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Kind of confused and lost..needing direction.. - 7/15/2013 7:43:47 PM

Curiousnewsub34

Posts: 2
Joined: 9/27/2012
Status: offline

I have come into my own as a straight submissive woman. I have a mentor who feels that I need to not look for a Dom but for a Domme. I'm confused at why he may have said that..all he said was for contrast and to learn. If there is any Domme who would be willing to explain what he may have meant, I'd greatly appreciate it..

Post #: 1

RE: Kind of confused and lost..needing direction.. - 7/15/2013 7:55:58 PM

MissToYouRedux

Posts: 867
Joined: 1/23/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Curiousnewsub34

I have come into my own as a straight submissive woman. I have a mentor who feels that I need to not look for a Dom but for a Domme. I'm confused at why he may have said that...

Possibly because he wants to continue to be the only male dominating you, but I'm a cynic.

_____________________________

- Miss Marie

(in reply to Curiousnewsub34)

Post #: 2

RE: Kind of confused and lost..needing direction.. - 7/15/2013 8:08:19 PM

DomMeinCT

Posts: 2355
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

Here's someone who you have allowed to become your mentor.
Why aren't you comfortable discussing your questions with him?

_____________________________

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances:
if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
~ Carl Jung

(in reply to Curiousnewsub34)

Post #: 3

RE: Kind of confused and lost..needing direction.. - 7/15/2013 8:19:09 PM

Miyani

Posts: 248
Joined: 12/4/2007
Status: offline

If you are a straight submissive woman, and BDSM is a sexual thing for you, then you should look for someone you're sexually attracted to. Why be with someone who doesn't trip your trigger?

I would look carefully at a mentor who steers you away from that which fulfills you.

(in reply to DomMeinCT)

Post #: 4

RE: Kind of confused and lost..needing direction.. - 7/15/2013 8:22:18 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Curiousnewsub34

I have come into my own as a straight submissive woman. I have a mentor who feels that I need to not look for a Dom but for a Domme. I'm confused at why he may have said that..all he said was for contrast and to learn. If there is any Domme who would be willing to explain what he may have meant, I'd greatly appreciate it..

Well,...

I feel that you shouldn't be having a male Dominant as a mentor. I feel that your mentor should not play or have sex with you. My personal view is that your should have a mentor that is the same sex and orientation as you and they should be local.

I find it very hinky that he's trying to determine what kind of relationship you should be having. That is not his role.

I think there's something fishy here......

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Curiousnewsub34)

Post #: 5

RE: Kind of confused and lost..needing direction.. - 7/15/2013 8:37:40 PM

Curiousnewsub34

Posts: 2
Joined: 9/27/2012
Status: offline

Ok, well wow..didn't expect those answers but appreciate them. As far as my mentor goes we have actually never had sex, he lives in a different state then me. But I get the overall here is that maybe he is just not a good mentor. Ok I get it. Onside girl I get what you are saying about having a same sex mentor..just don't know where to go. But thank you all for taking the time to read and respond. It has helped me a little bit

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 6

RE: Kind of confused and lost..needing direction.. - 7/15/2013 9:28:27 PM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

Hey,

So I've read your profile and your journal - and get a very strong impression that you're straight... You need to be looking for a dom.

Oh and... if you're "submitting to" your mentor... he's not your "mentor" he's your Dom.

_____________________________

Remember.... There's always somewhere on the planet where it's jackass o'clock.

(in reply to Curiousnewsub34)

Post #: 7

RE: Kind of confused and lost..needing direction.. - 7/15/2013 9:29:56 PM

njlauren

Posts: 1577
Joined: 10/1/2011
Status: offline

Without knowing all the details, it kind of sounds to me like instead of mentoring you he is playing out a kind of dom-like scenario where he wants you to find a domme (I would assume to play with...if it is to be a mentoring thing, a female sub would be better in some ways, since she shares your orientation, though there are dommes on here who would be wonderful mentors). I am leery of long distance and online relationships personally, and I kind of wonder if the guy is getting off on telling you to find a woman to be sub to. Given how big a fantasy women/women interactions are to many guys, it kind of raised bells to me.

I don't know where you live, but my experience is it is better to try and find people locally, especially if there are any groups, in general people tend to help newcomers, and help them understand what they need. If you are straight, for example, it wouldn't make sense to find a domme....but in any event, I agree, find a better mentor, what the guy told you doesn't seem to ring true, unless I am missing something. The 'contrast and learn' doesn't make any sense to me, he is basically telling you to find a domme as some sort of learning experience, but if that isn't how you are wired, it probably won't teach you much. While IME dommes and doms play very differently, there are differences, unless you particularly have curiosity about playing with a dominant female, that makes no sense, even less than people who say the only way to be a good dominant is to sub first (That at least I could see working for some people...).

< Message edited by njlauren -- 7/15/2013 9:33:04 PM >

(in reply to Curiousnewsub34)

Post #: 8

RE: Kind of confused and lost..needing direction.. - 7/15/2013 9:40:19 PM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

Did he suggest a specific Domme?

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Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to Curiousnewsub34)

Post #: 9

RE: Kind of confused and lost..needing direction.. - 7/15/2013 10:00:01 PM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
Status: offline

I'm a heterosexual male sub, and if a "mentor" suggested that I need to find a Dom (male), I would punch him in the face.

If you are straight, and desire a D/s RELATIONSHIP (and not just a play partner), then you need a Dom. Moreover, you need a new mentor. Your current mentor appears to be an idiot.

On a different note, what qualifications did he have that caused you to accept him as mentor? I would think you could learn far more from a member of the local BDSM community. It's much easier to teach someone when they're standing right next to you, and you can demonstrate things to them.

_____________________________

"The thing about smart mother fuckers is that sometimes, they sound like crazy mother fuckers to stupid mother fuckers".
-Robert Kirkman, The Walking Dead

(in reply to Curiousnewsub34)

Post #: 10

RE: Kind of confused and lost..needing direction.. - 7/15/2013 10:17:04 PM

seekingreality

Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Curiousnewsub34

I have come into my own as a straight submissive woman. I have a mentor who feels that I need to not look for a Dom but for a Domme. I'm confused at why he may have said that..all he said was for contrast and to learn. If there is any Domme who would be willing to explain what he may have meant, I'd greatly appreciate it..

He may have said it because he gets off on the idea of you being with another woman.

(in reply to Curiousnewsub34)

Post #: 11

RE: Kind of confused and lost..needing direction.. - 7/15/2013 10:30:19 PM

Wickad

Posts: 428
Joined: 3/12/2005
Status: offline

(fast reply)

Have you considered seeking out a female submissive who has a little more experience as your (OP) mentor.

Wickad

(in reply to seekingreality)

Post #: 12

RE: Kind of confused and lost..needing direction.. - 7/15/2013 10:31:26 PM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Curiousnewsub34

Ok, well wow..didn't expect those answers but appreciate them. As far as my mentor goes we have actually never had sex, he lives in a different state then me. But I get the overall here is that maybe he is just not a good mentor. Ok I get it. Onside girl I get what you are saying about having a same sex mentor..just don't know where to go. But thank you all for taking the time to read and respond. It has helped me a little bit

She did not only suggest that you have a same sex mentor, but that your mentor be a straight, female, submissive.

I don't know where in New York you live, but your local BDSM community would be a place where you could go.

As for actually having sex goes, i am sure you probably know that you don't have to be having intercourse for things to *be* sexual.

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(in reply to Curiousnewsub34)

Post #: 13

RE: Kind of confused and lost..needing direction.. - 7/16/2013 5:56:58 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

OP, I looked at your profile. You're drop dead gorgeous, and have unrealistic expectations of what a Dom should be. You're VERY easy prey for a smooth talking man.

I am mentoring a young woman now who lives in a different state. That has so far involved me getting her to eat more healthily, and she'll start exercising soon. I've made her come up with some possible career paths, and will be discussing the pros and cons of each with her. I've reviewed some of her past relationships with her, seeing what parts were healthy and which were not. She's asked me about Daddy/little girl dynamics, and given me a synopsis of a littles meeting she attended, who there she felt comfortable meeting, etc.

To me, that's what mentoring is all about.

I would NEVER make such a stupid suggestion as telling a straight woman she should look for a Domme unless there was a damn good reason, and even then I would explain and get buy-in. The only explanation I can think is that your mentor wants to get a blow by blow description of two women making out, that he can jerk off to. Or he's trying to break things off by assigning you tasks that are hard.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to angelikaJ)

Post #: 14

RE: Kind of confused and lost..needing direction.. - 7/16/2013 6:30:33 AM

MsSylverdawn

Posts: 147
Joined: 9/26/2011
Status: offline

Having read the profile.. all I can say is OY VAY.... I hope someone is there to pick up the pieces

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 15

RE: Kind of confused and lost..needing direction.. - 7/25/2013 6:18:14 AM

Anatolium

Posts: 32
Joined: 7/22/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSylverdawn
Having read the profile..

I admire those of you who read the profile before answering the questions!

(in reply to MsSylverdawn)

Post #: 16

RE: Kind of confused and lost..needing direction.. - 7/25/2013 12:09:39 PM

TNDommeK

Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline

I tried, but profile wasn't found.

Reading the profiles often help.

_____________________________

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The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell

(in reply to Anatolium)

Post #: 17

RE: Kind of confused and lost..needing direction.. - 7/25/2013 6:24:01 PM

HarryVanWinkle

Posts: 1720
Joined: 5/8/2006
Status: offline

I am extremely dubious about mentors. Especially dominant men "mentoring" submissive women. Have you actually met this "mentor" or is he "online mentoring" you?

If he is an "online mentor" I recommend getting offline, joining the real life community, making friends and deciding for yourself what you want and need.

(in reply to Curiousnewsub34)

Post #: 18

RE: Kind of confused and lost..needing direction.. - 7/29/2013 6:31:50 AM

DaddyhasNeeds2

Posts: 4
Joined: 6/19/2013
Status: offline

My question is, were you being disobedient to the point of confusing the mentor? Some wannabe submissives PUSH their
mentor to a new level and actually become dominant within themselves. I think this is why he thinks you should try
the domme way.

(in reply to HarryVanWinkle)

Post #: 19

RE: Kind of confused and lost..needing direction.. - 7/29/2013 6:53:48 AM

AthenaSurrenders

Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline

If he was a mentor, then she didn't owe him any obedience. A mentor offers friendship and advice. It's not the same as being her dom. And even if she was trying to be in control, why would being with a woman change that?

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to DaddyhasNeeds2)

Post #: 20

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