RE: I go on Saturday to get my date for my surgery (Full Version)

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dcnovice -> RE: I go on Saturday to get my date for my surgery (7/1/2013 6:37:20 PM)

Warmest wishes for a speedy and sure recovery!

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ShaharThorne -> RE: I go on Saturday to get my date for my surgery (7/1/2013 6:58:50 PM)

PT is going to be a bitch. I almost damaged my shoulder trying to answer the phone 2 years ago, falling into an antique sewing machine. I was bruised for 2 weeks, barely able to move it. Now I can move it with no problems. Thank goodness for TENS unit, stretches and a machine that allowed me to pedal with my arms.



Duskypearls -> RE: I go on Saturday to get my date for my surgery (7/1/2013 8:19:53 PM)

OP, prayers, blessings and great anesthesiologists, surgeons and nurses your way. The pain pump may be the way to go in the beginning. Maybe give your hospital a call and ask them what's involved in getting a home nurse to come buy for a few days or a week once you get home. Worst comes to worst, perhaps a rehabilitation center till you get your sea legs again.



Missdressed -> RE: I go on Saturday to get my date for my surgery (7/1/2013 11:30:23 PM)

I'm hoping the boys will step up to the plate. They're promised to, and the girls are old enough they should be able to help.

One of the issues is that my parents (well, my mum) thinks I'm going to go there to recuperate. Now, apart from the fact that she and I would last about a day before we would fall out, she has multiple health issues going on, including vascular dementia, and she doesn't truly realise how bad that dementia is. Basically, my dad has enough on his plate. He doesn't need me too.

Couple of friends have offered, but I'm one of those people who values their independence. I'm going to hate being dependent.



lizi -> RE: I go on Saturday to get my date for my surgery (7/2/2013 6:13:31 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Missdressed

I'm hoping the boys will step up to the plate. They're promised to, and the girls are old enough they should be able to help.

One of the issues is that my parents (well, my mum) thinks I'm going to go there to recuperate. Now, apart from the fact that she and I would last about a day before we would fall out, she has multiple health issues going on, including vascular dementia, and she doesn't truly realise how bad that dementia is. Basically, my dad has enough on his plate. He doesn't need me too.

Couple of friends have offered, but I'm one of those people who values their independence. I'm going to hate being dependent.


This I can speak to on a personal basis and not just from a professional one. Take all the help that you can get, you'll need it. It won't bother you much at all to accept it when you are unable to do for yourself. When you're in that kind of situation, you become very humble and grateful.

I didn't have the use of either of my arms for months, I learned to let people do things for me and how to ask for help often. Don't think that your usual way of going through life will apply here, you are going to be physically unable to do for yourself so line up the help now - maybe in just a general form. Ask those friends or family to come check in on things right from the start so you can tell them then what you need at that moment. There will be a million little things you never thought of that will come up.

My sons and I had a system that I called for their help when I needed it, but they also stopped by my room whenever they were passing and stuck their heads in for whatever came up at the moment. When my friends called to see if they could bring food or whatever I'd say yes, it took some of the nursing duty off my sons, although I'd remind the friends that they could bring the food and they'd also have to feed it to me. They were glad to, and when they were there, the sons could take off and do something for themselves and catch a break rather than be tied to the house with me all the time.

You won't hate depending on others as much as you think you will, you'll mostly be very glad to get the help [;)] This is temporary. You'll get stronger/better every day. You'll learn little tricks to regain your independence, it'll pass. I learned so many tiny little things from picking things up with my feet, to using my lips to turn light switches on and off, lol. You need to have this done and afterwards you'll be in much better shape.



Duskypearls -> RE: I go on Saturday to get my date for my surgery (7/2/2013 7:19:58 AM)

Wow, MissD, that's got to be incredibly hard. Having been a personal care provider to probably 12 people with anywhere from mid-level to severe dementia/Alzheimer's, I know exactly how hard and frustrating that can be. I cannot imagine having to deal with it with an immediate family member.

For those of us who have been nearly rabidly independent, the act of accepting help, or learning to ask for it, when compromised, can seem quite daunting at first. Some may even feel/think that needing to is paramount to having a stain upon one's character, not so much in how we think others see us, but in how we see ourselves. I suspect some see it as a character flaw.

Excessive independence is not much unlike excessive pride, as it can rob us, and others, of the opportunity to lovingly and freely, without guilt or shame, give and receive, which is one of the most magnificent, interactive gifts that can occur between two parties.

For me, during last year's ankle fusion recovery, it was even a challenge for me to ask one neighbor to bring my mail in from the mailbox once (about 20 yards from my door), and to ask another to refill my pain meds once at the pharmacy.

While it can feel a bit humbling and uncomfortable at first, it can truly be one of the most generous things one can give others, who truly only want to help, if we but let them.

Give the gift of love to yourself and others...let others help you.



Missdressed -> RE: I go on Saturday to get my date for my surgery (7/2/2013 10:52:20 AM)

I'm stealing "rabidly independent" I love that!

Went over today. Mother had to see the nurse for a fasting glucose test for diabetes. Well, shocker, she's got high levels and is more than likely diabetic. She has an appointment with the gp on Thursday.

So she is pissed off about this because the only diabetes in the family was her mother my grandmother and she only had type 2 when she was elderly. And my mother is not elderly. Even though she's 70. So she's for eating a 2lt tub of ice cream out of pure twisted ex's.

And tomorrow I'm going with them as she goes to get the arteries in her legs scanned as they think the blood flow has diminished, plus they need to scan her aorta.

If I had stayed any longer today I would have strangled her.

As an example, she decided at 3pm to make a poached egg. With toast. There was a fresh loaf, but she used the old loaf and cut the heel end bits so they would fit in the toaster. And cut the mould off. And dad kept saying to use the other loaf. But she wouldn't.

Then she took me to show me her new clothes she bought two weeks ago. She's shown me them 3 times already. And I realised that she has been putting dirty clothes back in the drawers.


Sigh.



kiwisub12 -> RE: I go on Saturday to get my date for my surgery (7/2/2013 2:56:54 PM)

Missdressed - one of the greatest blessings in my life was when my Sir was dying. We had to move from his house to mine, because he had no income, and I couldn't make payments on two houses. The local bdsm community came in one weekend, packed us up (I had done a bunch but its never ending) and moved us to my house. They even helped me clean my house because my daughter hadn't - in five years! and he was allergic to animal dander.

I was embarrassed and extremely grateful - there was no way I could have done it myself, and it had to be done. It wasn't anything I could have asked for because like you , i'm very independent, but looking back its one of the things that makes my heart warm to think about. It was such a selfless thing for all who helped to do - and included people that we had only met a few times.

the point is for you , is that people like to help - but they have to know what you need. If someone asks you if they can help, give them a few things that you need to have done. If they are serious, they'll find something they can do. And honestly, it makes people feel better about themselves to help others.... so you'd be helping them. [:D]



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