ResidentSadist
Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
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Did you shed your morals or did you adjust them to see yourself as a "decent man" even though you hurt her?
I too have a beast. I keep on a tight leash. I let it out only with those I trust the most, but it is an amoral beast confined only by higher logic not the laws or morals of man. I do not see it or me as "decent" nor do I justify it. I accept the contradiction and feel our ever evolving society might not have it all sorted out yet. What was not decent then is decent now.
I see violence where others do not. A breakfast table decorated with flowers is a beautiful and violent offering to me. It is a reminder that nature is not decent and really quite violent, like me. The flowers are really the severed reproductive genitalia of plants. The eggs are the unborn children of chickens. Toast is made from the ground up reproductive seeds of wheat and your coffee is brewed from the reproductive seeds of the Arabica or Robusta Coffee plant. What could possible brighten a table filled with fried, boiled and toasted unborn children of animals and seeds of plants than a bouquet of severed genitalia? Hopefully the display floral genitalia is a sexual reminder to those that view it.
That is how my day starts. A sacrifice from nature costing the lives of animals and plants. So I accept that some will see me as a good man with bad pleasures, to others I am just that bad man. I am ok with either image. Some people have no awareness of what they eat for breakfast. I was lucky and I gave up on decent in my teens. I eat breakfast with irreverent gusto, same for BDSM.
The Rolling Stones brought light to what I had originally thought were some of my darker perspectives in my youth. From two songs in my youth:
"You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes, well you might find
You get what you need"
- You can't always get what you want
We all need someone we can feed on
And if you want it, well you can feed on me
Take my arm, take my leg
Oh, baby, don't you take my head
We all need someone we can bleed on
And if you want it, baby, well you can bleed on me
We all need someone we can bleed on
And if you want it, why don't you bleed on me
- Let it Bleed
. . . and I learned I didn't just want, but needed to feed my inner beast. It was dumbshit luck that my parents instilled good relationship skills in me at an early age. I knew that it was an exchange, I knew "we were doing each other a solid" even if she was left crying and bleeding . . . even if my inner beast took a bite outta' her . . . even if I made a mistake and hurt her more than intended, it was all part of our human violent nature. Learning, making mistakes and even the intentional wounds were part of the exchange. BDSM wasn't even remotely considered safe in 1971 (SSC started in 1983).
Did you shed your morals, adjust them to see yourself differently or was it something else? I ask in all sincerity because I see a BIG gap between my view and the world view. I don't mind being and outlaw or an outcast. I have rather enjoyed the freedoms it brings. But if you found a bridge that puts your self image in accord, I would enjoy seeing things, like breakfast, a little differently.
As far as the OP goes, this entire reply relates to how learning to embrace the truth of it, the beauty of it freed me up and changed my style, my perspectives. I was thirteen when Crowly The Book of the Law and De Sade's Letter From Prison
"Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law"
- Crowley (The Book of the Law or Liber AL vel Legis)
De Sade explained how morals are bullshit and only serve to mark your geography. Arab culture holds the highest distain for thieves, cutting off their hand when caught. Americans hold thieves up as icons of independence and people like Jesse James and other bank robbers are akin to celebrities and heroes. I came to terms with social and cultural conflicts like and the raw, indecent, violent, painful unfair nature of things and learned to see it as beautiful. I gave up doing the "right thing" or being 'decent man' and started doing the things that felt good and rang true to my nature. Boy did my style change quick.
I think flowers are very pretty, but I may see them in a different light than many of you.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Kana
When I realized that I was the one doing her a favor when I beat the shit out of her.
Sounds silly, right?
Stupid as fuck, even.
But for years I crashed real hard post play, wrestled with lots and lots of guilt and conflict, trying to reconcile being a decent man and a sadistic animal who thrives and gets off on hurting women. Even worse, women who loved me deeply and gave me everything.
But one day I came to the epiphany (Led there by the nose by a slave, as usual)that she was going to get what she needed, relationship wise, whether I was in the picture or not. And that I was a lot more experienced, safer, had her best interests in heart and was an all around better dude than 99% of the potential applicants/prospects, In fact, she wasn't doing me a solid, but I was doing her one, by being able to fully give who and what I was in an interaction.
Now, obviously over the years that's grown to become a 'We are doing each other a solid," thing, but yeah, the genesis, that root idea, that gave me the freedom to be the man i needed to be guilt free.
That shit was, and is, awesome.
< Message edited by ResidentSadist -- 7/1/2013 7:37:13 PM >
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