Seeking constructive criticism of my profile description (Full Version)

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WebWanderer -> Seeking constructive criticism of my profile description (7/10/2013 11:06:40 PM)

(Posting this in the "Ask a Mistress" subforum because, well, my question is specifically for Mistresses.)

I've spent years trying to come up with a perfect profile description. I tried being both brief and verbose, laconic and sesquipedalian, emotional and logical. I believe I've struck a pretty good balance with this particular self-description and I would like to get your take on it. Assuming you were in the market for a new sub, would this profile get your attention? If not, why? What would you change or delete? Please don't hold back - all opinions are welcome. Thank you in advance!

Here it is:

I'm the kinky version of Sheldon Cooper: not a social butterfly but great at what I do; not a lady killer but charming in my own geeky way; not a "player" but an old-fashioned monogamous keeper. :)

I've been into BDSM for as long I can remember. I love bondage, servitude, cages and puppy play, but I always like to experiment with other things as well. When I serve a worthy Domme, I'm willing to do almost anything to make her happy. After all, isn't that what life is all about? I would gladly give up my liberty if that helps my (and others') pursuit of happiness.

When I'm not practicing the arcane art of self-bondage or playing with others, I like to explore the Great American Indoors, binge-read science fiction novels, write e-books, devour platypus trivia (no, really), play with my camera and put finishing touches on the Unified Field Theory.

Due to my job in the vanilla world (it involves math and minions), I can't post my face pictures on this profile, but I'll be glad to exchange pictures with you in a personal message.

I'm searching for a long-term companion, a Mistress - not just a playmate. Ideally, I would love to meet a dominant woman who is in shape, intelligent (knowing the difference between "your," "you're" and the ancient Sumerian city of Ur would be a good start), drug&disease free and doesn't have kids. (I'm a bit of a pedophobe.) I'm aware that this rules out quite a lot of people, but what can I say - I'm an optimist. ;)

Curious? Interested? Angry? Fellow platypus enthusiast? Send me a message and let's go from there!



DarkSteven -> RE: Seeking constructive criticism of my profile description (7/11/2013 5:24:06 AM)

I'm not a Domme, but I'll give it a crack.

1. First off, I've never seen someone who copied their profile text to a post. That in itself shows that you're not a do-me sub, but actually willing to do things to make others' lives a bit easier. Kudos.
2. The picture of yourself tied, from the back - Wow. If my physique looked like that, I'd show it too. Is there any way you could photoshop out the "Kats Bitch"? It would be kinda more appropriate.
3. Is the cartoon chicken supposed to be a cock shot? I'd explain it or drop it.
4. The fourth pic is kinda dark. I'd remove it.
5. The pic of you in the mask, showing your hair - good. Doesn't quite give yourself away, but shows enough to indicate you're a good looking fellow. And the bookshelf in the back is good. Shows that you read (which of course your profile said, but a but of corroboration never hurts). Also, that you're not compulsively neat, but not a disaster either.
6. Why the ankh picture? Are you into Egyptian stuff?
7. Overall, the profile text is excellent. It is interesting enough that I'd love to meet up wiht you, just because you seem interesting. (I'm a straight man, so it'd only be for friendship, but I assume women would be similarly intrigued.)
8. I feel that the second paragraph, defining your kink self, is early. I'd swap its position with the paragraph you now have as your fourth one.
9. The "math and minions" is wonderful. Alliteration shows writing ability, and it made me smile. Deft and lighthearted.
10. I'd replace "worthy Domme" with "woman". Not anything you're doing, but others before you have ruined those words in profiles.
11. Similar with the word "Mistress".
12. I'd remove the word pedophobe. While I understand what you mean, it just sounds so close to pedophile that it gave me the creeps. And anyone who was reading it quickly might misread that.
13. Your statement that you Like munches means something to me. You're social, and a woman could take you to places. Good for you. Whenever I see a profile that lists The Local BDSM Community as a Hates or Hard Limit, I assume they're either antisocial or have ruined their local rep.
14. The mention of the UFT subtly tells me you're likely a MS in Physics or Engineering (if it wasn't for that, I'd assume a Comp Sci or EE major, BS level), and adept with the talk where physics intersects with philosophy. Your general writing indicates a good grounding in the English language, with a liberal arts bent.
15. Your location is explained in your journal entry. I'd explain it in your main profile text, to benefit those that don't get to the journal.

On the whole, outstanding profile. It shows you to be a fun person, and one I'd definitely want to meet.





LadyPact -> RE: Seeking constructive criticism of my profile description (7/11/2013 5:46:01 AM)

For some reason, I was thinking the writing on the back wasn't photo-shopped on. I thought a marker was involved. However, I agree that it's some damn nice rope work.

OP, I liked it. There's a lot of intelligence and wit that shines through. I agree with some of Steven's points. Not all of them. Personally, I don't have any issue with the use of the words Domme or Mistress in a profile since you are specifically looking for a dynamic and not just a play partner. I definitely agree with his twelfth point because I did do a double take on that. (It's early in My time zone.)

Another change that you might want to consider is not just having munches on your interest list. The point about the job/no face pics on the net due to work is very well done. However, it may be worth a line in the text to say that doesn't prevent you from participating in the kink community. It could be a bonus point for you, especially with you moving to a new location.

Overall, it was really positive. I hope we'll see you around the forums.



SomethingCatchy -> RE: Seeking constructive criticism of my profile description (7/11/2013 9:04:10 AM)

You're profile is well done. We've exchanged a few emails in the past and I was always impressed with the way you carry yourself in the written form. Continue to be yourself because there are plenty of people out in the world that think you're pretty spiffy.



SeekingTrinity -> RE: Seeking constructive criticism of my profile description (7/11/2013 9:20:31 AM)

Another profile fan here. It was actually an enjoyable read for me. Picturing a kinky Sheldon and the whole "your, you're, and ancient Sumerian city of Ur" comment had me laughing. I too would probably dump "pedophobe" from your profile. But other than that, there wasn't really anything I didn't like. It wasn't heavily kink-centric and it included quite a bit about who you are as a person. That is something that usually catches my eye if Im browsing profiles. Good job [:)]



SomethingCatchy -> RE: Seeking constructive criticism of my profile description (7/11/2013 9:43:07 AM)

I honestly haven't ever watched Big Bang Theory. I youtube'd it and I can say without a doubt that a kinky Sheldon is my new fantasy.



MistressDarkArt -> RE: Seeking constructive criticism of my profile description (7/11/2013 11:33:39 AM)

I'd do you, just for the 'Ur' comment alone. [8D]

Seriously, your profile is excellent. I agree the 'Kat's Bitch' should probably be PS'd out; perhaps the woman's foot in your back as well. Women are funny sometimes. Instead of thinking 'Oooooo, I wish I was Kat!' or 'I wish that was MY foot' they will generally think, 'Someone else has had their hooks into this guy and may STILL have, no thanks." Sure, we know on a cerebral level you've had prior experience but we like the illusion of a blank slate. Call us, uh, 'idealistic'. [8D]

Best of luck, WW! Be patient, you will find the right partner.



WebWanderer -> RE: Seeking constructive criticism of my profile description (7/11/2013 7:49:14 PM)

Awww, thanks, guys!

First, the changes I've made to the profile:
-removed "Kat's bitch" from the main picture. I'm not cool enough for Photoshop, so I did some micro-work in good ol' Microsoft Paint. Turned out fairly well, I think.
-added a little caption to the cartoon chicken picture. (And yes, that is a meta parody of cock shots on this site and FL.)
-made the dark pic with yellow rope a lot brighter. (Seriously, who needs Photoshop?)
-replaced the picture of a foot on my back with a picture defining nyctophilia.
-swapped paragraphs 2 and 4.
-replaced "I'm a bit of a pedophobe" with "Not a big fan of the little buggers."
-after explaining why I have no face pics, added "I'm always up for going to local events and munches, though - it's great to get to know other kinksters."
-added the following to the "about me" paragraph: "In the interest of full disclosure, I'm originally from the Evil Empire (copyright Ronald Reagan, 1983) and still sport a fairly strong Russian accent. I hope you wouldn't mind a Slavic slave!"
(I didn't want to add too much stuff the first time around to keep my profile from turning into a novella.)

Thinking of changing the location to Dallas/Fort Worth and dropping Vegas altogether. I'll be moving in 38 days (not that I'm counting), so I'm not really targeting Nevadans. To be honest, I find it much easier to find local kinksters on FL (that other site) and I haven't begun to infiltrate their community just yet. This is all a big preparation. :)



SeekingTrinity -> RE: Seeking constructive criticism of my profile description (7/11/2013 8:01:38 PM)

I read "Evil Empire" and instantly thought of Rage Againt The Machine first...and then Reagan second [:D]

Liked the updates. I'd probably go DFW instead of Fort Worth/Vegas too. You could always explain to a potential that might contact ou that you are moving to the Lone Star state.

Love the changes and good luck in your search



DarkSteven -> RE: Seeking constructive criticism of my profile description (7/11/2013 8:06:08 PM)

You write that well, and English isn't even your first language? I'm impressed.

Just letting you know - there's a switch woman in Colorado Springs that told me that Russian whispered in her ear liquefies her into a puddle of goo.



WebWanderer -> RE: Seeking constructive criticism of my profile description (7/11/2013 8:10:41 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
Why the ankh picture? Are you into Egyptian stuff?

I could talk for hours about my love of ancient Egypt in general and ankhs in particular, but I wanted to keep the profile a bit short. It's something I save for the real-world conversations. [:)]
quote:

Overall, the profile text is excellent. It is interesting enough that I'd love to meet up wiht you, just because you seem interesting. (I'm a straight man, so it'd only be for friendship, but I assume women would be similarly intrigued.)

Woot!
quote:

The mention of the UFT subtly tells me you're likely a MS in Physics or Engineering (if it wasn't for that, I'd assume a Comp Sci or EE major, BS level), and adept with the talk where physics intersects with philosophy. Your general writing indicates a good grounding in the English language, with a liberal arts bent.

Heh... Actually, I got my BA in a field that's as far from hard science as you can get. Back in Russia (English is my 2nd language, actually - the 2nd of 5. [8|]), I was unlucky enough to test abnormally high on a standardized IQ test when I was a wee lad... Have you ever read "Ender's Game"? It was just like that, only with more advanced math and physics, and with Chechens instead of buggers as The Enemy. O_o
quote:

On the whole, outstanding profile. It shows you to be a fun person, and one I'd definitely want to meet.

Thanks! I'll make sure to drop you a note if I'm ever in Colorado. (Which, with my improbability field, is only a matter of time.)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
OP, I liked it. There's a lot of intelligence and wit that shines through.

Stop, I'm blushing. [:)]
quote:

I definitely agree with his twelfth point because I did do a double take on that. (It's early in My time zone.)

Good point - I ended up changing it. In one of my previous profiles, I doubled down on the pun and said "I'm a claustrophilic pedophobe." Not a lot of people got that one haha.
quote:

However, it may be worth a line in the text to say that doesn't prevent you from participating in the kink community. It could be a bonus point for you, especially with you moving to a new location.

Done. :)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SomethingCatchy
We've exchanged a few emails in the past and I was always impressed with the way you carry yourself in the written form.

*bro five!*

quote:

ORIGINAL: SeekingTrinity
Picturing a kinky Sheldon and the whole "your, you're, and ancient Sumerian city of Ur" comment had me laughing.

Thanks! That's the greatest compliment I could have hoped for, aside from getting a message along the lines of "cute profile - want to meet for a cup of coffee?"

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt

I'd do you, just for the 'Ur' comment alone. [8D]

*ancient Sumer enthusiast high five!*

quote:

Women are funny sometimes. Instead of thinking 'Oooooo, I wish I was Kat!' or 'I wish that was MY foot' they will generally think, 'Someone else has had their hooks into this guy and may STILL have, no thanks." Sure, we know on a cerebral level you've had prior experience but we like the illusion of a blank slate. Call us, uh, 'idealistic'. [8D]

Suuuure. Idealistic. Let's go with that. [:D] You gotta love inter-gender psychology...



WebWanderer -> RE: Seeking constructive criticism of my profile description (7/11/2013 8:15:06 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
You write that well, and English isn't even your first language? I'm impressed.

Thanks! Practice makes perfect. [8|]

quote:

Just letting you know - there's a switch woman in Colorado Springs that told me that Russian whispered in her ear liquefies her into a puddle of goo.

You know, I've lived in the States for 10 years and this is the first time I've heard of anybody with that kind of reaction to a Russian accent. *adds Colorado Springs on his "to visit" list*



SeekingTrinity -> RE: Seeking constructive criticism of my profile description (7/11/2013 8:32:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: WebWanderer

quote:

ORIGINAL: SeekingTrinity
Picturing a kinky Sheldon and the whole "your, you're, and ancient Sumerian city of Ur" comment had me laughing.

Thanks! That's the greatest compliment I could have hoped for, aside from getting a message along the lines of "cute profile - want to meet or a cup of coffee?"


It's too bad you are moving to the great state of Hell (lived in DFW myself for 2 years from 2001-2003...so I know what Im talking about) because if you came to Oregon, Id definitely utter the words "cute profile, lets meet for coffee." [;)]

And oooh yeah, accents rock! Talk Russian to me too while you are at it. Not sure if I'll turn to goo, but Id probably come pretty damned close [:D]



DarkSteven -> RE: Seeking constructive criticism of my profile description (7/11/2013 9:39:49 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: WebWanderer

quote:

Just letting you know - there's a switch woman in Colorado Springs that told me that Russian whispered in her ear liquefies her into a puddle of goo.

You know, I've lived in the States for 10 years and this is the first time I've heard of anybody with that kind of reaction to a Russian accent. *adds Colorado Springs on his "to visit" list*


There's a movie you should see - A Fish Called Wanda. [:)]



SomethingCatchy -> RE: Seeking constructive criticism of my profile description (7/11/2013 9:47:37 PM)

I'm officially jealous. I had no idea you were Russian. The hotness factor just skyrocketed and I feel liking having a pity party. 'It's not fair!'



DarkSteven -> RE: Seeking constructive criticism of my profile description (7/12/2013 4:50:47 AM)

Yeah, SC. He's 26, built like an athlete, speaks five languages, and has a way with words. I'm just glad he's not in Colorado, or the rest of us menz here would never SEE a woman.



kalikshama -> RE: Seeking constructive criticism of my profile description (7/12/2013 8:55:11 AM)

Welcome kinky Sheldon Cooper / Ender's Game fan!

Russian accents are definitely sexy and at least once a month I ask my man if he will bring Vlad out to play [8D]



SomethingCatchy -> RE: Seeking constructive criticism of my profile description (7/12/2013 5:27:37 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Yeah, SC. He's 26, built like an athlete, speaks five languages, and has a way with words. I'm just glad he's not in Colorado, or the rest of us menz here would never SEE a woman.


Texas is better off with him. Have you ever seen the folks that come out of there?


[image]local://upfiles/648862/7C5B32C9C751466990FA8A2B106DCA78.jpg[/image]



AAkasha -> RE: Seeking constructive criticism of my profile description (7/12/2013 6:36:51 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: WebWanderer

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
You write that well, and English isn't even your first language? I'm impressed.

Thanks! Practice makes perfect. [8|]

quote:

Just letting you know - there's a switch woman in Colorado Springs that told me that Russian whispered in her ear liquefies her into a puddle of goo.

You know, I've lived in the States for 10 years and this is the first time I've heard of anybody with that kind of reaction to a Russian accent. *adds Colorado Springs on his "to visit" list*



Russian accent? Hell yes. I first developed my "russian fetish" because of hockey players who were from Russia. Loved hearing them speak. Still an incredible fetish. If you played hockey on top of everything else, you could be in serious danger!

Will you talk dirty to me? Lol.
Akasha



WebWanderer -> RE: Seeking constructive criticism of my profile description (7/12/2013 8:19:22 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Yeah, SC. He's 26, built like an athlete, speaks five languages, and has a way with words. I'm just glad he's not in Colorado, or the rest of us menz here would never SEE a woman.

On top of all that, I was in New York Times, I write haiku that make poets weep, I've survived a nuclear disaster (and gained superpowers!), bought a brand new car with the proceeds from my graphomania and got a bunch of stalkers (of all ages and genders) after a certain, ahem, exciting vacuum bed incident at a local party. [;)]

Didn't feel like putting all that in my profile, though. Wouldn't want folks to develop an inferiority complex and all that. But fear not! Your womenfolk are safe (for the most part) because I'm cursed with a shy, introverted nature and high standards. (When I wrote "in shape and intelligent," I meant somebody of equal or greater value, give or take.)

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha
Russian accent? Hell yes. I first developed my "russian fetish" because of hockey players who were from Russia. Loved hearing them speak. Still an incredible fetish. If you played hockey on top of everything else, you could be in serious danger!

I can play a mean game of air hockey - does that count? [:D] (Seriously, one time I almost caused a miscarriage when the little puck went flying across the room at ~50mph and hit a pregnant woman in the stomach...)

quote:

Will you talk dirty to me? Lol.

For some reason, I keep getting flashbacks to the Friends episode where Ross had to learn to talk dirty. [8|] I can say random Russian stuff in a sexy(-ish) voice. Would that work? [:D]



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