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figures of speech... - 6/28/2006 12:50:30 PM

Calandra

Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
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I'm curious about something...

There are current threads, (as well as past ones) where a sub has used common figures of speech and been reprimanded for it. Most times this happens in email, or IM, but it even happens on public threads from time to time...

I personally know of subs who were blasted for saying "Have a nice day" with "Don't tell me what to do".

I have heard of Dominants rebuking a sub for using a specific word they dislike (I believe on a current thread here it was the word "hate" even though it was used in a benign way, but I've heard others as well) Most times the Dom/me in question isn't the sub's Owner/Master/Mistress, and most times the Dom/me has never given a request/order that the word or phrase not be used.

I guess the issues I'm most curious about are threefold:

1.) The feeling that some Dominants feel they have the right to reprimand sub/slaves who aren't remotely theirs.

2.) The fact that some Dominants cannot look beyond the spirit of a comment before taking offense at it.

3.) The idea that some Dominants don't feel they should inform a sub/slave of their policies at least once before feeling they have the right to reprimand/punish.

I'm not criticizing anyone specifically, but am I wrong to believe that Dominants should set a good example by striving to be fair, balanced, and self-controlled in their dealings with each other as well as with those who may serve us?

I'd also be interested in hearing suggestions about how a sub/slave who does not wish to resort to sarcasm, flames, and disrespect might respond to a situation like this?

Post #: 1

RE: figures of speech... - 6/28/2006 12:54:08 PM

Caretakr

Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline

And I feel that some subs feel that they have the right to tell others how they should feel and react.

Some people simply have different levels of clarity and emotional maturity than others. And the ones who you dislike are easy enough to ignore in cyberspace.

(in reply to Calandra)

Post #: 2

RE: figures of speech... - 6/28/2006 1:00:47 PM

sophia37

Posts: 1433
Joined: 2/7/2006
Status: offline

Boy. I'd have to say that things are being taken just a tad too seriously around here! Its laughable to hear someone writes, "Dont tell me what to do!" in answer to, "have a nice day." Maybe I have a strange sense of humor though. And maybe if I felt like it, I'd simply answer a stranger who says, dont-tell-me-what-to-do with, "Excuse me? Since when are you the boss of me!"

I guess being respectful or non-sarcastic to every situation isnt in my nature. And I consider myself pretty darn submissive.

(in reply to Calandra)

Post #: 3

RE: figures of speech... - 6/28/2006 1:01:46 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Calandra
I'm not criticizing anyone specifically, but am I wrong to believe that Dominants should set a good example by striving to be fair, balanced, and self-controlled in their dealings with each other as well as with those who may serve us?

I'd also be interested in hearing suggestions about how a sub/slave who does not wish to resort to sarcasm, flames, and disrespect might respond to a situation like this?

A person who scolds someone they are not in a relationship with for giving an intended polite saying is someone with serious control and self-importance issues.

Reposted:
I find it hysterical that a well wishing is perceived to be a command. Have a nice day, take care, drive safe, tell mom I said I love her too...all those are out the window.

Like everything, if it pushes your buttons, go for it. But I think there's unspoken understandings in communication. A gorean master can say "Please pass the salt" and you know it's still a command. A slave can say "Have a nice day" and you know it's not a command.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_308642/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#308648
The use of "Be Well" for slaves- to use or not to use?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Calandra)

Post #: 4

RE: figures of speech... - 6/28/2006 1:08:36 PM

Calandra

Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
Status: offline

While it's true that we can block or ignore a person, that really doesn't help the Dominant realize what they're doing wrong (if they are new and think that Dominants are "expected" to act this way, for example).

Isn't it kinder and maybe more effective to politely respond to the Dominant, and then if the Dom/me doesn't "get the point" THEN block or ignore them?

I think that tact (among other things) is a skill that can be cultivated... There are people on this forum that can say "go to hell" and because of the way they word it, are taken seriously and well-respected. Then again there are those who can say "have a good day" and because they tend to be sharp-spoken, find resistance and ridicule at every turn...

I discovered years ago that when I am in my submissive headspace (not often anymore, believe me) if I feel the need to stand my ground with a Dominant (anyone really), if I don't take the time to find a tactful way to approach it, it interferes with my headspace. My submission works best for me when I am able to focus and use self-controll in my dealings with others. I'm not sure if that makes sense to anyone... ~sigh~

Any thoughts?

(in reply to Caretakr)

Post #: 5

RE: figures of speech... - 6/28/2006 1:13:06 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Calandra
My submission works best for me when I am able to focus and use self-controll in my dealings with others. I'm not sure if that makes sense to anyone... ~sigh~

Any thoughts?

You're right in that killing someone with kindness and being a voice of reason is usually more productive than slamming the door.

But if someone is already that far gone to be that rude, other than saying "My mistake, I am sure you will have whatever day you decide upon having" with a smile, in hopes that it would be enough to jar them out of their conceited haze, there's not much one can do.

If you're close enough friends, you can call them out on it directly, but rude people are usually just best left to their own devices.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Calandra)

Post #: 6

RE: figures of speech... - 6/28/2006 1:14:03 PM

litleone8620

Posts: 3669
Joined: 6/12/2006
Status: offline

I've seen it in chat rooms, but not here in this particular forum.

I haven't gone to a chat room for that reason. A person instant messaging you saying 'kneel before your Master' (or some variation of that) is incredibly unattractive.

I've even been e-mailed at a website like this one (i'm obviously not naming anything), with messages such as: 'I am your Master now' or even 'come to daddy'.

LA is right. Those types have huge control issues they need to deal with.

Maybe people are braver behind a computer?

(in reply to Calandra)

Post #: 7

RE: figures of speech... - 6/28/2006 1:16:49 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: litleone8620
LA is right. Those types have huge control issues they need to deal with.

Maybe people are braver behind a computer?

Well in the case of a random drive-by emailer, it's usually more that they are clueless and don't GET IT yet. A lot of those subs and doms actually have not really internalized the fact that we REALLY do this, to eachother, in our REAL lives, on a daily basis. And since it's not internalized to them, there are no rules or social structure to abide by. They are just mass spamming people, might get a response back and start to play some cyber games with.

That's different from someone actively engaged in a discussion and barking out a scolding at someone.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to litleone8620)

Post #: 8

RE: figures of speech... - 6/28/2006 1:18:06 PM

Caretakr

Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Calandra

While it's true that we can block or ignore a person, that really doesn't help the Dominant realize what they're doing wrong (if they are new and think that Dominants are "expected" to act this way, for example).

Isn't it kinder and maybe more effective to politely respond to the Dominant, and then if the Dom/me doesn't "get the point" THEN block or ignore them?

I think that tact (among other things) is a skill that can be cultivated... There are people on this forum that can say "go to hell" and because of the way they word it, are taken seriously and well-respected. Then again there are those who can say "have a good day" and because they tend to be sharp-spoken, find resistance and ridicule at every turn...

I discovered years ago that when I am in my submissive headspace (not often anymore, believe me) if I feel the need to stand my ground with a Dominant (anyone really), if I don't take the time to find a tactful way to approach it, it interferes with my headspace. My submission works best for me when I am able to focus and use self-controll in my dealings with others. I'm not sure if that makes sense to anyone... ~sigh~

Any thoughts?

Education is expensive,and people must learn things on thier won. I made adjustments through realizations of error-but I do it better on my own. I face the same reactance issues that everyone does-if changes try to be made in me by others-without my consent.

(in reply to Calandra)

Post #: 9

RE: figures of speech... - 6/28/2006 1:18:43 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

When a dominant says something like that, when he does not have any authorization over the sub in question, it is generally accepted that he is an ass.

To me, when a dominant comes from that sort of place, when they do have authority then it is completely up to them how they wish to get their kink on, and make no mistake it is a kink, if it happens in front of you an innocent bystander or in a forum they are basically willing to show off their kink, no different then a girl that wears no panties in a restaurant pulling a Sharon stone.

And to your third point a Dominant that reprimands a sub for an infraction of a rule she does not know, can do so at what ever level they are playing at, but as a rule a dominant who administers a severe punishment for breaking a rule that one does not have previous knowledge of, is, again, generally considered an ass...

If the sub wishes to call a Dominant who is acting like an ass on his behavior, that is fine if you are invested in him as a person you could simply ask to talk to him about something, but if you have dismissed him as anyone you would likely hang with, go ahead just say "hey dude your being an ass." you dont owe any particular respect/protocol/submissission to any one who is not giving respect to you.

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 10

RE: figures of speech... - 6/28/2006 1:20:15 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

If a dominant did that to me in front of my Daddy he wouldnt like it one bit and he would tell them this. I only am told what to do by my Daddy, and no one else tells me what to say or not say

I have not seen this Calandra, and I feel it is very inappropriate, and if these dominants tried this in a real life context with a sub that was owned, or even just being considered by another dominant... well they would be called on it most likely.

BTW for any dominant reading my opinion that doesnt like it... my submissive nature does not mean I do not have the right to one or that it is less valuable than yours. Being a submissive does not mean my IQ is lower either.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Calandra)

Post #: 11

RE: figures of speech... - 6/28/2006 1:20:17 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress
you dont owe any particular respect/protocol/submissission to any one who is not giving respect to you.

While that may be true, I respect MYSELF and my own standards too much to have them tossed aside so easily.

Someone else's lack of manners is NEVER an excuse to forget one's own.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 12

RE: figures of speech... - 6/28/2006 1:28:47 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

Hello Calandra,

In general, I've witnessed as many *submissives* as *doms* taking the *spirit of the word* far beyond what was originally meant.

I don't really think a dom behaving well is likely to inspire me to, I hope I can do it *all by myself* .....lol

agirl

(in reply to Calandra)

Post #: 13

RE: figures of speech... - 6/28/2006 1:31:47 PM

Calandra

Posts: 725
Joined: 11/22/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
While that may be true, I respect MYSELF and my own standards too much to have them tossed aside so easily.

Someone else's lack of manners is NEVER an excuse to forget one's own.

Exactly! This is what I was trying to convey...

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 14

RE: figures of speech... - 6/28/2006 1:35:03 PM

peterK50

Posts: 433
Joined: 1/12/2006
Status: offline

It may be helpful to remember what are being expressed here are opinions. They have been compared to a bodily oriface, to say, everyone has one. I haven't seen any opinion more worthy then another.

_____________________________

Religion Is About Seeking Knowledge, Not Knowing All The Answers.

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 15

RE: figures of speech... - 6/28/2006 1:51:39 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: peterK50

It may be helpful to remember what are being expressed here are opinions. They have been compared to a bodily oriface, to say, everyone has one. I haven't seen any opinion more worthy then another.

That can be laboured to the point of being boring.

While it might very well be true that everyone has one, it's a personal judgement as to whether it's *worthy* or not.

agirl

< Message edited by agirl -- 6/28/2006 1:52:23 PM >

(in reply to peterK50)

Post #: 16

RE: figures of speech... - 6/28/2006 1:54:55 PM

peterK50

Posts: 433
Joined: 1/12/2006
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personal judgement= your opinion

_____________________________

Religion Is About Seeking Knowledge, Not Knowing All The Answers.

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 17

RE: figures of speech... - 6/28/2006 2:02:51 PM

Caretakr

Posts: 1221
Joined: 6/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: peterK50

It may be helpful to remember what are being expressed here are opinions. They have been compared to a bodily oriface, to say, everyone has one. I haven't seen any opinion more worthy then another.

That can be laboured to the point of being boring.

While it might very well be true that everyone has one, it's a personal judgement as to whether it's *worthy* or not.

agirl

Worth is entirely subjective to personal values.

My trash might be your treasure,and vica versa.

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 18

RE: figures of speech... - 6/28/2006 2:15:42 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Caretakr

quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: peterK50

It may be helpful to remember what are being expressed here are opinions. They have been compared to a bodily oriface, to say, everyone has one. I haven't seen any opinion more worthy then another.

That can be laboured to the point of being boring.

While it might very well be true that everyone has one, it's a personal judgement as to whether it's *worthy* or not.

agirl

Worth is entirely subjective to personal values.

My trash might be your treasure,and vica versa.

Absolutely....... While I agree that most people have an opinion ......it isn't always going to be *worthy* ....to ME.

I don't want to be pedantic.....therefore I'll re-phrase.

Some people's opinions echo mine, in some ways, on some subjects......... and some are so far from mine that they don't carry the same amount of weight.... Not respect.......weight.

agirl

(in reply to Caretakr)

Post #: 19

RE: figures of speech... - 6/28/2006 2:28:35 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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I think if someone is going to act like a horses hiney and they have a brain they will find out fairly quickly its not going to work to well.......the old saying about flies to honey versus vinigar comes to mind........unless the person saying it was someone I knew personally or they were speaking directly to me I would probably not say anything. Its not my place to police the whole world, it doesn't pay for shit.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 20

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