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UllrsIshtar -> RE: Is this the right place to ask this? (7/1/2013 1:04:08 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: inquirindisciple
I know only the conventional wisdom that I've gained from other and what I've gained from my own limited experience. So I'm behind. Pure experience seems to be a slow process of improvement and like I said, I'm behind. Is it so immature to want to catch up.
If it's a genuine question, then I have two bits of 'wisdom' to share with you:
1) don't assume that BDSMers are the ones to ask about how to get better at sex. BDSMers, as a group, are neither worse nor better at sex than the average vanilla person is. I've got a sample group of about +/-150 on the vanilla side, and +/-25 on the BDSM as a reason I'd make that claim.
2) the only way to get better at sex in general is by experimentation, both with every single individual partner you have, as well as through having a lot of different partners. If you just want to get better at sex with one partner, you can skip the multiple partner learning curve.
When you sleep with somebody, experiment, experiment, experiment, and then talk, talk, talk about it.
Try things you've never tried before, try new angles, try new things to do with your tongue, hands, body. Try things you've done with other partners that didn't work well with them. Try things you've done with other partners that did work well with them. Through out all of this, pay close attention to their reactions, sounds, movements, mood.
And then talk, talk, talk about it, ask them what they liked, and why, and the next time try to replicate it. Talk about it again and figure out if the replication was successful or not.
It's the only way you can build an arsenal of methods that you can vary fast, efficiently adapt what you're doing to a new partner, so that you, based on experience and what previous partners liked, and get a general sense of what they like quickly.
If you want to be good at sex with a variety of people, you need to have a vast arsenal of 'tricks'. The only way you can gain that is through practice.
If you want to be good at sex with only one partner, you need to learn exactly what they like, by trying everything you can think of, and noting what works and what doesn't. The only way you can gain that is through practice.
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