RE: Is this the right place to ask this?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Is this the right place to ask this?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Is this the right place to ask this?

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Is this the right place to ask this? - 7/1/2013 12:47:32 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: inquirindisciple

quote:

Maybe you should just specifically ask what you want to know.

Easy. Are there techniques that can be learned, outside of pure experience, to achieve more effective results during sex?

You know some things can be discussed and over analyzed.

Some things in life can only be learned by doing.

One bit of a tip: to be "good" at sex requires desire, communication, imagination and lack of inhibitions.

Oh, and a partner with all that.

(in reply to inquirindisciple)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: Is this the right place to ask this? - 7/1/2013 12:49:43 PM

inquirindisciple

Posts: 14
Joined: 7/1/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Ask them what they like before you have it. Ask them during if you can't interpret a nonverbal sound. Talk to them afterward to find out what they did and didn't like.

This is something that I think I do too much. I've come to think that it's bad for my relationships. Maybe I'm wrong, I'm humble enough to admit that my judgement is not infallible.

To make everyone happy, an introductory thread is incoming.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: Is this the right place to ask this? - 7/1/2013 1:04:08 PM

UllrsIshtar

Posts: 3693
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: inquirindisciple

I know only the conventional wisdom that I've gained from other and what I've gained from my own limited experience. So I'm behind. Pure experience seems to be a slow process of improvement and like I said, I'm behind. Is it so immature to want to catch up.

If it's a genuine question, then I have two bits of 'wisdom' to share with you:

1) don't assume that BDSMers are the ones to ask about how to get better at sex. BDSMers, as a group, are neither worse nor better at sex than the average vanilla person is. I've got a sample group of about +/-150 on the vanilla side, and +/-25 on the BDSM as a reason I'd make that claim.

2) the only way to get better at sex in general is by experimentation, both with every single individual partner you have, as well as through having a lot of different partners. If you just want to get better at sex with one partner, you can skip the multiple partner learning curve.
When you sleep with somebody, experiment, experiment, experiment, and then talk, talk, talk about it.
Try things you've never tried before, try new angles, try new things to do with your tongue, hands, body. Try things you've done with other partners that didn't work well with them. Try things you've done with other partners that did work well with them. Through out all of this, pay close attention to their reactions, sounds, movements, mood.
And then talk, talk, talk about it, ask them what they liked, and why, and the next time try to replicate it. Talk about it again and figure out if the replication was successful or not.
It's the only way you can build an arsenal of methods that you can vary fast, efficiently adapt what you're doing to a new partner, so that you, based on experience and what previous partners liked, and get a general sense of what they like quickly.

If you want to be good at sex with a variety of people, you need to have a vast arsenal of 'tricks'. The only way you can gain that is through practice.

If you want to be good at sex with only one partner, you need to learn exactly what they like, by trying everything you can think of, and noting what works and what doesn't. The only way you can gain that is through practice.

_____________________________

I can be your whore
I am the dirt you created
I am your sinner
And your whore
But let me tell you something baby
You love me for everything you hate me for

(in reply to inquirindisciple)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: Is this the right place to ask this? - 7/1/2013 2:21:10 PM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: inquirindisciple

quote:

Maybe you should just specifically ask what you want to know.

Easy. Are there techniques that can be learned, outside of pure experience, to achieve more effective results during sex?

What gender are you planning on having sex with?

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to inquirindisciple)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: Is this the right place to ask this? - 7/1/2013 2:46:45 PM

SomethingCatchy

Posts: 796
Joined: 7/29/2008
Status: offline

Dude, just go out and fuck around if you're so worried about your lack of experience. I met my husband 4 years ago and he was a virgin and had NEVER done anything with anyone. He blew my mind right from the start. I'm pretty sure he never worried about his lack of know-how.

_____________________________

I believe in Invisible Pink Unicorns

Everyone is gay for Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

(in reply to inquirindisciple)

Profile

Post #: 25

RE: Is this the right place to ask this? - 7/1/2013 2:47:04 PM

inquirindisciple

Posts: 14
Joined: 7/1/2013
Status: offline

#22, 2. That's what I suspected but was reluctant to believe. :(
#23. Not necessarily both; not exclusively either. If that's not so vague as to be inconsequential.

(in reply to angelikaJ)

Profile

Post #: 26

RE: Is this the right place to ask this? - 7/1/2013 2:51:00 PM

MissKittyDeVine

Posts: 1054
Joined: 9/24/2011
Status: offline

Here you are, OP. I know you're not afraid to ask, but all the answers you could ever want are to be found within ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uinn26P2c6M

_____________________________

Sanity is overrated. Live la vida loca

(in reply to angelikaJ)

Profile

Post #: 27

RE: Is this the right place to ask this? - 7/1/2013 3:08:39 PM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

Then here are a few that may be helpful across genders:

http://www.amazon.com/Tricks-Please-Man-Jay-Wiseman/dp/1890159522

http://www.amazon.com/Tricks-To-Please-A-Woman/dp/1890159409

http://www.amazon.com/She-Comes-First-Thinking-Pleasuring/dp/0060538260/ref=pd_sim_b_3

http://www.amazon.com/Passionista-Empowered-Womans-Guide-Pleasuring/dp/0060834390/ref=pd_bxgy_b_text_y

http://www.amazon.com/Anal-Pleasure-Health-Guide-Couples/dp/0940208377/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1372715842&sr=1-1&keywords=Jack+Morin

http://www.amazon.com/The-Best-Vulva-Massage-Assorted/dp/B0007XT00G/ref=sr_1_1?s=movies-tv&ie=UTF8&qid=1372716169&sr=1-1&keywords=Joseph+Kramer

http://www.amazon.com/Fire-Mountain-Male-Genital-Massage/dp/B0009VGIL0/ref=sr_1_2?s=movies-tv&ie=UTF8&qid=1372716169&sr=1-2&keywords=Joseph+Kramer

Having posted that, how good are your communication skills?
Because all the tricks and tips in the world won't help much if you are not a good listener.
You can become a better listener if you aren't one yet.

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to inquirindisciple)

Profile

Post #: 28

RE: Is this the right place to ask this? - 7/1/2013 3:21:24 PM

inquirindisciple

Posts: 14
Joined: 7/1/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

Then here are a few that may be helpful across genders:

http://www.amazon.com/Tricks-Please-Man-Jay-Wiseman/dp/1890159522

http://www.amazon.com/Tricks-To-Please-A-Woman/dp/1890159409

http://www.amazon.com/She-Comes-First-Thinking-Pleasuring/dp/0060538260/ref=pd_sim_b_3

http://www.amazon.com/Passionista-Empowered-Womans-Guide-Pleasuring/dp/0060834390/ref=pd_bxgy_b_text_y

http://www.amazon.com/Anal-Pleasure-Health-Guide-Couples/dp/0940208377/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1372715842&sr=1-1&keywords=Jack+Morin

http://www.amazon.com/The-Best-Vulva-Massage-Assorted/dp/B0007XT00G/ref=sr_1_1?s=movies-tv&ie=UTF8&qid=1372716169&sr=1-1&keywords=Joseph+Kramer

http://www.amazon.com/Fire-Mountain-Male-Genital-Massage/dp/B0009VGIL0/ref=sr_1_2?s=movies-tv&ie=UTF8&qid=1372716169&sr=1-2&keywords=Joseph+Kramer

Having posted that, how good are your communication skills?
Because all the tricks and tips in the world won't help much if you are not a good listener.
You can become a better listener if you aren't one yet.

Thank you for your help. My listening skills are up there. My communication skills depend strongly on my comfort level with the person who I am communicating with. Generally, it takes a while(2-4 weeks) for me to reach the comfort level that most people are at with strangers, but only about twice as long as that to reach the comfort level that most people are at with their parents/sisters/brothers. Probably my biggest flaws, both halves.

(in reply to angelikaJ)

Profile

Post #: 29

RE: Is this the right place to ask this? - 7/1/2013 5:01:56 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

Get some sex partner(s)
Get book(s)

Do them all as frequently as possible

/win

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to inquirindisciple)

Profile

Post #: 30

RE: Is this the right place to ask this? - 7/1/2013 5:27:48 PM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: inquirindisciple

So.. I want to know absolutely everything that there is to know about sex. This community seems to have a lot of variety in experience in that regard. Can anybody tell me where/how to start? All questions, comments, concerns are welcome.

Buy a blow up doll. It will never resist, you charming devil, you

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to inquirindisciple)

Profile

Post #: 31

RE: Is this the right place to ask this? - 7/1/2013 5:33:14 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

Re: ^ and with that I shall revise my reply

Get blow up doll(s)
Get book(s)

Do them all as frequently as possible

/win

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to Kana)

Profile

Post #: 32

RE: Is this the right place to ask this? - 7/1/2013 5:43:39 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: goodgirlmary
They might be eighteen. Some people are sheltered ya know........................

Get real, the OP's intro thread says they are 24 yo. profile says 18. Their 1st post is trolling for wank fodder so I think they are just a snert trolling.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to goodgirlmary)

Profile

Post #: 33

RE: Is this the right place to ask this? - 7/1/2013 8:57:27 PM

Ullrmann

Posts: 35
Joined: 7/28/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: UllrsIshtar
2And then talk, talk, talk about it, ask them what they liked, and why, and the next time try to replicate it. Talk about it again and figure out if the replication was successful or not.

This gives you more than good sex. It gives you a healthy relationship across the board - something I have screwed up enough to prove skipping the strong communication will destroy your relationships.

(in reply to UllrsIshtar)

Profile

Post #: 34

RE: Is this the right place to ask this? - 7/1/2013 9:10:45 PM

TieMeInKnottss

Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline

Since I just responded to your "intro" where you state you are a 24 yr old pothead who owns a house and has many children and is pansexual and comfortable with that....I highly suggest that you go take all your meds so that all of the different people who live inside your head can get some sleep...

See people..this is what happens when a sub/slave has spent 12 hours trying to make people follow rules and trying to bend people to her will...she gets...to use the clinical term..bitchy.

< Message edited by TieMeInKnottss -- 7/1/2013 9:13:24 PM >

(in reply to Ullrmann)

Profile

Post #: 35

RE: Is this the right place to ask this? - 7/1/2013 9:19:15 PM

TNDommeK

Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline

School is out, clearly. I actually like is time of year. It brings laughter to us when we all run out of shit to say.
I just wish these kids would come up with better material.

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell

(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)

Profile

Post #: 36

RE: Is this the right place to ask this? - 7/1/2013 9:38:08 PM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

Fuckin' horny 12 year old snerts that are so stoned on drugs they can't make two posts on the same day without getting caught in a lie. Fucking kids on dope with the brains of an aging Alzheimer's patient. Yup, school is out.

quote:

ORIGINAL: TNDommeK
School is out, clearly. I actually like is time of year. It brings laughter to us when we all run out of shit to say.
I just wish these kids would come up with better material.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to TNDommeK)

Profile

Post #: 37

RE: Is this the right place to ask this? - 7/1/2013 9:50:55 PM

SeekingTrinity

Posts: 1834
Joined: 5/29/2012
From: The 'burbs of Portland, OR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: inquirindisciple

So.. I want to know absolutely everything that there is to know about sex. This community seems to have a lot of variety in experience in that regard. Can anybody tell me where/how to start? All questions, comments, concerns are welcome.

It's very simple. If you have to ask, you're not ready. Quit wasting people's time in your quest or wank fodder

While you're at it, get your damned story straight.

< Message edited by SeekingTrinity -- 7/1/2013 9:53:30 PM >

(in reply to inquirindisciple)

Profile

Post #: 38

RE: Is this the right place to ask this? - 7/2/2013 4:52:08 AM

goodgirlmary

Posts: 478
Joined: 6/14/2013
Status: offline

Well, since I had to google here and thengoogle from the intro, at least he was educational? Oh lord who knows. Yall were right, I was duped again lol.

(in reply to SeekingTrinity)

Profile

Post #: 39

RE: Is this the right place to ask this? - 7/2/2013 5:35:55 AM

Killerangel

Posts: 1169
Joined: 8/3/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss

Since I just responded to your "intro" where you state you are a 24 yr old pothead who owns a house and has many children and is pansexual and comfortable with that....I highly suggest that you go take all your meds so that all of the different people who live inside your head can get some sleep...

See people..this is what happens when a sub/slave has spent 12 hours trying to make people follow rules and trying to bend people to her will...she gets...to use the clinical term..bitchy.

Just a FYI, the OP said in his intro that his goal was to own a home and have kids, he wasn't saying that he accomplished that already. Seemed pertinent to add...

< Message edited by Killerangel -- 7/2/2013 5:36:09 AM >

(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)

Profile

Post #: 40