theroebabe
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Proverbs
A first grade teacher collected well-known proverbs. She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb and asked hem to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading these keep in mind that these are 6-years-old, because the last one is quite amazing.
1. Better to be safe than......punch a 5th grader.
2. Don't bite the hand that.....looks dirty.
3. It's always darkest before.........Daylight Saving Time.
4. A miss is as good as a...................Mr.
5. If you lie down with dogs, you'll......stink in the morning.
6. Children should be seen and not...spanked or grounded.
7. If at first you don't succeed......get new batteries.
8. Don't put off till tomorrow what............you put on to go to bed.
9. When the blind lead the blind...get out of the way.
10. An idle mind is...........the best way to relax.
11. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and.......you have to blow your nose.
12. Happy the bride who.........gets all the presents.
13. A penny saved is........................not much.
14. Two's company, three's.................the Musketeers.
15. There are none so blind as.........Stevie Wonder.
And the favorite:
16. Better late than...........................pregnant
Survival guide for transplanted Yankees.
NOTICE TO NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH: The following is a pre-approved posting whose purpose is to offer insight
and advice to Northerners moving south.
1. As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55-mph
zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember: ALL
Southern folks learned to drive on a John Deere, and this
is the proper speed and lane position for that vehicle.
2. If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!"
Stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he
will ever say, or worse still, that you will ever hear.
3. Most Southerners do not use turn signals; they ignore those
who do. In fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with
a Southern license plate, you may rest assured that it was
already turned on when the car was purchased.
4. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth
cooking, let alone eating.
5. The wardrobe you always brought out in September can wait
until December.
6. If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even
the most minuscule accumulation of snow or a hurricane
warning, your presence is required at the local grocery
store. It does not matter if you need anything from the
store. It is just something you're supposed to do.
7. Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. When you
purchase one, it is positioned directly in front of the
house. This is logical, bearing in mind that the dish cost
considerably more than the house, and should, therefore,
be prominently displayed.
8. Be advised that in the South, "He needed killin" is a valid
defense!
***************************
You might be a redneck if...
..you think fast food is hitting a deer at 60 miles an hour.
Redneck Computer Terms
**********************
"Hard drive"
- Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires
and pulling a trailer load of fertilizer.
"Keyboard"
- 1. Place to hang your truck keys.
- 2. Whare you're supposed to put da keys so da wife can
find 'em.
"Window"
- Place in the truck to hang your guns.
"Floppy"
- When you run out of Polygrip.
"Modem"
- 1. How you got rid of your dandelions.
- 2. What you did to da hay fields last July.
"ROM"
- Delicious when you mix it with coca cola.
"Byte"
- First word in a kiss-off phrase.
"Reboot"
- What you do when the first pair gets covered with
barnyard stuff.
"Network"
- Activity meant to provide bait for your trot line.
"Mouse"
- 1. Fuzzy, soft thing you stuff in your beer bottle in
order to get a free case.
- 2. What leaves those little turds in da cupboard.
] We rarely get a chance to see another country's editorial about the USA. I think this is very much worth reading and passing on. It says a lot.
Read this excerpt from a Romanian Newspaper. The article was written by Mr. Cornel Nistorescu and published under the title "C"ntarea Americii (meaning "Ode To America") on September 24, 2002 in the Romanian newspaper Evenimentulzilei ("The Daily Event" or "News of the Day").
~An Ode to America~
Why are Americans so united? They would not resemble one another even if you painted them all one color! They speak all the languages of the world and form an astonishing mixture of civilizations and religious beliefs.
Still, the American tragedy turned three hundred million people into a hand put on the heart.
Nobody rushed to accuse the White House, the army, and the secret services that they are only a bunch of losers. Nobody rushed to empty their bank accounts.! Nobody rushed out onto the streets nearby to gape about. The Americans volunteered to donate blood and to give a helping hand.
After the first moments of panic, they raised their flag over the smoking ruins, putting on T-shirts, caps and ties in the colors of the national flag. They placed flags on buildings and cars as if in every place and on every car a government official or the president was passing.
On every occasion, they started singing their traditional song: "God Bless America!" I watched the live broadcast and rerun after rerun for hours listening to the story of the guy who went down one hundred floors with a woman in a wheelchair without knowing who she was, or of the Californian hockey player, who gave his life fighting with the terrorists and prevented the plane from hitting a target that could have killed other hundreds or thousands of people.
How on earth were they able to respond united as one human being?
Imperceptibly, with every word and musical note, the memory of some turned into a modern myth of tragic heroes. And with every phone call, millions and millions of dollars were put in a collection aimed at rewarding not a man or a family, but a spirit, which no money can buy.
What on earth can unite the Americans in such a way? Their land? Their galloping history? Their economic Power? Money? I tried for hours to find an answer, humming songs and murmuring phrases with the risk of sounding commonplace.
I thought things over, but I reached only one conclusion... Only freedom can work such miracles.
[This deserves to be passed around the Internet forever.]
Weather it is true or not!
WORDS OF WISDOM FROM MEN OF GREAT INTELLECT...
"I have always strenuously supported
the right of every man to his own opinion,
however different that opinion might be to mine.
He who denies another this right makes a slave
of himself to his present opinion, because he
precludes himself the right of changing it."
Thomas Paine, 1783
"Free speech exercised both individually and
through a free press, is a necessity in any
country where people are themselves free."
Theodore Roosevelt, 1918
"The truth is found when men are free to pursue it."
Franklin D. Roosevelt, 1936
"If liberty means anything at all, it means the right
to tell people what they do not want to hear."
George Orwell, 1945
"Any time we deny any citizen the full exercise of
his constitutional rights, we are weakening our
own claim to them."
Dwight David Eisenhower, 1963
"What is objectionable, what is dangerous about
extremists is not that they are extreme, but that
they are intolerant."
Robert F. Kennedy, 1964
"Go fuck yourself."
Dick Cheney, 2004
_____________________________
Roe
People always ask me why I do these things . . .
It's because I can!
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