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finding a daddy dom - 7/20/2013 5:35:08 PM

chamalat

Posts: 3
Joined: 7/20/2013
Status: offline

Hi i'm new to this site but not new to the kink lifestyle. I have a fetlife account and am active on it, as well as an account on just plain old okcupid. I'm having trouble finding any experienced and available daddy doms to chat up and see if theres a connection, especially in my area (as i dont do well with long distance.) i'm just wondering if there are dd/lg specific chat rooms? dating or social networking sites? ive done some googling and was happy to find THIS site, but have had no other luck. how did you meet your dom?

I know i'm young but before i was even looking for a daddy dom in particular i wanted a partner who was a dom, and i only ended up finding inexperienced doms or men who said they were doms and turned out to be very vanilla. i'm open to dating older men if the attraction is there, so its not like all these men have been my age (that would have been an easy explanation for my lack of luck.) Fetlife seems like the best option right now, but there doesnt appear to be many Daddy doms in my city that have accounts AND are single. does anyone have any advice?

Post #: 1

RE: finding a daddy dom - 7/20/2013 5:50:19 PM

TieMeInKnottss

Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline

One big thing is the various meaning of the term "daddy Dom". You may need to be very specific in exactly what you envision. I find that, while there are more doms than subs, there are more little girls looking than daddy doms so itis tougher to find. Try LittlesMunch .com. They list various groups in the US and Canada and when they meet.

(in reply to chamalat)

Post #: 2

RE: finding a daddy dom - 7/20/2013 6:30:25 PM

chamalat

Posts: 3
Joined: 7/20/2013
Status: offline

awesome thank you i'll give it a shot!
i figure if i just start getting in contact with people who identify as a "daddy dom" then we can discuss what it means to us personally and if we're interested in persuing something together. I know there are so many different ways to interprit a dd/lg relationship.

(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)

Post #: 3

RE: finding a daddy dom - 7/20/2013 7:04:57 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

How did you meet men before? It's the same.

Meet someone you like as a human being and let the relationship grow organically. It's always worked for me.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to chamalat)

Post #: 4

RE: finding a daddy dom - 7/20/2013 7:07:07 PM

TNDommeK

Posts: 7153
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline

Dammit, it's always the cute ones that live forever away.
*points to perfect daddydom over here*

_____________________________

Goddess of Duck Lips and Luxurious Hair
The working Fin Domme
Professional con artist, swindler, trixster, extortionist

Our snark-nado needs more cowbell

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 5

RE: finding a daddy dom - 7/20/2013 8:32:54 PM

chamalat

Posts: 3
Joined: 7/20/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

How did you meet men before? It's the same.

Meet someone you like as a human being and let the relationship grow organically. It's always worked for me.

i honestly meet a lot of my dates online because im kind of lost on meeting people in person, too. im just hesitant on meeting a man i like and then being like OH HEY by the way i'd like you to be my daddy, and then scaring him off. it seems like a waste of time to me, when i could find someone i love as a person through these specific venues as well. i'd like to get something like this out of the way first, then figure out if we have chemistry at all and if we could work in a "normal" relationship. but thank you for the advice.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 6

RE: finding a daddy dom - 7/20/2013 8:42:00 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

but the problem is you need to like them as a person FIRST. without that everything else is just casual play. Let the daddy thing just evolve naturally. He'll either be that type of man or he won't and you should be able to notice that just through your real life interactions together.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to chamalat)

Post #: 7

RE: finding a daddy dom - 7/20/2013 9:57:01 PM

Spiritedsub2

Posts: 3316
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chamalat

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

How did you meet men before? It's the same.

Meet someone you like as a human being and let the relationship grow organically. It's always worked for me.

i honestly meet a lot of my dates online because im kind of lost on meeting people in person, too. im just hesitant on meeting a man i like and then being like OH HEY by the way i'd like you to be my daddy, and then scaring him off. it seems like a waste of time to me, when i could find someone i love as a person through these specific venues as well. i'd like to get something like this out of the way first, then figure out if we have chemistry at all and if we could work in a "normal" relationship. but thank you for the advice.

It makes good sense to meet people in a place like this so you can know from the outset they aren't vanilla. Then you get to know each other and see if that chemistry is there. Maybe you'll meet somebody on this forum, like littlewonder who met her master here.

_____________________________

Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
~ Rumi

Laughing Dolphin

(in reply to chamalat)

Post #: 8

RE: finding a daddy dom - 7/21/2013 3:56:43 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

I am.only interesred in.local people too.

Don't get too hung up on titles. I have very strong daddy energy, and my style is very nurturing but i never list being a daddy, especially on fet. All too many of those looking for a daddy are fucking trainwrecks.

Find people who resonate with you, your energy will bring out theirs.

(in reply to Spiritedsub2)

Post #: 9

RE: finding a daddy dom - 7/21/2013 7:09:51 AM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

Yes I met Master here but I wasn't looking at the time either and we got to know each other as people, not Dom or sub or what our interests were. He could have been vanilla and I still would have talked to him and get to know him. It wasn't his interest in bdsm that made me like him. It was his personality and that our personalities synced.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 10

RE: finding a daddy dom - 7/21/2013 7:19:30 AM

Miyani

Posts: 248
Joined: 12/4/2007
Status: offline

I'm another vote for meeting someone compatible in the outside world, and letting the relationship develop naturally. Think about what you really want from a Daddy, and find a person who gives you that, even if he doesn't call himself a Daddy. Titles and labels mean far less than the actuality of what they do.

That's how my boy found his Daddy, after all. He didn't know I was kinky when we met - he also didn't know how kinky he was - but we fell naturally into a Daddy/boy dynamic, and didn't formalize it (i.e., discover we were on the same page about titles) until much later.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 11

RE: finding a daddy dom - 7/21/2013 7:26:23 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Don't get too hung up on titles.
....
Find people who resonate with you, your energy will bring out theirs.

I agree. I once topped two women at once, my sub Tasha and a straight, monogamous out-of-state visitor. After the scene, we all cuddled and provided aftercare. She ended up staying in the same bed with us. The energy just worked, despite her label.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 12

RE: finding a daddy dom - 7/21/2013 10:27:59 AM

TieMeInKnottss

Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline

I know many advocate "meeting in vanilla world" but, as a woman who has recently been in the vanilla dating world..I don't think this is really plausible. Yes, it might work for those subs who are very "alpha" in their vanilla lives, for bedroom subs or for dominant woman...but NOT for submissive women who are introverted. First, check out vanilla dating sites...majority of the personals are looking for "assertive, independent, take charge" women "a woman that knows what she wants and demands she gets it" "woman who don't need a man" (these are all lines from actual profiles). Second, the older and more educated men you are looking for the more "politically correct" the men are. Third..it is hard to break off with a perfectly nice guy who doesn't ring your bells...those with really submissive personalities go along..not wanting to hurt the guy or figuring that we can adapt to what the man wants. Fourth..the less "physically perfect" you are or the older a woman is...you have even less men who are interested in you & more likely to have to compromise what you are looking for.

OP, yes it is difficult to find someone online but I do agree that it works better to determine what you will not compromise on. I am no longer willing to date men who are NOT dominant in personality (you can teach them kinky sex..you can't teach them how to lead). From there, you narrow your pool and don't bother looking for the one dominant guy in your geographic area that is in your age range and shares your interests and values. Yes, look in real world places but I would say make sure those places are where dominant men would be-munches, D/s M/s lectures, social groups that cater to those in this lifestyle

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 13

RE: finding a daddy dom - 7/21/2013 10:51:20 AM

Spiritedsub2

Posts: 3316
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: offline

This is a really good post; all of it. ^^^

I have met a grand total of 1 dominant man in my adult years in my vanilla life. In less than a year on CM, I met 4 men, 2 of them dominant. TMIK is right about how hard it is to turn away perfectly good men who are vanilla and just don't ring your bell for that reason alone. If dominant or daddy or D/s generally is a critical element for you when looking for a partner, the odds of you lucking into it in the vanilla world are crap. Not zero, but still crap.

If you were looking for a partner in Civil War reenactment play, would you just hope to luck into it dating people you meet randomly? Or would you seek out like-minded others and look for that partner that way?

Just my own opinion of course, but I am tired of hearing how bdsm and D/s relationships are just like any other vanilla relationship. Vanilla elements are of course present and important, but denying the differences is pushing the non-vanilla part under the rug. I want to celebrate it and revel in it, not deny it.

_____________________________

Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
~ Rumi

Laughing Dolphin

(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)

Post #: 14

RE: finding a daddy dom - 7/21/2013 10:58:58 AM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

I always had better luck meeting men at the socials/munches. It's much easier to gauge if someone is someone that I consider Dominant when I'm meeting them face to face. Online, I talked to a lot of guys that said they were Dominant, that when I met them face to face, to me they weren't. I talked to a lot of polite, interesting guys that many women dismissed because they behaved like gentlemen that turned out to be wonderfully Dominant.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Spiritedsub2)

Post #: 15

RE: finding a daddy dom - 7/21/2013 11:09:48 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2

This is a really good post; all of it. ^^^

I have met a grand total of 1 dominant man in my adult years in my vanilla life. In less than a year on CM, I met 4 men, 2 of them dominant.

I hope I made the cut!

I am just as likely to meet HER at a wine tasting as at a dungeon.

(in reply to Spiritedsub2)

Post #: 16

RE: finding a daddy dom - 7/21/2013 11:24:56 AM

Spiritedsub2

Posts: 3316
Joined: 7/18/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2

This is a really good post; all of it. ^^^

I have met a grand total of 1 dominant man in my adult years in my vanilla life. In less than a year on CM, I met 4 men, 2 of them dominant.

I hope I made the cut!

I am just as likely to meet HER at a wine tasting as at a dungeon.

That is a given

Despite your difficulties with movie plots.

_____________________________

Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.
~ Rumi

Laughing Dolphin

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 17

RE: finding a daddy dom - 7/21/2013 12:02:19 PM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Miyani
Titles and labels mean far less than the actuality of what they do.

*chuckles*

Long before I was Carol's "master" or any other BDSM label she "liked her guys a little bit arrogant" and I was "a little bit arrogant". Labels are just labels.

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
but the problem is you need to like them as a person FIRST

I don't know if that's necessarily true. I know at least one couple that, as I understand it, started right out on the whole master/slave basis. What I do know is that for me personally if all some woman sees is "master" or "dominant" then I'm not the guy for her. I've met a few who looked at me like that in "the scene" -- not many but a few. I always find them tedious and uninteresting.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to Miyani)

Post #: 18

RE: finding a daddy dom - 7/21/2013 12:13:14 PM

TieMeInKnottss

Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

quote:

ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2

This is a really good post; all of it. ^^^

I have met a grand total of 1 dominant man in my adult years in my vanilla life. In less than a year on CM, I met 4 men, 2 of them dominant.

I hope I made the cut!

I am just as likely to meet HER at a wine tasting as at a dungeon.

Honestly...I think it is easier for the dominant or extroverted types. Your energy does attract the sub women or men. The problem I have is that I am introverted and I am usually overlooked. One, The few dominant men that I have met in real life (not kinky just personality) are generally attracted to the petite, gorgeous young 20-30 yr olds... Not a lot of them will hit on someone higher up the corporate ladder or who they only have a professional relationship with. Corporate culture does not permit even single people, at a certain level, to risk crossing that line. Two, for those of us who are single parents...we don't hang in many places where there are single people (my son's 5th grade class of 180 kids...2 single parents-me and one other divorced mom)

Sorry, but I still believe that if you are a sub, past a certain age, male or female..lungless you are already involved in the community and have Dom/sub friends...you are NOT going to find an available, age appropriate, educated/employed dominant in the vanilla world! And, frankly...even if you find him, the OP is looking for a daddy Dom...see how fast a vanilla guy runs if you call him "daddy!"

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 19

RE: finding a daddy dom - 7/21/2013 1:00:15 PM

JeffBC

Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: TieMeInKnottss
Honestly...I think it is easier for the dominant or extroverted types. Your energy does attract the sub women or men. The problem I have is that I am introverted and I am usually overlooked.

I beg to differ on two important points.

For starters, you and I both mean the same thing when we say "dominant" and "submissive". We're talking about social positioning. That means it is BY DEFINITION visible and readily communicated. Social things are like that. They have to be like that. Supporting that is the experience I observe between Carol and I. I am utterly certain that if I want to know if some guy is really socially dominant I ask her. I consider her vibes to be 100% on that topic. But it works the same in reverse for me. If we want to know if some person is submissive it's my vibes which are tuned to that.

Secondly, I'd like to note that in actual fact you were here on collarme how long exactly before I clued in on you? And that was over a written text medium (eg: missing about 99.999% of the social cues). If you and I were in a room together even if 50 other people were milling about I'd probably be aware of you and I'd know you were socially submissive. I'd probably know that without you saying a word after I'd had a while to settle into the room and sample all the vibes.

quote:

Sorry, but I still believe that if you are a sub, past a certain age, male or female..lungless you are already involved in the community and have Dom/sub friends...you are NOT going to find an available, age appropriate, educated/employed dominant in the vanilla world!

...exactly how Carol met me.

quote:

And, frankly...even if you find him, the OP is looking for a daddy Dom...see how fast a vanilla guy runs if you call him "daddy!"

Huh? No, I do not run from that which I love nor do I mistrust my own judgement so much that I'd assume the worst just because the woman I loved said, "Sit down honey. We need to have a little talk about some things I'd like....." Actually, as I tried to play it out in my head even without any big conversation I think it'd go something like this (assuming Carol started doing this early in our relationship)

Me: You did a great job on that painting Bunny, I love the background.
Her: Thank you Daddy! <big smile>
Me: <blinks> Wow, that's a little creepy you calling me Daddy.
Her: I like it. It makes me feel safe.
Me: Oh... yeah... well whatever. "Safe" is good.

ROFL, and I have a raft of sexual hangups. Really though, a big smile on the face of the woman I love is amazingly persuasive with me.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to TieMeInKnottss)

Post #: 20

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