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njlauren -> RE: Most embarassing thing you used to believe? (7/6/2013 10:38:49 AM)
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I think I understand what the OP meant about fantasy, I think they mean that a D/s, M/s in some ways are fantasy, because they are not 'real' as in the sense of legally binding and so forth, a s in an M/s is a very real thing, but in the sense of law obviously they are not.
I think the term fantasy is problematic, because D/s, M/s relationships are very real, as real as any other, as are any BD/SM relationships since they have the word relationship in them:). My take on fantasy is this inner life that is very different from what people expect of 'normal' relationships, the power dynamic, the play, whatever that aren't there for most people. I think an s thinks very differently of their relationship and their other (M, D, whatever) then people in typical relationships do, while there very well could be the love and desire and such vanilla couples or non kink poly couples probably have, speaking from my own perspective it is different, because there is that subtext of being controlled/owned and the duty I as an s had to My Lady.......rather than fantasy, I would call it different dynamic.
Having this inner relationship as an otherwise seemingly normal appearing married couple kind of was a trip because of the combination, and watching people react to us as things played out. I go into a restaurant, and I open the door, when talking to people I made it very important My Lady was kind of in charge of the conversation, or leading it, from our end. Get to the table, pull out her chair, seat her, help her get settled. She needed to go to the ladies room, I pulled the chair out, helped her out, and stood until she came back (where I could, hard in crowded restaurants, )and then helped her back into her seat..and a whole lot of other things we did. What kind of made it a mindfuck was hearing from others how romantic it was, how considerately I treated her, how old fashioned (!), yet at the same time i had the charge of knowing we were living out our 'fantasy' relationship in front of them and it was being taken a different way, it was kind of neat.
Obviously, there is fantasy that cannot happen due to real life. I would love to be My Lady's tattooed and pierced slut slave, but given our lifestyle, situation and her desires, isn't going to happen, so that is fantasy, and if she allows that in role play, that is what it is , fantasy.
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