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RE: Emotional Issues - 6/27/2006 2:35:07 PM   
lisa1978


Posts: 224
Joined: 5/19/2006
From: Kansas City
Status: offline 		I think most of us were not really being defensive but were trying to point out our belief is that most people have issues and that includes people in BDSM and "normal" people.

Your friend for example, I am assuming he is not into BDSM and he has emotional issues.

My point would be that holding most people up to the microscope people are going to have issues. The fact that people in this life have them is not totally cause and effect. Maybe the better study would not be the broad "emotional issues" but to see if some specific issues come into play for people in the life.



_____________________________

It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we'd know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Empty rooms, shuttered and dank. Without passion, we'd be truly dead.

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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Emotional Issues - 6/27/2006 2:36:05 PM   
enigmabrat


Posts: 2383
Joined: 8/1/2004
Status: offline 		ALL people have issues hate to break that to you.... and if your useing BDSM as a security blanket type thing which I get from this statement  "had a stressful childhood but am working on these issues and hopefully soon won't need bdsm (fingers crossed), " then you really dont belong here. Most people dont come here beause they have issues they need to work out or els the entire world would be BDSM!! Im here because I love it and even after all my issues are worked out I will still be here because I want to because its who I am!!

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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Emotional Issues - 6/27/2006 2:36:09 PM   
lanwolf


Posts: 78
Joined: 10/31/2005
Status: offline 		Hi
  i suffer from what is called social angzity disorder (also have issues with spelling so i appologise up front). While i do not see it being a reason i have turned to this lifestyle it can at times make it very hard to interact around new groups and when i am looking for friends or One to play or belong to.

(in reply to male23uk)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Emotional Issues - 6/27/2006 2:36:10 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		I have to agree with juliaoceania. I don't have abuse in my past (except for parents who had strong personalities and tended to dominate things like conversations all the time (maybe part of the reason, but all of the reason)?. If I was emotionally abused it was mild. I am thinking some of this bdsm orientation thing is genetically based. 

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 6/27/2006 2:42:54 PM >

_____________________________

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That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Emotional Issues - 6/27/2006 2:39:43 PM   
Submotive


Posts: 440
Joined: 9/9/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: male23uk

Hi,

This post may seem a bit different to the others on here, but the general feeling amongst the majority of people who work in mental health that i have spoken to is people who are into bdsm have some kind of emotional issue. I must admit I do agree with this, althogh i accept this won't make me popular amongst a lot on here.

Me personally, I had a stressful childhood but am working on these issues and hopefully soon won't need bdsm (fingers crossed), although obv as we all know it can be fun. What about everyone else, anyone else want to share their problems.

thanks

Having worked in the mental health field, i found more so-called therapists with intense emotional issues trying to solve their emotional issues by being a therapist. Hmmm - think i'll stick with BDSM - less likely to really screw me up.

_____________________________

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i would rather continue alone than be permitted to show only parts of myself to my Beloved.

If you're not living as you would like to today, when are you going to start?

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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Emotional Issues - 6/27/2006 2:40:01 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		EVERYONE has emotional issues, kinky or not.

Master Fire


_____________________________

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(in reply to male23uk)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Emotional Issues - 6/27/2006 3:04:27 PM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: male23uk

Hi,

This post may seem a bit different to the others on here, but the general feeling amongst the majority of people who work in mental health that i have spoken to is people who are into bdsm have some kind of emotional issue. I must admit I do agree with this, althogh i accept this won't make me popular amongst a lot on here.

Me personally, I had a stressful childhood but am working on these issues and hopefully soon won't need bdsm (fingers crossed), although obv as we all know it can be fun. What about everyone else, anyone else want to share their problems.

thanks



As previously mentioned, "emotional issues" covers a broad range of territory in collective humanity. So much of it is relative.

While I believe it can be said many who identify with the "lifestyle" have suffered some form of negative formative influence in their childhood, that is not to say that all who partake in domination and submission hail from similar beginnings. The human mind isn't so easy a matrix to profile and predict.

(in reply to male23uk)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Emotional Issues - 6/27/2006 3:18:50 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		I really have to agree with that. Who can say? - Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to amayos)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Emotional Issues - 6/27/2006 5:35:30 PM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		Myinterests in bdsm are not something I hope to outgrow soon. I have issues and flaws, but their not dependant of growing out of my kinkyness.

(in reply to male23uk)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Emotional Issues - 6/27/2006 5:41:29 PM   
onyurknees


Posts: 26
Joined: 7/10/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: male23uk

Hi,

This post may seem a bit different to the others on here, but the general feeling amongst the majority of people who work in mental health that i have spoken to is people who are into bdsm have some kind of emotional issue. I must admit I do agree with this, althogh i accept this won't make me popular amongst a lot on here.

Me personally, I had a stressful childhood but am working on these issues and hopefully soon won't need bdsm (fingers crossed), although obv as we all know it can be fun. What about everyone else, anyone else want to share their problems.

thanks


Grow pst My 'need' for bdsm? Goodness, I would as soon grow past My need for My sense of humour, My love of music and art, My friends, My creativity or any of the other things that make life so marvellous and get Me past any of the natural down times that life offers, regardless of what sort of childhood you had.
(Mine, by the by, was almost sickeningly Walton-ish in its good, clean, close family fun.)

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Put on your 'big girl' panties and just deal with it!

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Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Emotional Issues - 6/27/2006 7:11:44 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Lets see if I have some inner issue..

Hardly ever spanked as a child

Never emotionally abused as a child

Never sexually abused

Loves men that respect me and treat me well

What is my issue???...um I don't think I have one, if you do that is your life. I do not think that you understand the processes at work within human sexuality. Personally I find Western psychology to be hugely reliant onWestern cultural bias and not applicable to studying sexuality worldwide... Victorian sexuality is not a good gauge on what is "normal" for the human species IMO


Your issue is your parents were too healthy and normal.  Man that must have screwed you up good....

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Emotional Issues - 6/27/2006 7:12:55 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: amayos

The human mind isn't so easy a matrix to profile and predict.

You're not kidding.  I'm all tangled up in here...

(in reply to amayos)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Emotional Issues - 6/27/2006 7:15:15 PM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline 		I can see the whole walton's thing in my minds eye-from my perspective-even now......

"Good night pain-slut!"

"Good night,Mean bastard,SIR!"

"Good night worm......"

Da daa daaa  daaaaa  daaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


(in reply to onyurknees)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Emotional Issues - 6/27/2006 7:21:39 PM   
LadyMorgynn


Posts: 800
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: N. Carolina
Status: offline 		BDSM is not an *outlet* for me, or for most of the people I know.  Domme is who I *AM*, it is part of ME as much as being female, being brunette, being a writer and a craftsman.

quote:

ORIGINAL: male23uk
perhaps bdsm is a good outlet for some, but dont people think that perhaps its better expressed in other ways.  


Ah, but listening to a lot of otherwise intelligent, educated people talk about something they are not into, is rather like that old story about asking blind men what an elephant is.  Listen to US talk about BDSM, as we LIVE it, rather than listening to vanilla folks tell you what it is we do, think and feel.  That's a much better plan, don't you think?

quote:

ORIGINAL: male23uk
I wasn't trying to be controversial and don't mean any disrespect, just a lot of intelligent educated people say the same thing about bdsm I just don't agree that tere all talking nonsense.


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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Emotional Issues - 6/27/2006 7:26:54 PM   
TexasMaam


Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline 		As with any other activity, whether it's swimming, surfing, writing, gambling, horse racing, nascar racing, working out, bodybuilding, rock climbing, reading, playing an instrument, getting an education, dropping out of an education, smoking, drinking, abstaining, whatever the activity, some of those involved in the activity will have emotional issues that motivate their involvement, while other's won't.

male23uk, you have a lot of growing up to do. Give yourself time.

TexasMaam

< Message edited by TexasMaam -- 6/27/2006 7:28:00 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Emotional Issues - 6/28/2006 4:15:33 AM   
male23uk


Posts: 7
Joined: 5/21/2006
Status: offline 		See I don't agree that I have a lot of growing up to do just for raising what to a lot of the world is a very valid issue, but perhaps this isn't the best place to do it. Other than that thanks for the reply.

(in reply to TexasMaam)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Emotional Issues - 6/28/2006 4:37:13 AM   
feastie


Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline 		If you're believing "a lot of the world" instead of the people that practice it, you're a little off the path.  A "lot of the world" believe we're sick, twisted people.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  We get our share, as does mainstream society.

I was raised in a very loving home.  I have two sisters and we enjoy a very tight bond.  I have a submissive nature because that's how God wired me.  I like bondage because it's erotic, fun and exciting.  It's a natural desire for me, as much as the desire for sex is natural. 

I am body conscious, but that has NOTHING to do with my submissive nature (as I have been so my whole life) or my desire for bondage, sex, spanking, etc. 

I have to wonder why you view BDSM as something you hope to grow past your need for.  Are you on the mainstream bandwagon that says it's sick and you can't reconcile yourself to the fact that it's not?  Are you afraid that someone might find out?  Have you expressed your desires to another person that didn't share them and has told you that you're sick?

Get down to the nitty gritty and be honest to yourself about yourself.  That includes recognizing that you do still have much growing up to do.

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to male23uk)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Emotional Issues - 6/28/2006 5:06:52 AM   
MizSuz


Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Everyone has baggage, the key is to reduce it to an amount small enough to fit under the seat in front of you.

I try to avoid steamer trunk travelers (but sometimes they seek me out).

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to male23uk)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Emotional Issues - 6/29/2006 6:56:28 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: onyurknees


Grow pst My 'need' for bdsm? Goodness, I would as soon grow past My need for My sense of humour, My love of music and art, My friends, My creativity or any of the other things that make life so marvellous and get Me past any of the natural down times that life offers, regardless of what sort of childhood you had.
(Mine, by the by, was almost sickeningly Walton-ish in its good, clean, close family fun.)


I'm with you. My childhood was just fine, and I have no interest in turning my back on this lifestyle. It's who I am, and it suits me well.

By the way, regualr posters, this lovely Domme is a good friend of mine, and I'm so glad she's posting. She's not only a great domme, but can dole out a wicked good laugh as well.

Nice to see you, EQ!

_____________________________

Cin

quote:


My Karma Account is huge, but I just can't seem to make a withdrawal!!

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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Emotional Issues - 6/30/2006 12:39:07 AM   
skittykitty


Posts: 40
Joined: 5/22/2006
From: Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: male23uk


I wasn't trying to be controversial and don't mean any disrespect, just a lot of intelligent educated people say the same thing about bdsm I just don't agree that tere all talking nonsense.



A lot of intelligent educated people have entirely the wrong idea about what BDSM is.

So I wouldn't be necessarily basing my opinion on that sample until you ask them what their definition is and how they arrived at it.

PEOPLE have issues, doesnt matter if the thing they enjoy is BDSM or Stamp collecting, you will find the same range of emotional issues in any large enough representative sample.

And finally, if you're looking to BDSM to cure you, I'd suggest, as a trained mental health worker, to find yourself a good counsellor instead.




_____________________________

...


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Profile   Post #: 40
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