Ayo from Cali, tryin to get into this stuff. (Full Version)

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Grabengag -> Ayo from Cali, tryin to get into this stuff. (7/22/2013 11:22:38 AM)

I'll be honest, I just wanna find a cute girl I can do kinky stuff to, but its a nightmare to find one lol. Never got to try this stuff, but I want to.



OsideGirl -> RE: Ayo from Cali, tryin to get into this stuff. (7/22/2013 11:39:30 AM)

SoCal has a very active community.

There are events in North County San Diego (San Marcos, Poway, etc)

You're close enough to Orange County and reasonably close to LA.

I would suggest going onto Fetlife, find some events and get out to meet the community.



Grabengag -> RE: Ayo from Cali, tryin to get into this stuff. (7/22/2013 11:54:29 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

SoCal has a very active community.

There are events in North County San Diego (San Marcos, Poway, etc)

You're close enough to Orange County and reasonably close to LA.

I would suggest going onto Fetlife, find some events and get out to meet the community.


Ehm....not really sure I wanna join a community or anything like that...just lookin for some fun. Nothing against the community, just not sure I wanna be that active right off the bat. Tryin to..try it first.



LadyPact -> RE: Ayo from Cali, tryin to get into this stuff. (7/22/2013 11:57:36 AM)

Welcome to the forums. Best of luck with trying things and finding somebody via the net.



Grabengag -> RE: Ayo from Cali, tryin to get into this stuff. (7/22/2013 11:59:37 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Welcome to the forums. Best of luck with trying things and finding somebody via the net.



Sarcasm?



OsideGirl -> RE: Ayo from Cali, tryin to get into this stuff. (7/22/2013 12:02:10 PM)

You have a lot to learn and attending events is the best way to learn.

Being someone that has no experience on an online kinky dating site in a community where so much happens out at the events puts you behind the 8 ball before you've even started. Submissives/bottoms are not thrilled to put their lives into the hands of someone who doesn't have the experience or knowledge to play safely.

(Keep in mind that in the SoCal scene, men outnumber women at lest 10:1. The women get to pick and choose)



Grabengag -> RE: Ayo from Cali, tryin to get into this stuff. (7/22/2013 12:06:33 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

You have a lot to learn and attending events is the best way to learn.

Being someone that has no experience on an online kinky dating site in a community where so much happens out at the events put you behind the 8 ball before you've even started. Submissives/bottoms are not thrilled to put their lives into the hands of someone who doesn't have the experience or knowledge to play safely.


Fair enough. Kind of a lost cause for me then since I can't be running out of town to try this stuff. Oh well. Like tryin to find a job to get experience and finding out they won't hire without experience lol. Thanks for the info though.



lizi -> RE: Ayo from Cali, tryin to get into this stuff. (7/22/2013 12:07:24 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Grabengag

Ehm....not really sure I wanna join a community or anything like that...just lookin for some fun. Nothing against the community, just not sure I wanna be that active right off the bat. Tryin to..try it first.


Welcome to CM. If you're mostly looking for NSA casual fun then you might try CL. If you really want the kink involved, then you do need to get some basic knowledge to get a kinky woman interested. Kinky women aren't necessarily easy, hence the CL suggestion if what you really want is sex.
Good luck!



OsideGirl -> RE: Ayo from Cali, tryin to get into this stuff. (7/22/2013 12:14:28 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Grabengag


quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

You have a lot to learn and attending events is the best way to learn.

Being someone that has no experience on an online kinky dating site in a community where so much happens out at the events put you behind the 8 ball before you've even started. Submissives/bottoms are not thrilled to put their lives into the hands of someone who doesn't have the experience or knowledge to play safely.


Fair enough. Kind of a lost cause for me then since I can't be running out of town to try this stuff. Oh well. Like tryin to find a job to get experience and finding out they won't hire without experience lol. Thanks for the info though.
Well, in this instance, the lack of experience can cause harm to another human being.

There's a book list posted in the General BDSM forum, you may want to get SM101 by Jay Wiseman.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_1726118/tm.htm



TNDommeK -> RE: Ayo from Cali, tryin to get into this stuff. (7/22/2013 12:54:48 PM)

Welcome. And I can't urge you enough to take O's advice. If you aren't going to get out into the community and learn first hand, at least read.



Rasciallymisty -> RE: Ayo from Cali, tryin to get into this stuff. (7/22/2013 3:53:18 PM)

Greetings and welcome Grab, you have been given some great advice here by some very wise women but I have my own thoughts also.

My first Dom and I meet as newbies neither of us knowing a single thing about this lifestyle. We learned all about it together and never once did I get hurt. He was the best Dom I ever had. With that said, we did a LOT of reading and before we ever tried anything he would always perfect his skill first. Never once would he try anything unless he was very sure that I would be safe.

I hope you can find a sub to learn the lifestyle with, and maybe take some of the advice you have been given.....as I said these ladies really do have a clue of what they are telling you.

best of luck to you.



morphological -> RE: Ayo from Cali, tryin to get into this stuff. (7/22/2013 5:11:06 PM)

Everyone has to start somewhere the lady's here did offer some excellent advice, The link that OsideGirl gave you is a excellent
source of reading material, As well the forums can be a good place to learn more maybe to help find where you fit in if at all. Hope you find all helpful, Welcome to CM and the forums



MistressDarkArt -> RE: Ayo from Cali, tryin to get into this stuff. (7/22/2013 9:37:18 PM)

Welcome, Grabby!

Another good book is 'Screw The Roses, Send Me The Thorns.'

I agree with the above posters about connecting in person with your community. Consider attending a munch...those are low-octane meets in public places just to get acquainted. There is no pressure. Kinky people are just like vanillas...with a twist. You approach them the same, thus a munch is a good choice and could possibly even lead to a play party invitation.

One thing maybe DON'T do? Don't pay a prodomme for a session and think that's what it's all about.

CL is a possibility, but have that be an add-on to your other endeavors. Be a good guy, and it'll happen.

Enjoy the boards, and best of luck to you!





DarkSteven -> RE: Ayo from Cali, tryin to get into this stuff. (7/22/2013 9:40:11 PM)

I began getting involved with the local community some five years ago. I now know dozens of locals. if I became single tomorrow, I know offhand four women who would jump at the thought of becoming my sub. In addition to my sub Tasha, I play with half a dozen other women on a nonsexual no-commitment play relationships.

I have as friends people who are authorities on bondage, whips, hypnosis, Gor, etc.

If and when I finally decide to learn bondage and whips, I know willing bottoms who will help me learn. And mentors too.

The community is an incredible resource.



OohAahMrs -> RE: Ayo from Cali, tryin to get into this stuff. (7/25/2013 9:11:53 AM)

Just a minute while i open my shirt and the Goblin in my stomach can speak, uurrraga! "Open your mind Mr Quade....er...Grabengag!"



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