chatting with people

chatting with people (Full Version)

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kinkyswagger -> chatting with people (7/24/2013 11:37:43 PM)
I have noticed that when I am chatting with people, it is usually me who does all the questioning? Is this normal at the early stage or are they just not interested? Take care

LadyPact -> RE: chatting with people (7/24/2013 11:48:49 PM)
I don't know if it's normal but I find it boring as hell. I take it as a sign of not much interest, lack of attention span, or a less than stellar personality.

splatterpunk -> RE: chatting with people (7/25/2013 12:47:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kinkyswagger I have noticed that when I am chatting with people, it is usually me who does all the questioning? Is this normal at the early stage or are they just not interested? Take care durrrr human interaction how does it work i can haz misterss now?

lizi -> RE: chatting with people (7/25/2013 12:56:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kinkyswagger I have noticed that when I am chatting with people, it is usually me who does all the questioning? Is this normal at the early stage or are they just not interested? Take care Is it normal any other time when you meet someone to be the one talking? Take the kink out of it. When you meet people at parties or get togethers, do you care to keep making conversation with them if you're doing all the talking? If there isn't reciprocal participation in conversation then I'd say the other party probably isn't interested, or that their social skills are lacking and I'd not find that to be someone I'd pursue but YMMV.

Kaninchen -> RE: chatting with people (7/25/2013 2:27:46 AM)
Personally I find that I rarely get a message without initiating it with a few questions, but from then on in most of the questioning comes my way. Probably because questions are a good indicator of interest. If you're not interested, you don't ask questions.

myotherself -> RE: chatting with people (7/25/2013 2:33:26 AM)
Some people are too polite for their own good. This often applies to me too. If someone messages me and I find them funny/engaging/interesting/whatever, then I will put in the effort to keep the conversation going. If they message me and there is absolutely nothing engaging about them at all (IMO), then I will let the conversation die a natural death. It just feels a bit more polite than saying 'go away - you're boring me'. Mind you, I do the same in r/l too. I will give little smiles and nods, yet avoid eye contact and make minimal responses to people who are boring the everlovin' crap out of me, before fabricating an excuse and getting the hell out of there.

kalikshama -> RE: chatting with people (7/25/2013 5:46:36 AM)
When my first date with B lasted 4.5 hours, I knew he was a keeper!

DarkSteven -> RE: chatting with people (7/25/2013 5:51:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kinkyswagger I have noticed that when I am chatting with people, it is usually me who does all the questioning? Is this normal at the early stage or are they just not interested? Take care As a Dom, I feel more comfortable being in charge of the conversation. That includes asking questions. If I think I've been talking too much, I frequently will invite the other to ask questions as he or she chooses, but usually don't get takers. It's normal if the other party is quiet. If they're not interested, it shows pretty quickly. Note: I never get to asking sex/kink questions until we are very comfortable with each other. If you're asking about that, there's a very good chance the other one is not interested and just answering out of politeness.

Anatolium -> RE: chatting with people (7/25/2013 6:11:01 AM)
Maybe they're Laconian, while you're loquacious?

kinkyswagger -> RE: chatting with people (7/25/2013 9:15:03 AM)
The thing is that they do reply to my messages. I just don't understand why they need to reply if they are not interested. It is online so if you not interested you can just go silent and I won't bother you again.

TNDommeK -> RE: chatting with people (7/25/2013 12:03:47 PM)
I hate that. If I'm speaking to someone and I feel they are else where in the convo or give one word answers, I will politely ask if they are interested bc they aren't showing me. If it persists, I will tell them goodbye.

SpyUnderCover -> RE: chatting with people (7/25/2013 12:08:04 PM)
One-sided questioning doesn't happen with me that often, but when it does I tire of it quickly. It could be that they're only nominally interested and have nothing better to do, but will offer halfhearted responses so long as you're pouring on the attention. I do prefer to control the flow of conversation; and sometimes submissives aren't sure how forward they should be. But if it's feeling like a one-way street, I'll either drop the conversation entirely, or return with, "And what questions do you have for me?" Spy

lizi -> RE: chatting with people (7/25/2013 2:10:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kinkyswagger The thing is that they do reply to my messages. I just don't understand why they need to reply if they are not interested. It is online so if you not interested you can just go silent and I won't bother you again. Ok, so they're replying to your messages in a very minimalistic fashion...does that work for you? Does their side of things inspire you to continue wanting to get to know the person? If so, keep on trying to get them to open up, if not move on. I'm not sure why you have to understand what's going on if it's not something you're ultimately interested in. If it happens again, you could try asking the person if they are interested and see what they say.

MistressDarkArt -> RE: chatting with people (7/25/2013 3:04:43 PM)
Or...they're not who they purport to be. [8D]

LookieNoNookie -> RE: chatting with people (7/26/2013 4:50:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kinkyswagger I have noticed that when I am chatting with people, it is usually me who does all the questioning? Is this normal at the early stage or are they just not interested? Take care From what I've been able to discern, yes....it's you. Pretty much....yeah.

awwbummer -> RE: chatting with people (7/29/2013 4:13:42 PM)
Some people are just nervous at first, or shy, or lack social skills so I tend to give them the benefit of the doubt. And as a man I feel to a degree that I'm expected to be the one to carry the conversation. I think most men learn that early on. But it does get boring, and it's nice if someone is actually showing interest in you. And at some point you have to start asking yourself, is she just not interested? Wouldn't she at least ask how I am? I have a friend who is like that. She never asks me anything about myself. I mentioned I thought it was strange and she got a bit defensive, and said she would rather get to know a person through actually spending time with them and getting to know them, rather than asking questions about them. But the only reason she knows anything about me at all is because I volunteer things just to keep the conversation going.

LookieNoNookie -> RE: chatting with people (7/29/2013 4:46:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kinkyswagger I have noticed that when I am chatting with people, it is usually me who does all the questioning? Is this normal at the early stage or are they just not interested? Take care Based on my data....they just don't fucking like you....it's probably the way you look. Like, no matter what you wear....you still look like shit. I could be wrong.

DesFIP -> RE: chatting with people (8/4/2013 5:29:21 PM)
I wonder if you aren't pushing too hard. What kinds of questions are you asking? Solely sex/play oriented? If so, dial it back. Pretend this was a woman you met at a party. Try to connect as friends, talking about life in general. Because women aren't going to usually ask you about your fetishes. There's enough basic info in your profile to tell them if you aren't at all compatible. Beyond that, we want to know we like you as people.

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