"Dear Purveyors Of Fine Paper Junk Mail"... (Full Version)

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MistressDarkArt -> "Dear Purveyors Of Fine Paper Junk Mail"... (7/22/2013 7:06:57 PM)

...I am writing to discourage your companies from 2-sided printing. I realize you are trying to cut your advertising costs and (hopefully) conserve resources, but I must let you know in truth you are denying me my free paper supply.

Yes, I use the blank side of your crap mail in my printer. Since I didn't ask for it to begin with, I make the best of the situation by giving each sheet one more life before ultimately heading for the great recycle bin in the sky. When you print both sides you are effing up the earth, pissing off mail delivery folks and thwarting my sincere efforts to reduce, reuse, and recycle.

Also, those odd-sized non-8.5x11 sheets are completely useless to me, especially those really long-assed perforated dealios. They're too stiff to wipe my butt and thus must be tragically binned on the first go-round. Continuing to send them only guarantees I will not buy your product. OK, I'll be honest: nothing you send that I didn't request will result in a sale from me. Ever. Even if I can use your paper in my printer.

Please return to one-sided, 8.5x11 junk mail and if possible, would you spring for a better quality paper? Also, please don't bother with the pre-paid reply envelope. I use those to put the housekeeper's money in, but she is only here twice a month so I don't need more than 2. If you continue to send them, I will tape the extras to a brick and mail them back to you.

Many thanks,
MDA



ShaharThorne -> RE: "Dear Purveyors Of Fine Paper Junk Mail"... (7/22/2013 7:41:36 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt

If you continue to send them, I will tape the extras to a brick and mail them back to you.

Many thanks,
MDA



Admit it...you want to throw the bricks at the companies windows...



DaddySatyr -> RE: "Dear Purveyors Of Fine Paper Junk Mail"... (7/22/2013 7:43:24 PM)

I used to just shove them into a slightly bigger envelope and post them back to the return address. Sometimes, I'd get one of those big manilla envelopes and give them a whole bunch of junk mail I was looking to get rid of.




I hope that helps,



Rich Hall



tj444 -> RE: "Dear Purveyors Of Fine Paper Junk Mail"... (7/22/2013 8:26:43 PM)

you can shred/tear the paper up and use it to make paper mache and turn "junk" into "art".. [:)]



MistressDarkArt -> RE: "Dear Purveyors Of Fine Paper Junk Mail"... (7/22/2013 8:55:51 PM)

^^^^ Alas, I'm not artistic in that way. But my neighbors like shredded paper for their compost bin, so I give it to them.



MistressDarkArt -> RE: "Dear Purveyors Of Fine Paper Junk Mail"... (7/22/2013 9:09:51 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ShaharThorne


quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt

If you continue to send them, I will tape the extras to a brick and mail them back to you.

Many thanks,
MDA



Admit it...you want to throw the bricks at the companies windows...


Only the ones who don't contribute to my usable paper supply! [8D]



SWDesertDom -> RE: "Dear Purveyors Of Fine Paper Junk Mail"... (7/22/2013 9:18:27 PM)

What really pisses me off are the unbound, loose newspaper-like ads. Clutter-o-rama.



MistressDarkArt -> RE: "Dear Purveyors Of Fine Paper Junk Mail"... (7/22/2013 9:26:18 PM)

^^^^Alas, those go straight to the recycle bin, unread. Whatever glossy sh*t they finish the paper with upsets the worms in the compost so it is useless there.



WebWanderer -> RE: "Dear Purveyors Of Fine Paper Junk Mail"... (7/22/2013 9:30:50 PM)

Great minds really do think alike! [;)] I've been doing the same exact thing for ages.



MistressDarkArt -> RE: "Dear Purveyors Of Fine Paper Junk Mail"... (7/22/2013 10:20:50 PM)

^^^I admit I learned the 'tape envelope to brick' trick from my business law teacher...a really long time ago. [8D]



MasterCaneman -> RE: "Dear Purveyors Of Fine Paper Junk Mail"... (7/23/2013 1:13:33 AM)

I shred mine up, stick it in a brown paper bag, and use it as a firestarter when we have bonfires over at the GF's house. Heat-set (that shiny shit) burns like the dickens, especially it it's shredded and loose.



MistressDarkArt -> RE: "Dear Purveyors Of Fine Paper Junk Mail"... (7/23/2013 12:11:18 PM)

Caneman, is the heat-set shiny stuff toxic when burned?



MasterCaneman -> RE: "Dear Purveyors Of Fine Paper Junk Mail"... (7/23/2013 12:23:29 PM)

In the concentrations you could reasonably expect from average mailings, no. You wouldn't want to stand over it and breathe it in, but in an open area it's okay. It's no more toxic than the other several hundred thousand other chemicals we're all exposed to on an everyday basis. I do mix mine up with normal paper shreds, stick it in brown paper bag and staple it shut. It makes a nice teepee to lay smaller pieces of wood on to get the fire going.



Darkfeather -> RE: "Dear Purveyors Of Fine Paper Junk Mail"... (7/23/2013 7:36:23 PM)

you can also shred/tear em up and use as free packing material for items you ship out via US Mail or UPS



DesFIP -> RE: "Dear Purveyors Of Fine Paper Junk Mail"... (7/23/2013 9:06:59 PM)

Or shred and use as mulch.



MasterCaneman -> RE: "Dear Purveyors Of Fine Paper Junk Mail"... (7/23/2013 10:51:40 PM)

Not with heat-set paper. The inks and the surfactant isn't good for soil. That why MDA asked if it was okay to breathe when burned. As long as it's in the open and it can dissipate, its fine. Concentrations of it are bad. Don't use it for mulch.



MercTech -> RE: "Dear Purveyors Of Fine Paper Junk Mail"... (7/27/2013 9:04:53 AM)

With prepaid return envelopes from obnoxious junk mail, you can always insert a goatse grade picture and mail it back to them on their own dime.



MistressDarkArt -> RE: "Dear Purveyors Of Fine Paper Junk Mail"... (7/27/2013 1:15:39 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MercTech

goatse grade picture


Oh, dear gawd, I never should have looked that up. [:'(][:'(][:'(]

And yet, your idea is rather compelling. [:D]



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