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Sometimes Master wants me to switch - 6/28/2006 3:22:07 PM   
devion


Posts: 7
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline 		i feel like my questions should be directed to A/all but will start my search with asking a Master.

i have always been a sub to my Master. In the past few months though my Master has been having me take a Dominant role with Him on occasion, only when He says so basically. i do it because i want to please Him and this is always my first priority. It doesnt feel natural to me AT ALL! and it makes me a little uncomfortable although i am really trying to not let that show. i am even uncomfortable just thinking about Him being submissive, but i keep that to myself, because the only thing that is of importance is obeying Him. i am really confused about how i feel about this, the only thing i do know is that if it is what He wants i will do it.

So anyway...i do have a question in here.

1. If you are truely a submissive can you learn how to be a good Domme for when it is required?
2. If so would  He or i then be considered a switch? or me still just a sub since i am doing it for my Master? (its not that labels are important to me, i just dont know where this behavior will take U/us.)
3. How does a sub go about learning to be a Domme?

Thanks for Your help.
~devion~
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Sometimes Master wants me to switch - 6/28/2006 3:48:27 PM   
OedipusRexIt


Posts: 634
Joined: 11/15/2005
Status: offline 		In answer to your questions:

1.   Yes, you may become a good Domme, if you want to be one.
2.   Some might then consider you a switch, but what would it matter?
3.   Many ways to be a good Domme.  As a sub, how did you want to
     be  treated?  Use that as a guide.


Perhaps you might ask yourself first, though, whether this is what you want to do.  Are you doing it out of personal devotion to your soon-to-be submissive Dom, or are you doing it because it appeals to you?

Mixing up roles can be a refreshing variety for some, or a confusing and destablizing event for others.  What are yours, and your partners' motivations and desires for changing?

_____________________________

"My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die..."

(in reply to devion)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Sometimes Master wants me to switch - 6/28/2006 4:05:00 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: devion
1. If you are truely a submissive can you learn how to be a good Domme for when it is required?

I'm gonna ignore the "t" word and just say that a person can be taught to be an excellent top.

However, whether you would eventually develop into being a dominant in your own right is unforseeable, likely even to you.
quote:


2. If so would  He or i then be considered a switch? or me still just a sub since i am doing it for my Master? (its not that labels are important to me, i just dont know where this behavior will take U/us.)

If you don't know, we can't know.  Whether you end ujp topping, playing around, switching full on, where ever you go- anything is possible.
quote:


3. How does a sub go about learning to be a Domme?

How does anyone?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to devion)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Sometimes Master wants me to switch - 6/28/2006 4:12:49 PM   
LokisBrat


Posts: 431
Joined: 12/5/2005
From: Mayberry, Illinois
Status: offline 		I have posted this many times and still to this day believe, to become a well rounded master, it would be helpful to know what it is like to be submissive.  This is my opinion and my opinion alone, not meant to encourage or discourage anyone else's opinion in any way.  For the second part of your question, why do you concern yourself with a label or title?  The last part of your question, anyone can become anything they desire to be, if they are willing to pursue.  Hope this helped a bit.

LOKI


_____________________________

"My pleasure, your pain. Doesn't matter, its all the same"

-Loki

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Sometimes Master wants me to switch - 6/28/2006 4:32:57 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		If it's not really you, consider it to be a role playing game. Take on a character. Give yourself a different name, look, etc. Talk about what he's looking for and what he wants, i.e. is he looking for a sadist top or a Female Supremacist? Find a Fem Dom mentor that the two of you agree on. Lastly, see if he will agree to let you grow into the role at your own pace and in your own way.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to devion)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Sometimes Master wants me to switch - 6/28/2006 4:59:21 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline 		I remember the "nineties" - when you supposedly could be anything you want....  They're mercifully gone!
 
I'm generally gonna ignore your 3 questions because there's a much bigger issue here than merely learning physical skills that *anyone* could do!  Your situation goes to the very core of your being and "master" needs to start with some honest communication about his motives. 
 
It's all very well to be expected to obey but there are still boundaries, even if they weren't defined at the outset.  I mean, did both of you specifically agree that he wouldn't command you to jump in front of a speeding train, for example?  Of course not!  And frankly, I think he has a similar obligation to respect you're a *submissive*, indeed *HIS* submissive!
 
So what to do....  My take on your OP is that what he asks is making you miserable.  My personal opinion (that of a stranger) is that he oversteps his rights, that he's no longer fulfilling his obligations and responsibilities in doing what's best for you, too!  You two need to discuss this in depth, especially because I don't think he's being honest about his real needs....  If he never presented himself as a switch from the outset, he's deceived you and it's gonna get worse.  If he digs in and hides behind of the facade of a dom who expects you to obey and do whatever he asks, he's no longer looking out for your best interests and you then have to do that yourself - you should end the relationship. 
 
Any man could physically put a dress on but that doesn't make him a woman - or even comfortable with wearing it.  And most would get volatile if he was expected to do so....
 
There's a lot more going on here than learning to swing a toy, tie a knot or bark a command.  He owes you some honest communication and if it really is making you miserable, you need to consider your very future with him.
 
Focus.

(in reply to devion)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Sometimes Master wants me to switch - 6/28/2006 5:44:00 PM   
devion


Posts: 7
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline 		Right now i am not sure if i would ever want to be a Domme.

You and Everyone else are completely right about the fact that it should not matter to me whether i or He would be considered a switch. i know it is just a label and this relationship is just about U/us and what W/we think that really matters. i shouldnt be worrying about labels.

i have been asking myself whether this is something that i really want to do and right now i am doing it out of personal devotion to my Master, who is also by the way my Husband.

i dont do anything that i would consider a hard limit and this is not one. i only said in my post that doing it makes me a little  uncomfortable and at this time i am also uncomfortable thinking of Him as a submissive. i may come to enjoy the switch at some point only time will tell. He does not force me to this but i do as he wishes because to me it is important to submit to Him in all ways possible that are not hard limits.

i know W/we need to discuss this in great depth, open up O/our communication about it and get to the heart of where this is coming from. i have just been scared to bring it up yet.

Thank You All for the replies. i am very nervous and scared about posting and appreciate the comments.

devion

(in reply to OedipusRexIt)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Sometimes Master wants me to switch - 6/28/2006 9:11:46 PM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		Being the Dom means that he is the one in controll.

Is he wanting you to have controll or is he just wanting you to be more teasing and sadistic?
Enjoying bondage and pain is not what makes one submissive. Massochisim does not equal Submission. Sadisim does not equal Dominance.

From what I'm reading, it seems that he's still in complete controll and having you to follow orders. I this the case or has he begun doing as you say?

Either way, if he says "I dominate you to dominate me" Just reverse it with "Well I dominate you to dominate me." Problem solved.  

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to devion)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Sometimes Master wants me to switch - 6/28/2006 11:00:13 PM   
KSControl


Posts: 13
Joined: 6/15/2006
Status: offline 		You CAN learn to be a top... and the way, like most people, is by reading, observing, thinking, experimenting...  the bigger issue is the dynamics between the two of you.  You have a hard time seeing him in a submissive role.  Many people switch freely, and have no problem doing so.  But, you do have a problem, and it could grow over time, if seeing him in the submissive role repeatedly eventually causes you to lose respect for him as your Master. (I have seen that happen a few times myself).  The biggest need, at this point, which has already been pointed out, is for the two of you to discuss this in detail.  It could be better, in the long run, if he has needs to submit to someone, that he find someone else to fulfil that role for him, and not push you into that uncomfortable role.  The main thing is for the two of you to have some heart to heart honest conversation about what this means, how you both feel, what needs you both have, and how best to have them fulfilled without undermining your relationship.

(in reply to devion)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Sometimes Master wants me to switch - 6/29/2006 4:18:44 AM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: devion

Right now i am not sure if i would ever want to be a Domme.

You and Everyone else are completely right about the fact that it should not matter to me whether i or He would be considered a switch. i know it is just a label and this relationship is just about U/us and what W/we think that really matters. i shouldnt be worrying about labels.

i have been asking myself whether this is something that i really want to do and right now i am doing it out of personal devotion to my Master, who is also by the way my Husband.

i dont do anything that i would consider a hard limit and this is not one. i only said in my post that doing it makes me a little  uncomfortable and at this time i am also uncomfortable thinking of Him as a submissive. i may come to enjoy the switch at some point only time will tell. He does not force me to this but i do as he wishes because to me it is important to submit to Him in all ways possible that are not hard limits.

i know W/we need to discuss this in great depth, open up O/our communication about it and get to the heart of where this is coming from. i have just been scared to bring it up yet.

Thank You All for the replies. i am very nervous and scared about posting and appreciate the comments.

I actually disagree with what many have said about "labels".  They're not insignificant at all - your being female, submissive, married, American etc; they each mean something more than a name-tag.  You're not being asked to switch name tags, you're being asked to switch your entire genetic makeup; your "hard-wiring", so to speak!  That's not a small thing and he's got some 'splaining' to do....
 
Being married does alter my previous advice about simply leaving him; you're obviously more committed to each other than what I believed.  But that commitment surely should make it a little easier to discuss this as mature adults, too!  Don't s'pose he knows of this thread?
 
I understand many fem/subs being nervous about posting; getting pounced on by some hard-core no-life for saying the alleged wrong thing happens a little too often, unfortunately.  Just remember that it's only words on your screen and that an arsehole is still just an arsehole, whether it's real life or online....
 
Focus.

(in reply to devion)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Sometimes Master wants me to switch - 6/29/2006 6:28:37 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		I don't know the answer, but if it's any consolation I am wondering about this, too.
I am telling myself (today anyway) that if it's important enough to the other person (consequently to me), I will find a way (not this week, or even this month, as I am crossing good friends (or even potential friends), off my list of "doable people" - for now. But I have reason to contemplate this question, too. Good luck. 

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 6/29/2006 7:14:27 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to devion)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Sometimes Master wants me to switch - 6/29/2006 7:38:55 AM   
zumala


Posts: 1121
Joined: 6/16/2005
Status: offline 		IMHO being married does make a difference.  You're going to need to sit down with him and discuss your feelings (yours AND his) on how the dynamics are functioning.  If I were you, I'd sit down and write out my own thoughts, feelings, and questions.  Then ask to talk.  When you do talk, do so calmly and rationally, with compassion.  He may be worried about showing an inherent submissive side to you for fear he'll upset you.  Truth is, if it's there, it's there.  You two will have to figure out how to deal with it.
 
I'm married as well, and it turns out that we're both subs.  That makes a D/s dynamic a bit awkward, but our friendship and love are more than solid enough to make for a safe discussion on any topic.  As for BDSM, I suppose we could switch if we wanted to.  Sometimes we do in action or attitude, but it's not something we really discuss.  I personally see myself as more submissive because I'm the wife (biblical viewpoint), and that helps me.  I can do something for the sake of pleasing him, and he doesn't have to know that I was in a 'submissive' mindset when I did it.  After all, isn't it possible to submit or serve out of love? 
 
zuma

(in reply to SusanofO)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Sometimes Master wants me to switch - 6/29/2006 8:23:52 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		While I think my advice still stands, I think Focus has hit the bulls-eye- the issue here is more one of communication and whether this situation is mutually fulfilling to all and will continue to be.

It doesn't matter who is doing what or who is asking who to do what- but whether it's actually working for those involved.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Focus50)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Sometimes Master wants me to switch - 6/29/2006 2:01:57 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		I think its incredibly unfair of your Master to have you do that, kinda like trying to make a fish breath out of water. I see it potentially as undermining the fabric of your very relationship. If Master did that to me, I dont know what I would do apart from freak out.

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Sometimes Master wants me to switch - 6/29/2006 3:04:30 PM   
SilverWulf


Posts: 196
Joined: 4/7/2005
Status: offline 		I do not have a submissive bone in my body.  If I did and asked My girl to Top/Dom me, it would bring an immediate end to our relationship.  her entire world would be turned upside down and inside out with even a hint of her being in control, even if I 'ordered' it.

Your situation may be such that your relationship can handle it, I don't have enough information to tell.  The key, as others have said, is open and clear communication.

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Sometimes Master wants me to switch - 6/29/2006 10:26:12 PM   
devion


Posts: 7
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline 		Thank You All again for your comments and suggestions. i am going to start writing many things down this weekend and get very prepared for an open discussion with Master.
devion

(in reply to devion)
Profile   Post #: 16
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