quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Also... the story about how he shacked up with some woman for financial reasons only and she was a nymphomaniac fiend who kept making passes at the poor innocent guy until he finally broke down sobbing and gave in... can I sell you a bridge?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Soulbinder



So long story short, I don't think we're compatible for long-term D/s and I want to release him soon. I've been having a hard time with it because, despite my many misgivings I still really care about the guy. Maybe we'll stay friends, maybe not.

Have any of you known you needed to release a sub but had a really hard time with it?

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

Please ask yourself this question: Is it the person he is right now today (living with a crazy person and doing drugs) that you care about, or his potential?

You can't change him, so if you're not okay with who he is now, you have to cut him loose.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Soulbinder

I've had my sub under consideration now since February and by this time I know that I need to release him from my service but I'm finding it very very hard. I'll give a little background...

When we first met on here he didn't meet a lot of my requirements (over my age limit, did not live locally) so I told him I needed to pass but we stayed friends. Our connection actually grew until I knew I wanted to be his Domme and so we met up a month after getting in touch here. Right after that I put him under consideration.

[For the record, btw, this is D/s-only. I have a romantic partner who is fully aware and accepting of my long-standing kink, but wishes to be completely left out of it and not know the details. Fair enough; that's what we negotiated and agreed upon]

Now when we met he had been in a car accident just before the New year which required him to buy another car. And he bought a very *pricey* car. My sub makes good money, however he's also got expensive tastes (expensive car, expensive Hollywood apartment, all-organic diet, etc.). He put down an insane amount of money on the car and was making huge initial payments for the first 5 months which left him pretty broke until those reduced in mid-May. I dealt with his rough financial situation and our visits were always low-key but fun. And I even picked up the tab sometimes (not what my sub wanted but he wasn't really in a place to object, either. I told him he could spoil me when his car payments went down again in May and he relented).

Well, past forward to mid-April. He moved out of his apartment in an effort to save money. He was paying something like $2k/month, so I understand. So he goes and stays with this "friend" who had previously stayed with him. This chick is CRAZY and not in any kind of good way. When she stayed with him before she made a lot of sexual advances, which he eventually gave into. Normal enough, men do that sometimes. However, when it became clear that they weren't compatible for a relationship and he wanted the sexual stuff to stop, told her to stop, she wouldn't stop. It got pretty tense until she finally moved out (curiously, right around the time we met here). So great, my sub is now staying with this batshit crazy lovestruck woman who loves to snoop and somehow considers herself "my rival" (and no, things are not sexual with them). I want---no NEED---him to have his own place because A)I'm tired of dealing with associated drama from this woman and B) the kind of sub I desire has the trappings of an adult life, i.e. car/job/lives alone. However, he is being extremely picky and it's now been 3 months that he has been essentially homeless and living rent free with this woman. We went from March to June without seeing eachother at all, because he said he would find a place by June, to now having seen eachother twice briefly this summer, and he STILL is being picky about finding a place (wants something "perfect"). When we have seen eachother, it hasn't always gone very well at all.

I'll add to this that I found out a few months into the consideration phase that his drug usage is not simply "a little pot", which he had led me to believe but is actually smoking pot every day and sometimes includes things like mushrooms and LSD. I am really not cool with that in my partners and have expressed it as such. If we were seeing eachother regularly in the Spring, I would have dealt with this then but not having really seen eachother frequently, I've felt like we've been in limbo.

So long story short, I don't think we're compatible for long-term D/s and I want to release him soon. I've been having a hard time with it because, despite my many misgivings I still really care about the guy. Maybe we'll stay friends, maybe not.

Have any of you known you needed to release a sub but had a really hard time with it?

-Soulbinder

p.s. If there are any details missing, please just ask and I will answer what I can.