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Trouble approching Subs online - 7/29/2013 12:31:15 PM   
nickobad


Posts: 3
Joined: 12/2/2012
Status: offline 		Hi i am very new to the online bdsm community and im having trouble coming up with new and interesting ways of starting a message to someone. So many female subs write on their profile 'if you just say hi or how are you then i wont reply!'. i think my creative side is letting me down.

Any tips??

Thanks
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Trouble approching Subs online - 7/29/2013 12:39:07 PM   
kalikshama


Posts: 14805
Joined: 8/8/2010
Status: offline 		Read this post by AthenaSurrenders: http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=4509698

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RE: Trouble approching Subs online - 7/29/2013 12:50:08 PM   
nickobad


Posts: 3
Joined: 12/2/2012
Status: offline 		Thanks that was perfect.

(in reply to kalikshama)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Trouble approching Subs online - 7/29/2013 3:58:46 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: nickobad

Hi i am very new to the online bdsm community and im having trouble coming up with new and interesting ways of starting a message to someone. So many female subs write on their profile 'if you just say hi or how are you then i wont reply!'. i think my creative side is letting me down.

Any tips??

Thanks


Tips?

Your profile says you've got all this experience but here you are asking how to even talk to a girl???? Everyone's a detective out here....

Anyway, rather than thinking "creative" - which you concede isn't being you - try thinking "sincerity" and at least find someone who actually sounds interesting to you beyond "female".

While it's far from the worst young dom profile I've ever seen, your claim of "experience" sounds like "cart before the horse" compared to this post and that, in the second paragraph (your profile) you should at least make up your mind about what really is the "most important".

Believe me, when you write to some fem/sub who has a spark of interest, she's gonna read your profile as well as your mail. That presentation is as important as substance when there's so many to choose from.

Focus.

_____________________________

Never underestimate the persuasive power of stupid people in large groups. <unknown>

Your food is for eating, not torturing. <my mum> (Errm, when I was a kid)

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RE: Trouble approching Subs online - 7/29/2013 3:59:41 PM   
Apocalypso


Posts: 1104
Joined: 4/20/2009
Status: offline 		Drink stupid amounts of coffee. Type the first thing that comes into your head for a paragraph or two. Press send.

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If you're going to quote from the Book of Revelation,
Don't keep calling it the "Book of Revelations",
There's no "s", it's the Book of Revelation,
As revealed to Saint John the Divine.

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RE: Trouble approching Subs online - 7/29/2013 4:01:06 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		OP, considering you didn't have the originality to come up with anything better than cross posting this question on multiple forums, I don't know if I can help you.


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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Trouble approching Subs online - 7/29/2013 5:47:51 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		So few profiles here are real, why bother?

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Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Trouble approching Subs online - 7/29/2013 7:29:17 PM   
BossyShoeBitch


Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

So few profiles here are real, why bother?


Because some are actually real and he could find someone.

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A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

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Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Trouble approching Subs online - 7/30/2013 4:04:57 AM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		OP - since you probably aren't going to send introductory emails to people that know each other well enough to show around emails, you really only need one email that can be recycled. Add in content to show that you have read their profile, and you're set. See, not so hard after all.

The bit about showing you've read their profile is the important part. If you don't read the email, then basically what you are saying is that you will try to hook up with anyone with lady bits. Not terribly flattering to whoever you write to. So......... read the profile, especially since they will know , and write a paragraph relating to their profile. Easy.

(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Trouble approching Subs online - 7/30/2013 9:06:05 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BossyShoeBitch


quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

So few profiles here are real, why bother?


Because some are actually real and he could find someone.


Woman, you really need to stop the games. Every day, there are one or two new profiles in my area, its amazing how many 5' tall 95lb 18 year old women with DD breasts want to be slaves. The odds of emailing a local female and finding one who is actually a woman is low. Finding a decent fuck buddy or an amazing connection are very very low.

Women get burried under real offers (even if undesirable) from men. The experience of men looking is VERY different.

< Message edited by SimplyMichael -- 7/30/2013 9:20:18 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Trouble approching Subs online - 8/6/2013 1:06:45 PM   
Arturas


Posts: 3245
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: nickobad

Hi i am very new to the online bdsm community and im having trouble coming up with new and interesting ways of starting a message to someone. So many female subs write on their profile 'if you just say hi or how are you then i wont reply!'. i think my creative side is letting me down.

Any tips??

Thanks


Several things worked for me.


1) Target only the girl you want.

2) You are fishing so use the correct bait for that one girl. Read her profile, study her pictures, her eyes, her expressions, study her profile text and journals as well as her interests and then use them to cast the right bait which brings me to three and four, baits I used successfully.

3) If she is verbose in her profile and seems creative and you can write fiction then start a cmail kink story involving her and end it implying a continuation in the next Cmail .... and leave her hanging so she will take the bait and write back and ask for more.

4) She is beautiful so tell her so just as if you would when approaching her in a bar scene and don't just say that only but tell her why you think she she is beautiful and ask her what she thinks about something that you might quess is important to her only based on her profile. Do it low pressure but confidently just as if you were approaching her in a real time situation.

5) Never use a one liner. Never order her about. She will submit when she is hooked.

6) Never send her anything but a face picture with a confident smile and the same one you would use when approaching her in a real time situation.

7) Never brag about your motorcycle or awesome truck or your BDSM tool box or play things or your experience.

8) If you are Gorean and she is not then ignore anything outwardly Gorean on the approach and leave the Home Stone shit at home for now, or forever for that matter, since being Gorean is not about slavery or Home Stones but about being a great man and so you just concentrate on showing her you are great in all the ways you actually are which brings me to number 9...

9) Never fake. Never lie. Never say you're something you are not.

10) Never write to girls with a single photo on their profile, fewer good ones have only one but many fakes only have one.

11) Take your time unless you want to hook the little ones, those you will only throw back eventually.

In my experience this is one of perhaps several successful approaches focused on attracting her with the correct bait and being real and treating her as someone also real whose reply is important to you.

Arturas

< Message edited by Arturas -- 8/6/2013 1:09:22 PM >

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"We master Our world."

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Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Trouble approching Subs online - 8/6/2013 1:41:47 PM   
Kat713


Posts: 134
Joined: 8/31/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Arturas

3) If she is verbose in her profile and seems creative and you can write fiction then start a cmail kink story involving her and end it implying a continuation in the next Cmail .... and leave her hanging so she will take the bait and write back and ask for more.

10) Never write to girls with a single photo on their profile, fewer good ones have only one but many fakes only have one.



Hi, I just wanted to comment on this as a young Switch woman who leans towards the submissive side of things.. ^_^ Now, of course everyone's mileage varies and I just want to say that I mean no disrespect to your post and opinion.

As for #3, I might fall under that type of profile and I do love to read, but whenever I get one of those random erotic stories as a first message, I find it kinda creepy. I feel like the guy already has this idea of a fantasy of me and him in his head and is forcing it on me and expecting me to just get wet reading it and be sold. Other women I've talked about this too also find it kinda creepy. But hey if it works for you, go for it.

And for #10, I don't think the amount of photos on someone's profile is a good indicator of if they are real or not... When I first started, I only had one pic because I wanted to convey that I was real, but not show too much/reveal myself. Even now, none of the pics on my profile really show my face. But once again, everyone's mileage varies and maybe with so many fake sub profiles out there, it could help narrow it down for guys.

But I really enjoyed all the other suggestions you made in your post and too bad more guys don't write messages like you. Especially the one about not giving orders and sending a nice pic.

I also think the linked post by AthenaSurrenders was spot on!

(in reply to Arturas)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Trouble approching Subs online - 8/6/2013 8:47:42 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: nickobad
Any tips??

Yeah.. you're screwed. Give up and become a monk. :)

OK, a bit more seriously.... If you are "trying to find interesting ways of starting a conversation" then you don't care about the other person. What you're trying to do is manipulate the other person.

I get very, very good response on the cmails I write... near 100%. That's because every single one of them is relevant to the other person. I'll comment on a post they made here. I'll ask some questions about their profile. But the intent is not to get laid. The intent is to get an answer to whatever bit of curiosity I had. In other words, I am genuinely interested in the other person. That makes it very easy to start a conversation.

Athena's post linked above is great.. but it pretty much all flows automatically from "genuinely be interested in the other person". I prefer to solve issues at the core rather than treat symptoms.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

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Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Trouble approching Subs online - 8/6/2013 11:40:18 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		That monk thing has merit

BadOne

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We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

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Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Trouble approching Subs online - 8/9/2013 3:34:33 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		Two words-cock shot.

That is all.

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

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Profile   Post #: 15
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