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RE: Master as Findom to his Slave - 7/24/2013 5:52:28 PM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
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My question to you is why do you have to wait to move in together to work on her issues with financial responsibility?

If you are good with money and it is either a skill she has not yet learned or something that continually gets her into trouble, why can't the 2 of you work on her having a budget?

Figure out her living expenses, and her bills and then how much she should save and what her frivolous spending limit should be.
Too, figure out things on her wish list and how much those things cost.

Positive reinforcement probably will be more effective than any type of punishment system.

So you can figure out what special reward(s) she might earn when she keeps to your mutually agreed upon budget for a month... for 2, for 3.... etc.

Special time together, a trip to a day spa, a shopping trip with a small amount of her savings... .

_____________________________

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(in reply to chastity24me)

Post #: 21

RE: Master as Findom to his Slave - 7/24/2013 5:59:01 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

When I became Master's slave I knew 24/7 TPE meant EVERYTHING, whatever he wanted. That is his choice. If you want to control her money or anything else then tell her. You're her Master are you not??? So act like it.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to chastity24me)

Post #: 22

RE: Master as Findom to his Slave - 7/24/2013 6:10:48 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Are you willing to listen to somebody who has been there? From experience, here is what I would do in your position.

Since you say that the moving in and/or financial control is not a necessity, I'm going to go with the assumption that you are square with your own expenses whether this happens or not. The next thing that you do is calculate ALL of the additional expenses that you will incur with this person under your roof. Room and board, utilities that increase, cleaning supplies, additional entertainment expenses, etc, etc. Frankly, that number is going to be higher than you think.

Next, I'm going to assume that your slave is not going to maintain a separate residence if the slave moves in with you. This part is a really big deal. People can tell Me all they like about their success stories, but I'm here to tell ya that in some cases, you may not know that person very well until they move in with you. If it goes flat, you've got your new place that you already knew was fiscally cool with you, but if that person isn't maintaining a separate residence, they have to think about what it is going to take them to move out. Driving back to their "other home" is, at worst, an inconvenience. If the person has to re-establish a residence of their own, that's a whole other ball game.

Rather than take control of all of your slave's finances out of the gate, I'd go with an allotment that is paid to you each month to include the financial cost of her living there as well as a cushion to get the slave out of the house if things go south. If the slave is careless with money, add a stipulation that there is a limit on frivolous expenses.

I hate to say it but the old adage is true. In some cases, you really don't know a person until they live with you. For both of your sakes, you have to be aware of the contingency that it's not going to work. Once a person lives with you, there might be pitfalls that you never see coming.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to MasterCaneman)

Post #: 23

RE: Master as Findom to his Slave - 7/24/2013 7:50:29 PM

PrincessLiliana

Posts: 5
Joined: 7/23/2013
Status: offline

Im not sure why everyone is jumping down your throat. I think you should talk to her about it, and get her feelings on it, and if she agrees, move slowly

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 24

RE: Master as Findom to his Slave - 7/24/2013 8:17:44 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Is she really wasting it or does she believe in spending discretionary income on things she likes as opposed to socking it away in the bank?
Find her a course in budgeting and have her take it.

But taking her money and putting it into an account in your name? That's just wrong.

You each contribute to the bills based on how much each earns. Agree that ten percent or whatever goes into savings and each gets a certain amount of discretionary income. If she wants to spend hers on shoes, that's her business. If you want to spend yours on lobster, ditto. If you want to deny yourself all pleasure and hide it under the mattress, so be it.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to PrincessLiliana)

Post #: 25

RE: Master as Findom to his Slave - 7/24/2013 8:36:34 PM

OsideGirl

Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PrincessLiliana

Im not sure why everyone is jumping down your throat.

Because most of us think it's dishonest not to discuss before they move in together.

quote:

I think you should talk to her about it, and get her feelings on it, and if she agrees, move slowly

Everyone here told him to talk to her about it. If she agrees after being informed of the dangers and issues it could cause, then good for her.

But, the reality is that if this goes bad, she is the person who stands to lose the most and "Cuz I'm a good guy" is no guarantee. The majority of sub females on this thread have stated which is that not talking to her would be considered dishonest and that just handing everything over isn't something we'd be comfortable with at this stage of a relationship.

Again, I'm in a relationship where he has complete control of the finances. But, before asking me to hand over that power, he made sure that legally I was protected.

To put this in perspective: Let's say he puts her money into his account and gives her an allowance. If he suddenly died, was in the hospital, etc - she would have no legal access to her own money. (happened to a friend: He suddenly died from a heart attack at the ripe old age of 35. His family came, cleaned out the house and emptied the bank accounts. Even took things that belonged to her. She had no legal recourse because nothing was in her name...even the receipts for things purchased)

_____________________________

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The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to PrincessLiliana)

Post #: 26

RE: Master as Findom to his Slave - 7/24/2013 9:34:58 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

Sheesh. Simmer down.

Yes, you should discuss it, but not in the style you've shown here. Simply open it by stating that the two of you need to develop a plan for how the finances work. Give your suggestions, hear hers, and work something out. I'd advise putting something together that is flexible and will be changed over time.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to OsideGirl)

Post #: 27

RE: Master as Findom to his Slave - 7/24/2013 11:42:35 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PrincessLiliana
Im not sure why everyone is jumping down your throat.

I don't believe I did. I gave My perspective from having to go through a similar situation.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to PrincessLiliana)

Post #: 28

RE: Master as Findom to his Slave - 7/25/2013 12:19:34 AM

seekingreality

Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chastity24me

What should I do in this situation? Should I tell her about my interest in controlling the household money before we move in together? Should I bring it up after a few months of living together? Obviously, I would tell her that saying No is OK in our conversation. There are some other reasons for wanting to control her money as well, such as she has a tendency to waste it (it's not debatable). That's all I can think of for now, and I'd like to hear what you guys think.[/size]

To me, "household money" means the money that are going to your joint expenses -- food, rent, utilities, etc. It seems like you are interested in controlling all her assets. If that is a deal breaker for you you should bring it up with before she moves in. If you are willing to accept that she may and can turn down your idea -- and you're not going to keep pushing it if she says no -- I think you can bring it up at any point. So if this is really, really important to you, and you're going to continue to obsess about it, you should bring it up before she moves in.

Keep in mind, as you noted, that people are understandably and rightfully protective of their personal assets. You need to accept that simply broaching this idea could fundamentally change your relationship, and the change could be for the bad.

(in reply to chastity24me)

Post #: 29

RE: Master as Findom to his Slave - 7/25/2013 12:28:21 AM

seekingreality

Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chastity24me

SimplyMichael, I am very good with money - especially compared to her. I think it would be beneficial in many ways to her and our household if I had control or at least oversight over the majority of the money.

It sounds like you want to be the role of financial/investment advisor. If you are skilled with money, and she agrees with that and trusts you, I would do everything on the up and up: Keep her assets in her separate account; draw up power of attorney papers; and have you assume the legal fiduciary responsibilities that come up with the role you want to assume. There should be definitely be an auditable paper trail and she should be in a position to take legal recourse against you if act irresponsibly or make a serious error with her money. If any of that makes you uneasy, you shouldn't take the responsibility.

(in reply to chastity24me)

Post #: 30

RE: Master as Findom to his Slave - 7/25/2013 3:07:17 AM

MissKittyDeVine

Posts: 1054
Joined: 9/24/2011
Status: offline

OP, since you didn't understand what I said, and have reacted to many comments so rudely, I'm not going to waste my time offering you any more advice. You don't want advice, don't ASK for it.

_____________________________

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(in reply to seekingreality)

Post #: 31

RE: Master as Findom to his Slave - 7/25/2013 3:26:42 AM

Toysinbabeland

Posts: 1693
Joined: 3/4/2012
From: the other end of Cx's leash
Status: offline

Why not teach her by giving her specific rules to follow regarding money and see if she can learn from them?

(in reply to MasterCaneman)

Post #: 32

RE: Master as Findom to his Slave - 7/25/2013 3:44:01 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

Everyone?

*I* took his question seriously and gave him good advice (in my never humble opinion). I certainly *didn't* jump down his throat, but can you feel me at yours?

Learn to choose your words wisely, or live to regret it.

_____________________________

(in reply to PrincessLiliana)

Post #: 33

RE: Master as Findom to his Slave - 7/25/2013 3:49:11 AM

TieMeInKnottss

Posts: 1944
Joined: 9/6/2012
Status: offline

Money is a tricky thing..don't spring your intent on her.

I am extremely submissive by nature (heck, my dog AND the goldfish are able to dominate me) and I would say the one thing I would fight to the death is over money (ok..that and eating peas..too disgsusting to even discuss the possibility!).

Something so major...so personal and so volatile should NOT be left unaddressed. This, to me, would be the equivalent of having her move in and then confiscating her clothes and telling her she could never leave the house again... I would feel tricked and not trust you plus resent you for waiting for me to be unable to consent. Remember...most relationships break up over money!

(in reply to MasterCaneman)

Post #: 34

RE: Master as Findom to his Slave - 7/25/2013 5:02:52 AM

MasterCaneman

Posts: 3842
Joined: 3/21/2013
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Toysinbabeland

Why not teach her by giving her specific rules to follow regarding money and see if she can learn from them?

Because sometimes subs/slave/bottoms like to break the rules to see what happens. I had a playmate years ago who had the same problem. Money flowed through her hands like water. No, I didn't do what I suggested because we weren't that emotionally/financially connected. I wanted to, but as I said, we were casual partners, no more. She'd get paid on Friday, and by Monday she'd be begging money from her friends and family.

Her dad was her biggest enabler, from what I recall. That man was forever making her rent, car payment, credit card bill, etc, etc. Her parents divorced early and were too busy taking care of themselves to teach her about managing her money, and she grew up learning how to use that to get what she wanted. Some people just never learn how to do it correctly.

If the OP made a legit point about being concerned about his partner's spending habits, which says to me he's thinking with more than his dick. No one wants to be dealing with someone else's bad decisions and he was just seeing what others thought about it.

_____________________________

Age and treachery will always overcome youth and ambition.

The supreme art of war is to subdue the enemy without fighting. ~ Sun Tzu

Goddess Wrangler

(in reply to Toysinbabeland)

Post #: 35

RE: Master as Findom to his Slave - 7/25/2013 5:34:47 AM

searching4mysir

Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline

quote:

If the OP made a legit point about being concerned about his partner's spending habits, which says to me he's thinking with more than his dick. No one wants to be dealing with someone else's bad decisions and he was just seeing what others thought about it.

Even more reason to discuss it BEFORE moving in. Her spending habits could affect being able to make rent, pay utilities, pay food, etc. It will impact him as well as her. Moving is expensive, between the deposits, 1-2 months rent up front, and other moving costs. Delay the conversation and risk breaking up over money and then you have to go through that twice.

_____________________________

No longer searching -- found my one and only right here on CM

(in reply to MasterCaneman)

Post #: 36

RE: Master as Findom to his Slave - 7/25/2013 5:42:46 AM

DaddySatyr

Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterCaneman

If the OP made a legit point about being concerned about his partner's spending habits, which says to me he's thinking with more than his dick. No one wants to be dealing with someone else's bad decisions and he was just seeing what others thought about it.

Because "FinDomME" is okay but "FinDom" is frowned upon (even by me).

Let's face it, while the OP made a very thoughtful, respectful, (seemingly) earnest post, there will always be a stigma around peoples' preconceived notions about a man, "taking" money from a lady.

Even us guys ... You've never been at a bar, seen a couple and the lady is paying for everything and you've never thought: "What a yum-yum, letting his lady pay his way"?

It's un-even but, what isn't in this facacta world of ours?

Regards,

Rob Camilletti

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

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(in reply to MasterCaneman)

Post #: 37

RE: Master as Findom to his Slave - 7/25/2013 6:31:59 AM

evesgrden

Posts: 597
Joined: 6/9/2012
Status: offline

quote:

Should I tell her about my interest in controlling the household money before we move in together?

Yes!

In my experience, the 3 main reasons couples break up have to do with

1. Finances
2. Division of labor
3. Child rearing strategies.

Unless you're keeping a piece of her money for yourself as payment for being her dominant and managing the finances, I wouldn't call you a findom. ymmv

_____________________________

What you permit, you promote.

(in reply to chastity24me)

Post #: 38

RE: Master as Findom to his Slave - 7/25/2013 12:32:01 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

I know one is supposed to "master ones self" first but I am VASTLY better with other people's money than I am with mine. Controlling finances TENDS to be something I incorporate in one way or another. Now if I happened to hook up with a woman who was a kick ass financial planner, I might lose interest in controlling this aspect but it amazes me how bad people are with money. Keeping money in banks with no interest but carrying high credit card balances, renting, buying new cars, no savings despite six figure incomes, etc.

Most of my ex partners were either glad they followed my advice or regret they didn't. I tend to regret not following my own advice too...lol!

(in reply to evesgrden)

Post #: 39

RE: Master as Findom to his Slave - 7/25/2013 12:33:40 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: chastity24me

What should I do in this situation? Should I tell her about my interest in controlling the household money before we move in together? Should I bring it up after a few months of living together? Obviously, I would tell her that saying No is OK in our conversation. There are some other reasons for wanting to control her money as well, such as she has a tendency to waste it (it's not debatable). That's all I can think of for now, and I'd like to hear what you guys think.[/size]

Check out both your credit scores as the one of you with the highest credit score is probably the best one to be over-seeing the finances. That's just logic dictating action.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to chastity24me)

Post #: 40

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