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I want to serve HIM....but............ - 7/11/2013 5:27:20 PM

blossombutterfly

Posts: 11
Joined: 5/27/2013
Status: offline

I want to serve HIm. When I am on my way to Him I am in bliss. When I am here, I feel so wanted and love HIM. He is kind, cruel, analytical. just plain awesome. our journey has changed in many ways. I want to serve HIM.

As soon as i leave to go to work or where ever I must go....it stops. Even when I wore His collar....it didn't completely stop with that...but my feelings are subdued. How do I keep them where THey are when I am with HIM? what must I do? I CAN'T shut out the "vanilla" part of my life. is there a balance? Is it because I am not sure that I wont' need more (of HIM, more than HIM, just plain more) like his ex pat also? That HE is not enough. Even though He makes me feel like no other has..or probably will. not that others can't make me feel just not quite like HE does.

HOw do I keep the feelings I have with HIM when I am not with HIM?

blossom

Post #: 1

RE: I want to serve HIM....but............ - 7/11/2013 6:31:34 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

The balance is living life as you need to live it. At work you shouldn't be focusing on him. At school you shouldn't be focusing on him. When you are with him you give your all.
I guess I am not sure what you are asking because when I love someone I love them ALL the time. I just don't need to focus on loving him to prove to myself I love him. It stays even in the mundane hours of the day without trying.

quote:

ORIGINAL: blossombutterfly

I want to serve HIm. When I am on my way to Him I am in bliss. When I am here, I feel so wanted and love HIM. He is kind, cruel, analytical. just plain awesome. our journey has changed in many ways. I want to serve HIM.

As soon as i leave to go to work or where ever I must go....it stops. Even when I wore His collar....it didn't completely stop with that...but my feelings are subdued. How do I keep them where THey are when I am with HIM? what must I do? I CAN'T shut out the "vanilla" part of my life. is there a balance? Is it because I am not sure that I wont' need more (of HIM, more than HIM, just plain more) like his ex pat also? That HE is not enough. Even though He makes me feel like no other has..or probably will. not that others can't make me feel just not quite like HE does.

HOw do I keep the feelings I have with HIM when I am not with HIM?

blossom

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to blossombutterfly)

Post #: 2

RE: I want to serve HIM....but............ - 7/11/2013 6:38:26 PM

blossombutterfly

Posts: 11
Joined: 5/27/2013
Status: offline

so I see the issue in my head is that possibly I dont want Him after all....if it isn't ALL the time then wth...
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 3

RE: I want to serve HIM....but............ - 7/11/2013 7:15:48 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

You're 42. You're behaving like a teenage girl with her first crush. It's called sub frenzy.

It'll pass, and hopefully you'll be left with something more substantial than infatuation.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to blossombutterfly)

Post #: 4

RE: I want to serve HIM....but............ - 7/11/2013 7:22:35 PM

tammystarm

Posts: 3045
Joined: 7/26/2006
Status: offline

Must find balance. If you cannot be very happy without him in your vanilla life, it will never work.
I know, as soon as I start needing Arturas to be happy is when we almost don't make it. Luckily , W/we are strong and figure it out. Sometimes it can be painful.

_____________________________

~~Queen of duct-tape~~
~~Emotionally delusional~~

~~somebody pour me my nebuitol and hand me my drink~~

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 5

RE: I want to serve HIM....but............ - 7/11/2013 7:23:59 PM

poise

Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: blossombutterfly

so I see the issue in my head is that possibly I dont want Him after all....
if it isn't ALL the time then wth...
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

From what I understand in his journals. you just recently joined him in an existing relationship,
one in which went sour not too long ago, and all 3 of you went your separate ways.
According to him, you are now both keeping each other at arms length (except for play)
until you both can learn to trust each other. It's probably best right now that you
aren't obsessed with him 24/7.

< Message edited by poise -- 7/11/2013 7:24:24 PM >

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to blossombutterfly)

Post #: 6

RE: I want to serve HIM....but............ - 7/11/2013 7:24:19 PM

blossombutterfly

Posts: 11
Joined: 5/27/2013
Status: offline

thank you

(in reply to tammystarm)

Post #: 7

RE: I want to serve HIM....but............ - 7/11/2013 8:25:21 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

You aren't obsessed with him because he hurt you. Why would you obsess over someone you don't trust? Personally if I don't trust someone I can't love them and therefore there would be no obsession.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to blossombutterfly)

Post #: 8

RE: I want to serve HIM....but............ - 7/11/2013 8:29:30 PM

blossombutterfly

Posts: 11
Joined: 5/27/2013
Status: offline

i don't think i am obsessed with HIm. o possibly a bit. i trust him. he wouldn't hurt me...i hurt him..he still loves me....

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 9

RE: I want to serve HIM....but............ - 7/11/2013 8:34:29 PM

blossombutterfly

Posts: 11
Joined: 5/27/2013
Status: offline

o obsessed with 24/7
we're communicating more, just awesome. just wanted to know something...and I believe that my thoughts have turned to the right track on a few things with HIM and I.

(in reply to blossombutterfly)

Post #: 10

RE: I want to serve HIM....but............ - 7/12/2013 5:21:52 AM

chatterbox24

Posts: 2182
Joined: 1/22/2012
Status: offline

Sounds balanced to me. Trust me you don't want IT overflowing into everything, taking your focus from other things. Careful what you ask for, it is no reward. One day you might find yourself begging to be released from it.

_____________________________

I am like a box of chocolates, you never know what variety you are going to get on any given day.

My crazy smells like jasmine, cloves and cat nip.

(in reply to blossombutterfly)

Post #: 11

RE: I want to serve HIM....but............ - 7/12/2013 5:30:20 AM

Toysinbabeland

Posts: 1693
Joined: 3/4/2012
From: the other end of Cx's leash
Status: offline

If you want to serve someone, the best thing you can do is start by giving them a well balanced and healthy servant. Focus on being well rounded and not simply obsessing about him during your vanilla life or you will have nothing of value to submit but a vapid mind.
Good luck.

(in reply to chatterbox24)

Post #: 12

RE: I want to serve HIM....but............ - 7/12/2013 8:45:40 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Sub frenzy and/or new relationship energy.
You shouldn't want to feel like this all the time. Because if you're concentrating on him and not the other drivers, you could cause an accident.

Concentrating on him all the time means you'll do a poor job and get fired.

Are any of these good outcomes in your opinion? You need balance.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Toysinbabeland)

Post #: 13

RE: I want to serve HIM....but............ - 7/12/2013 8:52:20 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

Des is right.

You're in a midst of a frenzy.

The reality is that you have to have the vanilla in your life. There will always be responsibilities in life. You need to figure out what that balance is or you're going to end up in a miserable place. Your relationships will always disappoint you and your vanilla life will be sacrificed in your quest for an orgasm.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 14

RE: I want to serve HIM....but............ - 7/12/2013 3:24:02 PM

blossombutterfly

Posts: 11
Joined: 5/27/2013
Status: offline

Thank you all sooo much!! This is what I need...BALANCE. until then it is just a frenzy! :) which is fun but too crazy!! I don't want to sacrifice any part of my life.

I am very thankful to you all for you messages!
Blossom!

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 15

RE: I want to serve HIM....but............ - 7/13/2013 1:36:31 AM

Ravensnake

Posts: 146
Joined: 8/17/2008
Status: offline

Not heard the term but agree with the assessment. Subs can be their own worst enemy in their eagerness to please. Slow down, balance your life or you could lose him......and/or your job.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

You're 42. You're behaving like a teenage girl with her first crush. It's called sub frenzy.

It'll pass, and hopefully you'll be left with something more substantial than infatuation.

_____________________________

Dont rattle your sabres at me as an introduction. Be polite and I'll respond in kind.

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 16

RE: I want to serve HIM....but............ - 7/13/2013 8:22:54 AM

blossombutterfly

Posts: 11
Joined: 5/27/2013
Status: offline

Not heard the term but agree with the assessment.

not sure what heard the term is but I also agree with the assessment. Sir and I communicate very well and He knows how I am feeling and we are working on the balance that I need.

again, I am thankful for all your messages.
blossom

(in reply to Ravensnake)

Post #: 17

RE: I want to serve HIM....but............ - 7/13/2013 1:37:37 PM

Ravensnake

Posts: 146
Joined: 8/17/2008
Status: offline

If you communicate well, I'm sure you'll be fine. I wish you both all the best on your journey together.

quote:

ORIGINAL: blossombutterfly

Sir and I communicate very well and He knows how I am feeling and we are working on the balance that I need.

again, I am thankful for all your messages.
blossom

_____________________________

Dont rattle your sabres at me as an introduction. Be polite and I'll respond in kind.

(in reply to blossombutterfly)

Post #: 18

RE: I want to serve HIM....but............ - 7/14/2013 3:54:05 AM

jola37

Posts: 433
Joined: 7/8/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
your vanilla life will be sacrificed in your quest for an orgasm.

my god I've done too much of that in my life, not really knowing what I was doing :-(

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 19

RE: I want to serve HIM....but............ - 7/14/2013 5:47:19 AM

goodgirlmary

Posts: 478
Joined: 6/14/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

Des is right.

You're in a midst of a frenzy.

The reality is that you have to have the vanilla in your life. There will always be responsibilities in life. You need to figure out what that balance is or you're going to end up in a miserable place. Your relationships will always disappoint you and your vanilla life will be sacrificed in your quest for an orgasm.

this.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 20

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