RE: Best D/s change? (Full Version)

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SimplyMichael -> RE: Best D/s change? (7/1/2013 7:51:51 PM)

There are days I really love this place!



goodgirlmary -> RE: Best D/s change? (7/1/2013 8:08:00 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

..

I see violence where others do not. A breakfast table decorated with flowers is a beautiful and violent offering to me. It is a reminder that nature is not decent and really quite violent, like me. The flowers are really the severed reproductive genitalia of plants. The eggs are the unborn children of chickens. Toast is made from the ground up reproductive seeds of wheat and your coffee is brewed from the reproductive seeds of the Arabica or Robusta Coffee plant. What could possible brighten a table filled with fried, boiled and toasted unborn children of animals and seeds of plants than a bouquet of severed genitalia? Hopefully the display floral genitalia is a sexual reminder to those that view it.

That is how my day starts. A sacrifice from nature costing the lives of animals and plants.

i never once thought about this. Whoa.mind blown.



njlauren -> RE: Best D/s change? (7/1/2013 9:01:15 PM)

I think the best D/s change I can think of is figuring out that D/s is a very, very individual thing, whether it is 2 people, a triad, whatever, and that because it is individual what others think of it doesn't mean jack shit (unless there is real reason to give feedback, like safety issues). It also took me a long time to realize that a lot of what I read about, back in the nascent days of the net, the old alt newsgroups, etc, was often someone's fantasy of what a relationship was, and striving for that was kind of fruitless.

I think the most important thing I learned wasn't from being in a D/s, but from the shitstorm we had to deal with as a family, a lot of hard things that came together all around the time that my S was a relatively newborn baby, a couple of years of sheer hell that only seemed to get worse and worse...yet we lived through it, and grew as people and as a family and what it taught me is that D/s is a kind of tool, focus, on a special relationship dynamic, and that the way it seemed to work for us was to focus on us as a couple, a family, and let D/s be the frame of focus rather than being the focus itself, and it was so liberating for us. Not saying this is a magic formula for everyone, but for us, instead of saying "Hmm, are we doing this the way a D/s should be", we were saying "hmm, are we doing right by our relationship/family" and using the D/s to allow us to answer that....it is why I am saddened when I see all the battles you see over what is authentic, who is authentic, because to me the only authenticity is when the people make it through each day, can look at each other, the lives they have, and say "tomorrow is another day, I can't wait"...in a sense, authenticity is striving towards that goal, and while we all have more then a few days of saying "awe, shit, I don't want to get out of bed today, it's gonna suck", that striving helps us get through them, too, and that was a big lesson:). Obviously, this is true I suspect no matter if you are as vanilla as cheap ice cream or as kinky and hot as a scotch bonnet pepper in hell, but what I learned in our case was the D/s was a way to focus on that striving,rather than being the thing to strive to.



SimplyMichael -> RE: Best D/s change? (7/1/2013 10:09:48 PM)

So, morality.

I have a very strong moral compass, gets me in trouble cause I often cant remain silent in the face of wrongdoing.

So, learning to be a sadist was a strugle for me. Weak men hit women, strong men defend them, even better men teach them to be strong. But, but, but, its hot to humiliate and hurt them. Major cognitize dissonance!

Bottom line, I grew up a bit, stopped dating weak women, started dating equals. Women who I couldnt brow beat, who when they said yes did so fully capable of telling me no. It was that, that ability to give not just simple consent, bbut strong independent consent.

So fully consistent with my morals.




TNDommeK -> RE: Best D/s change? (7/2/2013 12:43:25 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: goodgirlmary


quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

..

I see violence where others do not. A breakfast table decorated with flowers is a beautiful and violent offering to me. It is a reminder that nature is not decent and really quite violent, like me. The flowers are really the severed reproductive genitalia of plants. The eggs are the unborn children of chickens. Toast is made from the ground up reproductive seeds of wheat and your coffee is brewed from the reproductive seeds of the Arabica or Robusta Coffee plant. What could possible brighten a table filled with fried, boiled and toasted unborn children of animals and seeds of plants than a bouquet of severed genitalia? Hopefully the display floral genitalia is a sexual reminder to those that view it.

That is how my day starts. A sacrifice from nature costing the lives of animals and plants.

i never once thought about this. Whoa.mind blown.


I just wanted toast and flowers....and the unBORN OFFSPRING OF CHICKEEEEEEEENS!!!!!!!!
Sorry, I was having too much fun there.



ResidentSadist -> RE: Best D/s change? (7/2/2013 2:09:21 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TNDommeK
quote:

ORIGINAL: goodgirlmary
quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist
..

I see violence where others do not. A breakfast table decorated with flowers is a beautiful and violent offering to me. It is a reminder that nature is not decent and really quite violent, like me. The flowers are really the severed reproductive genitalia of plants. The eggs are the unborn children of chickens. Toast is made from the ground up reproductive seeds of wheat and your coffee is brewed from the reproductive seeds of the Arabica or Robusta Coffee plant. What could possible brighten a table filled with fried, boiled and toasted unborn children of animals and seeds of plants than a bouquet of severed genitalia? Hopefully the display floral genitalia is a sexual reminder to those that view it.

That is how my day starts. A sacrifice from nature costing the lives of animals and plants.

i never once thought about this. Whoa.mind blown.

I just wanted toast and flowers....and the unBORN OFFSPRING OF CHICKEEEEEEEENS!!!!!!!!
Sorry, I was having too much fun there.

I came to these views long before I hit my teens. Used to go to the poultry shop with Grandma and pick out live chickens, take them home and dispatch them. Pick fresh herbs from the garden. For a city slicker, I had a country boy's view.

My grandma was sister to a princess, sister married one of the many princes under the Czar. The prince smuggled her and her sister out of Russia through the mountains by gypsies into Armenia to escape the impending Bolshevik revolution. She was married off to a rich carpet merchant at age 15 or 16. They came to the US shortly after. She spoke 9 languages fluently and had a quite worldly view on life. She was my main baby sitter in my youth/ She was my mentor and she taught me about the world, how to cook and told me of her travels with the gypsies. She told me of washing in the cold mountain streams and how on the morning after a gypsy wedding, the groom hung a bloody sheet out of the caravan trailer window to prove his wife was a worthy virgin. I was 6 years old when I learned about Russian politics, the revolution, death, virgins blood on sheets and the music they played that could make you cry. By age 12, I was sexually experienced, had a steady lover and found myself standing guard near the front windows of Grandma's house with 12 gauge shotgun during the race riots in Detroit 1967, ready to take someone's life if need be.

By age 13 I knew all these things but no one put them all in tangible wording like De Sade in his non-fiction writings. My parents were lifestyle and although they kept their rituals and preferences private so as not to bias me, no book or movie on Earth, no knowledge was restricted. So they let me read De Sade, Crowley, Leopold von Sacher-Masoch . . . hell, I read Last Tango in Paris as a kid. So when I hit the ripe old age of 13, I devoured books and among others, I read almost everything by De Sade, Heinlein and Asimov . . . yes, over a hundred books by 3 authors. Yes, literally, I had my mind opened to poly (Heinlein), saw Einstein's theory through Asimov's eyes and shed as many moral restrictions as I possibly could thanks to a libertine revolutionary named De Sade. I had my passion stoked by many classics as well. So yes, breakfast wasn't the only thing with a different view point in my house.



goodgirlmary -> RE: Best D/s change? (7/2/2013 4:49:28 AM)

And then at fifty, you starred in tequilacommercials as the most intresting man in the world.there is just soooo much in that post. My life would be like a paragraph long and nowhere near as intriguing. Mind blown again.

Im pretty relieved I dont eat chicken periods. But I have the junk of plants all over my house and crowning the statue on my lawn. Hmmm.lol. kinda makes you giggle. The blessesd virgin is crowned by genitalia. Smh . Omg.



Kana -> RE: Best D/s change? (7/2/2013 2:37:29 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

Did you shed your morals or did you adjust them to see yourself as a "decent man" even though you hurt her?

I too have a beast. I keep on a tight leash. I let it out only with those I trust the most, but it is an amoral beast confined only by higher logic not the laws or morals of man. I do not see it or me as "decent" nor do I justify it. I accept the contradiction and feel our ever evolving society might not have it all sorted out yet. What was not decent then is decent now.

I see violence where others do not. A breakfast table decorated with flowers is a beautiful and violent offering to me. It is a reminder that nature is not decent and really quite violent, like me. The flowers are really the severed reproductive genitalia of plants. The eggs are the unborn children of chickens. Toast is made from the ground up reproductive seeds of wheat and your coffee is brewed from the reproductive seeds of the Arabica or Robusta Coffee plant. What could possible brighten a table filled with fried, boiled and toasted unborn children of animals and seeds of plants than a bouquet of severed genitalia? Hopefully the display floral genitalia is a sexual reminder to those that view it.

That is how my day starts. A sacrifice from nature costing the lives of animals and plants. So I accept that some will see me as a good man with bad pleasures, to others I am just that bad man. I am ok with either image. Some people have no awareness of what they eat for breakfast. I was lucky and I gave up on decent in my teens. I eat breakfast with irreverent gusto, same for BDSM.

The Rolling Stones brought light to what I had originally thought were some of my darker perspectives in my youth. From two songs in my youth:

"You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes, well you might find
You get what you need"
- You can't always get what you want

We all need someone we can feed on
And if you want it, well you can feed on me
Take my arm, take my leg
Oh, baby, don't you take my head

We all need someone we can bleed on
And if you want it, baby, well you can bleed on me
We all need someone we can bleed on
And if you want it, why don't you bleed on me
- Let it Bleed

. . . and I learned I didn't just want, but needed to feed my inner beast. It was dumbshit luck that my parents instilled good relationship skills in me at an early age. I knew that it was an exchange, I knew "we were doing each other a solid" even if she was left crying and bleeding . . . even if my inner beast took a bite outta' her . . . even if I made a mistake and hurt her more than intended, it was all part of our human violent nature. Learning, making mistakes and even the intentional wounds were part of the exchange. BDSM wasn't even remotely considered safe in 1971 (SSC started in 1983).

Did you shed your morals, adjust them to see yourself differently or was it something else? I ask in all sincerity because I see a BIG gap between my view and the world view. I don't mind being and outlaw or an outcast. I have rather enjoyed the freedoms it brings. But if you found a bridge that puts your self image in accord, I would enjoy seeing things, like breakfast, a little differently.

As far as the OP goes, this entire reply relates to how learning to embrace the truth of it, the beauty of it freed me up and changed my style, my perspectives. I was thirteen when Crowly The Book of the Law and De Sade's Letter From Prison

"Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law"
- Crowley (The Book of the Law or Liber AL vel Legis)

De Sade explained how morals are bullshit and only serve to mark your geography. Arab culture holds the highest distain for thieves, cutting off their hand when caught. Americans hold thieves up as icons of independence and people like Jesse James and other bank robbers are akin to celebrities and heroes. I came to terms with social and cultural conflicts like and the raw, indecent, violent, painful unfair nature of things and learned to see it as beautiful. I gave up doing the "right thing" or being 'decent man' and started doing the things that felt good and rang true to my nature. Boy did my style change quick.

I think flowers are very pretty, but I may see them in a different light than many of you.

Great post, kinda tough for me to answer w/o going deep into my personal life.
Let's say this:
When I was a kid, I was an amoral sociopathic criminal. I remember once a trained cat asking me to describe myself in one word and I replied "lone wolf"(How egotistically full of shit is that gem of a reply? Ahhh, hindsight and maturity, what wonderful things)" He said he thought a more appropriate word would be "Convict."

I liked outlaws. I liked rebels. I admired them, read about em, met em, emulated them, acted like them, became them...to the point where one day I had the EffaBeEye in my living room telling me what a bad ass bitch I was and why they were and would be watching me for a long time.

So yeah, I get where you're coming from there. To this day, generally speaking, I just don't give a fuck about what most people think is important, things, certain goals, life outlooks (Spend some time staring at the world through bars and it really changes your perspective on what's truly important in life), and especially others opinions re me.
And I never had any illusions about the reality/brutality of the world. I grew up fast, hard and young in violence, lots of it. As in, I was 12 when I saw my first person die, right in front of me (Wore his blood and brains home). Buried many more before I was 18. Thus, I'm kinda Hobbesian by nature, I see the world as a savage garden existing in an eternal war of all against all. I got no faith in humanity-we're all about 1.3 steps from going Lord of the Flies at any minute.

So, in many ways we're alike in these regards.

My issue was me (Ain't it always though).
I had ideas of who and what I thought a man should be, that I should be (Mostly distilled from Saturday Morning spaghetti westerns and Kung Fu theater-all this street honor crap. Ahhh, the joys of being a latchkey kid)
What's that line from the Wire, "A Man must have a code."
Yeah, that's it.
So I had this code that I invented from somewhere, idealistic hogwash BS mostly, and actions that didn't match that.
Now, I don't know bout anyone else here, but me, when my values and actions are in opposition, I suffer internal conflict.
Which was what was happening here.
Now, ordinarily, no big deal. Just yet another internal World War Me-we all have em.But I had hit a breaking point in my life, in particular I was trying to kick the drugs I had been strung out on for a long time and that involved some behavioral changes, trying to be a better man, better person.
And that really came into conflict with my sadistic tendencies.
It was at this point that I tried the BDSM sabbatical, dated nice chicks, all that blahblahblah that folk try (Didn't work worth a shit either. I met these terrific gals and then couldn't share everything of me with em, had to hold back, which meant I was living a lie. More conflict. More damage. no freaking bueno). Five years in the desert, living nilla n getting miserable.
Until in the end, after long talks with some gals I'd owned and known for years, I reached the epiphany I mentioned above.

So with that backdrop, digging into your question, I'm gonna answer your question
quote:

Did you shed your morals, adjust them to see yourself differently or was it something else?

by the girl route and answer an A or B question by saying C (Dontcha hate it when chicks do that? You ask a yes/no question and they always, as in 100%, without fail, never ever miss a chance, give an essay answer. It's flipping amazing). I didn't shed my morals. In fact they grew because I found myself able to reconcile my values and actions in realizing that I was doing her right by beating her. I don't really see myself differently. Fuck, I haven't changed. I'm the same sociopathic bastard I was all those years ago-I've just learned how to wear sheep's clothing, lend in, play the social game a bit.
What I did get was proper perspective, ripped away some of my delusions about women/slaves/subs and why they do what they do and act as they do (Which made me an infinity better Master BTW).

Fuck, remember, I'm the cat who thinks slaves should be treated like a galleon about to be broadsided, boarded, raped, plundered, pillaged and looted by a pack of bloodthirsty pirates.

So, I guess I'm taking the long way round saying I found a neutral zone where my values/desires and actions mesh.
Not to mention that somewhere along the line I came to the conclusion that I am who I am, and that's who I'm gonna be and that the true moral failure, the real betrayal of self, would be to not be me, to not be the man that fate and personality and circumstances have forged. That decision made, my task from there on out is merely to be me, and that's a full time fucking task some days, more than enough to keep me busy for a long time to come.



SimplyMichael -> RE: Best D/s change? (7/2/2013 3:48:34 PM)

Yawn, the FBI never had enough on me to do more than yap, same goes for customs, ATF, and the RCMP. The hijacking charge was bullshit and my lawyer killed it.

Yeah, yeah, we all done shit, hell I smuggled illegals with my mom, earliest memorys with my dad was steeling parts off of vehicles on the Pendleton bombing range and running from the police during peace marches. I almost shot my first biker in junior high, head in my sights, shaken Mikhail Kalishnikovs hand, and all that stupid crap.

To date, some of my finest moments were seeing myself in her eyes, the rest was childish stupidity.



petitespot -> RE: Best D/s change? (7/5/2013 6:57:45 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

This applies to lots of of things we do but as we go along we change how we do things. So the question is, what change in your view of D/s made the biggest improvement in your outcomes? Why caused you to see the need to change, what did you change, what helped you change, and what sort of improvements did you experience?


What's changed for me is that any experience I will have in the future will purely be bondage, sadism and masochism.
It will not include any kind of domination or submission.
I suppose I have evolved from a slave into a bottom.
I don't know if it's a change for the positive because I find myself having to once again deny who I am at the core.




littlewonder -> RE: Best D/s change? (7/5/2013 1:42:40 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: petitespot


quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

This applies to lots of of things we do but as we go along we change how we do things. So the question is, what change in your view of D/s made the biggest improvement in your outcomes? Why caused you to see the need to change, what did you change, what helped you change, and what sort of improvements did you experience?


What's changed for me is that any experience I will have in the future will purely be bondage, sadism and masochism.
It will not include any kind of domination or submission.
I suppose I have evolved from a slave into a bottom.
I don't know if it's a change for the positive because I find myself having to once again deny who I am at the core.




This will change when you find the right person. Notice....I said WHEN [:)]



SimplyMichael -> RE: Best D/s change? (7/5/2013 3:08:21 PM)

Well, with a hidden profile, it sure stacks the deck against you.



littlewonder -> RE: Best D/s change? (7/5/2013 3:20:49 PM)

unless she's doing the real life dating which I highly suggest.



sunshinemiss -> RE: Best D/s change? (7/5/2013 9:49:59 PM)

Hi Michael,
Biggest change for me was reaching out to people as I travel. Hey it's only coffee / lunch / dinner! When I travel, I figure, what the heck? Why not reach out to the people from here? Only once or twice have I had a less then excellent experience. No expectations, lots of openness, and a lemme-be-myself attitude has been great for me. I've been such a people-pleaser for so long... sigh.

So really it was the whole "you're not MY dom" attitude that helped me get beyond the need to please others and to just be me - sometimes selfish, usually sassy, occasionally wise. What a gift!

Nowadays, I gladly send a note to folks if I'll be in their neck of the woods. Has it turned into something beyond coffee / lunch / dinner? Yes. I've made some wonderful friends by doing that... lifelong friendships with amazing women? Definitely worth it!... And I've met darned near every fellow I've had not-so-secret crushes on - including you!

best,
sunshine



ResidentSadist -> RE: Best D/s change? (7/6/2013 7:10:24 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana


quote:

ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

Did you shed your morals or did you adjust them to see yourself as a "decent man" even though you hurt her?

I too have a beast. I keep on a tight leash. I let it out only with those I trust the most, but it is an amoral beast confined only by higher logic not the laws or morals of man. I do not see it or me as "decent" nor do I justify it. I accept the contradiction and feel our ever evolving society might not have it all sorted out yet. What was not decent then is decent now.

I see violence where others do not. A breakfast table decorated with flowers is a beautiful and violent offering to me. It is a reminder that nature is not decent and really quite violent, like me. The flowers are really the severed reproductive genitalia of plants. The eggs are the unborn children of chickens. Toast is made from the ground up reproductive seeds of wheat and your coffee is brewed from the reproductive seeds of the Arabica or Robusta Coffee plant. What could possible brighten a table filled with fried, boiled and toasted unborn children of animals and seeds of plants than a bouquet of severed genitalia? Hopefully the display floral genitalia is a sexual reminder to those that view it.

That is how my day starts. A sacrifice from nature costing the lives of animals and plants. So I accept that some will see me as a good man with bad pleasures, to others I am just that bad man. I am ok with either image. Some people have no awareness of what they eat for breakfast. I was lucky and I gave up on decent in my teens. I eat breakfast with irreverent gusto, same for BDSM.

The Rolling Stones brought light to what I had originally thought were some of my darker perspectives in my youth. From two songs in my youth:

"You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes, well you might find
You get what you need"
- You can't always get what you want

We all need someone we can feed on
And if you want it, well you can feed on me
Take my arm, take my leg
Oh, baby, don't you take my head

We all need someone we can bleed on
And if you want it, baby, well you can bleed on me
We all need someone we can bleed on
And if you want it, why don't you bleed on me
- Let it Bleed

. . . and I learned I didn't just want, but needed to feed my inner beast. It was dumbshit luck that my parents instilled good relationship skills in me at an early age. I knew that it was an exchange, I knew "we were doing each other a solid" even if she was left crying and bleeding . . . even if my inner beast took a bite outta' her . . . even if I made a mistake and hurt her more than intended, it was all part of our human violent nature. Learning, making mistakes and even the intentional wounds were part of the exchange. BDSM wasn't even remotely considered safe in 1971 (SSC started in 1983).

Did you shed your morals, adjust them to see yourself differently or was it something else? I ask in all sincerity because I see a BIG gap between my view and the world view. I don't mind being and outlaw or an outcast. I have rather enjoyed the freedoms it brings. But if you found a bridge that puts your self image in accord, I would enjoy seeing things, like breakfast, a little differently.

As far as the OP goes, this entire reply relates to how learning to embrace the truth of it, the beauty of it freed me up and changed my style, my perspectives. I was thirteen when Crowly The Book of the Law and De Sade's Letter From Prison

"Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law"
- Crowley (The Book of the Law or Liber AL vel Legis)

De Sade explained how morals are bullshit and only serve to mark your geography. Arab culture holds the highest distain for thieves, cutting off their hand when caught. Americans hold thieves up as icons of independence and people like Jesse James and other bank robbers are akin to celebrities and heroes. I came to terms with social and cultural conflicts like and the raw, indecent, violent, painful unfair nature of things and learned to see it as beautiful. I gave up doing the "right thing" or being 'decent man' and started doing the things that felt good and rang true to my nature. Boy did my style change quick.

I think flowers are very pretty, but I may see them in a different light than many of you.

Great post, kinda tough for me to answer w/o going deep into my personal life.
Let's say this:
When I was a kid, I was an amoral sociopathic criminal. I remember once a trained cat asking me to describe myself in one word and I replied "lone wolf"(How egotistically full of shit is that gem of a reply? Ahhh, hindsight and maturity, what wonderful things)" He said he thought a more appropriate word would be "Convict."

I liked outlaws. I liked rebels. I admired them, read about em, met em, emulated them, acted like them, became them...to the point where one day I had the EffaBeEye in my living room telling me what a bad ass bitch I was and why they were and would be watching me for a long time.

So yeah, I get where you're coming from there. To this day, generally speaking, I just don't give a fuck about what most people think is important, things, certain goals, life outlooks (Spend some time staring at the world through bars and it really changes your perspective on what's truly important in life), and especially others opinions re me.
And I never had any illusions about the reality/brutality of the world. I grew up fast, hard and young in violence, lots of it. As in, I was 12 when I saw my first person die, right in front of me (Wore his blood and brains home). Buried many more before I was 18. Thus, I'm kinda Hobbesian by nature, I see the world as a savage garden existing in an eternal war of all against all. I got no faith in humanity-we're all about 1.3 steps from going Lord of the Flies at any minute.

So, in many ways we're alike in these regards.

My issue was me (Ain't it always though).
I had ideas of who and what I thought a man should be, that I should be (Mostly distilled from Saturday Morning spaghetti westerns and Kung Fu theater-all this street honor crap. Ahhh, the joys of being a latchkey kid)
What's that line from the Wire, "A Man must have a code."
Yeah, that's it.
So I had this code that I invented from somewhere, idealistic hogwash BS mostly, and actions that didn't match that.
Now, I don't know bout anyone else here, but me, when my values and actions are in opposition, I suffer internal conflict.
Which was what was happening here.
Now, ordinarily, no big deal. Just yet another internal World War Me-we all have em.But I had hit a breaking point in my life, in particular I was trying to kick the drugs I had been strung out on for a long time and that involved some behavioral changes, trying to be a better man, better person.
And that really came into conflict with my sadistic tendencies.
It was at this point that I tried the BDSM sabbatical, dated nice chicks, all that blahblahblah that folk try (Didn't work worth a shit either. I met these terrific gals and then couldn't share everything of me with em, had to hold back, which meant I was living a lie. More conflict. More damage. no freaking bueno). Five years in the desert, living nilla n getting miserable.
Until in the end, after long talks with some gals I'd owned and known for years, I reached the epiphany I mentioned above.

So with that backdrop, digging into your question, I'm gonna answer your question
quote:

Did you shed your morals, adjust them to see yourself differently or was it something else?

by the girl route and answer an A or B question by saying C (Dontcha hate it when chicks do that? You ask a yes/no question and they always, as in 100%, without fail, never ever miss a chance, give an essay answer. It's flipping amazing). I didn't shed my morals. In fact they grew because I found myself able to reconcile my values and actions in realizing that I was doing her right by beating her. I don't really see myself differently. Fuck, I haven't changed. I'm the same sociopathic bastard I was all those years ago-I've just learned how to wear sheep's clothing, lend in, play the social game a bit.
What I did get was proper perspective, ripped away some of my delusions about women/slaves/subs and why they do what they do and act as they do (Which made me an infinity better Master BTW).

Fuck, remember, I'm the cat who thinks slaves should be treated like a galleon about to be broadsided, boarded, raped, plundered, pillaged and looted by a pack of bloodthirsty pirates.

So, I guess I'm taking the long way round saying I found a neutral zone where my values/desires and actions mesh.
Not to mention that somewhere along the line I came to the conclusion that I am who I am, and that's who I'm gonna be and that the true moral failure, the real betrayal of self, would be to not be me, to not be the man that fate and personality and circumstances have forged. That decision made, my task from there on out is merely to be me, and that's a full time fucking task some days, more than enough to keep me busy for a long time to come.

Thank you for taking time to write up that reply and sharing your experience. It sounds like you came to your neutral zone through more of a paradigm shift than a direct change in perspectives i.e., adopting a new working model verses looking at the old model a different way.

As a side note, I want to thank you (so does samdarella) your for your galleon & pirates analogy. At the end of the day, as a meter for the relationship and as a reminder of my importance to it, I ask my slave if she feels well loved, well fed, well used etc. The other night, after a particularly rowdy encounter in which she had been blindfolded, oiled, cut, stabbed*, anally, orally and vaginally violated while being simultaneously whipped into multiple orgasms . . . as she lay there bleeding, instead of asking the usual "well used, well loved etc". I asked her if she felt like she had been kidnapped by pirates. We both laughed recalling your post.

She works weekends and sometimes I make breakfast. When I make breakfast, I will make silly cartoons on her napkin. Today it was a sketch of a beach and a pirate ship (with flag) at sea headed for the beach. The caption read, "pirates are coming for you".

Thank you for the in depth look at what you were talking about and thank you inspiring the resurgence of pirates around my house.



* Stabbing her in the fatty part of her ass for not performing a sexual task quick enough. Very little damage but lots and lots of blood.





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