Women and sex: the myth-buster

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egern -> Women and sex: the myth-buster (7/8/2013 4:48:21 AM)
I do not know where to put this, so I put it here: This is an interview with an author publishing a new book on women's sexuality. Women and sex: the myth-buster "..a new book by the American author Daniel Bergner, called What Do Women Want?" "women, routinely portrayed as the monogamous sex, are actually not very well-suited to monogamy. In fact, far from being more faithful than men, we may actually be more naturally promiscuous – more bored by habituation, more voracious, more predatory, more likely to objectify a mate. The expectation upon us not to feel, still less exhibit, any of these traits causes us to bury them, Bergner argues, giving rise to two phenomena." "First, women experience a loss of interest in sex within a marriage – commonly ascribed to low libido, but actually more a thwarted libido. " "The second, and perhaps more surprising phenomenon, is that all this thwarted sexual energy, like anything suppressed, has its power redoubled, to become something violent and alarming, if for any reason the brakes come off" http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2013/jul/05/what-do-women-want-daniel-bergner I'd be interested in what people think of this one.

Yachtie -> RE: Women and sex: the myth-buster (7/8/2013 5:08:16 AM)
Is there more sexual energy released in a hook-up than with someone one is considering "dating"? I think that may be the case.

ARIES83 -> RE: Women and sex: the myth-buster (7/8/2013 5:25:36 AM)
mmmm, well I'm not a woman, but I like to think I know women... and as far as I've seen, theres more wrong with hes ideas than right. The ways that men and women manifest promiscuity and objectify the opposite sex aside... The expectation that one shouldn't exhibit fucking around behaviour with other people after your married GOES BOTH WAYS in a monogamous committed relationship............... As for his phenomena.... MEN GET BORED OF THE SAME PUSSY TOO............. What credentials does this guy have.... He just comes across as naive and not particularly insightful to me. quote: The second, and perhaps more surprising phenomenon, is that all this thwarted sexual energy, like anything suppressed, has its power redoubled, to become something violent and alarming, if for any reason the brakes come off" If it's like anything............. Why is it surprising............. The sexually frustrated get more horny? geeze...

Toysinbabeland -> RE: Women and sex: the myth-buster (7/8/2013 5:55:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: egern "The second, and perhaps more surprising phenomenon, is that all this thwarted sexual energy, like anything suppressed, has its power redoubled, to become something violent and alarming, if for any reason the brakes come off" http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2013/jul/05/what-do-women-want-daniel-bergner I'd be interested in what people think of this one. Violent? What a load of Author has mother abandonment issues. I'd be interested in knowing what qualifies that statement.

sexyred1 -> RE: Women and sex: the myth-buster (7/8/2013 8:13:46 AM)
What a ridiculous article. Men and women are both humans, have desires, needs, urges, etc. from a biological standpoint. The difference is, is there something called choice. You can choose to act upon your desires or not. This is why we are not animals, we have the power of reasoning and choice. As for the author saying women's sexuality can get violent, I assume he still believes in the myth that some vaginas have teeth.

tazzygirl -> RE: Women and sex: the myth-buster (7/8/2013 10:48:03 AM)
What made you want to write this book? I had done an earlier book about desire. One of the researchers I’d worked with for that book said, “You need to come to my wife’s lab. She’s doing some fascinating research.” That was Meredith Chivers and she was comparing what women say turns them on versus what their bodies say using this little device called a plethysmograph [which, in this case, measures blood flow to the vagina]. That was the beginning of this journey for me. And she found things like women apparently becoming aroused when viewing images of bonobos having sex. [Yes]. I want to stop right there because it seems to me that that cannot actually measure what women “really” want. Both men and women sometimes show signs of physical arousal during sexual assaults that they most definitely do not want… Number one, above all, not Meredith Chivers, not any other researcher and definitely not me is retreating even a half degree from, ‘No means no,’ and that’s got to be upfront. And secondly, as I discuss in the book, the relationship between the body’s response and the mind’s is complicated, really complicated, and I don’t mean to suggest at all that we should listen to plethysmography over what women are saying. But I refer to that [question] as one of many points where researchers and most women I spoke with and I confronted this sense of cultural distortion placed on female desire. http://healthland.time.com/2013/06/06/qa-author-dan-bergner-on-what-women-want-hint-not-monogamy/#ixzz2YTcp9HEx lol... a rather interesting interview with the writer. Daniel Bergner is a staff writer for the New York Times Magazine and the author of two best-selling, award-winning books of nonfiction: In The Land of Magic Soldiers and God of the Rodeo. That was in 2009. So he decided to branch out into women's sexuality and what drives it.. and got it completely wrong. But, hey, his books are selling, so he is making money off men who are also getting it all wrong. I just find that hilarious.

kalikshama -> RE: Women and sex: the myth-buster (7/8/2013 12:21:35 PM)
quote: Is there more sexual energy released in a hook-up than with someone one is considering "dating"? I think that may be the case. I got more of a rush from hooking up than vanilla sex with a regular partner, but get the most rush from BDSM.

kiwisub12 -> RE: Women and sex: the myth-buster (7/8/2013 2:37:31 PM)
I think the author has women issues. And is anyone surprised that women can get bored with sex with the same person for ten years. What a shock! Its kind of like the study that said that teenagers needed more sleep than adults................ ya think? Talk about stating the obvious.

Missokyst -> RE: Women and sex: the myth-buster (7/8/2013 2:40:36 PM)
Interesting if flawed premise. I will say I am in the camp that believes women have a higher sex drive than males. We develop sooner. Then our sexuality is directed by society. These days it is not as bad as when I was young, where if you had sex with more than one, or if it was just casual, you were thought of as a slut. Now people are more likely to embrace the inner slut just as much as they always high-fived males having sex with many women. Of course that is overstating it since there is a good deal of slut shaming that goes on in social networks. The thing I object to in his presentation is that there is some sort of wicked counter-balance that would make those of us who have CHOSEN monogamous behavior to snap into a frenzy if left to our own devices. It reminds me of how men view women in other cultures. As if we must be covered up, maimed, hidden, lest our inner beast pop out and attack some unwary male. He does not even consider that women have choice.

PeonForHer -> RE: Women and sex: the myth-buster (7/8/2013 2:45:17 PM)
quote: . . . .our inner beast pop out and attack some unwary male. Where does that happen, Missokyst? What are the entrance prices to those clubs?

tommonymous -> RE: Women and sex: the myth-buster (7/8/2013 3:14:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Missokyst These days it is not as bad as when I was young, where if you had sex with more than one, or if it was just casual, you were thought of as a slut. Now people are more likely to embrace the inner slut ... And if anyone's inner slut needs embracing, please do let me know. [:D]

LookieNoNookie -> RE: Women and sex: the myth-buster (7/8/2013 4:04:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: egern I do not know where to put this, so I put it here: This is an interview with an author publishing a new book on women's sexuality. Women and sex: the myth-buster "..a new book by the American author Daniel Bergner, called What Do Women Want?" "women, routinely portrayed as the monogamous sex, are actually not very well-suited to monogamy. In fact, far from being more faithful than men, we may actually be more naturally promiscuous – more bored by habituation, more voracious, more predatory, more likely to objectify a mate. The expectation upon us not to feel, still less exhibit, any of these traits causes us to bury them, Bergner argues, giving rise to two phenomena." "First, women experience a loss of interest in sex within a marriage – commonly ascribed to low libido, but actually more a thwarted libido. " "The second, and perhaps more surprising phenomenon, is that all this thwarted sexual energy, like anything suppressed, has its power redoubled, to become something violent and alarming, if for any reason the brakes come off" http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2013/jul/05/what-do-women-want-daniel-bergner I'd be interested in what people think of this one. Sorry....thought your post said "women, sex and butter"...figured I could add value. Sorry....wasn't there that day.

PeonForHer -> RE: Women and sex: the myth-buster (7/8/2013 4:53:19 PM)
quote: Daniel Bergner is a staff writer for the New York Times Magazine and the author of two best-selling, award-winning books of nonfiction: In The Land of Magic Soldiers and God of the Rodeo. I can't find the specifics of this man's doctorate in psychology . . . . I do find this peculiar, this phenomenon of the 'inexpert expert'. It's as though there really is a belief that someone who's untrained in a subject must, somehow, just know much more than someone who is. And . . . by astonishing coincidence . . . the 'radical new theories' of such quacks - er, noted thinkers - just so happen to be what the public wants to lap up at the time (either in love or in hate) and will therefore earn his publisher shedloads of cash! I'm envious, to tell the truth. I want to come up with some old bollocks of a theory and flog lots of copies of it with a tasteful photo of myself on the inside cover (in my 'study', and with a vast bookshelf lined with volumes in the background). I wouldn't even mind shaving my head to look more of an egghead like this bloke, either.

littlewonder -> RE: Women and sex: the myth-buster (7/8/2013 8:47:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: egern I do not know where to put this, so I put it here: This is an interview with an author publishing a new book on women's sexuality. Women and sex: the myth-buster "..a new book by the American author Daniel Bergner, called What Do Women Want?" "women, routinely portrayed as the monogamous sex, are actually not very well-suited to monogamy. In fact, far from being more faithful than men, we may actually be more naturally promiscuous – more bored by habituation, more voracious, more predatory, more likely to objectify a mate. The expectation upon us not to feel, still less exhibit, any of these traits causes us to bury them, Bergner argues, giving rise to two phenomena." "First, women experience a loss of interest in sex within a marriage – commonly ascribed to low libido, but actually more a thwarted libido. " "The second, and perhaps more surprising phenomenon, is that all this thwarted sexual energy, like anything suppressed, has its power redoubled, to become something violent and alarming, if for any reason the brakes come off" http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2013/jul/05/what-do-women-want-daniel-bergner I'd be interested in what people think of this one. Sounds like written by a man who is bitter and jaded and hasn't gotten laid in a long time.

MissToYouRedux -> RE: Women and sex: the myth-buster (7/8/2013 8:57:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PeonForHer ... I'm envious, to tell the truth. I want to come up with some old bollocks of a theory and flog lots of copies of it with a tasteful photo of myself on the inside cover (in my 'study', and with a vast bookshelf lined with volumes in the background). ... I'm sure you're perfectly capable of that. [;)]

njlauren -> RE: Women and sex: the myth-buster (7/8/2013 9:08:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder quote: ORIGINAL: egern I do not know where to put this, so I put it here: This is an interview with an author publishing a new book on women's sexuality. Women and sex: the myth-buster "..a new book by the American author Daniel Bergner, called What Do Women Want?" "women, routinely portrayed as the monogamous sex, are actually not very well-suited to monogamy. In fact, far from being more faithful than men, we may actually be more naturally promiscuous – more bored by habituation, more voracious, more predatory, more likely to objectify a mate. The expectation upon us not to feel, still less exhibit, any of these traits causes us to bury them, Bergner argues, giving rise to two phenomena." "First, women experience a loss of interest in sex within a marriage – commonly ascribed to low libido, but actually more a thwarted libido. " "The second, and perhaps more surprising phenomenon, is that all this thwarted sexual energy, like anything suppressed, has its power redoubled, to become something violent and alarming, if for any reason the brakes come off" http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2013/jul/05/what-do-women-want-daniel-bergner I'd be interested in what people think of this one. Sounds like written by a man who is bitter and jaded and hasn't gotten laid in a long time. Or read the "loving wives' stories on the Literotica site...... I appreciate the idea that women's sexuality has been misportrayed for years, that women for example don't have a high sex drive, women aren't capable of 'carousing' the way men do, there is the pseudo evolutionary idea men want to spread their seed around, women want a monogamous relationship, a lot of bullshit. Women are supposedly not into visual stimulation when it comes to sex, what studies have shown is that women react differently to visual stimuli and to what kind, but they do react. The fact that women can have more orgasms then men, can go a long time without having one, could be biological, that it would tend to allow her to have sex with more than one man and guarantee she got pregnant (I am not saying I believe that or not, just saying it has been posed). As far as what this seems to pose, I find it just a little too pat, it is almost 180 degrees away from the old image of women's sexuality, and that raised my bullshit detector. There is no doubt that as women have become more economically independent and free, that they are closer in their sexuality to men, in terms of sex drive and being overtly sexual. Studies show that as many women as men cheat, for example, and there is a lot of evidence that women want a lot more sex then they get in a typical marriage (and ironically, despite what guys say around the water cooler, a lot of married men think they are having the right amount of sex, and this is more and more true as they get older)..... The one odd thing, though, is that almost every study says a significant percentage of woman have a hard time having an orgasm or even having one at all, if so, how does that play into this? Do they have a problem because they suppress their sexuality, as this guy says, is it physical, or it is that their lovers/husbands suck in bed? (I ask this seriously)....if women are so overtly sexual, then why do so many have trouble with the basic drive of sex, orgasm/pleasure?

littlewonder -> RE: Women and sex: the myth-buster (7/8/2013 9:16:16 PM)
Having grown up with lots of sisters and women in my family, my experience is that women have have difficulty orgasming is because they are upset with their man, they have lost trust in him, he no longer takes the time for foreplay and doesn't even try to woo her anymore or sex just becomes "wham bam thank you ma'am". It's also because they are tired from taking care of the kids, cleaning the house, having to run all the errands and also have a job outside the home. By the end of the night one just wants to collapse into bed. Many husbands don't seem to get that and think the wife is just being mean when in reality if he actually helped out she may actually have more energy for a romp in the hay. There are times I have a difficult time if I'm stressed out or tired or sometimes I simply can't get in the mood and there have been medications that have caused this to happen. Now the difference is that men THINK a woman has low libido when in reality their libidos are just different. Men are more sexual creatures so because they think of sex much, much more often they see the woman as somehow just not being interested. But it just takes more for most women to be able to climax. We can't just whip it out and look at a hot girl and be rip, rarin to go lol.

Missokyst -> RE: Women and sex: the myth-buster (7/8/2013 10:54:31 PM)
I think that for a man sex is all about the release, hence his focus is all on the orgasm. For most of the women I know sex is about connection. It is about mingling sweat, scent, presence, being enveloped, enjoying the ride. Since many men have their focus on the end result (for them), they expect it to be the same for us. And when it is not they deem us to be cold or lacking sexual drive. In reality for many of us the voyage is too sweet to rush the end. If I want an orgasm I can make it happen, with or without a man in the room. But that ride..? It is worth waiting for the right vehicle. quote: ORIGINAL: njlauren The one odd thing, though, is that almost every study says a significant percentage of woman have a hard time having an orgasm or even having one at all, if so, how does that play into this? Do they have a problem because they suppress their sexuality, as this guy says, is it physical, or it is that their lovers/husbands suck in bed? (I ask this seriously)....if women are so overtly sexual, then why do so many have trouble with the basic drive of sex, orgasm/pleasure?

ARIES83 -> RE: Women and sex: the myth-buster (7/8/2013 11:19:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Missokyst I think that for a man sex is all about the release, hence his focus is all on the orgasm... It's not Just about that... There is the ploughing, the groping, the 'making them be a naughty girl' and then telling them they're a good girl (for being a naughty girl)... You can't over simplify it that much Miss... ...they expect it to be the same for us. Your colouring men with a broad brush there... In a pretty inaccurate colour. ...But that ride..? It is worth waiting for the right vehicle... Hey, explaining sex in car analogies... Maybe girls and guys aren't so different after all.[;)]

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Women and sex: the myth-buster (7/9/2013 12:10:49 AM)
What a load of crock. Anthropologically speaking, women are always going to be attracted to monogamy. Men like to know the child they are helping to raise is theirs, and women need the security it provides. Humans raise their children for such a long period of time, that security is essential for successful procreation. This is written into our DNA. I think women, like men, enjoy sex more when their partner makes it exciting for them. Which is why new relationships can be so sexual, and in old relationships the sex can become routine. This is one reason people are attracted to BDSM, it is a way to keep the sex from becoming routine. I agree with lw's posting: quote: It's also because they are tired from taking care of the kids, cleaning the house, having to run all the errands and also have a job outside the home. By the end of the night one just wants to collapse into bed. Many husbands don't seem to get that and think the wife is just being mean when in reality if he actually helped out she may actually have more energy for a romp in the hay. She might also be more interested in that romp in the hay if he cared more about what she needed sexually. Now, do I think women enjoy hot sex as much as men? Yes, I think they do. This is not a myth buster in the least.

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