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Don't be a creeper - 7/31/2013 5:00:50 AM

PeggyO

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Although this is generally targeted towards men, there's stuff there that can apply to both genders. And a lot of it definitely applies to our community, where unfortunately there are a number of male "domly doms" who simply come across as creepers and seem to not understand exactly why.

http://www.doctornerdlove.com/2011/12/dont-be-a-creeper/all/1/

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RE: Don't be a creeper - 7/31/2013 5:40:47 AM

DarkSteven

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Hey, Peggy! been a while.

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RE: Don't be a creeper - 7/31/2013 9:17:12 AM

Missokyst

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*FR*
Ouch... that article makes it seem like women are all on edge all the time. I am not constantly worrying about some man overpowering me. I don't go around assuming that they are a threat to my physical welfare.
I am more afraid of giving in to agorophobia than I am afraid of chatting up flirtatious strangers. In fact I will go so far as to say that I am more nervous around females than I ever have been of men. Either there is serious overstatement in that article or I am a freak. Hmm...

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Post #: 3

RE: Don't be a creeper - 7/31/2013 9:26:48 AM

AAkasha

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The part telling men not to "hover" is good for subs to read. They are bad at that in public situations. And to learn there is a difference between admiring/staring and watching vs. leering. It's a compliment to steal glances, but it's rude to stare.

But I have come to realize that we should give these guys a chance and try to understand them better. Many suffer not only from shyness or being an introvert, they may have full blown social anxiety or aspergers and not really know any better. But for those that know better or are too lazy to invest in time to to learn, that's a shame. There are way too many people behaving socially inappropriately in a single location for it to be a fluke.

Akasha

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Post #: 4

RE: Don't be a creeper - 7/31/2013 12:34:42 PM

DesFIP

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From: Apple County NY
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The Man's got a couple of sort of friends who are socially awkward. I'm sorry for them but at the same time, it's uncomfortable having to encounter them and have them talk to me.

And these kinds of social skills can be taught. If in 65 years you never bothered to learn them, I don't have to make excuses for you. Because other people did learn them. Other people spent six months in therapy and read books. So complaining about never getting a date when you weren't willing to do the work to be someone worth dating does not garner you much sympathy from me.

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RE: Don't be a creeper - 7/31/2013 1:08:32 PM

Kana

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quote:

And these kinds of social skills can be taught. If in 65 years you never bothered to learn them, I don't have to make excuses for you. Because other people did learn them. Other people spent six months in therapy and read books. So complaining about never getting a date when you weren't willing to do the work to be someone worth dating does not garner you much sympathy from me.

What's that line from Gandhi-"Be the change you seek in the world."

Yeah.When I came out of prison I was a freaking full tilt psychopath.No idea how to interrelate with people,no concept of how to get along.
Had to relearn all that shit from scratch.Not easy, but I'm the better for it.
As for creeping (Didn't read TFA cuz it took to long to load on my slow ass machine), all I know is that if I like a chick, she's gonna know it.
I got no beat around the bush in me.
I let her know, because hey, WTF, that crazy ass broad might just be unbalanced enough to be attracted to me, but too shy/scared/submissive to take the risk and say so.
Fuck-it's just game.
Anyone can get it.
Savoir faire-now that's a whole different ballgame

< Message edited by Kana -- 7/31/2013 1:39:27 PM >

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Post #: 6

RE: Don't be a creeper - 7/31/2013 1:31:46 PM

kalikshama

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quote:

Ouch... that article makes it seem like women are all on edge all the time. I am not constantly worrying about some man overpowering me. I don't go around assuming that they are a threat to my physical welfare.
I am more afraid of giving in to agorophobia than I am afraid of chatting up flirtatious strangers. In fact I will go so far as to say that I am more nervous around females than I ever have been of men. Either there is serious overstatement in that article or I am a freak. Hmm...

I didn't relate to that part either. I like flirty strangers! Perhaps I do have threat assessment going on, but not false positives.

I did run into a fair amount of annoying guys at the nude beach in South Florida, but I was never there alone, so if I couldn't convince them I wasn't interested, I'd let my 6'4" 250# ex (who was often mistaken for Dan Marino) take over.

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Post #: 7

RE: Don't be a creeper - 7/31/2013 2:34:36 PM

Missokyst

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err.... when they were trying to check you out, were they pointing? And if so.. with what?
I might be creeped out, even with a partner beside me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

I did run into a fair amount of annoying guys at the nude beach in South Florida, but I was never there alone, so if I couldn't convince them I wasn't interested, I'd let my 6'4" 250# ex (who was often mistaken for Dan Marino) take over.

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to kalikshama)

Post #: 8

RE: Don't be a creeper - 7/31/2013 2:37:36 PM

Missokyst

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It is this more than anything that makes me stop myself from replying to the "how do I get a sub/dom/whatever, if I am _____, threads.
I get the feeling that there are too many people who believe that BDSM is the magic ticket into any kind of relationship. Wrong. If you can't cut it with regular nilla men and women it is not going to happen in bdsm

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP
these kinds of social skills can be taught. If in 65 years you never bothered to learn them, I don't have to make excuses for you.

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 9

RE: Don't be a creeper - 7/31/2013 2:43:49 PM

ShaharThorne

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How true...today someone peeked at my profile...apparently a kid because he put the age of 98 on his profile.

delete and roll the eyes.

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Post #: 10

RE: Don't be a creeper - 7/31/2013 4:30:23 PM

theshytype

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Some men, and even some women, creep me out. A little too eager and waaayyy too attentive, usually lacking sensitivity to others personal space.
I've given a few a chance in the past but that feeling never went away.

(in reply to ShaharThorne)

Post #: 11

RE: Don't be a creeper - 7/31/2013 5:55:45 PM

jlf1961

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What I gathered was that "geeks" and "nerds" need to get away from the tranq guns, pit traps, nets, stun guns, and the fake alien abductions.

Hell I have women talking to me more lately (last year or so) simply because I dont act like I am interested, or concerned with anything more than what I need to get done.

Today I had one women asking how to tell if peppers are ripe or unripe in the grocery store I go to. Anyone ever find an UNRIPE bell pepper in a grocery store/

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Post #: 12

RE: Don't be a creeper - 7/31/2013 10:08:37 PM

awwbummer

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Joined: 7/26/2013
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Oh my god, I do the standing up straight and looking them in the eye ALL THE TIME, it's just how I am naturally! I'VE BEEN DOING EVERYTHING WRONG! OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!

*runs around the room freaking the fuck out*

quote:

Hell I have women talking to me more lately (last year or so) simply because I dont act like I am interested, or concerned with anything more than what I need to get done.

I tried that for years and never got anywhere.

(in reply to jlf1961)

Post #: 13

RE: Don't be a creeper - 8/1/2013 6:43:30 AM

Zonie63

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I think that articles like this tend to illustrate the differences between sub-cultures. Someone who is already initiated in the "nerd" sub-culture would already be aware of these little quirks and idiosyncrasies commonly seen as "socially awkward" to those outside of that sub-culture.

There are also differences in personalities. Some people are more intense than others; some people are deeper thinkers, more philosophical, and tend to have a more serious attitude on life. Then there are those who tend to be more light-hearted and frivolous in their approach to life. There may not be anything wrong with either approach, but when mixed together, it can cause confusion and consternation in social situations.

(in reply to PeggyO)

Post #: 14

RE: Don't be a creeper - 8/1/2013 7:55:48 AM

tj444

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I just walk really, really fast.. its pretty hard for them to "hover" when they have a hard time catching up to you..

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RE: Don't be a creeper - 8/1/2013 4:35:28 PM

kalikshama

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

err.... when they were trying to check you out, were they pointing? And if so.. with what?
I might be creeped out, even with a partner beside me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: kalikshama

I did run into a fair amount of annoying guys at the nude beach in South Florida, but I was never there alone, so if I couldn't convince them I wasn't interested, I'd let my 6'4" 250# ex (who was often mistaken for Dan Marino) take over.

If you mean did they have erections, no, everyone thinks there's going to be more erections at the nude beach than there are.

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Post #: 16

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