Ann Rice & Gor novels, yet you give her wide latitude for individual choice. While agree that newbies should take things slower, setting reasonable expectations you build on is a wiser idea than "me master, you slut. Me fuck you now"

_____________________________

Finding a good sub is like sifting through trail mix. You find a few fruits, a lotta nuts and have to sift to get to the sweet and special ones
drama llama

(in reply to Tkman117)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Training mentor - 6/25/2013 2:11:33 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Dont forget to add..

"find joy in mindless boredom"

(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Training mentor - 6/25/2013 2:15:03 PM   
Tkman117


Posts: 1353
Joined: 5/21/2012
Status: offline 		I was asking for a mentor whom I could communicate with in order to prevent making mistakes in my training. I dont want to train my girl in a certain discipline and doing it wrong and cause damage. I wanted someone who could offer an experienced point of view towards my training plans, someone who could caution me in some situations and offer suggestions in others. Thats not teaching me how to be dominant, I'm not lacking ideas, I'm just lacking experience, that all.

And you don't really know what kind of slave she is or what she expects. I'm not jumping into this thing without asking her what she wants/expects out of the training. I need to know what she's thinking before I do anything, that much is pretty clear.

(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Training mentor - 6/25/2013 2:21:32 PM   
Rawni


Posts: 1175
Status: offline 		The expert in her or you, or the two of you... is you and/or her. People can talk to you as friends and you can read things, but the bottom line is, you are on your own in this and the rest are just idea's, suggestions, etc. and some or a great many will be absolutely useless to you because they can only shed light on what their experiences are.

Try doing searches here on the message board, go read books if you want to spend the money, google... but when it comes to picking friends and those you listen to, you be the one that picks them, don't let them pick you and keep in mind... whatever is said or shared could be worthless. Some will offer feedback, I know I have done so and have been given feedback, from friends, but they were trusted friends before all else and only good as far as they knew me etc.

Structured training in my opinion is a whole lot of work with very little return. Just live.

(in reply to Tkman117)
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RE: Training mentor - 6/25/2013 2:28:47 PM   
VioletViolence


Posts: 169
Joined: 1/30/2012
Status: offline 		What I believe people are trying to tell you, is there is no "mentor" who can show you how to "train her right" because they don't know her. You're human, you're going to make mistakes. All a "mentor" will do is tell you what they'd do if they were in your situation, which may or may not be the right thing to do, but why would you want that instead of trusting your own gut and all the knowledge you already have about your sub? Perhaps instead of trying to find a mentor, just make friends with other dominants, watch their relationships and maybe ask advice once in a while.

(in reply to Tkman117)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Training mentor - 6/25/2013 2:39:53 PM   
Tkman117


Posts: 1353
Joined: 5/21/2012
Status: offline 		Yeah, guess you're right. Either way Ive learned a lot today, been posting this request in several different places and learned a lot. Both about me and my girl, and what would be good ideas to consider when moving forward. Thank you all, I've got a fair amount to think and talk about with my girl.

(in reply to VioletViolence)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Training mentor - 6/25/2013 3:07:51 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Dude, how would you react if someone asked you how to graduate with a degree in six months?

No offense but you seem.fairly grounded, have the best interests of your girlfriend at heart, be young, travel, shag like rabbits and blow off the D/s bullshit. You will get bored with the fantasy crap you are playing with after a few years anyway.


(in reply to Tkman117)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Training mentor - 6/25/2013 4:47:03 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		here's a novel idea.

Just tell her to do it...whatever it is you want her to do.

Want her to lose weight? Tell her to do it.

You want her to be sexual and take pain for you? Tell her to do it.

You want her to make you dinner? Tell her to do it.

Want her to learn something? Tell her to do it.

I know..I did say it is novel. But surprisingly, I've found it works pretty well.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Tkman117)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Training mentor - 6/25/2013 6:42:33 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Forget it.

A good mentor would have to learn about her, and about you, and abide by all your rules... for what?

A bad mentor would try to pry her away from you.

Lotta work to be a good one, with no payoff. So you'll just get bad ones.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Training mentor - 6/25/2013 7:16:20 PM   
BambiBoi


Posts: 461
Joined: 8/10/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

here's a novel idea.

Just tell her to do it...whatever it is you want her to do.

Want her to lose weight? Tell her to do it.

You want her to be sexual and take pain for you? Tell her to do it.

You want her to make you dinner? Tell her to do it.

Want her to learn something? Tell her to do it.

I know..I did say it is novel. But surprisingly, I've found it works pretty well.



This is good counsel.


Throw out the list of principles (with the exception of knowing when to say "no," that's a good one for two novices to have). Be the kind of man she wants to kneel for and look up to. It sounds like you have this idea of making a mindless toy. Have you considered owning a tigress with fierce dedication to you, instead? Don't stifle her enthusiasm, embrace it.

What sounds better to you?

Scenario A: You have some friends over who were entertained by the meal you ordered her to cook. You hug her from behind and whisper into her ear "go lube and ready Master's sex doll. Put a plug in your third hole and come back out to say goodbye to our guests." And she tilts her head back, giving you an impish toothy grin and silently mouths the words "yes master" before skipping off into the other room.

OR

Scenario B: "Sit still. Present your to-do list. Present your sexual position list. Why were the pencils not arranged by order of height? Open mouth and prepare to receive penis. Tongue out, flat."

You can decide the tempo and feel of your relationship. If the submission is there, do YOU want so much protocol?

If you have to remind people you're the true king, you're not.

_____________________________

<3

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 18
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