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Advice for a new sub? - 7/8/2013 12:25:13 AM

kitty450

Posts: 2
Joined: 7/7/2013
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So I'm completely new with absolutely no experience. Any advice from experienced subs on where I should start?
Were any of you freaked out at first by wanting to be so submissive?

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RE: Advice for a new sub? - 7/8/2013 4:55:16 AM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
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Get to know people exactly the same way you did whenever you dated someone- it's no different. There aren't any rules to follow, or special things to do, until you've decided on someone and the two of you make things work together. No one gets to Dominate you until you've decided that's fine by you. This is all just the same now as any meeting/dating/fucking you did before calling yourself a submissive - you call the shots on what you're doing until you give that control up. If anyone tries to tell you differently or says you're not submissive, kick him to the curb.

(in reply to kitty450)

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RE: Advice for a new sub? - 7/8/2013 7:59:41 AM

searching4mysir

Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
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FR

Don't submit to someone you haven't met face-to-face yet (unless all you are looking for is some online roleplay). It sets a bad precedent and if you don't like each other after meeting it makes it easier to separate.

Tingly genitals are generally bad decision makers. Unless you are after NSA kinky sex, make sure you like the person and not just how they make you feel. Take your time, there is no rush.

Just because someone calls themselves "dominant" doesn't mean you have to submit to them. They are strangers, so don't worry about the "you're not a true sub" BS. Develop a thick enough skin not to care what a stranger thinks.

Just as you are under consideration by him, so too is he under consideration by you. Don't settle.

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RE: Advice for a new sub? - 7/8/2013 8:10:13 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

The moment you announce you are a new, you will be deluged with guys wanting to show you the way.

Use your head, most of these guys who jump on newbies are all full of it.

Take your time!!!!

Evaluate if you like someone as a person and vice versa.

Take your time!!!!!

(in reply to searching4mysir)

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RE: Advice for a new sub? - 7/8/2013 8:17:25 AM

thursdays

Posts: 143
Joined: 7/28/2011
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[ARGH... reposted below under the correct nick]

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RE: Advice for a new sub? - 7/8/2013 8:18:26 AM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

Really, there's not much to add to the brilliant replies above, but..

Don't be in a rush to explore every facet of every fantasy

Try to remember that the many of same relationship rules apply to kinky relationshi[s as apply to vanilla ones - Especially in the early days.

You're going to get a lot of attention from a lot of very horny, needy dudes - Don't a) let them put you off b) assume every male dominant is like that

Oh... and stop biting your nails, young lady.

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RE: Advice for a new sub? - 7/8/2013 9:08:13 AM

TieMeInKnottss

Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
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The only thing I would add is that (at least for me)...was I wanted to be a GOOD sub and, when you have never had practical experience, it is too easy to trust someone (& often the many) who tell you what you should do, how you should act, what you should expect. To me, it was almost like going online to find the answer to how to cook eggs or a meatloaf or whether cell phones cause cancer...it is overwhelming &, if you are like me, you don't want to make a mistake. I would say try to either meet other subs at MUNCH or find an online "support group" (check Fetlife)... They can kind of listen when you have a situation &, by knowing you & having their own experience, they can prevent you from going along with something you shouldn't. The most insistent and persistent are almost always the ones who are trying to convince you of something that no experienced subs will accept and it is very important to get a feel for the line between a Dom and the many men who call themselves that because, in reality, they are misogynist or just abusive/violent types who believe they found women who agree with their way of thinking & will accept it.

(in reply to crazyml)

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RE: Advice for a new sub? - 7/8/2013 12:32:39 PM

littleclip

Posts: 869
Joined: 5/31/2012
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go to local munches and meet and greets , be honest and be willing to discuss new things and if there is a local dungon try to go and see play and see what you like and what intrests you. do some reasearch learn aboth the types of play before you try them and do the same with any potential play partner as well. enjoy the journey

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RE: Advice for a new sub? - 7/8/2013 12:53:20 PM

kalikshama

Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
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Great advice in the posts above :)

I initially felt some conflict over being a feminist and submissive, but fortunately I worked through that quickly.

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