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Best place to find a sub/little in NE England - 7/28/2013 3:02:56 PM   
MrCollarMe


Posts: 6
Joined: 7/28/2013
Status: offline 		Since moving here it has been very difficult to find anyone. Am I looking in the wrong places or what? I have used FL and CM but there just doesnt seem to be the numbers there are down south.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Best place to find a sub/little in NE England - 7/28/2013 4:37:24 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I was able to pull a pretty good result when I tried FL with the search parameter "North East England" (approx 1800 members to that group). From there, I was able to find a munch in Newcastle and a few other things that looked interesting. Without a city listed on your profile, I have no idea of what would be close to you or not. There are definitely events in your region.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: Best place to find a sub/little in NE England - 7/28/2013 10:56:42 PM   
MarineKitten


Posts: 68
Joined: 12/21/2012
Status: offline 		Man you are like the laziest dom I have ever seen.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Best place to find a sub/little in NE England - 7/28/2013 11:43:50 PM   
SoulAlloy


Posts: 2106
Joined: 8/23/2009
From: Preston, UK
Status: offline 		I'd say munches to start, pretty sure there is a Carlisle munch going too, have heard a few who visit Preston mention that one before.

Even if the people you are looking for aren't going to those munches in particular, you can find out about events where they might be.

_____________________________

"Better to be a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without" - Confucius

"It'll be alright in the end - if it isn't alright, it's not the end." - unknown

Kinky crossdressing Whovian

Host of the Preston (UK) Munch, 2nd Wednesday each month

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RE: Best place to find a sub/little in NE England - 7/29/2013 1:30:03 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		As someone who is from the 'barren desert' that you complain the North East of England is...

I'm going to say you're going to have to get your arse in gear and actually put some effort in.

Firstly, stop insulting the place you're living in. We North-Easterners are very proud of our beautiful part of the country and the people in it, and we don't want some whiny interloper telling us how crap it is here for whatever reason.

Secondly, stop whining. Get your backside over to Fetlife and make a profile in one of the many groups there are over there. Get out to one of the munches. They happen regularly in Newcastle and Sunderland and over in Teesside, depending on where you live. There are also multiple events that you could attend.

Thirdly, be more specific in your location. Are you in Northumberland, Teesside or Cumbria? It makes a big difference to those who are searching!

Finally, give the subs something to go on in your profile. There are some out there, but yours reads like a laundry list of kinks. There's nothing there about YOU. Personally, when I was looking I'd have skipped over your profile without a second thought.

Edited for clarity


< Message edited by myotherself -- 7/29/2013 2:33:23 AM >

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RE: Best place to find a sub/little in NE England - 7/29/2013 5:47:23 AM   
MrCollarMe


Posts: 6
Joined: 7/28/2013
Status: offline 		I would like to thank LadyPact and SoulAlloy for their help and direction. It is very much appreciated.

Secondly, when I came out of a relationship and started looking I made all sorts of mistakes. Part of the problem I was told by subs that it was not clear what I wanted. So that is where the list came from. I found that I liked being a daddy to a wonderful sub who left me due to her being a single parent and family issues.

The reasons I only specify the North East is because I am willing to travel and again have been informed that if I simply put down a location people will automatically exclude me from consideration. I am also fluid in location due to my job and can relocate myself at fairly short notice if the relationship requires it.

I am looking for a real relationship. Also, as my 'laundry list' says - if I contact you its because I believe we have something in common. I'm not looking or expecting to have a sub drop to her knees simply because I am a man.

I have also had a steep learning curve when it comes to scammers and time wasters.

Does it matter at this point that I prefer xbox 360 over playstation 3? Or Star Trek over Pacific Rim? Perhaps but this is the first time it has actually come up. Previously the complaints were that there was not enough detail of what I was looking for.

Also, why do you believe I have not already tried FL? and other sites? Assumptions make asses of us all don't you think?

Ultimately I would apologise for the comment relating to the North East. It has some fantastic scenery however if certain people had understood the context of the comment then it would not have riled them so much. As in it wasnt about the scenery. I had to include that otherwise it would have been another contextual nightmare.

I will take on board your comments since that is what posting in a forum is all about and look forward to posting in future.

The comment about munches is absolutely true though - I have to start making time for them and meet real people in real circumstances.

Thank you for your time and comments. I appreciate it

(in reply to myotherself)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Best place to find a sub/little in NE England - 7/29/2013 5:53:32 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		Just me personally - it doesn't matter whether you prefer xbox or playstation, but I'd like to know that you were a gamer. Or a cellist, an adventurous cook, a fan of 50s horror flicks or an aspiring novelist. A glimpse of personality is crucial. It doesn't even really matter what the person is interested in, but I find someone with plenty of interests outside kink (and outside of their partner) to be much more appealing.

And I know what you mean about people excluding you based on location, but chances are if that's an issue, they still will when you reveal it in conversation. It's great that you're willing to travel, but some people won't be interested in someone two hours away, because it limits the amount of spontaneous 'I'll be by in twenty minutes' kind of dates, and makes every meeting a big deal. Some people won't be bothered, others will, but just not stating it won't get around that.



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Upon the hours and times of your desire?

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RE: Best place to find a sub/little in NE England - 7/29/2013 6:21:19 AM   
MrCollarMe


Posts: 6
Joined: 7/28/2013
Status: offline 		thats very true - point taken. I'll update my profile.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Best place to find a sub/little in NE England - 7/29/2013 6:27:47 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MrCollarMe



Also, why do you believe I have not already tried FL? and other sites? Assumptions make asses of us all don't you think?



Because you didn't mention them. You told us absolutely nothing about the things you'd already tried, you just assumed that we knew what you had tried. So yes, I agree with your second sentence

quote:



Ultimately I would apologise for the comment relating to the North East. It has some fantastic scenery however if certain people had understood the context of the comment then it would not have riled them so much. As in it wasnt about the scenery. I had to include that otherwise it would have been another contextual nightmare.



Context only works if you make the effort to make it clear. I can tell you that as a North-Easterner who read your profile, the comment you made about 'barren desert' appeared to be that there was no-one and nothing available kink-wise, whereas the part of the country you'd just left was somehow much, much better. If you don't want to alienate the locals, then perhaps you need to tone that down or remove it altogether.

If you've actually done what you said you'd done (fetlife etc) and actually been to a few munches and clubs, you'd have found that there is a very vibrant and active kink scene in the area. There are quite a few single female subs and littles who would fit your criteria that I know of personally.

You need to make your profile more approachable. You are not the only single male dominant/daddy in the North East - you do have competition. So you need to make yourself sound like someone who wants a person for a relationship, not just a warm body for some kinky fun.



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Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Best place to find a sub/little in NE England - 7/29/2013 7:56:03 AM   
Fightdirecto


Posts: 1101
Joined: 8/3/2004
Status: offline 		A slight, minor "defense" of the OP:

I moved to Massachusetts from Colorado with my wife/sub/little girl approximately 30 years ago. In those pre-Internet days, there was't the concept of community within the lifestyle that there is today. When she died, I was at a loss on how to meet a new girl and the big thing suggested through the Internet sites that had sprung up (CollarMe, Bondage dot com, FetLife, etc.) was "go to munches".

I have - and I have met some very nice people (and, frankly, not so nice people as well). But the two constants I have observed are (1) there seem to be very few, if no, single women at the munches I have attended and (2) at age 62, the few single women I have met at the munches average 30-40 years younger than myself.

So, by going to munches, I have met some really nice couples and some really nice kids - but no potential girl of my own. I do not believe this is a strictly New England problem - I believe it is a universal problem for those of us over 60. Those of us who knew we were kinky back in the 1960s, 1970's, 1980's etc. learned in those days you had to "stay in the closet" for self-protection (remember - in those days BDSM was considered by some authorities as a form of mental ilness) and that training to "stay in the closet" gets in our way today.

_____________________________

"I swore never to be silent whenever and wherever human beings endure suffering and humiliation. We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.””
- Ellie Wiesel

(in reply to myotherself)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Best place to find a sub/little in NE England - 7/29/2013 8:13:38 AM   
MrCollarMe


Posts: 6
Joined: 7/28/2013
Status: offline 		Tbh here, Flightdirecto post has certainly made me re-think the original post which was to some degree posted out of frustration and some disappointment. Its true the older you get the more limited the pool of people and location does matter.

As I've commented in a previous post with the constructive criticism I received I have amended my profile with many of likes/dislikes and decided to go to the next munch I see that I can get to.

However, if you consider a 20 minute travel radius to be convenient then I am sorry to say that from where I lay my head there is a fantastic amount of scenery. But there are comparatively not many female kinksters. This is because a lot of it is scenery. You will have hotspots and coolspots of activity otherwise you are implying there is an equal overlay and homogeneity when there is not. The older you get the more of a problem it becomes as highlighted by Flightdirecto's post. I didnt post the original comment to start a flame war - its counter-productive and all I want to do is find the right woman to treat like the centre of my life. Let's just put it to one side and I will aim to be more thoughtful in future posts. I hope this ends the matter.

(in reply to Fightdirecto)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Best place to find a sub/little in NE England - 7/29/2013 8:37:19 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		I truly understand what you're saying, Fightdirecto. When I was looking for someone I attended many munches, clubs and so forth. I made a lot of friends, but there were very few single dominant men. And through those friends I got invited to private parties. It was at one of these private parties that I met the first Dominant I was with, many years ago.

Although that relationship came to a natural end (we are still very much friends), I still have a lot of friends who are active on the scene. Those people know others on the scene and also talk to people on sites like this who aren't on the scene. I get asked fairly often if I know of any single men or women because someone knows someone else who is looking. A couple of times it has led to two people having a relationship, and in one case they've just got engaged

Word of mouth is a very good way to find what you're looking for, but you need to actually meet people to make it work.

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There's nowt so queer as folk


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Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Best place to find a sub/little in NE England - 7/29/2013 11:29:17 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

Also, why do you believe I have not already tried FL? and other sites? Assumptions make asses of us all don't you think?

That could have something to do with just how little time and effort it took Me to find the information that I came up with. If you hadn't tried FL, it would be understandable that you couldn't find the information. It took less than five minutes and I was working off of very limited, general information and I live in a different country.



_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to myotherself)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Best place to find a sub/little in NE England - 7/30/2013 3:44:03 AM   
Fightdirecto


Posts: 1101
Joined: 8/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself

I truly understand what you're saying, Fightdirecto. When I was looking for someone I attended many munches, clubs and so forth. I made a lot of friends, but there were very few single dominant men.

Maybe what is needed are "Singles only" munches.

_____________________________

"I swore never to be silent whenever and wherever human beings endure suffering and humiliation. We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.””
- Ellie Wiesel

(in reply to myotherself)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Best place to find a sub/little in NE England - 7/30/2013 4:27:35 AM   
TenderTorment


Posts: 304
Joined: 12/30/2012
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline 		You're only 2 hours or so away from Edinburgh & Glasgow also, Don't be afraid to extend your reach :-)

(in reply to MrCollarMe)
Profile   Post #: 15
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