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Happy boys - 6/28/2006 5:13:23 PM   
Smythe


Posts: 369
Joined: 12/31/2005
Status: offline

After taking a bit of a break from the message boards, I was looking around at the posts. A fresh perspective led to the following observation/question:

The boards are full of happy committed female submissives and slaves, and we hear from them often. But just looking around over the past few days, I see very few posts from male subs/slaves who are happy and in relationships.

Are happy boys out there, but stuck down there in the dungeon? is it mainly women who write? Are there simply very few happy boys?

Curious,
Smythe




_____________________________

Do not consider painful what is good for you.
Euripides
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Happy boys - 6/29/2006 7:04:45 AM   
stockingluvr54


Posts: 673
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline 		Could be wrong.... but with any venue involving male/female relationships it seems to always be about 9,000 guys  looking and about 9 women seeking??? Throw in a few other things like your type of kink or fetish...a couple of bad habits...age,etc. and it narrows it down even more? I think alot of us will have to just patiently sit on the sidelines and hope? Until then?....the pros will have steady employment!

(in reply to Smythe)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Happy boys - 6/29/2006 8:30:54 AM   
lanwolf


Posts: 78
Joined: 10/31/2005
Status: offline 		Am a very happy boy just not with One right now

(in reply to Smythe)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Happy boys - 6/29/2006 1:18:43 PM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline 		By "Happy," I take it you mean in a good relationship with a FEMDOM.

My answer is that for two (2) years I have been in a very rewarding and two-way relationship with a Mistress. The wrinkle in my situation is that I am poly and my Mistress is my secondary partner (for lack of a better term.) So, my relationship does not involve TPE, 24/7, or other aspects one would associate with a fulltime, primary partner. There are no tatoos, piercings, or permanent collars either.

The thing I have gotten out of the relationship is that it is very personal. It is not a guidebook thing, a rules thing, or a contract thing.

She has learned from me, and I have learned from her. The emphasis between us is being full people, yet she holds the controls when we are together. I am responsive to her lead, so all-in-all, it works.

Since we've met, my intellectual focus has shifted from BDSM curiosities to poly curiosities. Poly relationships are very rewarding, but they are also very challenging and not for the faint of heart. For two married people we have managed to keep the whole thing together and working, but I still hope we can improve and solidify our marriages and secondary relationships even more. I suppose that would be polyanna, and I'm not sure its possible. It doesn't hurt to dream, tho.

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 6/29/2006 1:37:41 PM >

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RE: Happy boys - 6/29/2006 1:38:48 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		Besides any other factor, women tend to want to express themselves more than males do, so it makes sense there are more women sharing on these boards.

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Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

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RE: Happy boys - 6/29/2006 6:29:18 PM   
stockingluvr54


Posts: 673
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: stockingluvr54

Could be wrong.... but with any venue involving male/female relationships it seems to always be about 9,000 guys  looking and about 9 women seeking??? Throw in a few other things like your type of kink or fetish...a couple of bad habits...age,etc. and it narrows it down even more? I think alot of us will have to just patiently sit on the sidelines and hope? Until then?....the pros will have steady employment!


Oooops.....probably worded that wrong....basically meant that there's alot of us sitting on the sidelines still waiting in a part of the culture that has maybe less players (FEM/male)....?????

(in reply to stockingluvr54)
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RE: Happy boys - 6/29/2006 8:05:03 PM   
jonathan


Posts: 196
Joined: 8/5/2004
Status: offline 		i, for one, have never been happy unless i have been involved with a Mistress. The rest is just dead time, waiting to find that Other. About 80 or 90% dead time. The ratio mentioned is, IMHO, too real. i guess the rest are out there topping their husbands. 'Cause i think that the percentage per gender is about the same.

"The thing I have gotten out of the relationship is that it is very personal. It is not a guidebook thing, a rules thing, or a contract thing."

Worth quoting from cloudboy. my perspective, too, although there is a contract in my future. Something i embrace, actually, i have been at this for most of my adult life (i'm 52) and have come to find that real adults want some concrete assurances that they are not being played.

"Besides any other factor, women tend to want to express themselves more than males do, so it makes sense there are more women sharing on these boards."

my favorite post here from slavejali. she is quite right. i have made the same observation in my posts to the Anal orgasm and Nipple piercing threads here during the past week. i guess i don't suffer from that. i would not have progressed this far while under consideration by my Goddess if i did.

And things are going very well with us and that makes me one of the "Happy boys". i've known many in good M/s relationships and the tendency is to drop off the radar when you're not seeking anymore. They are, or may, be in the dungeon and just peachy and don't care.

For Smythe: don't start quoting Uncle Frank with me. "Moving to Montana soon, gonna be a mental toss flycoon." i was going to put in another, but not appropriate here. The greatest dead ignored modern American composer.

Well, maybe Arizona, actually. i did say i was one of the happy boys.


_____________________________

jonathan
http://www.slaveregister.com/000-515-587

"But in purple, i am stunning!"
"Before You slip into unconsciousness, i'd like to have another kiss, another flashing chance at bliss, another kiss, another kiss"

(in reply to Smythe)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Happy boys - 6/30/2006 10:42:23 AM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline 		*Smiles to jonathan*  He is a very dear boy and I count Myself lucky that he sent Me a wonderful letter of introduction and petition.  Take a hint*  He actually followed all the instructions! 
And yes, he is very right that if he cannot read to learn and participate to share in these boards (among other things) he would not get very far. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: stockingluvr54

quote:

ORIGINAL: stockingluvr54

Could be wrong.... but with any venue involving male/female relationships it seems to always be about 9,000 guys  looking and about 9 women seeking??? Throw in a few other things like your type of kink or fetish...a couple of bad habits...age,etc. and it narrows it down even more? I think alot of us will have to just patiently sit on the sidelines and hope? Until then?....the pros will have steady employment!


Oooops.....probably worded that wrong....basically meant that there's alot of us sitting on the sidelines still waiting in a part of the culture that has maybe less players (FEM/male)....?????


My question is to stockingluvr...
Why are you sitting on the sidelines?  Are you active in your local community?  I read your profile, and you are not available for relocation and you are looking in areas around you, so I would assume (from the geographic descriptors) you are also willing to look at a part time relationship without living in.  These criteria limit your potential possiblities even further.  I am not saying you should change your criteria, but I worry that too many boys rely strictly on the internet. Sometimes this venue is a great way to help define oneself and learn and interact in a different way.  But nothing  increases your odds like actually getting out there and participating IRW. And I have noticed that many boys have a tendency to approach a potential Domina with a negative attitude.  They don't really take the time to properly read and comprehend the profile, and they rarely make the effort to follow guidelines set out by the Lady for a letter.  In addition, often the letters have a negative tone.  (i.e., "I don't suppose you would be interested in a boy of My age...etc., etc.)
I see a lot of boys who say they are unable to find someone due to the ratio of Dommes to subs.  But it is just as hard for us, as many of the boys do not have a mindset to get beyond "bedroom bottom", even though they think they have a clear handle on what service and commitment is all about.  It may seem there are a million subs to choose from out there, and all we have to do is pick, but it really is not so. 
I have commented on the lack of male participation (sub male, that is)  a few times in the past.  It is always a disappointment, but I often hope that these seekers are at least reading and learning, if not actually posting.
Wonderful relationships come out of online meetings.  But it is what you do after that initial meet that counts.  So ask yourself, "What am I doing that is proactive to meet my goals?"
Great topic, Smythe!

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 6/30/2006 10:45:00 AM >

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to stockingluvr54)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Happy boys - 6/30/2006 11:54:39 AM   
stockingluvr54


Posts: 673
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline 		Thanks for the insight Dusty!  To answer a few questions for you..... I live in the boondocks in Montana and the closest Munch or anything like that is over 110mi away. Also run a home based biz by myself that runs 24/7 so time away is $$$ lost. I do sneak away but not real often. This is my little dream shack that I've recently paid off so relocation is pretty much out of the question. You're right....I have got kinda negative on the responding to Domme ads because after the hard work of trying to explain where I'm comming from...with the hopes the Domme might see something that sparks her interest?.....no response...everytime...so why? I feel I put alot of effort into a response? Try and explain in detail...honest...straight forward etc.? I was raised that it's polite to respond when someone addresses you or shows some interest....so I take a "no response" as a general lack of character and actually pretty rude? I could understand it if I was out of line....or responding to an ad that obviously was completely "off" for what I /She was looking for....or the old one liner...but?  Anyways....obviously I'm doing something wrong or maybe just have to be more patient. Guess I understand from the Domme view also because alot of us that are looking are new/inexperienced....there's quite a risk on her part also? If the fantasy becomes reality one might just find out that they may NOT be sub material so it may be a waste of everyones' time? Think I'm on the right track and given it lots of thought as to what I feel I need and hopefully there may be a match out there somewhere? Really don't want to waste anyones time, including my own, so after very much thought I feel I'm potential sub material?
  Also kinda curious that you could see my profile? Been fighting with these guys for days.....profile was rejected(?) first time around....they sent standard form letter saying my pic had genital nudity? Which it didn't....???? Been trying to edit and still don't see it up there? But I guess if you saw it...it's out there somewhere....????

A little off topic but one thing REALLY NICE about this palce is these boards! After many replies to Domme ads with not much response.....it's nice to see and hear what some have to say and that there are really live people out there instead of "ghost ads"....lol!

PS....it was a Domme from an ad that sent me here......so thanks if you're reading.

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Happy boys - 6/30/2006 12:09:13 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline 		I don't want to hijack the thread, so I am writing to you on the other side.  You bring up some very typical points regarding why you are on the sidelines (like so many) and what some of the problems are.  Hence, I can see why there are not that many "happy" boys.
I am sure the OP, along iwth Myself, wouldlove to see more participation.  I will say, you are on the right track in , at least, being at the boards, and willing to express yourself in text!

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to stockingluvr54)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Happy boys - 6/30/2006 12:29:44 PM   
stockingluvr54


Posts: 673
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline 		I'll keep an eye out.....

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Happy boys - 6/30/2006 8:39:03 PM   
Smythe


Posts: 369
Joined: 12/31/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold

I don't want to hijack the thread, so I am writing to you on the other side. You bring up some very typical points regarding why you are on the sidelines (like so many) and what some of the problems are. Hence, I can see why there are not that many "happy" boys.
I am sure the OP, along iwth Myself, wouldlove to see more participation. I will say, you are on the right track in , at least, being at the boards, and willing to express yourself in text!




Thanks to those who wrote. I suspected that women enjoy writing and get more out of sharing than men, and yet on the male dom/femsub side there seem to be plenty of males writing. And maybe what jonathan says is true also: that if a male sub finds a Mistress he tends to fall away from the boards.

As a Domme, I believe I have plenty to learn from male subs; that knowledge can only make me better, not weaker, and so the lack of participation from happy boys is a disappointment, assuming that they are out there.

DustyGold, thanks for your contributions and insights. And jonathan: have you listened to "Stevie's Spanking" :) ??

Smythe



_____________________________

Do not consider painful what is good for you.
Euripides

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 12
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