when u r dismissed as a Dominant (weak !) for not wanting to be judged (Full Version)

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MissEvy74 -> when u r dismissed as a Dominant (weak !) for not wanting to be judged (6/28/2006 1:40:29 AM)

 let me preface by saying im very new to bdsm, and i state so, CLEARLY, in my profile.


after MANY attempts to get my attention, a "submissive" finally was able to chat w. me by phone.
something about him, his personality, did not seem to attract me. however out of common courtesy, we chatted laughed, but i cut our conversation short. i said id call... i didnt.  i just didnt want to talk to him.  sue me.

when i got home i received an email, of course saying that i did not call.

i was wrong, and i said so in my reply...but i also told him, i didnt feel "chemistry"... besides he said several things in our conversation, that led me to believe he'd begin judging my aptitude as a Dominant.

when he got online, we chatted and he certainly let me have it. after i explained i wasnt looking fwd to the possibility of being judged...he said i was insecure and weak.


my question: is it ok that im so mad at this creep, i'd like to sadistically step on his manhood?



Contesaluv -> RE: when u r dismissed as a Dominant (weak !) for not wanting to be judged (6/28/2006 1:50:27 AM)

If you're failry new to this, they you will be mad and it's okay to be so.  Just means your still human...lol...which the last time I looked this was a good one.  However, I have to warn you that there will be more creeps and ass wipes out there that will attempt to get your attention and then act as if you should be so enthralled at the mere fact that they sought you out.  Take it in stride and just remember that there are more male subs than female Dominants and that you can be just as choosey as you wish.

Don't let him get to ya!  Just because they're in BDSM doesn't take away the fact that they're jerks or whatever they are naturally.  Also, on the flipside, you'll meet plenty that are charming, wittiy, and hopefully who you will have chemistry with.  It just takes time.

Happy Hunting!



Wulfchyld -> RE: when u r dismissed as a Dominant (weak !) for not wanting to be judged (6/28/2006 1:57:48 AM)

MissEvy don't sweat it. The Domme to sub ratio is staggering. Remember it has to go both ways. You accept them they accept you. By being picky you saved both of you a lot of hassle.



Caretakr -> RE: when u r dismissed as a Dominant (weak !) for not wanting to be judged (6/28/2006 2:06:08 AM)

I have had similar experiences with female "'submissives" in the past. And they were every bit as submissive-as a mack truck.

"Do me subs" abound-be glad this one never got any closer-and let it go. It's not worth losing any more thought over.



MissDiandSirHugh -> RE: when u r dismissed as a Dominant (weak !) for not wanting to be judged (6/28/2006 2:08:53 AM)

G'Day and Welcome MissEvy74 of course you have every right to be mad at him as you will with many others but as you said you were wrong for not doing as you told him you would in geting back intouch so please remember this on other occasions and that will show them you are strong even if its to say you are not intrested or feel that you and they will not work out.
But please do not feel that you are being judged when you meet someone who has been in the life style for a lenght of time and contacts you which then becomes time together for your pleasure.
Our idea on this would be to just both sit and talk and you ask them for guidence and some tips in what you could have done better or in what way it would have been better in their mind not on past experiences just use them to your advatage to gain knowledge and help.
Do the same also if the other person has not been i the life style for very long either as you both can learn to explore it all and to develope new ideas.
Enjoy it all.



Wulfchyld -> RE: when u r dismissed as a Dominant (weak !) for not wanting to be judged (6/28/2006 2:17:19 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

I have had similar experiences with female "'submissives" in the past. And they were every bit as submissive-as a mack truck.

"Do me subs" abound-be glad this one never got any closer-and let it go. It's not worth losing any more thought over.


LOL!!! I have had a few mail me to tell me I am an asshole because they did'nt like my profile. As if it was some kind of divine revelation.



feastie -> RE: when u r dismissed as a Dominant (weak !) for not wanting to be judged (6/28/2006 3:35:18 AM)

Hello Evy,

You don't owe anyone anything, except yourself.  You didn't even owe the guy the phone conversation you had, as you weren't interested.  Don't let people like him get under your skin and don't give them anything you don't want them to have.

Yes, you have every right to be angry at him, but honestly, you should be angry with yourself too.  You allowed him to put you in a situation you didn't want, ie. the phone conversation.  I understand it was out of being nice, but as you learned, that can get you trouble.  Stand your ground and be honest.  If you're not interested, tell him so succinctly.  "I'm sorry, I'm not interested" may seem hurtful, but in the end, it's best.

Good luck to you! [:D]



IronBear -> RE: when u r dismissed as a Dominant (weak !) for not wanting to be judged (6/28/2006 4:19:00 AM)

Lass, I'd hazzard a guess that 99% if the time yoiu reject a sub, they are going to slap you and ghet nasty and rude.. Human nature being what it is, is not naturally wired to deal gracefully with any rejection.... It's about egos y'know.... Just a thought, but you could learn how to reject some one so they still feel good about themselves and how to deal with assholes ~ gracefully too. 



crouchingtigress -> RE: when u r dismissed as a Dominant (weak !) for not wanting to be judged (6/28/2006 4:33:19 AM)

I think maybe this hit so close to home because you are a wee bit insecure of your domination skills....and that is totally normal. I am reading through the lines a bit here, but you seem to be saying that you wish you were a bit more confident. And trust me that is totally normal and i believe every single caring dominant in here can relate. You want a relationship that feeds your soul and yet it is all so new, and parts are so contradicting...
 
Might i suggest a Domme mentor? it is a long standing tradition for newbies to find some one they like and kinda fly under their wings a bit as thiers grow.
 
A mentor is a friend, and a coach as well as a person that can help you hone your skills. Books are great dont get me wrong, as are forums and chat rooms and so are local munches and parties but as far as really developing an impeccable set of skills nothing beats a mentor simply because so much of this stuff is mental and to be honest very little is written from that perspective.
 
 




smilezz -> RE: when u r dismissed as a Dominant (weak !) for not wanting to be judged (6/28/2006 4:54:53 AM)

Why be mad at someone you don't even know?  why give him that much power over you? 
It's a learning process, as you grow and get more r/l experience you will weed out the bad.  In the meantime, don't sweat it.  It's not that big of deal.

~smilezz~



Focus50 -> RE: when u r dismissed as a Dominant (weak !) for not wanting to be judged (6/28/2006 4:57:13 AM)

Hi and welcome to the Forums... :-)
 
I think you should just give yourself a break and lighten up on judging and being judged etc - everyone does it; how else does one make informed choices and decisions, esp the Dom/mes in this lifestyle?
 
I certainly think you erred in saying you'd ring when you obviously knew you weren't going to - so consider yourself sued!  lol  Any self-respecting dominant leads by word and deed so being deliberately deceptive yourself can definitely send the wrong message to those you'd have serve you....  Actions DO speak louder than words!  I'd suggest in future that if someone isn't pushing the right buttons for you, politely cut your losses and move on.  They may still get nasty but you get a clear conscience and respect for honesty regardless....  Treat them as you'd expect to be treated - if you don't appreciate others telling you fibs or being evasive etc, don't set that example for them.
 
Unfortunately, you gave "this creep" fair reason to be mad at you.  Though I gather you're just lettting off some light-hearted steam, vindictively stepping on a male/sub's manhood is definitely not a smart move.  For all the female supremacy propaganda baloney out there, men generally still have a distinct physical advantage that could end disastrously for you!  All bets are off when it ain't consentual.... 
 
Welcome to the lifestyle but don't think Dom/mes get a free ride - you quicky become "slave" to your own standards and expectations, dammit!  lol
 
Focus.



MstrssPassion -> RE: when u r dismissed as a Dominant (weak !) for not wanting to be judged (6/28/2006 5:35:17 AM)

I'm with a few of the others who commented...

Your actions caused this hostility. You baited him along. You said you would do thing when you had no intention of following through & then you baited him along some more.

If you have no interest, simply state it & move on. If they they fail to respect this, then you block them.

You were very weak & indecisive in your handling of this man & I can see where he could be angry & wish to lash out.

For all of those that wrote mentioning the large number of jerks out there that are do-me types & such... you have to appreciate that there is also a large number of women out there playing games & claiming dominance. These submissive men have just as much right to be pissed off when they are the ones that feel they have been played by the domme.

<edited to add>

I noticed by the title of this thread that you feel you were judged. Hmmmm, I'm wondering how you will respond to the comments here seeing that you posted this & clearly you are asking a bunch of strangers to judge your actions. Is it ok that you are mad? Well you can be mad at whoever you wish... that is ok, but that doesn't mean you are correct. Wouldn't it better to learn that this whole situation can be avoided by correcting your own behavior & choices?



leatherorlace -> RE: when u r dismissed as a Dominant (weak !) for not wanting to be judged (6/28/2006 5:40:23 AM)

OFF WITH hIS HEAD, I SAY! Seems that he doesn't use his top one so ya might as well take the head that he'll miss most. wefg
M. Gentry



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: when u r dismissed as a Dominant (weak !) for not wanting to be judged (6/28/2006 6:31:35 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissEvy74
my question: is it ok that im so mad at this creep, i'd like to sadistically step on his manhood?

Why?  Because he's right?

You admitted you were wrong.  You admitted you did the cowardly thing because you're new and didn't want to face up to the consequences of being honest.

You lied to him and then purposefully missed an appointment with him.  I really don't see what ground you have to stand on here.

Learn and get stronger.



MHOO314 -> RE: when u r dismissed as a Dominant (weak !) for not wanting to be judged (6/28/2006 7:24:02 AM)

OK If I can impart some wisdom here as you appear to be new to all this:
 
First of all, welcome to the boards--we look forward to many more postings from you and hope you will find counsel here as well.
 
I do not believe here YOU  were dismissed---you did after all say that there was no chemistry--so you excluded him to start--now, You did say you would call him, IMHO not doing so and facing the situation at that moment was not a good thing---if there is no chemistry from the start, do not agree to calls etc--that only prolongs the expectation on the other end.  He does have a right be a tad miffed as there was a planned call you did not honor--however, as the big boy that he is, he should realize that shit happens--deal and move on.
 
As you go forward, remember you are the Dominant--you have every right to choose as you see fit, just remember that you are human and there is also a human at the other end of your chats--try to maintain a good rep by not overly encouraging those that don't fit the criteria.
 
Good luck!



lisa1978 -> RE: when u r dismissed as a Dominant (weak !) for not wanting to be judged (6/28/2006 8:04:32 AM)

No matter what you think of some person it is just proper to be honest with someone and telling them where they stand. So if you did not feel any chemistry and did not want to continue than you should have respected him enough to tell him that in the first place.

A lot of men will not take rejection well in this lifestyle. Men out number the women so much that once they have a woman they are talking to and to see it go away no matter at what stage can cause some men to be jerks and lash out at you. Must take it for what it is worth and move on.

The way you handle the situation, I cannot call what he did horrible. Wrong yes, but your wrong even if it was lessor does not put you on the high ground.



Lordandmaster -> RE: when u r dismissed as a Dominant (weak !) for not wanting to be judged (6/28/2006 8:49:43 AM)

No, it's not OK.  It means you're overreacting.  You cannot be dominant unless you can keep your emotions in check.  It's a basic rule: whoever expends more unfocused energy loses.  Being furious at someone is unfocused energy.

You're a pretty woman and you'll find plenty of desirable subs.  Just be patient and stay in control.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissEvy74

my question: is it ok that im so mad at this creep, i'd like to sadistically step on his manhood?



MissEvy74 -> RE: when u r dismissed as a Dominant (weak !) for not wanting to be judged (6/28/2006 8:57:20 AM)

Focus50,

I completely agree. This has certainly been a learning lesson. Thank you for setting me straight.

Miss Evy



MissEvy74 -> RE: when u r dismissed as a Dominant (weak !) for not wanting to be judged (6/28/2006 9:00:05 AM)

MstrssPassion,

I can admit I was wrong. I will definitely learn from this unfortunate experience. Thank you for your sincere reply.

Miss Evy



MissEvy74 -> RE: when u r dismissed as a Dominant (weak !) for not wanting to be judged (6/28/2006 9:08:49 AM)

I was the jerk. I posted in a fit of anger, insecurity and bad judgment. I would certainly not "sadistically step on his manhood",lol   I was definitaly just venting.

I would like to thank everyone, for their thoughts and advice. I will learn to be more direct and not lead anyone on. And a mentor, sounds like a good way to bounce my ideas off someone with more experience.

Respectfully,

Miss Evy



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