A question for experienced doms.

A question for experienced doms. (Full Version)

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kitty450 -> A question for experienced doms. (7/8/2013 10:27:04 PM)
Most of the doms/masters I've talked to, read about or heard stories about from other subs have been...disheartening to say the least. When you have a sub, do you still want her to be her own person? And for those that enjoy micromanaging, i was wondering if you could explain what makes you happy about it? I'm very curious. To me, if a person is micro managed to the extremes, the person would be more like a robot.

MistressDarkArt -> RE: A question for experienced doms. (7/8/2013 11:11:41 PM)
I'm a domme, not a male, but I can tell you if I feel like I have to micromanage someone, I've picked the wrong partner. Frankly, I'm too engaged with my life to stop and tell someone it's OK to pee or he needs to go to bed now. My partners are indeed their own persons. They may need direction about something specific (such as exactly how to prepare my coffee) but I chose them because I liked them the way they are. Folks have their own styles of dominating and submitting. Keep hunting until you meet someone simpatico. Welcome to the boards, kitty and best of luck to you! Don't settle!

Focus50 -> RE: A question for experienced doms. (7/9/2013 12:30:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kitty450 Most of the doms/masters I've talked to, read about or heard stories about from other subs have been...disheartening to say the least. When you have a sub, do you still want her to be her own person? And for those that enjoy micromanaging, i was wondering if you could explain what makes you happy about it? I'm very curious. To me, if a person is micro managed to the extremes, the person would be more like a robot. Hell yes! Do please be a mature adult who's capable of functioning as an intelligent, responsible, independent entity when I'm not about. And yes, when I am there, have a mind of your own to express at the appropriate time and know that you ARE entitled to your feelings. Being "meat" is fine, but I like companionship, too; I want all that she is. And I don't micro-manage - that'd drive me nuts...! Focus.

Darkfeather -> RE: A question for experienced doms. (7/9/2013 1:30:09 AM)
Everyone comes to the party with their own preconceived notions of the perfect relationship. It is the same in kink as it is in old nilla. The trick to a "successful" one, is finding that which can bend but not break, into something resembling both partners' notions. Whats the saying, you can't fit a square peg in a round hole, but with a sharp knife you can sure try to make it work... As for micromanaging, some people find it just another aspect of control. Do most want that level of responsibility over another human being, not on your life.

Kana -> RE: A question for experienced doms. (7/9/2013 3:51:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kitty450 Most of the doms/masters I've talked to, read about or heard stories about from other subs have been...disheartening to say the least. When you have a sub, do you still want her to be her own person? And for those that enjoy micromanaging, i was wondering if you could explain what makes you happy about it? I'm very curious. To me, if a person is micro managed to the extremes, the person would be more like a robot. It depends on the dynamics of the relationship. Some women have been kept captives, willing that is. Others in the past I've run every aspect of their lives. Currently the lilone is not only allowed to be her own person, but we're expanding the boundaries/opportunities in her life, career, education, travel, etc... But again, that's dynamics dictated. I'm also looking for a slut to turn into an it, 24/7 caged cunt. I won't give a fuck about her personality, simply, if nothing else, because I don't expect her to do much talking or displays, but rather be bound, gagged and sensory deprived, so who gives a fuck as long as the slut obeys.... But most folk won't go that far. They want her. That's why they chose her (Well that, and she's a live, real, human, breathing woman who actually responded to their initial email).

DarkSteven -> RE: A question for experienced doms. (7/9/2013 4:49:15 AM)
I've heard of micromanagers, but every real relationship I've seen has Doms who give their sub some latitude. It's not 100%, but a lot of the Doms who insist upon micromamanagers are living a fantasy and have little experience. It's a LOT more work to control to such a high degree.

Kana -> RE: A question for experienced doms. (7/9/2013 5:26:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven I've heard of micromanagers, but every real relationship I've seen has Doms who give their sub some latitude. When I was a kid I was into total 100% control. Now, I have neither the time nor the energy for that shit. Plus, I realized that when ya get a slave you can trust, you don't need to be up her ass (Well, that way, at least) all the time-that she's gonna do it right any how the first time.

SimplyMichael -> RE: A question for experienced doms. (7/9/2013 6:43:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Focus50 quote: ORIGINAL: kitty450 Most of the doms/masters I've talked to, read about or heard stories about from other subs have been...disheartening to say the least. When you have a sub, do you still want her to be her own person? And for those that enjoy micromanaging, i was wondering if you could explain what makes you happy about it? I'm very curious. To me, if a person is micro managed to the extremes, the person would be more like a robot. Hell yes! Do please be a mature adult who's capable of functioning as an intelligent, responsible, independent entity when I'm not about. And yes, when I am there, have a mind of your own to express at the appropriate time and know that you ARE entitled to your feelings. Being "meat" is fine, but I like companionship, too; I want all that she is. And I don't micro-manage - that'd drive me nuts...! Focus. Focus and i don't often agree but we are in lockstep on this one.

DesFIP -> RE: A question for experienced doms. (7/9/2013 6:58:15 AM)
Some people find control hot. Not that they believe the sub is or should be a robot, they just get off on having lots of control. But as Kana says, this requires a lot of energy. So most people who do this, do it for shorter periods. A weekend of micromanaging might be awesome, but getting called at your job every time she has to pee is something else. What is most important to remember is that this is a relationship. Which means for you two to be happy, you have to be on the same page. If a guy wants you to have to ask permission to use the bathroom every time and you're not interested, then just wish him good luck finding someone more compatible.

Kana -> RE: A question for experienced doms. (7/9/2013 7:41:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP If a guy wants you to have to ask permission to use the bathroom every time and you're not interested, then just wish him good luck finding someone more compatible. Or be an American and don't try to communicate your way through a social problem, Instead, go for the cheap technical fix. Slap a catheter on the cunt and then only release at certain times when it's convenient to me. :-)

Spiritedsub2 -> RE: A question for experienced doms. (7/9/2013 8:51:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP Some people find control hot. Not that they believe the sub is or should be a robot, they just get off on having lots of control. But as Kana says, this requires a lot of energy. So most people who do this, do it for shorter periods. A weekend of micromanaging might be awesome, but getting called at your job every time she has to pee is something else. What is most important to remember is that this is a relationship. Which means for you two to be happy, you have to be on the same page. If a guy wants you to have to ask permission to use the bathroom every time and you're not interested, then just wish him good luck finding someone more compatible. I'm one of those who finds control hot. But micromanagement is just one way to control; there are probably as many ways to control as there are dominants and submissives who love it. If micromanagement seems silly to you (it does to me) find someone with a different style. Edit: answer was directed to the OP!

SimplyMichael -> RE: A question for experienced doms. (7/9/2013 9:28:51 AM)
And its also a matter of managing your need for control. I could be very happy controling every aspect of a woman's appearance, from the color of her asshole, her hair, the clothes she wears and even her posture and annunciation. But i would teach her how to do it my way so i would not have to pick out her entire wardrobe every day. But if i just wanted a robot, i would play on 2nd life or buy a blow up doll. Over coffee, i want to argue over politics or art with someone every bit as smart and educated as me. I want to attend cicktail parties where people gather around us to bath in our glow, to join in on the witty banter, even if i know this strong fiery woman has "Michael's Hole" tattooed under her tongue. That if any man,disrespected her, her wit would shred him of any dignity long before i needed to tear him apart. All while knowing at a discreet hand signal this same woman would drop to knees before me and offer her mouth up for my use.

ResidentSadist -> RE: A question for experienced doms. (7/9/2013 1:13:55 PM)
Does a solider stop being their own person when they put on a uniform and submit to the rank and order of the military? I think not. They gain a purpose, an extended family and support system. Including instructions and training on most everything including how to dress, pack you duffle and make a bed. Some D types really do micromanage, I just don't go for that. I like to train them once and after that implement a system of reporting. I don't have time to stand over someone's shoulder. If you are hearing disheartening stories about micromanaging and losing your identity, it sounds like you are talking to the wrong crowd. Most slaves I know are glad to find a master, find purpose and become part of a house.

TieMeInKnottss -> RE: A question for experienced doms. (7/9/2013 6:29:18 PM)
I like the military analogy. There is a big difference between being the captain or the leader of a platoon of trained pros who know HOW things are to be done...the leader chooses the path, shapes the future...but he relies on his soldiers to be able to enact his vision when he is not there...That is different from a preschool teacher who has to keep the 2yr olds from hurting themselves, control boundaries because the kids' don't have the maturity or impulse control to be left on their own. I LOVE to have very strict boundaries and limits. I love the direction, the goals, the safety...but I can be TRUSTED to do what is expected of me. There is a difference between telling a sub that she must be up every morning at 7 and then trusting her to live up to the rule & calling her every morning at 7 and making sure she DOES get up My ex has strict limits on what I could wear in public. He did not pick out my outfits every day but he told me the "approved" & "forbidden" lists right upfront. He left me to decide but periodically he would text & want a picture or a description.

Focus50 -> RE: A question for experienced doms. (7/9/2013 6:54:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael quote: ORIGINAL: Focus50 quote: ORIGINAL: kitty450 Most of the doms/masters I've talked to, read about or heard stories about from other subs have been...disheartening to say the least. When you have a sub, do you still want her to be her own person? And for those that enjoy micromanaging, i was wondering if you could explain what makes you happy about it? I'm very curious. To me, if a person is micro managed to the extremes, the person would be more like a robot. Hell yes! Do please be a mature adult who's capable of functioning as an intelligent, responsible, independent entity when I'm not about. And yes, when I am there, have a mind of your own to express at the appropriate time and know that you ARE entitled to your feelings. Being "meat" is fine, but I like companionship, too; I want all that she is. And I don't micro-manage - that'd drive me nuts...! Focus. Focus and i don't often agree but we are in lockstep on this one. Whoa - and thankyou, Simply. [:)] A few short weeks back, I had Kirata publically concede on this very site that I was correct about something. A very small thing to be true, BUT...., Kirata! Am on a roll.... [8D] Focus.

Arturas -> RE: A question for experienced doms. (7/9/2013 7:14:50 PM)
quote: When you have a sub, do you still want her to be her own person? And for those that enjoy micromanaging, i was wondering if you could explain what makes you happy about it? I'm very curious. To me, if a person is micro managed to the extremes, the person would be more like a robot. Tam has been my submissive since 2009 so I am "experienced". We are 24/7 and have been for two years or so. I want her to be her own person. You are correct, I had a sub before tam who was robot-like and it was disappointing. I'm a Gorean also and robotic like slave girls are not in demand except for menial labor and conversely the beautiful and intelligent and creative girls are very much in demand. Such girls do not work with in a micro managed scenario I believe. They do not stand around waiting for instructions andinstead they impress one with their ability to please without being prompted. The non-robotic ones do seem to enjoy being bound though...what does that mean? Sweet.

littlewonder -> RE: A question for experienced doms. (7/9/2013 7:57:20 PM)
As Master said, he doesn't like to micromanage but instead he is forcing me to do more with my life (even though there are a lot of times I absolutely hate it. I'd rather be a little less...a person). We have talked about one day me not working and simply being his "it" full time. It's something I am nervous about but also like. I keep thinking about how easy my life would become but also afraid of not being able to do those things that I enjoy doing. Right now, he gives me a little of both. I think it's his way of breaking me in a little at a time. [;)]

SunTzuSwe -> RE: A question for experienced doms. (7/10/2013 2:58:38 AM)
Imho there's a time and a place for everything, micromanagement too I suppose. Personally I need my partner to be her own person and capable of doing things on her own. Control for me is enforcing how I want things done, I shouldn't have to be there inspecting every little detail all the time. If anything I find it difficult sifting through profiles that are so focused on the play aspect that nothing else is showing. I know it's different for everyone but for me a 24/7 TPE relationship is still a relationship.

ARIES83 -> RE: A question for experienced doms. (7/10/2013 3:11:08 AM)
There may be some interesting info for you over on the other side o this link: http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=4491998 What does being your own person entail for you? Keeping your hobbies, interests, past times? Having some part of your life separate from your relationship? Apart from communicating those desires, I suppose the main thing is finding the right guy... I am extremely controling about some things, but not with others, A lot comes down to compatibility.

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: A question for experienced doms. (7/10/2013 3:50:25 AM)
FR: One of the reasons why I think it's such a bad idea to be in a power dynamic before you meet is b/c you don't know how the two of you will mesh until you do meet. And in a good power dynamic there will be meshing -- all kinds of meshing, from kink interests to non kink. Over time the relationship has a natural ebb and flow that is neither too harsh nor too loose, like Goldilocks's porridge, it's just right. It takes time to find that. It takes lots of talking about non sexual things and just being yourself. If there is chemistry once you do meet, it's been my experience the sex works itself out. I caution the OP to avoid any male who wants to instantly embroil her in a dynamic.

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