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RE: changing - 6/29/2006 11:35:32 AM   
LadyMorgynn


Posts: 800
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: N. Carolina
Status: offline 		Find a Dom who wants you for WHO YOU ARE, not for what you'll look like at the end of his leash.  Any guy who told me I had to lose weight to be "his" isn't going to get anything but a swift kick in the ass on his way out the door!!!

You are special.  You deserve better than that.

quote:

ORIGINAL: butterflytatts
I am a bbw submissive, and twice now, I have had a Dom inform me that if I truly wanted to be his, I would loose weight.  I am comfortable with myself.  Why do Doms feel necessary to say this?  Any one else have this happen to them?


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Lady Morgynn
www.farhorizons.net/LadyMorgynn

(in reply to butterflytatts)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: changing - 7/1/2006 10:16:23 PM   
butterflytatts


Posts: 9
Joined: 10/12/2005
Status: offline 		While I know you are right, and that is exactly what I informed these two "Doms" (and I use that term loosely).  It's just frustrating.  I accept people for who they are...my mistake to just assume that others do to.  Cruel to find out they don't.  Thanks for the words of encouragement Lady...appreciate it. 

(in reply to LadyMorgynn)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: changing - 7/2/2006 12:45:15 AM   
hispossession


Posts: 161
Joined: 6/16/2006
Status: offline 		my Master has aided me in losing weight... I have been a large girl for a long time... but he is more concerned with health than he is necessarily with looks.  Could your situation be one more of poorly worded concern for your well being rather than displeasure with your looks? 

He commented on the change in me since I've been losing weight... since we see each other infrequently the difference was very noticeable over the period of 4 months that we didn't see each other... but it wasn't just physical change that he commented on... my confidence has improved greatly and is evident in the way that I walk and act and speak and behave... I was in a situation where there were 7 people naked in a hot tub and I wasn't really self conscious at all when I stepped out of it to refill Master's water glass...  he said it was good to see those changes in me.

good luck with your search... *hugs* being happy with yourself is a great place to be... and I can't wait to join you there!!


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I do not want to be the leader...
Anais Nin

(in reply to butterflytatts)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: changing - 7/2/2006 2:45:21 AM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		I was thinking the same as hispossession.  Depends upon why, although you do state upfront that the person in question isn't your Dom.  Recently, my Dom told me that I needed to lose a bit of weight.  He told me that I look fine to him but that I would be healthier and feel better if I lost a few pounds.  He wasn't saying it so I would look better at the end of a leash or on his arm, but because he is concerned about my health.

(in reply to hispossession)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: changing - 7/2/2006 12:22:22 PM   
Subsekr


Posts: 19
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Just call me a unrealistic realist.   This isnt rocket science.  Overweight folks have or will have health issues that arent necessary.   They arent as nimble or limber as they could be and diabetes and heart disease are around the corner.   Folks get big for all sorts of reasons, genetics,  medications, psychological, heck, they might just like to eat a lot.  Obesity is a growing disease in many countries due to the export of the western diet.   If both partners work on getting the "larger" "smaller", I say go for it.

(in reply to sothernnyte)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: changing - 7/2/2006 1:07:32 PM   
butterflytatts


Posts: 9
Joined: 10/12/2005
Status: offline 		To each their own in my book.  While yes, I am a BBW, I am in great health!  I have no health issues what so ever.  I love the way I look.  I have a very high energy level, and as well as nimble...haven't had any complaints so far.  This person wanted me to loose weight so I would look good on the back of his motorcycle.  Not a good reason for me.  Hell, the color of HIS motorcycle really clashed with my hair......did I ask him to repaint it?  NOPE.  I think it is a really uneducated fact to state that all overweight people have health issues down the road.  This isn't true for everyone.   BUT, like I said, to each their own.  I LOVE MY BODY.  I have NO PROBLEMS with it, or with who I am.  It just takes time finding that one that LOVES mine as much as I do.  I am willing to spend that time. 

(in reply to Subsekr)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: changing - 7/2/2006 2:08:10 PM   
nslut4whtmaster


Posts: 40
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline 		i have never had a DOM to tell me that before when i was seeking. However, with my current Master, i have loss weight, almost 70 lbs. The weight loss was not something that He demanded from me, actually the opposite was discussed in the beginning that i do not lose any weight and maintained my current weight. Himself saw that i wanted and needed to lose some for my own health purposes, so He has been instrumental in that and i am very greatful to Him for it.
Like you, i believed i was in great shape and health but this was just not the case. If you are to lose weight do it not for appearances sake, as someone said in this thread so you look better at the end of a DOMs leash but because it is what is needed. Be well.

peace and respect,
ns

(in reply to butterflytatts)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: changing - 7/2/2006 2:15:59 PM   
Caretakr


Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

Don't you know Crappy, that only submissives are supposed to answer when a thread is started in the ask a submissive/slave forum. You are relegated to answering the questions in the Ask a Master forum. 


Then the subs can get thier wish, by refraining from posting in the Masters forums  

(in reply to heartfeltsub)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: changing - 7/2/2006 2:18:11 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: butterflytatts

I am a bbw submissive, and twice now, I have had a Dom inform me that if I truly wanted to be his, I would loose weight.  I am comfortable with myself.  Why do Doms feel necessary to say this?  Any one else have this happen to them?


I'd come back with "and if you truly wanted me, you'd take me as I am. Have a nice day."

While in my mind, I'd be screaming, "Your loss, dickhead!"

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You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to butterflytatts)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: changing - 7/2/2006 3:30:28 PM   
babysburnin


Posts: 421
Joined: 2/16/2006
Status: offline 		There are health concerns with being over-weight.  I would question the intentions of the Dom who is asking.  Is it because he truely cares and wants you healthy, or is it because he wants to mold you into someone you are not?  Yes, if the relationship is new - say take a hike, but if there is caring, it may be to your benefit to loose weight.  It's wonderful that you are comfortable with yourself, as you should be, but, when people care...sometimes they look down the road and get scared about losing the person to preventable things.  I smoke, for example, I need to quit because it is unhealthy and it will cause me trouble down the road.  My Dom doesn't mind that I smoke...but he looks down the road.  Is he wrong for being concerned?  I don't think so. 

_____________________________

-Babysburnin

"Love is, above all else, the gift of oneself."
- Jean Anouilh

"The highest proof of virtue is to possess boundless power without abusing it."
- Lord Macaulay

(in reply to sothernnyte)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: changing - 7/2/2006 3:50:13 PM   
MysticFireTopaz


Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hizgeorgiapeach
...While I can't say for certain, I'm willing to bet better than even money that there's plenty of dominants out there who have heard the same type of thing from potential submissives as well...


Yes, as a Female Dominant, I have heard that from many male submissives.  That's why I clearly state that I am plus-sized in My profile and tell them to pass Me by if it is problem for them.  I am not interested in wasting their time, or in them wasting Mine, if I am not their cup of tea.
 
Some submissive males even state in their profile that any prospective Domme must be HWP, and I appreciate that because it saves Me from wasting time on them.  What I don't understand are the ones who state in their profile that they are seeking someone HWP, yet still write to Me.  I usually don't bother writing back to them.
 
Like others have said, it is a Dominant's or submissive's prerogative to limit their search to a certain body type, if that's important to them.  In My opinion, it is simple enough to pass by the profiles of individuals who do not meet your specifications, rather than try to make them over to conform to your expectations. 
 
Lady Topaz

(in reply to hizgeorgiapeach)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: changing - 7/3/2006 8:49:20 PM   
hispossession


Posts: 161
Joined: 6/16/2006
Status: offline 		I am so happy that you are healthy and pleased with yourself... I know that I wasn't.  It was 'gently suggested' to me that I lose weight before a surgery... and with the history of diabetes in my family I knew that the extra weight didn't help... I'm still what most would call a big woman but, after having lost 40 pounds and now increasing my physical activity and improving my overall health, I'm much happier and healthier...

I hope you find the one that can appreciate you for the beauty you have instead of trying to change you to be the beauty they feel they want... Master said to me when I expressed concern over my physical appearance "a real Master takes his pleasure from what is within a girls eyes"... and I know he means it.  It's just one of the many reasons that I love him...


_____________________________

I do not want to be the leader...
Anais Nin

(in reply to butterflytatts)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: changing - 7/3/2006 11:23:41 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		I had a dom tell me one time... I would like to see you lose about 20 lbs.. I laughed.. said.. yeah.. me too...

remember.. change for you... before you change for another... specially when not owned.....


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Wisdom is knowing what to do next, Skill is knowing how to do it, and Virtue is doing it.

(in reply to sothernnyte)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: changing - 7/4/2006 6:52:07 AM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline 		I can see a practical reason for it -- if you two are compatible on other levels and he prefers a thinner gal, then weight is something that can be changed and you should do it. This matchmaking isn't easy, and there is no way to make someone smarter, funnier, better looking, less of an asshole, psychologically stable, or change any number of other inherent traits that could make someone more desirable as a partner.

So I really don't think that how comfortable you are with your weight is even relevant -- you'll be comfortable with yourself without the weight too.  If you really want relationships with these guys you will do it, and if you really aren't interested in them you have an easy way to justify not getting involved. I think in the end that just limits your pool of potential partners, at least unless you meet a guy who seems special enough that you'll consider dieting.

(in reply to hispossession)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: changing - 7/4/2006 6:58:12 AM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		I see your point happy.  And, yeah, this matchmaking isn't easy.  My Dom is more concerned about my health and it wouldn't hurt me to lose a few pounds (ok, it would help), but in our case, we already have a relationship.  Plus, it wasn't a "lose this or I'll dump you" thing.  It seems that the OP's prospective dom is making it a condition.  Since they don't even know if they are compatible, it seems a b it unreasonable to me.  If he's not interested, then he should just say so.

(in reply to happypervert)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: changing - 7/4/2006 8:03:49 AM   
butterflytatts


Posts: 9
Joined: 10/12/2005
Status: offline 		If he doesn't like me for me.....screw him.  I am not interested in someone who does not like me for ME.  I know someone is out there that will like me for myself.  We shall meet one day.  I feel it. 

(in reply to happypervert)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: changing - 7/4/2006 12:33:19 PM   
hispossession


Posts: 161
Joined: 6/16/2006
Status: offline 		Master has said much of what you just did here... he values me for more than just my physical appearance.  He appreciates that I am functional, that if he tasks me with a duty I will ensure that it done, either by my own hand or through delegation.  I have found a strength in myself that I didn't really know was there since I must deal with months of separation from him... he cannot be right there to watch over me so I must make sure that my actions, although a thousand miles away from him, would be pleasing to him nonetheless... my self discipline has soared since entering into this relationship... as well as my self confidence.

don't get me wrong, by no means am I a perfect slave... I may be what some submissive/slave girlfriends call a 'natural' but I have alot to learn and to work on as well... but Master also says that if I were perfect he wouldn't have anything to do and that would make him redundant... *grins* and I don't want to make Master redundant. 

The physical aspect is just one part of it... and fortunately Master and I have very similar ideas of what constitutes healthy and attractive... I am becoming more and more comfortable as I lose weight, tone up, find myself able to carry out more physically demanding tasks... like a couple hundred pounds of laundry!

*grins* on the even more upside... once I'm two more sizes down and his wife and I will be the same size for everything, not just shoes... shopping together will be even that much more fun since we will end up with twice as much clothing 'cause we can share!!

< Message edited by hispossession -- 7/4/2006 12:34:10 PM >

_____________________________

I do not want to be the leader...
Anais Nin

(in reply to happypervert)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: changing - 7/4/2006 4:18:29 PM   
happypervert


Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline
quote:

I am not interested in someone who does not like me for ME.  I know someone is out there that will like me for myself.

I suggest that you consider redefining what it is that makes you "you". When I think of reasons people like me, it is because of my sparkling personality, my razor sharp wit and intellect, easy going nature and just being an overall great guy who is overly well endowed with humility. Physical attributes have nothing to do with it. Furthermore, there was a time just a few years ago when I was packing some extra flab around, and I didn't redefine myself as a fat guy when it was there nor do I define myself as a thinner guy now that it is gone; about the only difference I notice is when I tighten my belt or ride my bike up hills, but my definition of myself was unaffected by it.

Someone can very well like you for you, but not care for the extra blubber that is on you right now. It's only a problem if you define that blubber as an essential part of yourself. I suppose there can be good reasons to define yourself that way; however I also think people can use such definitions as excuses to avoid doing anything about it.

< Message edited by happypervert -- 7/4/2006 4:20:38 PM >

(in reply to butterflytatts)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: changing - 7/4/2006 6:06:16 PM   
Fawne


Posts: 462
Status: offline 		I think a dominant in a M/s situation is who cares enough to work with a slave, whether to mold, improve health, appearance  - even pointing out and correcting negative thought patterns and behaviors in the slave is a fine upstanding dominant. A master to look up to. Makes a grateful and most pleasing slave.
 
For a slave to be willing to do the work on breaking down those walls- and a master willing to work to understand, learn and set a good example, be consistant = a great team and success. 

(in reply to happypervert)
Profile   Post #: 39
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