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RE: Serious Kink Question - 7/12/2013 10:32:22 PM

Rawni

Posts: 1175
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Absolutely no reason not to have in person experience at age 27?! What the fuck?

And... as for you fucking your guy after a couple of weeks... that you own. He doesn't have to do it the way you have and may just go about things differently. Do you really have a problem with that... so much that you would attack the guy? Hell, I wouldn't do things how you did them. Make room for people coming in at different stages/ages and for each person evolving as they will or can.

Hell, I remember when you first came here. You might think about that.

< Message edited by Rawni -- 7/12/2013 10:34:52 PM >

(in reply to SomethingCatchy)

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RE: Serious Kink Question - 7/13/2013 1:12:41 AM

UnicornGoddess

Posts: 15
Joined: 5/29/2013
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It really is a tough issue to address...how to find someone with compatible sexual interests. As others have stated before, it's not generally the first thing you talk to a stranger about it, so often the simple truth is you have to invest a bit of time in a person and your relationship with them before you can find out if this is something they are currentl,y or could in the future, become interesting.

Not that I expect this will help, but on a personal note I was always very squeamish about pegging until very recently. I find something groteque and aesthetically offensive about most strap-on devices (especially the really veiny, "realistic" ones). Do you know what finally turned me around? FInding a strap-on I thought was "pretty"... specifically, this: http://www.shirizinn.com/store/blue-strap.php

Yep. I know it's shallow, but I do light my pretty, non-veiny toys.

(in reply to SomethingCatchy)

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RE: Serious Kink Question - 7/13/2013 4:07:31 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: hunter2470

Ok this is going to be a short response with a longer one to come. I've been taking care of a sick dog all night (the reason I was up so late posting) with very little sleep, then a full work day. I made the mistake starting this convo in "ask a Mistress" instead of the General Discussion. I take complete blame. I wasn't referring to submission, but to the Kink act of Pegging. But let me please Express that I in NO WAY meant any disrespect to Women. My plan wasn't to hook up on CM. it was to have an actual discussion and educate myself through conversation

hunter2470, relax. You seem to think you've committed some faux pas. You haven't. It appears as though you have this idea that Dommes are fearsome creatures. Once you think of them as women that you could have a beer with, you'll do better.

Go to munches and play parties, and meet some.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: Serious Kink Question - 7/13/2013 10:56:09 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rawni

Absolutely no reason not to have in person experience at age 27?! What the fuck?

And... as for you fucking your guy after a couple of weeks... that you own. He doesn't have to do it the way you have and may just go about things differently. Do you really have a problem with that... so much that you would attack the guy? Hell, I wouldn't do things how you did them. Make room for people coming in at different stages/ages and for each person evolving as they will or can.

Hell, I remember when you first came here. You might think about that.

I think the comment that you're referencing could have meant something about how much easier it is now to find people, groups, events, etc. One of the positives about the net. It's really not as hard as it used to be. Even if the OP decided just today that this was an interest of his, he can talk to others about his question, (just like he did) learn ways to find other folks with the same interests, etc. As much as I complain about the net sometimes, it really can be a valuable tool.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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Post #: 24

RE: Serious Kink Question - 7/13/2013 11:27:55 AM

Rawni

Posts: 1175
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I can appreciate that LP. Still, reading the first sentence as it was written and maybe perceived as the OP and how I surely read it, was what I was reacting to and I literally dropped my jaw on that one. What else could that sentence mean? It came off as insulting, judgmental and critical, with the ring of by a certain age one should have already done certain things if they were REALLY interested in this.

The OP may have a lot to learn and could be a total jerk for all I know, but when met with that kind of response when he has clearly tried to post a thread in a way that wouldn't be trollish and even talks about it, I think that sentence and its implications, uncalled for, especially when the poster had her own early days on the forum. Sometimes we can be too full of ourselves. I know I have been guilty of that and will be in the future I am sure or will at least come off that way. Still I think we would do well on the forums to think about that and in threads where it seems someone is trying, we should cut them a little slack. If we want improvement on the forums, it starts with us.

(in reply to LadyPact)

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RE: Serious Kink Question - 7/13/2013 11:33:27 AM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I really am attempting to behave Myself, but I swear, if you become unowned again, My hat's in the ring.

Shall I assume that you enjoy strap-on play?

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RE: Serious Kink Question - 7/13/2013 11:45:11 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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Rawni, on this venture, I actually thought we did ok. Heck, I was even asking Myself if I had over-responded on this particular one. (Slow day yesterday.)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009
Shall I assume that you enjoy strap-on play?

You've known Me how long?

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: Serious Kink Question - 7/13/2013 12:29:43 PM

njlauren

Posts: 1577
Joined: 10/1/2011
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I agree with others, it can be hard to find compatible partners for strap on sex because there are so many misconceptions, besides the 'ick' factor of associating strap on play with lesbians or with less then savory women (talking about the image of dominant women, not the reality),and just that they have no idea of kinky sex at all as someone said, and it can be hard. Just think, there are all these middle aged women who got taken in by "The book that shall not be named on BD/SM websites", women in their mid to late 30's and 40's and 50's finding out 'you can do THAT', and so forth.

The interesting part is reputedly the fantasy of doing a guy is not uncommon, but fantasy often doesn't translate into reality, either, they are just that.

I tend to agree with others, if you want to find someone to do that to you, unless you are looking for someone you try and meet specifically for that, I would try and meet someone the old fashioned way, date, have sex, establish a bond and then slowly work it in, as part of a pattern of exploration. Think about it, you are dating some girl, you seem to hit it off, you have been doing vanilla sex, and then suddenly you say "hey, babe, wanna put this on and screw me?"...I realize the OP wouldn't do this, but as someone said, leading with kink with someone who is prob non kinky can be scary...I think it would be better to introduce it with someone after slowly working to open the relationship up, after showing my partner there is a lot more than vaginal and oral sex, doing things to her she likes she might not have thought of, and putting it as part of a pattern of exploration. I think that would work much better. Yeah, it means doing work, it means establishing a relationship that may end in disappointment, but I would bet that it will be more effective then trying to troll the net to find women into this. It could work by going to munches or play parties to find women into it, but the success rate there may be limited by the fact that a lot of the people there (IME anyway) are already coupled or partnered, so even there it may be difficult.....:)

I kind of find it sad that people think of this as being 'gay', with the sadly negative connotations that has. If I perform oral sex on my sweetie, is that 'gay' since that is what gay women do to each other? Is a woman 'gay' for performing oral sex on her husband, even though that is what gay men do, too? It is strange, that a guy can be attracted to women, they use a sex toy on his butt, and it is 'gay' automatically, as if anal sex was only the province of gay men *shrug*.

Hmm, LP is into strap on play? Now that just bumped her up to new levels in my dreams...*smile*.

(in reply to LadyPact)

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RE: Serious Kink Question - 7/14/2013 9:42:19 PM

SomethingCatchy

Posts: 796
Joined: 7/29/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rawni

Absolutely no reason not to have in person experience at age 27?! What the fuck?

And... as for you fucking your guy after a couple of weeks... that you own. He doesn't have to do it the way you have and may just go about things differently. Do you really have a problem with that... so much that you would attack the guy? Hell, I wouldn't do things how you did them. Make room for people coming in at different stages/ages and for each person evolving as they will or can.

Hell, I remember when you first came here. You might think about that.

Yep, absolutely no reason to not have ANY personal experience at his age if he's been interested for a while.

I remember when I first came to CM a few years ago as well. Not sure what that's got to do with anything, since I'd already had personal experiences and I sure wasn't 27.

Also, not everyone wants to chain a guy to the edge of a bed and fuck him, but I enjoyed it and so did he. If it's really that easy for someone to have sex how he wants it, then there's really no reason the OP can't have his cake and eat it to, too.

If the OP feels attacked because of common sense advice - as in 'Actually show up to munches instead of sitting behind a computer and trying to make vanilla women do what you want them to do' - then that's his problem. I like to think people who ask for advice actually want it, so I give it.

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RE: Serious Kink Question - 7/15/2013 11:03:50 AM

Rawni

Posts: 1175
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No SomethingCatchy, I cannot agree with your insistence that there is no reason at his age that he hasn't had any experience if he has been interested for a while. First of all, we don't know how long he has been interested and while he has been interested, he has searched for education, information and experiences. Because these things didn't work out, doesn't mean that he wasn't proactive in exploring them and getting experience. He said nothing about the amount of time. He mentioned trying with three different women... and whether they were vanilla or not, he was trying. Whether he tried the correct way or in a way that some would approve of or with the right people or not, the fact is, he is still trying. Who gets it right all the time, when they are exploring or trying to experience something?

He may have misconceptions or things to learn, but so did you when you first came here, breaking out in your domina relationship style and asking for input. Just as he has. I don't remember you being dealt with harshly. I do remember assisting you in any way I could as did others.

If he sat behind a computer and we could prove he did nothing but that, I might understand your comment a bit more, but he has been proactive behind the computer and in person with three different ladies. So they weren't dominant maybe... okay... lets go there. How many men come here asking about how to get a vanilla woman of whatever age to do the things they want in their relationship? They may have someone they are dating or married to. They may feel more comfortable with vanilla women... they may be afraid of dominant women or misunderstand them or many various things that would have them hitting in the wrong direction. Let's add, what makes a dominant woman and what is a dominant woman to the mix. How many various ways can a woman be dominant and could a man see something in a woman that he perceives as a dominant trait? Whatever the reasons are for anything the OP is doing things the way he has, he has actively sought to do more, therefore expecting him to have an actual experience with a dominant woman by a certain age, with any amount of time involved, is rather harsh and closed minded considering the things he has shared in his exploration of what he seeks.

(in reply to SomethingCatchy)

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RE: Serious Kink Question - 7/15/2013 10:44:37 PM

hunter2470

Posts: 4
Joined: 2/1/2011
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It's been a few days since my original post, and I'd like to thank everyone for their thoughtout comments and what i consider "constructive criticism". I'd like to start off by saying that I completely understand this is somewhat of a brash conversation, but considering we're on a kink message board i felt it might be appropriate. I was hoping for genuine answers from open minded adults knowing my character would probably be questioned, though mostly positive feedback was received. However I've always considered standing when a lady enters the room, showing up at her door for a date, opening doors, pulling out chairs, picking up the check....and so on "Old Fashioned". There's no way I'd ask a random lady a kink question in person, but I thought asking it in a respectful way on a kink message board would be acceptable. Sorry, but there's a difference. As for the "Think I'm Gay" statement, I meant nothing demeaning whatsoever. I respect, accept and think no less of anyone's lifestyle as long as its not breaking the law. However, I am a straight guy who's socially vanilla with a good known masculine job, in a town of 2000. So any sort of "freakish opinions" about me could be damaging. As for being 27 with no experience, I'VE TRIED. After trying and receiving shocked and flabbergasted feedback, I took this approach!!! I'm new to kink websites and message boards, but after reading disrespectful and thoughtless one-line questions from numerous men, I tried to be courteous. The closest mall from me is an hour, much less everyday munchs, so there's no doubt I live in an unpromising place. I do consider myself a sub and understands a Domme's interests comes first. With a Dom i couldn't demand anything. However I wasn't talking about submission, but instead "F$@& in the @$$" as somethingcatchy puts it. Thanks again for everyone's comments and opinions.

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RE: Serious Kink Question - 7/15/2013 11:52:11 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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OP, I'd like to have a few words with you. Before I do, I want you to understand that I looked at your profile (again) to confirm what I'm about to tell you. I do have something of a harsh tone but that's the way that I talk and I generally type things out in the same style as I talk.

I live in a town that is half the size of yours. I drive twice as far to be at the closest munch as you would have to and I don't even have to look to know that I'm paying at least a dollar more a gallon than you are. Plus, at least half of the times that I'm going to the closest munch, it's in a F-150 truck, and for half of the months out of the year, it's below freezing outside. Unless you have no car, no driver's license, or you are working twelve hours a day, seven days a week, you've got way more opportunities to attend a kink community event than most people do. I've been to the very group that's closest to you and you just don't know what's available to you. Frankly, when I did, I had just as long of a drive as you would today.

Now, if you don't want to give the kink community a shot because it's too much trouble or any other reason that you've got for no being willing to do it, that's your choice. However, you're going to have a rough time convincing Me that you've exhausted all of your options. You have to weigh what you want vrs what you are willing to do and if you're not willing to make the effort to improve your chances to get what you want, nobody on this message board is going to be able to help you. Until you are ready to go the extra mile, positive encouragement on a message board probably isn't going to go far.

I'm going to wish you luck with whatever you decide to do.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to hunter2470)

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RE: Serious Kink Question - 7/16/2013 5:32:34 AM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
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Hunter2470,
I have to echo what LadyPact said. One hour isn't a very long distance to travel. Do you realize that people who live in cities like NYC, LA, or Chicago often have to drive for an hour or more just to get to work in rush hour traffic. So an hour drive isn't much of a sacrifice. Personally, I've driven over 10 hours to attend a BDSM event, and I've even traveled to another country to attend an event. So forgive me for not feeling sorry for you when you say that the nearest BDSM group is 1 hour away.

Clearly, the opportunities to find a suitable partner (whether kinky or vanilla) are limited in a town with a population of only 2,000. So I would think that you would be open to traveling in order to find the partner that you seek. But based on your replies, it sounds like you're NOT willing to travel, or make the slightest sacrifice to find what you are seeking. That makes me question whether you really want this at all.

Also, you keep making the distinction that you aren't seeking submission, but that you simply want someone to "fuck you in the ass". I am having a difficult time understanding why you keep drawing this distinction (particularly since your profile says that you are a male sub). Please help me understand why you think the two are different and unrelated. I've tried showing you why they are integrally related, but you keep rejecting that premise without explaining why.

I am not trying to be combative. But I've tried multiple times to give you advice that I truly think will help you, but you seem to reject it outright. I have lots of experience with the thing that you are trying to experience. Yet you keep rejecting my advice. I'm a bit confused, and I'm starting to think that you'd prefer to fantasize, and really have no intention of actually taking action to experience what you desire. Your excuses clearly show that turning your fantasy into a reality is not something that you really want to do.

When you get serious, send me a PM. I can GUARANTEE YOU that I can get you "pegged". But you're going to have to stop debating and making excuses, and instead show that this is more than just a masturbatory fantasy for you.

Good luck. Perhaps we'll talk soon.
-Roch

< Message edited by Rochsub2009 -- 7/16/2013 5:38:17 AM >

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RE: Serious Kink Question - 7/16/2013 6:19:24 AM

MsSylverdawn

Posts: 147
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I read his profile and what I see is a young man who is interested in exploring his sexuality. Not gay straight but kinky sex. Like most people of a certain age he would like that to arrive tied up in a red bow delivered by fed ex at his door... lol... we have all been there. 27 is still young .. and 27 from a small southern town is YOUNG... its not like growing up in other places as a southern transplant myself you know things just move at a different pace down here. Hell I was 30 before I worked up the nerve to even admit I needed something different. Then it took me five years to find the right relationship and I moved from Toronto to Dallas to have it. To the OP thing is it is not going to fall in your lap darling....like most good things in life your going to have to do the hard work; extend yourself date in a larger pool.. you cant tell me would not drive an hour to get laid.. lol you are male after all. Extend yourself and you will find your options are exponentially increased. Until you are willing to put yourself in situations of prime opportunity your just shooting craps. I also cant imagine that in a town of 2000 Mary Sue isn't telling Betty Jo that Jimmy Smith is a strange young fellow... there is a certain safety in the anonymity of a larger pond. Good luck...Seriously you are on the edge of an incredible journey it will take you places you never dreamed and you will learn more about yourself then you though possible.

< Message edited by MsSylverdawn -- 7/16/2013 6:22:31 AM >

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