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Therapist Ethics - 7/9/2013 6:15:34 PM

dcnovice

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I'm puzzling over a exchange I just had (by text) with a friend.

She's been having a rough time and talked tonight with the therapist who co-facilitates the group my friend attends. Apparently, the discussion touched on what losers the other group members are. My friend reports the therapist said "Don't hang out with those women; they're nuts" and mentioned that she likes watching my friend roll her eyes when another member is whining over the same old problem.

I know it's not my place to second-guess someone else's treatment, but that really took me aback. Does the therapist's behavior (assuming my friend reported it accurately) strike anyone else as inappropriate and/or unprofessional?

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RE: Therapist Ethics - 7/9/2013 6:25:30 PM

hlen5

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Yes. Very.

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RE: Therapist Ethics - 7/9/2013 6:28:22 PM

dcnovice

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Thanks! I'm glad to hear it's not just me.

I think my friend relished the attention, and she couldn't grasp why I'd be perturbed.

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RE: Therapist Ethics - 7/9/2013 6:37:06 PM

Rawni

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That was wrong in many ways. First of all in allowing some to know she thinks and acts that way unless they are favored and is a clear sign that she is ineffective with others that need her assistance and professional skills as much if not more than her favored ones. She lacks ethics in her profession. If I saw that, I would be reporting it to whomever it was that could do something about it.

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RE: Therapist Ethics - 7/9/2013 6:39:28 PM

ShaharThorne

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I don't do group therapy but if the therapist did something like that, it needs to be reported to a higher up.

I can understand the eye rolling when hearing the SSDD. It gets old and rather boring. Take care of the problem or STFU!

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RE: Therapist Ethics - 7/9/2013 6:47:16 PM

dcnovice

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FR

The other question that arises (for me at least) is why my friend keeps attending a group whose members she sneers at.

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RE: Therapist Ethics - 7/9/2013 6:52:51 PM

ShaharThorne

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Some people get a self esteem boost attending group therapy. I feel content letting my case worker and doctor know how I feel.

The doctor laughed when I mentioned to her that Rick Perry deserves to be hanged by his ankles....at least he is not running for Governor again next year. I don't agree with his ethics...

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RE: Therapist Ethics - 7/9/2013 6:53:53 PM

absolutchocolat

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That's extremely unprofessional. The therapist shouldn't engage in that kind of banter with a patient.

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RE: Therapist Ethics - 7/9/2013 6:54:41 PM

Rawni

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quote:

ORIGINAL: dcnovice

FR

The other question that arises (for me at least) is why my friend keeps attending a group whose members she sneers at.

You aren't going to like everyone you are in a group with. However, there should be some standards set by the leadership. Yes, they need to speak their minds, but they also might need some input, direction and focus on issues that manifest in the group. Rather than validate the snarky way of looking at some group members that may truly be irritating... there needs to be some understanding or compassion that follows the leadership in doing their job. Groups may be handled differently and may or may not have a lot of leadership, but to have the leadership of a group act like that, it helps no one. In fact, it could make some things worse.

I had a guy that whined about his life, no matter what happened. He couldn't see the good in his life. It was my place to show him how he was viewing things in a way that kept him trapped, find the reason he did those things and help him see another way of it all. My personal feelings about his whine couldn't be a factor and if they had been so strong, I should exit the situation so that he could find someone that could actually help him, help himself.

As for your friend... maybe she likes the sneering so much because she doesn't have to face herself in the mirror.

< Message edited by Rawni -- 7/9/2013 6:55:34 PM >

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RE: Therapist Ethics - 7/9/2013 8:09:23 PM

TheHeretic

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FR

Sounds to me like the therapist has forgotten who he works for.

It's also possible that the therapist is trying to form a "special connection" from such conversation with your friend, DC, maybe in hopes of further ignoring ethical practices, and getting into her pants.

She should report the bastard, in writing.

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RE: Therapist Ethics - 7/9/2013 8:30:28 PM

MAINEiacMISTRESS

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That doesn't sound like typical therapist behavior at all. I cannot imagine a professional "siding" with one group member against the others. Are you sure your friend isn't just making it all up?

Sounds entire fabricated to Me. i.e. complete bullshit.

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RE: Therapist Ethics - 7/9/2013 8:31:31 PM

erieangel

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That therapist was very unprofessional.

What was he thinking?

Oddly, I just took some elective trainings in resiliency as well as in working with difficult people. (I'm filling time until my new supervisor can get me some clients, I thought she was going to do while I was on vacation but she hadn't gotten it done, so in the office I sit--wasting time). Anyway, all of the trainings I've taken lately touched on the idea that personal negative thoughts about the people we work with "they're nuts" "they're losers" or some such can really impact how we relate to them and the effectiveness of the service we provide them. It can really be that they are "nuts" or "losers" but it is better to frame the thoughts that they "aren't interested at this time in therapy", "she is having a difficult day", whatever...

To voicing those negative thoughts to another client is so wrong on so many levels...

If your friend's therapist really has no compunction about speaking to clients in such a manner, I'd suggest your friend get a new therapist. And this from somebody who has plenty of mistakes of her own--I've never bad mouthed one client to another.

I also don't the level of training a therapist has.

< Message edited by erieangel -- 7/9/2013 8:32:26 PM >

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RE: Therapist Ethics - 7/9/2013 8:36:29 PM

Rawni

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MAINEiacMISTRESS

That doesn't sound like typical therapist behavior at all. I cannot imagine a professional "siding" with one group member against the others. Are you sure your friend isn't just making it all up?

Sounds entire fabricated to Me. i.e. complete bullshit.

Professionals do unprofessional things all the time. In any field, you can find it. I am not saying that this story is true, but it could be. Just look at the professionals in the Jody Arias case. I've gone toe to toe with some pretty unprofessional professionals.

In fact, I am doing so currently with a case that could be a federal crime with some real big guys. It happens.

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RE: Therapist Ethics - 7/9/2013 8:37:26 PM

littlewonder

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Are you sure your friend wasn't maybe thinking he said all of this to her when in reality he was maybe just doing the whole nodding head thing or not word things quite the way she thought she heard?

I'm sitting here thinking of my mom who does this kind of stuff. If someone is nodding to her, not in agreement but just in a listening sort of way, the next thing you know she's telling you all about how he told you to get the fuck away from those people, they're not good for you, yada, yada, yada. What someone says or does is not what my mom sees and hears. She basically thinks if someone is there listening to her then they obviously agree with her and the thoughts she's thinking are what they are actually telling her.

Over the years it's why my sisters and I have learned to never take anything my mom says at face value. It's rarely the real story.

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RE: Therapist Ethics - 7/9/2013 8:37:26 PM

chemeli

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Definately to me....it is not the place of the therapist to make judgments....

I had one who had the same attitude and that is why i couldnt open up to him in the first place. I didnt trust my instinct and i should have. Your friend should change of therapist, in my opinion.

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RE: Therapist Ethics - 7/9/2013 9:42:24 PM

Duskypearls

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dc, I didn't see in your post whether the therapist was male or female. I'm not clear on whether the therapist said this to your friend in private, or during group session. I was not there to be witness, nor was I in either of their heads, so I cannot make a call on this. I need a lot more information.

All might depend upon how the therapist meant it. Could he/she have been joking lightly, poking a bit of fun, or did he/she really mean to express her distaste for particular peoples? The former's okay, the latter, not so much.

Whom, may I ask, manned or participated in the discussion which touched on what losers the other group members are? Was "They're nuts" said playfully? He/she is in the "nutty" profession, after all, of which he/she would likely be a leading member, himself/herself,...you know...wounded healer and all that.

I once had a fabulous therapist who was incredibly wonderful, playful and humorous, and I can actually easily imagine him saying something like that to me, with no ill intent, meant or received, for I had no where near the degree of problems the others had, so it would have been an appropriate, funny little joke between us, which nobody would likely have misunderstood or been offended by, had they seen or overheard it.

Sorry, I need more to go on.

< Message edited by Duskypearls -- 7/9/2013 9:43:43 PM >

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RE: Therapist Ethics - 7/9/2013 9:48:08 PM

Duskypearls

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quote:

ORIGINAL: dcnovice

FR

The other question that arises (for me at least) is why my friend keeps attending a group whose members she sneers at.

Perhaps she has a low tolerance for those she deems below her. Perhaps there's no other choice, with no other group to attend. Perhaps she she has an addiction to harshly judging others, while not seeing the log in her own eye. Perhaps she lacks social and introspective skills. Perhaps Heaven knows what. Might you ask her and let us know?

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RE: Therapist Ethics - 7/9/2013 9:51:24 PM

Duskypearls

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That's a really good point, lw. It can be hard to know what's going on in another's head.

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RE: Therapist Ethics - 7/9/2013 9:56:50 PM

njlauren

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If it happened the way it was written, and the therapist was saying that straight up (even as a joke it is not a great thing), it was unprofessional. Therapists are supposed to gain the trust of their patients, and while in this case it might seem like they are favoring the friend by telling her the others are losers, if someone said that to me I would wonder what they said about me to other people.......

I wouldn't be surprised if therapists in private told other people things like 'this group drives me nuts, what a bunch of losers", though if they used those words, it kind of shows a lack of empathy. Yeah, it is frustrating when someone never improves, never tries, whines, etc, but there is an answer to that, if the therapist can't work with them, part ways, plenty of therapists tell patients they can't work with them any more, that it isn't working.

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RE: Therapist Ethics - 7/10/2013 2:02:01 AM

dcnovice

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quote:

dc, I didn't see in your post whether the therapist was male or female. I'm not clear on whether the therapist said this to your friend in private, or during group session.

Both my friend and the therapist are female.

The exchange took place during a private phone call between them.

_____________________________

No matter how cynical you become,
it's never enough to keep up.

JANE WAGNER, THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF
INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

(in reply to Duskypearls)

Post #: 20

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